Jump to content

Overheard a conversation UPDATE
Original post deleted for privacy


  • Please log in to reply
30 replies to this topic

#1 Wise Old Owl

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:22 PM

Fully deleted now due to this matter being taken higher.

Edited by OneBlueStar, 28 February 2013 - 06:29 PM.


#2 snortle

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

Oh I have no advice unfortunately but I would have been so upset in your shoes.
I probably would have given them a piece of my mind and made some rather stern comments about their (lack of) professionalism.


#3 FluffyOscar

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:30 PM

I would tell my DH. Someone has to look out for him. Very sad and highly unprofessional. I'd hate to think your DH assumed he was working with professional people, when he's not.

#4 Silly Sausages

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:32 PM

Wow OP, I'm surprised you said nothing in defense of your DH.... I understand that you may be concerned about repercussions but I don't think anyone could have had any grounds for self defence had you clearly stated that was unprofessional of them, not to mention downright nasty. Calling people names like shrek, is immature and nasty. I would have said something if I were in your shoes, but I do understand that not everyone likes confrontation. Still, what if it had been about one of your children? Would you have spoken up then?


ETA: if I were in your DH's shoes I would want to know what was going on as hard as it may be to hear. Better that than to be under the illusion they are his friends and thus enable them to make even  more fun of him.

Edited by sillysausages, 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM.


#5 Lickety Split

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

What sort of gossip was it? Was it to do with his work or was it more personal? Depending on what was actually said I would tell DH. How horrible though sad.gif

#6 lynneyours

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 27/02/2013, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would tell my DH. Someone has to look out for him. Very sad and highly unprofessional. I'd hate to think your DH assumed he was working with professional people, or people who are his friend, when he's not.


ETA - the bold is mine.  It will be hurtful to hear, but clearly he needs to know NOT to trust or confide in these women at all.

#7 Illiterati

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

I would tell your DH as he will be the only one unaware of the conversation leaving an info gap for him.  

You are partners - you can discuss stuff like this at home - it is known as pillow talk. However, pillow talk remains confidential to the parties involved (you and your DH) which means even if you tell - he cannot mention or act on the information.

#8 bakesgirls

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:38 PM

I think you should tell your DH. If these people have no issue talking about him with the knowledge that the wife of the subject of their gossip was somewhere in the room, then what on earth are they saying about him to other people? I would worry that what you heard may only be the tip of the iceberg in regards to inappropriate discussions.

I would also worry that what they are saying could negatively impact on how others see him and affect his job prospects in the future. Unfortunately, these people are saying things that others may hear and believe, without having met him personally.

ETA- if it had been me, I wouldn't have just stood there and done nothing. I would have given them both a piece of my mind. They would have been informed, in no uncertain terms how appalling their behaviour was and that it reflects badly on them.

Edited by bakesgirls, 27 February 2013 - 07:55 PM.


#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:41 PM

I wouldn't tell my DH, mine would be gutted. Tbh I think I would actually complain. Name calling isn't acceptable in a workplace. It's unprofessional and childish. I wouldn't let these people get away with it.

#10 Wise Old Owl

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:42 PM

QUOTE (Lickety Split @ 27/02/2013, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What sort of gossip was it? Was it to do with his work or was it more personal? Depending on what was actually said I would tell DH. How horrible though sad.gif


The conversation was both professional and personal sad.gif

I did mention to DH that I heard a conversation about him between these two people.  I relayed the part that was mentioned by the person giving the training that related to DH in a professional matter.  

This was when he told me that he thinks highly of both of these people and asked if anything nasty was said about him.  At this stage, knowing how personally he takes on anything like this I said no as I wanted to work out whether or not I was over reacting.  



#11 Wise Old Owl

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

QUOTE (SlowEmotionReplay @ 27/02/2013, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would tell your DH as he will be the only one unaware of the conversation leaving an info gap for him.  

You are partners - you can discuss stuff like this at home - it is known as pillow talk. However, pillow talk remains confidential to the parties involved (you and your DH) which means even if you tell - he cannot mention or act on the information.


By telling him means that he can potentially act on this information which would have a negative impact on these two women involved.

I am not a confrontational person by any means.  I am going there again tonight so not sure whether or not to mention it to someone higher or just speak to DH about it.

sad.gif

#12 Funwith3

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:46 PM

I think you should tell your DH. Maybe you don't need to tell him word for word (especially the particularly insulting parts), but you should still paint a very clear picture to him. He needs to know not to trust them...

I don't think I could have stood there and listened to people talk about my DH like that, I think I would have interrupted them and given them a piece of my mind. However, I understand why you did let it go - perfect chance to hear someone talking about your husband. Had you interrupted them you wouldn't have heard what they had to say about him!

Also, I think you could mention to the trainer that you couldn't help but hear everything that was said and that it made you feel uncomfortable and that you feel it was very unprofessional, given that she's training new staff. Suggest that if she wants to gossip about staff, she should perhaps do it where others can't hear.

