Jump to content

hitting in the playground
not happy with school's response


  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 12:56 PM

My 9 year old was firstly grabbed by the wrists and yanked twice, then hit by another child yesterday.  She went to the teacher on duty and was told to go and tell the offender to not do it again.  Am I overreacting in thinking this isn't good enough?  I am all for children sorting things out for themselves, but surely physically hurting another child should be dealt with a bit more seriously?  Kids get in more trouble than that for things like talking in class or forgetting their homework.  Our school has 5 rules - #1 Keep your hands and feet to yourself.

Would like to hear other's opinions please

Edited by Mamaidh, 28 February 2013 - 01:09 PM.


#2 Jersey Caramel

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

At my son's school, any form of violence (one incident) goes straight to level 2 discipline which means reporting to the Stage Supervisor for 3 days and needs to demonstrate improved behavior, made to revise the school rules and consequences, and miss out on excursions and any non-essential activities during the 3 days. They're also taken out of the playground at lunch time for 3 days.

Obviously, I'd expect the playground teacher to get to the bottom of the story before implementing this (eg. was it actually a play wrestle/game that got out of hand rather than anything malicious) but I'm happy with the no-tolerance policy towards physical abuse at our school.

(ETA: I know from speaking to other parents that the Supervisor actually spends a lot of time with the child being 'disciplined' to actually get to the bottom of their issues, find techniques that will help them, build a relationship and rapport with them. I realised after I typed that it all sounds very punitive, but it is done in a positive way and all about remediation).

Edited by Jersey Caramel, 28 February 2013 - 01:11 PM.


#3 Green Gummy Bear

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:17 PM

What would you like to have happened?  I think that at age 9, kids should be able to try and work things out for themselves before involving the teacher (unless of course we're talking something more serious).  Whilst violence isn't something to be taken lightly, what happened to just going and playing somewhere else?

#4 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:24 PM

Personally, I think that
QUOTE
just going and playing somewhere else
is taking violence lightly!  I believe that my children have a right to be safe in at school, and to me, this action has given the other child the message that it was ok to do that.  I think that at a minimum, the teacher should have spoken to her and sent her to sit out for 10 minutes.  Had it just been teasing, not including in a game, things like that, absolutely I am all for the children sorting it out for themselves (providing it is not in the form of on going bullying or more serious than just your average primary school tiff)

#5 Green Gummy Bear

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

Yes they have a right to be safe, but at age 9, they're grade 3 or 4, and your daughter should be old enough to say to the other child to stop that.  If it continued beyond that, then by all means get the teacher involved, but running to the teacher straight up just seems like kids aren't being given the skills to try and deal with these issues themselves.  Kids are kids, and they sometimes get a bit rough through play.

#6 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

Fair point justthegirls.  This was straight out vendictive "I hate you" followed by the physical attack so not just play turning a bit rough, but the teacher didn't ask any questions.

#7 Mummy Em

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

I'd expect more. You'd never tell an adult who had been hit by another adult to just move away or tell the other child not to do it again - very dismissive.

OP what is the school's policy on these types of incidents?

#8 Copacetic

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

Yes, you should expect more, but did you ask your daughter WHY this happened?

My 9 year old is a hitter, and went to mainstream school for a while, and yeah, a couple of kids got hit.  Here's what I know:  kids who hit NEVER hit for zero reason.  It may not seem like a good reason, but there's always a reason.

#9 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:52 PM

QUOTE
what is the school's policy on these types of incidents?


I thought that it was a 'red card' for incidents in the playground, which means trip to the office and note sent home to parents.  I don't know if that is a straight out 'if you break rule #1' or just for the more extreme cases.  However, we got a new principal last year and things have changed a bit, so not entirely sure now.

#10 DEVOCEAN

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (justthegirls @ 28/02/2013, 02:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What would you like to have happened?  I think that at age 9, kids should be able to try and work things out for themselves before involving the teacher (unless of course we're talking something more serious).  Whilst violence isn't something to be taken lightly, what happened to just going and playing somewhere else?

Yeah, let them sort it out and then check the damage later in the sick bay.
Or let the little aggressor continue on their merry way to terrorising other children, instead of nipping it in the bud.

#11 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:58 PM

Copacetic, yes that was the first thing I asked!  There was a reason, my daughter lost hold of the hula hoop she was playing with and it rolled over and hit the other child so she retaliated by grabbing her arms, yanking them, telling her she hated her, then hitting her.  Not sure whether my daughter related this to the teacher or if she just said she had been hit.

#12 DEVOCEAN

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:00 PM

QUOTE (Copacetic @ 28/02/2013, 02:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kids who hit NEVER hit for zero reason.  It may not seem like a good reason, but there's always a reason.

I hate her hair. He looked at me. She said my name. He wanted to play in our area.
There are also kids who just hit for the sake of hitting.

#13 TopsyTurvy

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:04 PM

I think the teacher should have at least talked to the other child involved.  The response was very dismissive IMO.  This is how bullying starts and should be treated as such.

#14 Tigerdog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

QUOTE
at age 9, they're grade 3 or 4, and your daughter should be old enough to say to the other child to stop that.


Sorry, but not OK.  I've worked in both youth and adult refuges and it doesn't matter what age, any form of violence isn't tolerated and means you're out on your ear (not saying this is what should automatically happen in a school environment, just an example of how any person or institution who has any awareness of the nature of violence in general would only ever advocate for a no-tolerance policy).  

