Jump to content

hitting in the playground
not happy with school's response


  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 12:56 PM

My 9 year old was firstly grabbed by the wrists and yanked twice, then hit by another child yesterday.  She went to the teacher on duty and was told to go and tell the offender to not do it again.  Am I overreacting in thinking this isn't good enough?  I am all for children sorting things out for themselves, but surely physically hurting another child should be dealt with a bit more seriously?  Kids get in more trouble than that for things like talking in class or forgetting their homework.  Our school has 5 rules - #1 Keep your hands and feet to yourself.

Would like to hear other's opinions please

Edited by Mamaidh, 28 February 2013 - 01:09 PM.


#2 Jersey Caramel

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

At my son's school, any form of violence (one incident) goes straight to level 2 discipline which means reporting to the Stage Supervisor for 3 days and needs to demonstrate improved behavior, made to revise the school rules and consequences, and miss out on excursions and any non-essential activities during the 3 days. They're also taken out of the playground at lunch time for 3 days.

Obviously, I'd expect the playground teacher to get to the bottom of the story before implementing this (eg. was it actually a play wrestle/game that got out of hand rather than anything malicious) but I'm happy with the no-tolerance policy towards physical abuse at our school.

(ETA: I know from speaking to other parents that the Supervisor actually spends a lot of time with the child being 'disciplined' to actually get to the bottom of their issues, find techniques that will help them, build a relationship and rapport with them. I realised after I typed that it all sounds very punitive, but it is done in a positive way and all about remediation).

Edited by Jersey Caramel, 28 February 2013 - 01:11 PM.


#3 Green Gummy Bear

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:17 PM

What would you like to have happened?  I think that at age 9, kids should be able to try and work things out for themselves before involving the teacher (unless of course we're talking something more serious).  Whilst violence isn't something to be taken lightly, what happened to just going and playing somewhere else?

#4 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:24 PM

Personally, I think that
QUOTE
just going and playing somewhere else
is taking violence lightly!  I believe that my children have a right to be safe in at school, and to me, this action has given the other child the message that it was ok to do that.  I think that at a minimum, the teacher should have spoken to her and sent her to sit out for 10 minutes.  Had it just been teasing, not including in a game, things like that, absolutely I am all for the children sorting it out for themselves (providing it is not in the form of on going bullying or more serious than just your average primary school tiff)

#5 Green Gummy Bear

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

Yes they have a right to be safe, but at age 9, they're grade 3 or 4, and your daughter should be old enough to say to the other child to stop that.  If it continued beyond that, then by all means get the teacher involved, but running to the teacher straight up just seems like kids aren't being given the skills to try and deal with these issues themselves.  Kids are kids, and they sometimes get a bit rough through play.

#6 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

Fair point justthegirls.  This was straight out vendictive "I hate you" followed by the physical attack so not just play turning a bit rough, but the teacher didn't ask any questions.

#7 Mummy Em

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I'd expect more. You'd never tell an adult who had been hit by another adult to just move away or tell the other child not to do it again - very dismissive.

OP what is the school's policy on these types of incidents?

#8 Copacetic

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

Yes, you should expect more, but did you ask your daughter WHY this happened?

My 9 year old is a hitter, and went to mainstream school for a while, and yeah, a couple of kids got hit.  Here's what I know:  kids who hit NEVER hit for zero reason.  It may not seem like a good reason, but there's always a reason.

#9 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:52 PM

QUOTE
what is the school's policy on these types of incidents?


I thought that it was a 'red card' for incidents in the playground, which means trip to the office and note sent home to parents.  I don't know if that is a straight out 'if you break rule #1' or just for the more extreme cases.  However, we got a new principal last year and things have changed a bit, so not entirely sure now.

#10 DEVOCEAN

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (justthegirls @ 28/02/2013, 02:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What would you like to have happened?  I think that at age 9, kids should be able to try and work things out for themselves before involving the teacher (unless of course we're talking something more serious).  Whilst violence isn't something to be taken lightly, what happened to just going and playing somewhere else?

Yeah, let them sort it out and then check the damage later in the sick bay.
Or let the little aggressor continue on their merry way to terrorising other children, instead of nipping it in the bud.

#11 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:58 PM

Copacetic, yes that was the first thing I asked!  There was a reason, my daughter lost hold of the hula hoop she was playing with and it rolled over and hit the other child so she retaliated by grabbing her arms, yanking them, telling her she hated her, then hitting her.  Not sure whether my daughter related this to the teacher or if she just said she had been hit.

#12 DEVOCEAN

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:00 PM

QUOTE (Copacetic @ 28/02/2013, 02:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kids who hit NEVER hit for zero reason.  It may not seem like a good reason, but there's always a reason.

I hate her hair. He looked at me. She said my name. He wanted to play in our area.
There are also kids who just hit for the sake of hitting.

#13 TopsyTurvy

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:04 PM

I think the teacher should have at least talked to the other child involved.  The response was very dismissive IMO.  This is how bullying starts and should be treated as such.

#14 Tigerdog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

QUOTE
at age 9, they're grade 3 or 4, and your daughter should be old enough to say to the other child to stop that.


Sorry, but not OK.  I've worked in both youth and adult refuges and it doesn't matter what age, any form of violence isn't tolerated and means you're out on your ear (not saying this is what should automatically happen in a school environment, just an example of how any person or institution who has any awareness of the nature of violence in general would only ever advocate for a no-tolerance policy).  

