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Over 40 and TTC with IVF/ICSI #21
102 replies to this topic
Posted 27 February 2013 - 11:08 PM
Luci - I'm so sorry to hear of your BFN. How many cycles have you done? I hope your next FET is the one. I was going to test today, but I'm not so sure now - see below.
Waterlilly - Are you cycling at the moment? Were you successful on your 4th cycle TTC #2?
Torquoise - I hope you have a rejuvenating break in Tasmania. Will you do another cycle?
Eloise - I so get you. I have been confused too, in trying to decide what to do. I never imagined I'd be here.. on a 7th cycle, and at 44, but here I am. It does really help to talk to people, I'm sorry you have no-one around you, I'm not in Melbourne unfortunately, I hope you find someone soon.
spring-rain - Good luck for Saturday, will you do an HPT first? Symptoms, shmymptoms! I've been pregnant twice with IVF and havn't had any symptoms that could not be mistaken for an up and coming period either time, in fact I never got proper pregnancy symptoms until about 2 weeks after the 2ww. I'm thinking of doing another fresh cycle if this one doesn't work. Even though I have two lots on ice. I figure fresh is good now because of my age.
Everyone else, I hope all is going well.
AFM - So here I am 7dp5dt. I was going to POAS this evening, because my research shows the average blood HCG for 12dpo for a singleton pregnancy, is 35mIU/ml, and I have a HPT that is sensitive to 25. I had it all thought out, logical, rational, but I don't know if I can do it. I'm a mess, this 7th cycle is really hitting me hard. If I test and it's negative I will be devastated, and if I wait then I probably won't sleep well.. I didn't last night. I just don't know what to do. I woke up this morning with AF like symptoms, and was convinced I'm not pregnant, even though it really could still go either way - see above. At the moment I'm thinking I just can't today, due to sleep deprivation. Hopefully tonight I'll manage to have a good nights sleep (I can always hope), then maybe I'll feel refreshed enough to make a good decision tomorrow. Feeling very sad though, like I'm just postponing the inevitable bad news. I feel beaten down after 7 cycles worth of emotional stress.
Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:41 AM
Ellie, - I think you need a little holiday. Maybe in beautiful far north QLD. If so, I'd be happy to join you for a decaf and a chat .
From what you have said, "ATM", it certainly doesn't sound like you are ready to give up IVF, regardless of how shyte it is. However, I think you need a week or so to absorb this BFN to truly know how you feel about going on or not.
Try not to put that amount of pressure on yourself to make a decision right now. You are grieving, your mind is foggy from all the drugs, and most of all you are grieving. I don't think we quite realise that an IVF BFN is a loss. There once was a lovely embie or two, that was dividing and happy in it's little petri dish, and over a two week period, for what ever reason, it has decided not to stay with us... What could have been, isn't any more, and it's upsetting.
So over the next little bit. Let yourself indulge in what ever way you want, whether it's wine and chocolate cake, or a facial and a walk in the park. I could go on but you get the drift.
Only then think about it again, and it will become clearer to you.
Adventurer, - Big hugs to you too. Even though this is only my second stim, the first one was nearly 3 years ago and allot had changed since then. I won't be doing another stim. I'm 45 and I really think I don't have many (if any) good eggs left. So I do understand how you feel, as when I go back to work in July I'll be 46, and I'll be spending allot of time studying and retraining to get back on line, so TTC in all forms will be over for us. I would be very sad if I can't give my DS a sibling. But I am very very blessed to have him, and I'll never forget that.
Anyway, I didn't sleep for 2 night either, and I did test a day early because of it. It was a bfn, and I cried all day, but I did sleep that night.
I really really hope your symptoms gives you the BFP that you deserve. You are so strong to have come this far, even though you may not feel it right now.
Edited by 146 Lucina, 28 February 2013 - 11:45 AM.
