Jump to content

Overheard a conversation UPDATE
Original post deleted for privacy


  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 Wise Old Owl

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:22 PM

Fully deleted now due to this matter being taken higher.

Edited by OneBlueStar, 28 February 2013 - 06:29 PM.


#2 snortle

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

Oh I have no advice unfortunately but I would have been so upset in your shoes.
I probably would have given them a piece of my mind and made some rather stern comments about their (lack of) professionalism.


#3 Silly Sausages

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:32 PM

Wow OP, I'm surprised you said nothing in defense of your DH.... I understand that you may be concerned about repercussions but I don't think anyone could have had any grounds for self defence had you clearly stated that was unprofessional of them, not to mention downright nasty. Calling people names like shrek, is immature and nasty. I would have said something if I were in your shoes, but I do understand that not everyone likes confrontation. Still, what if it had been about one of your children? Would you have spoken up then?


ETA: if I were in your DH's shoes I would want to know what was going on as hard as it may be to hear. Better that than to be under the illusion they are his friends and thus enable them to make even  more fun of him.

Edited by sillysausages, 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM.


#4 Lickety Split

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

What sort of gossip was it? Was it to do with his work or was it more personal? Depending on what was actually said I would tell DH. How horrible though sad.gif

#5 lynneyours

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 27/02/2013, 08:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would tell my DH. Someone has to look out for him. Very sad and highly unprofessional. I'd hate to think your DH assumed he was working with professional people, or people who are his friend, when he's not.


ETA - the bold is mine.  It will be hurtful to hear, but clearly he needs to know NOT to trust or confide in these women at all.

#6 Illiterati

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

I would tell your DH as he will be the only one unaware of the conversation leaving an info gap for him.  

You are partners - you can discuss stuff like this at home - it is known as pillow talk. However, pillow talk remains confidential to the parties involved (you and your DH) which means even if you tell - he cannot mention or act on the information.

#7 bakesgirls

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:38 PM

I think you should tell your DH. If these people have no issue talking about him with the knowledge that the wife of the subject of their gossip was somewhere in the room, then what on earth are they saying about him to other people? I would worry that what you heard may only be the tip of the iceberg in regards to inappropriate discussions.

I would also worry that what they are saying could negatively impact on how others see him and affect his job prospects in the future. Unfortunately, these people are saying things that others may hear and believe, without having met him personally.

ETA- if it had been me, I wouldn't have just stood there and done nothing. I would have given them both a piece of my mind. They would have been informed, in no uncertain terms how appalling their behaviour was and that it reflects badly on them.

Edited by bakesgirls, 27 February 2013 - 07:55 PM.


#8 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:41 PM

I wouldn't tell my DH, mine would be gutted. Tbh I think I would actually complain. Name calling isn't acceptable in a workplace. It's unprofessional and childish. I wouldn't let these people get away with it.

#9 Wise Old Owl

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:42 PM

QUOTE (Lickety Split @ 27/02/2013, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What sort of gossip was it? Was it to do with his work or was it more personal? Depending on what was actually said I would tell DH. How horrible though sad.gif


The conversation was both professional and personal sad.gif

I did mention to DH that I heard a conversation about him between these two people.  I relayed the part that was mentioned by the person giving the training that related to DH in a professional matter.  

This was when he told me that he thinks highly of both of these people and asked if anything nasty was said about him.  At this stage, knowing how personally he takes on anything like this I said no as I wanted to work out whether or not I was over reacting.  



#10 Wise Old Owl

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

QUOTE (SlowEmotionReplay @ 27/02/2013, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would tell your DH as he will be the only one unaware of the conversation leaving an info gap for him.  

You are partners - you can discuss stuff like this at home - it is known as pillow talk. However, pillow talk remains confidential to the parties involved (you and your DH) which means even if you tell - he cannot mention or act on the information.


By telling him means that he can potentially act on this information which would have a negative impact on these two women involved.

I am not a confrontational person by any means.  I am going there again tonight so not sure whether or not to mention it to someone higher or just speak to DH about it.

sad.gif

#11 Funwith3

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:46 PM

I think you should tell your DH. Maybe you don't need to tell him word for word (especially the particularly insulting parts), but you should still paint a very clear picture to him. He needs to know not to trust them...

I don't think I could have stood there and listened to people talk about my DH like that, I think I would have interrupted them and given them a piece of my mind. However, I understand why you did let it go - perfect chance to hear someone talking about your husband. Had you interrupted them you wouldn't have heard what they had to say about him!

Also, I think you could mention to the trainer that you couldn't help but hear everything that was said and that it made you feel uncomfortable and that you feel it was very unprofessional, given that she's training new staff. Suggest that if she wants to gossip about staff, she should perhaps do it where others can't hear.

So isn't your DH her boss? I can't understand why she isn't sh*tting herself, knowing that you heard what she said!!!

#12 Hmmhuhwhat

Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:51 PM

They don't deserve your protection. As hard as it would be, I'd tell your DH.

FTR - I would have made it known right then and there who I was as soon as I realised they were being nasty.

Your poor DH.

#13 Illiterati

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:04 PM

Why are you watching their backs and not your DH's?