So isn't your DH her boss? I can't understand why she isn't sh*tting herself, knowing that you heard what she said!!!

#13 FluffyOscar

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:51 PM

I wouldn't say anything to them about it, it makes your DH sound weak. I wouldn't complain about it, it gives the gossip/name calling a wider audience than it already has.

Seriously, tell your DH so he can keep these people at a safe professional distance.

#14 drowninginlego

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:51 PM

They don't deserve your protection. As hard as it would be, I'd tell your DH.

FTR - I would have made it known right then and there who I was as soon as I realised they were being nasty.

Your poor DH.

#15 FluffyOscar

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:58 PM

Also, after telling your DH, he should say something to each of them when they are alone, separately. Something like "some might say I look like Shrek" or something while looking straight at them. Do it soon so they know he knows and they know to watch themselves. Even better that they don't know who you are.

#16 Illiterati

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:04 PM

Why are you watching their backs and not your DH's?

He does not have to directly act on the info. and in fact he should not.  But it will give him an awareness in his dealings with these staff members.

#17 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:09 PM

Was the professional stuff good?

If I heard people saying my DH was good at x, y, z but has a big nose so they call him Pinocchio, TBH I'd leave it at that -  but if they call him shrek because he's an ogre rather than green, chubby and smelly, then he needs to know - especially if it's true because it could equally be your DH who needs to alter how he deals with people.

I agree it's unprofessional.

#18 Tiger Lilly

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:18 PM

I don't think it was appropriate to lie to your DH

#19 sa5ha

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:23 PM

Tell him.

I'd want to know if I was being talked about by my colleagues and my other half heard.

How unprofessional and silly of them.

#20 Luxe

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:26 PM

I'd tell him. What if there were other people there who are to eventually work with your DH. They could be effectively tarnishing his reputation unfairly.

You DH also needs to know that these people are two faced and not really his allies. Leave it to him to decide how to handle the information, but he does need to know.

#21 43 other ferals

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:43 PM

I get that the only person you're trying to protect is your husband...you don't want his feelings to be hurt.

I also am not about to criticise you because you didn't confront them right there and then.  It's very easy to say, "You should have done x, that's what I'd have done."  You're not the one who is at fault here, you were placed in a situation that came as a shock, you were no doubt surprised and hurt and confused.  An attack on one's husband feels like an attack on one's self, really, and can be quite a blow.  We are very protective of those we love.

In your shoes, I'd probably approach both of them individually (in person or writing) and give then a piece of my mind and/or make a formal complaint.  

It does sound like your DH would be crushed.  I'm a sensitive sort of person and I know I would be in that situation.

#22 CallMeFeral

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:57 PM

QUOTE (bellygood @ 27/02/2013, 09:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you want to share that advice with your DH as well, with no further detail, then go right ahead eg these two are gossips or whatever. Nothing further needs to be said, the main issue is that they are gossipy and snipey. That's all he (and you) need to know. There's no use getting into a 'he said, she said' type detail thing. It's enough to know they are not to be trusted not to gossip.


Yep I think this. Warn him that they are gossippey and two faced - no need to tell him the details about himself, poor guy sad.gif

#23 PurpleWitch

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

I'd go above their heads and complain about their professionalism.

I'd also tell my husband. And then let him sack them Tounge1.gif

#24 JustBeige

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

I agree with Bellygood.

The other alternative is to make an appointment with your HR manager (so going over the trainers head) and complain about their lack of professionalism.  This would depend on what was said and why though.

For example - if they called him Shrek because he's a mongrel to work for / with, then I would think twice about telling him, mainly because its no good passing on this info without any examples to back it up and they are going to have enough conflict when they start working together anyway.

If they were talking about physical appearance or intelligence and being disparaging and nasty then I probably wouldnt say anything to him either (doesnt impact their working relationship and only hurts him) but I would make a complaint to the HR manager about it.

If you do make a HR complaint, write down the facts and what was stated etc so you have it clearly in your head when you talk to someone about it.

#25 sāta kōrsa

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:48 PM

QUOTE (moss @ 27/02/2013, 10:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would tell your DH word-for-word. He trusts them when he should be watching out for them.

Absolutely agree.  I would tell DH because he has the maturity to not react in a childish way no matter how hurt he was, and he has the right to know who of his colleagues are genuine and who are laughing at him behind his back.  If it was my DH, he wouldn't confront them but would be grateful to know where he really stood.

OP, imagine your DH in the future trusting these people, confiding in them or organising a get together and happily inviting his 'friends'.  

He needs to know.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

In a bizarre bid for relevancy, Former Opposition leader Mark Latham has deduced that because one female journalist had this week light-heartedly thanked antidepressants and caffeine for getting her through a medical degree while raising two small children, that ergo, all 'inner-city feminists' are selfish harridans who despise their offspring.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Metal shards hidden in playground

Pieces of sharp metal have been seemingly deliberately placed in rubber matting and across equipment at a kids' playground.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.