Posted 28 February 2013 - 01:12 PM
Adventurer: I am not cycling but taking DHEA, Melatonin , Inositol and others. I had 4 stim cycles TTC #2. I had a BFP with my 1st but sadly miscarried due to abnormalities. I did 2 stim cycles to TTC #1 and had my son with a FET. I wish I thought about banking few embies. But I just wanted to have a baby and was really worried as I was 40+.
It is very hard when you go through a failed cycle after cycle. I remind myself how lucky we are with our DS. He spent 1 day in special care due to fluid in lungs. It was not a big deal. But my next door neighbour’s son was born with the same condition. There was malfunction with the tubes and he spent 2 weeks in the intensive care unit and they were told he might not make it.
I hope you have a BFP.
Ellie: I am really sorry you are feeling like this. I can understand. It really sucks. It is just like Luci described it. We have seen the embies they look great but just didn't hang on with us. I am happy to meet up for a coffee with you. Please let me know. I am limited in travel as I don't drive.
Springy- Good luck to you.
Hi to everyone.
Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:53 PM
Luci, Torquise and Ellie, I'm sorry for your BFNs, they are crap and awfully sad... I really feel for you.
Luci, I feel pretty much the same as you. If we were ever lucky enough to give DS a sibling.... it would be a miracle. But we are ever so grateful. I haven't had my AMH tested for a while. So it would be very interesting to see what it is since 2010. Wishing you all the best for your next FET.
Torquise, try to look forward to your break... Tassie sounds fantastic. That's how I tried to resolve myself after each failure... having something to look forward to (mind you it was always another cycle (and the occasional break) but it helped me to soldier on.
Ellie, I wish you had no reason to feel so low. Infertility tests your resolve, that's for sure. I have been where you are right now.... it's not much consolation, but you will wake up to see another day... albeit it might be a bit crappy, but you will get through it. I was very much like you in the sense we told noone for the first year of our treatment (not even family). Only after a year of failures did I tell my Mum, DH has never shared with his family either our struggles, mc, etc. I know oh so acutely how hard it is, how isolated you are and I feel for you. I hope you find solace somewhere and you make your way through this.
Hi to everyone else.... good luck to Springy for your BT.
Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:24 PM
I pee'd on a stick this morning and it's negative. I'm in pain right now, my heart feels like it's going to break into a million pieces
Luci - Thanks so much for your input. It really is important to remember I already have a beautiful child, and I am so grateful for him. I would love to give him a sibling, but if not, then at least I can tell him I tried later on. At the moment he's what's keeping me going.
Waterlilly - I did the same for DS, two stim cycles, pregnant on a FET. It never crossed my mind to freeze embryos either, I only wanted one at that time, and I am really happy with him, and feel blessed. It must have been hard to have DS in special care, even for 1 day.
AFM - So I've thought it through and I'll probably do another fresh/stim cycle now. I have some frosties but I don't want to leave it longer to do a stim cycle. That and any associated FETs will be it for me. I'm also reconsidering adopting, I started the process before DS but got pregnant during and the rules are that you have to stop until the baby is at least 1 year old - in NZ.
I'm going to take it easy today and try to process. Good luck everyone else with where you are at right now. Hoping for some good news soon
Edited by Adventurer, 28 February 2013 - 05:25 PM.
Posted 28 February 2013 - 10:12 PM
Ellie - I'm going to PM you my number - lets meet up for a coffee (although I draw the line at decaf) - I've been very slack on these boards but would love to catch up and have a chat.
Posted 01 March 2013 - 11:40 AM
Jane23- Thanks for thinking of me. IVF is so hard and such a big roller coaster ride that nothing really prepares you for it. Hope you're well.
146Lucina- Thanks, so sorry to hear its all over for you too. I can't wait for my trip to Tassie now. Take care of yourself.
Springrain- Thanks and good luck for Saturday. I shall be thinking of you.