He does not have to directly act on the info. and in fact he should not.  But it will give him an awareness in his dealings with these staff members.

#14 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:09 PM

Was the professional stuff good?

If I heard people saying my DH was good at x, y, z but has a big nose so they call him Pinocchio, TBH I'd leave it at that -  but if they call him shrek because he's an ogre rather than green, chubby and smelly, then he needs to know - especially if it's true because it could equally be your DH who needs to alter how he deals with people.

I agree it's unprofessional.

#15 Tiger Lilly

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:18 PM

I don't think it was appropriate to lie to your DH

#16 sa5ha

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:23 PM

Tell him.

I'd want to know if I was being talked about by my colleagues and my other half heard.

How unprofessional and silly of them.

#17 Luxe

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:26 PM

I'd tell him. What if there were other people there who are to eventually work with your DH. They could be effectively tarnishing his reputation unfairly.

You DH also needs to know that these people are two faced and not really his allies. Leave it to him to decide how to handle the information, but he does need to know.

#18 43 other ferals

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:43 PM

I get that the only person you're trying to protect is your husband...you don't want his feelings to be hurt.

I also am not about to criticise you because you didn't confront them right there and then.  It's very easy to say, "You should have done x, that's what I'd have done."  You're not the one who is at fault here, you were placed in a situation that came as a shock, you were no doubt surprised and hurt and confused.  An attack on one's husband feels like an attack on one's self, really, and can be quite a blow.  We are very protective of those we love.

In your shoes, I'd probably approach both of them individually (in person or writing) and give then a piece of my mind and/or make a formal complaint.  

It does sound like your DH would be crushed.  I'm a sensitive sort of person and I know I would be in that situation.

#19 CallMeFeral

Posted 27 February 2013 - 08:57 PM

QUOTE (bellygood @ 27/02/2013, 09:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you want to share that advice with your DH as well, with no further detail, then go right ahead eg these two are gossips or whatever. Nothing further needs to be said, the main issue is that they are gossipy and snipey. That's all he (and you) need to know. There's no use getting into a 'he said, she said' type detail thing. It's enough to know they are not to be trusted not to gossip.


Yep I think this. Warn him that they are gossippey and two faced - no need to tell him the details about himself, poor guy sad.gif

#20 PurpleWitch

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

I'd go above their heads and complain about their professionalism.

I'd also tell my husband. And then let him sack them Tounge1.gif

#21 JustBeige

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:23 PM

I agree with Bellygood.

The other alternative is to make an appointment with your HR manager (so going over the trainers head) and complain about their lack of professionalism.  This would depend on what was said and why though.

For example - if they called him Shrek because he's a mongrel to work for / with, then I would think twice about telling him, mainly because its no good passing on this info without any examples to back it up and they are going to have enough conflict when they start working together anyway.

If they were talking about physical appearance or intelligence and being disparaging and nasty then I probably wouldnt say anything to him either (doesnt impact their working relationship and only hurts him) but I would make a complaint to the HR manager about it.

If you do make a HR complaint, write down the facts and what was stated etc so you have it clearly in your head when you talk to someone about it.

#22 sāta kōrsa

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:48 PM

QUOTE (moss @ 27/02/2013, 10:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would tell your DH word-for-word. He trusts them when he should be watching out for them.

Absolutely agree.  I would tell DH because he has the maturity to not react in a childish way no matter how hurt he was, and he has the right to know who of his colleagues are genuine and who are laughing at him behind his back.  If it was my DH, he wouldn't confront them but would be grateful to know where he really stood.

OP, imagine your DH in the future trusting these people, confiding in them or organising a get together and happily inviting his 'friends'.  

He needs to know.

#23 Diana_Barry

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:58 PM

Horrible situation, OP. I'd be so upset. It makes your DH seem so vulnerable that he likes & respects there people, & they're being so nasty behind his back. I wouldn't tell my DP either, right or wrong.

I reckon they probably forgot that you were going to be there & would have been utterly mortified when your identity was revealed. Maybe too embarrassed to apologise or hoping you hadn't heard or understood?

If you will be seeing them again on your own & had the courage, you might say that you overheard the conversation & found it very disappointing, since your DH has always spoken highly of them. Retains his professionalism, gives them an opportunity to apologise to you & hopefully think twice before behaving so unprofessionally next time.

#24 The Old Feral

Posted 27 February 2013 - 10:05 PM

Sounds to me like they wanted you to hear it.

#25 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 27 February 2013 - 11:55 PM

QUOTE (sillysausages @ 27/02/2013, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Wow OP, I'm surprised you said nothing in defense of your DH.... I understand that you may be concerned about repercussions but I don't think anyone could have had any grounds for self defence had you clearly stated that was unprofessional of them, not to mention downright nasty. Calling people names like shrek, is immature and nasty. I would have said something if I were in your shoes, but I do understand that not everyone likes confrontation. Still, what if it had been about one of your children? Would you have spoken up then?


ETA: if I were in your DH's shoes I would want to know what was going on as hard as it may be to hear. Better that than to be under the illusion they are his friends and thus enable them to make even  more fun of him.

I agree with this




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.