As a PP said, every time it happens a strong message should be sent that it isn't acceptable.  Violence isn't something that should ever be let slide, that's how it becomes so insidious and perpetuates.

Edited by Tigerdog, 28 February 2013 - 02:08 PM.


#15 Escapin

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:07 PM

The thing is though, it just doesn't matter what the reason is. Hitting is NEVER OK. If we can't make that clear to 9yo kids (even if they don't always get it) what hope do we have.

As far as I'm concerned, one slap/hit/whatever and the kid should be straight into age-appropriate discipline. 'Sort it out yourselves' is crap. If the OP's daughter could sort it out herself, she wouldn't have gone to the teather. The 'sort it out yourself thing' continues right through to workplace bullying and it makes me VERY MAD.

ETA: Snap PP original.gif

Edited by Escapin, 28 February 2013 - 02:07 PM.


#16 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:10 PM

That is the thing, this child has a history of being mean to mine verbally but now it seems to have escalated to physical.  It needs to get nipped in the bud, but even without a history being there, I really believe that physical violence needs to be dealt with seriously.  This wasn't rough play, it was straight out vindictive.

ETA my daughter initially went to another area of the playground where some other friends were playing, and they took her to the teacher.

Edited by Mamaidh, 28 February 2013 - 02:12 PM.


#17 Escapin

Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

QUOTE (stopwhiningatme @ 28/02/2013, 03:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd be happy to let my daughter sort it out herself.  Not if the incident was super aggressive, or if there was a pattern of behaviour from this child, but for one incident?  Sure.  

I also think using terms like 'violence' and talking about experiences in youth refuges is way over the top in a thread about what is normal, albeit undesirable behaviour from a primary aged child.


But it's NOT normal to still be hitting other kids when you are 9 years old! And exactly how do you think the OP's daughter should have dealt with it? Hit the other kid back? Called her names? What would you suggest exactly?

And so equivalently, at work, if I don't like what someone says and I give them a little slap? That's OK? They should just 'work it out' with me and not go to their manager? GRRRRRR

Edited by Escapin, 28 February 2013 - 02:53 PM.


#18 Tigerdog

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:10 PM

QUOTE
I also think using terms like 'violence' and talking about experiences in youth refuges is way over the top in a thread about what is normal, albeit undesirable behaviour from a primary aged child.


Hello, this is how a pattern starts and escalates into adulthood?  Not as far-fetched as you may think.  Yes, the behaviour may be relatively normal but the response can mean all the difference and IMO, the response given here with the OP was woefully inadequate.  Even a talking-to from the teacher would have been better than just expecting the child to sort it out themselves.  Bullies and perpetrators of domestic and other forms of violence thrive on this type of indifferent response as it enables them continue to perpetrate their behaviour!

Edited by Tigerdog, 28 February 2013 - 03:11 PM.


#19 Mamaidh

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:42 PM

Have spoken to the teacher this afternoon and it turns out that it was a relief teacher (there are quite a few new staff this year and my daughter thought it was one of them).  She is due back next week and the class teacher will talk to her then.  She also discussed what happened with my daughter.  Happy for now that class teacher feels it needs to be followed through, and that it doesn't appear to be the usual way to deal with it at the school.  Thanks for your opinions - I was able to clarify in my mind my thoughts on the matter (ie. physically harming another child is not ok and the child needs to learn that from the earliest age, and it needs to be continually reinforced).

#20 Copacetic

Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:53 PM

QUOTE
I hate her hair. He looked at me. She said my name. He wanted to play in our area.
There are also kids who just hit for the sake of hitting.


Or how about "I'm autistic and about 90% of the children in my school use it against me".

I"m not saying hitting is right.  What I'm saying is that sometimes - without actually doing it - I wanted to high 5 him for doing it.

#21 PaigeP

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:41 PM

Our school expects children from grade 4 and up to deal with school yard incidents and bullying themselves initially. If it escalates despite requesting it to stop then they are welcome to speak to a teacher and it will go from there. But the first thing the teachers will do is ask how they have attempted to stop it first. The kids are well educated in this so understand how to deal with it.  I prefer their method because the kids are empowered to deal with bullies themselves and learn some vital life skills which I worry are lacking sometimes these days in people.
I think the teacher was probably thinking that at 9yo kids should be able to deal with it themselves - initially.

#22 Expelliarmus

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:51 PM

The teacher should have assisted the students to negotiate a solution. Simple.

Not told the child to go off and sort it out alone without adult support.

#23 DEVOCEAN

Posted 28 February 2013 - 06:56 PM

QUOTE (Copacetic @ 28/02/2013, 04:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Or how about "I'm autistic and about 90% of the children in my school use it against me".

I"m not saying hitting is right.  What I'm saying is that sometimes - without actually doing it - I wanted to high 5 him for doing it.

I can understand that.
I have felt that way a few times.



#24 Expelliarmus

Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:11 PM

If the child has sought teacher assistance it's a good chance that for whatever reason they are unable to solve if themselves.

It makes no sense for the teacher to expect them to resolve it alone without providing support.

Edited by howdo, 28 February 2013 - 07:13 PM.


#25 Escapin

Posted 28 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 28/02/2013, 08:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If the child has sought teacher assistance it's a good chance that for whatever reason they are unable to solve if themselves.

It makes no sense for the teacher to expect them to resolve it alone without providing support.


yup.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.