Adventurer- My heart goes out to you, so sorry to hear its a
Like you I'm 44 and hoping to give our DD a sibling as she keeps telling us she would like a sister or brother and I do feel for her. We may do another fresh/stim cycle but I'll wait and see what happens with our next frostie in a months time. But then again I'm thinking it will be a good idea to just do another cycle to just try and bank some embies as I'm thinking of my age. My first cycle was 3 years ago and the cycle I'm on now is my second, so I would have to say that 3 cycles would be my limit and if it doesn't work at least I tried.
Pilar Palabundar- Thanks Pilar, my DH and I always try to have something to look forward too after getting our results. I'm so looking forward to going to Tassie next week.
Eloise- I'm so sorry to hear your having an extremely difficult time. I do understand that you need to talk to someone who has been through it as they get it.
Have you spoken to a Councellor?, I know my IVF nurse told me I can speak to a Councellor any time I need it during the whole process.
Have you tried Accupuncture?, I found it really relaxes you and clears your mind and you walk out feeling rejuvenated. I know the last treatment I had I was in tears and felt so much better afterwards. Like you I have kept my TTC journey a secret and we didn't tell anyone besides my Mum and my DH parents and a very close friend who has been through IVF.
I'm happy to meet for a coffee and chat, just let me know or PM me. I do feel for you and hope all gets better for you soon.
AFM- I'm trying to stay positive, healthy and just looking forward to my trip to Tassie next week.
Hello to everyone I've missed
Take care everyone
Posted 05 March 2013 - 11:26 AM
Though I would introduce myself,
I turned 40 last week :-) had a fancy dress party, and I went at Cinderella.
DH and I have been trying to get PG for 4 years now.
I have been stalking this thread for some time and now get to chat.
Posted 06 March 2013 - 09:13 PM
Well I got some amazing news yesterday.
I have been on Lucrin, getting ready for my next cycle to start in March. I was told it may delay AF so was not concerned when late, but i run out of injections, so called my clinic and asked what I should do, the nurse said to come in for a BT and gave me more Lucrin. She said if my levels where base they were likely to start me on the next cycle, today.
But when she called she gave me the news I was BFP
Posted 07 March 2013 - 11:39 AM
Adventurer - I'm so sorry you got a bfn, I hope your are ok
April - congrat's - that was a short and sweet visit. Sending you lots of sticky vibes
Torquoise - have fun in Tassie!
Ellie - how are you, hope you got that chat and coffee. I understand that feeling of isolation as we never told anyone (family or friends) that we were ttc with ivf. It can be a very hard and lonely road. I hope you are feeling better
Spring - how are you going??
Hi everyone else
Posted 07 March 2013 - 02:26 PM
Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Rest assured that I do stalk and cheer you all on from the sidelines
Ellie, Turquoise, Luci, Adventurer - I'm so very, very sorry about your BFNs. This rollercoaster is just the most hideous thing and every one of you girls is amazing for having the strength to endure it. I know you all probably don't want to hear it but don't give up hope! We've all heard the stories....a friend of mine (who I may have mentioned before) who is close to 40 tried for 5 years, including many, many IVF cycles, without even a hint of a pregnancy. Eventually she gave up and took the "what will be will be" attitude, started looking into adoption and fell pregnant, unassisted within a few months of trying.
Emski, Springy, Pilar, Jane, Chloe - I hope you are all well.
Apologies if I've missed anyone.
AFM - Just over two weeks to go
Posted 07 March 2013 - 08:50 PM
Any day now Pingy xxx
Edited by waterlilly, 07 March 2013 - 08:51 PM.
Posted 08 March 2013 - 08:21 AM
WTF? Pingy where did all that time go! - I can't believe you're only two weeks off! Congratulations - do you know if you're team blue or pink?
I'm going ok - had to delay my two weeks which is a bit annoying - but my FS was going to be away at the crucial time (again!) and her replacement is the guy I stopped seeing so it would have been awkward... I did run into him at the clinic once and he got all nervous when he saw me at the counter and knocked all these vases off the bookshelf - not sure if it was cos of me but I like to think so, but needless to say I don't want him near my nether regions if that's his reaction to running into me! imagine the damage he would do.