As a PP said, every time it happens a strong message should be sent that it isn't acceptable.  Violence isn't something that should ever be let slide, that's how it becomes so insidious and perpetuates.

Edited by Tigerdog, 28 February 2013 - 02:08 PM.


#15 Escapin

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:07 PM

The thing is though, it just doesn't matter what the reason is. Hitting is NEVER OK. If we can't make that clear to 9yo kids (even if they don't always get it) what hope do we have.

As far as I'm concerned, one slap/hit/whatever and the kid should be straight into age-appropriate discipline. 'Sort it out yourselves' is crap. If the OP's daughter could sort it out herself, she wouldn't have gone to the teather. The 'sort it out yourself thing' continues right through to workplace bullying and it makes me VERY MAD.

ETA: Snap PP original.gif

Edited by Escapin, 28 February 2013 - 02:07 PM.


#16 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:10 PM

That is the thing, this child has a history of being mean to mine verbally but now it seems to have escalated to physical.  It needs to get nipped in the bud, but even without a history being there, I really believe that physical violence needs to be dealt with seriously.  This wasn't rough play, it was straight out vindictive.

ETA my daughter initially went to another area of the playground where some other friends were playing, and they took her to the teacher.

Edited by Mamaidh, 28 February 2013 - 02:12 PM.


#17 Escapin

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

QUOTE (stopwhiningatme @ 28/02/2013, 03:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd be happy to let my daughter sort it out herself.  Not if the incident was super aggressive, or if there was a pattern of behaviour from this child, but for one incident?  Sure.  

I also think using terms like 'violence' and talking about experiences in youth refuges is way over the top in a thread about what is normal, albeit undesirable behaviour from a primary aged child.


But it's NOT normal to still be hitting other kids when you are 9 years old! And exactly how do you think the OP's daughter should have dealt with it? Hit the other kid back? Called her names? What would you suggest exactly?

And so equivalently, at work, if I don't like what someone says and I give them a little slap? That's OK? They should just 'work it out' with me and not go to their manager? GRRRRRR

Edited by Escapin, 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM.


#18 Tigerdog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:10 PM

QUOTE
I also think using terms like 'violence' and talking about experiences in youth refuges is way over the top in a thread about what is normal, albeit undesirable behaviour from a primary aged child.


Hello, this is how a pattern starts and escalates into adulthood?  Not as far-fetched as you may think.  Yes, the behaviour may be relatively normal but the response can mean all the difference and IMO, the response given here with the OP was woefully inadequate.  Even a talking-to from the teacher would have been better than just expecting the child to sort it out themselves.  Bullies and perpetrators of domestic and other forms of violence thrive on this type of indifferent response as it enables them continue to perpetrate their behaviour!

Edited by Tigerdog, 28 February 2013 - 03:11 PM.


#19 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:42 PM

Have spoken to the teacher this afternoon and it turns out that it was a relief teacher (there are quite a few new staff this year and my daughter thought it was one of them).  She is due back next week and the class teacher will talk to her then.  She also discussed what happened with my daughter.  Happy for now that class teacher feels it needs to be followed through, and that it doesn't appear to be the usual way to deal with it at the school.  Thanks for your opinions - I was able to clarify in my mind my thoughts on the matter (ie. physically harming another child is not ok and the child needs to learn that from the earliest age, and it needs to be continually reinforced).

#20 Copacetic

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:53 PM

QUOTE
I hate her hair. He looked at me. She said my name. He wanted to play in our area.
There are also kids who just hit for the sake of hitting.


Or how about "I'm autistic and about 90% of the children in my school use it against me".

I"m not saying hitting is right.  What I'm saying is that sometimes - without actually doing it - I wanted to high 5 him for doing it.

#21 PaigeP

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:41 PM

Our school expects children from grade 4 and up to deal with school yard incidents and bullying themselves initially. If it escalates despite requesting it to stop then they are welcome to speak to a teacher and it will go from there. But the first thing the teachers will do is ask how they have attempted to stop it first. The kids are well educated in this so understand how to deal with it.  I prefer their method because the kids are empowered to deal with bullies themselves and learn some vital life skills which I worry are lacking sometimes these days in people.
I think the teacher was probably thinking that at 9yo kids should be able to deal with it themselves - initially.

#22 Expelliarmus

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:51 PM

The teacher should have assisted the students to negotiate a solution. Simple.

Not told the child to go off and sort it out alone without adult support.

#23 DEVOCEAN

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:56 PM

QUOTE (Copacetic @ 28/02/2013, 04:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Or how about "I'm autistic and about 90% of the children in my school use it against me".

I"m not saying hitting is right.  What I'm saying is that sometimes - without actually doing it - I wanted to high 5 him for doing it.

I can understand that.
I have felt that way a few times.



#24 Expelliarmus

Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:11 PM

If the child has sought teacher assistance it's a good chance that for whatever reason they are unable to solve if themselves.

It makes no sense for the teacher to expect them to resolve it alone without providing support.

Edited by howdo, 28 February 2013 - 07:13 PM.


#25 Escapin

Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 28/02/2013, 08:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If the child has sought teacher assistance it's a good chance that for whatever reason they are unable to solve if themselves.

It makes no sense for the teacher to expect them to resolve it alone without providing support.


yup.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.