April - congratulations on your BFP - we're always happy to hear of one of us oldies getting the golden egg. Here's wishing you and your DP all the best.
Am meeting up with Ellie today for a good old chat - looking forward to it.
Ok I better get onto some work!
Waterlily & Jane hello my lovlies! and hello to anyone else I've neglected in this post!
Posted 08 March 2013 - 09:59 AM
Hi Pingy, so great to hear from you, time flies by huh, even though you think you have heaps of time. Rest up, and all the best for the safe arrival of your little one... we will all be looking forward to your happy newsxxx
Hi to everyone!
Edited by Pilar Palabundar, 08 March 2013 - 10:04 AM.
Posted 08 March 2013 - 10:17 AM
Not so good news today.
Went to the FS yesterday, expecting to be put on an anti Ms proticol.
Instead due to my history, he thinks 90% chance it's eptopic.
It's wait and see for the next 2 weeks until bud, would be big enough to be see on a scan.
FX, I get the 10%, no need to buy a lotto ticket, that would be lotto won.
Posted 08 March 2013 - 10:36 AM
Oh April -so sorry to read that news. I'll have everything crossed for you that you're in the 10%. You've had a crappy run (looking at your sig) - we'll all be behind you in here.
Posted 12 March 2013 - 08:06 PM
All is well here
Last week my hcg was 92
Today it is 2490
My progesterone has gone down, so i have been given pessaries to support the PG.
I'm not sure how far along I am.
I think I'm 6 weeks based on my lmp, but the clinic is treating me as 5 weeks.
They want me to do bt next Tuesday again and will book me in for scan the following week.
When the nurse was telling me all this I asked if she was aware the Dr last week suspects this to be ectopic, she said yes, but the director of the clinic looked over my results and thinks it's all fine.
The last time I had an ectopic it all happened so fast and I only found out I was PG, when I was getting rushed to emergency.
So not really sure if i can breath easy yet, or not.
Posted 13 March 2013 - 02:40 PM
April, - Welcome, and Congrats on your BFP . I love hearing stories like yours. I hope the director is right and there is nothing to worry about.
Pingi, - You must be so excited to be meeting your little one soon. Time sure has flown. Best of luck with the delivery.
Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well.
I've been down in sydney for a week. It was good to be busy after my BFN as it really hit me that DS will most probably be an only child.
Have my follow up appointment with FS tomorrow to be discussing our April FET. I think we are just going through the motions now, just to say we gave it a go. I don't really think this will be "the golden egg (or embie)", as emski so eloquently put it. 45 is really pushing it now.
Posted 19 March 2013 - 06:56 PM
It's very quite in here at the moment
Well, this week up date for me.
I have been for my latest bt.
Week 4 hcg 92
Week 5 hcg 2490
Today week 6 11400
I was a bit concerned by these number as it's obviously not doubling every second day, this week, but my fn has assured me they are good numbers and by week 6,7 they only want to see a large increase not necessarily double.
She also told me they generally don't check hcg levels by week 8 as they can start going backwards.
So I'm now booked in for my scan on Friday, so FX
Posted 20 March 2013 - 10:09 AM
Pingi - omg that time did fly by!! Best of luck for a safe delivery of your little one
April - good luck for your scan on Friday, will have everything crossed for you as well. Let us know how you go.
Luci - I know it's so hard to keep positive but you just never know. I'm praying with everything I have that your last little embie is "the one!".
em - hi!!! I would want to go with they other fs either after my last experience with him and what you have been through...but I guess to be fair it prob wasn't his fault as he didn't give the go ahead for EPU the other FS did. Ahh I don't know, I just think ivf sucks now, or my body does .
We are still ttc naturally but with every bfn each month and my age creeping up and up I've given up hope. Just going with it still for my darling dh.....the eternal optimist
Hi to all I've missed
Posted 23 March 2013 - 10:52 AM
I went for my scan yesterday.
Bub s snuggled into the correct spot, and has HB of 115
Edited by April2608, 23 March 2013 - 10:53 AM.
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