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Major parenting fail moment.


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#1 3mummy3

Posted 27 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

Im ashamed to say I am having a major parenting fail at the moment. My ds 14 has a healthy relationships day at school next week which requires me to write a letter of affirmation to him to open on the day. The letter has three paragraphs:
I am proud of you...
The talents i see in you are... And
As you grow, i hope...

I am completely at a loss as to what to write to my son. How can any decent mother not be able to find anything to write about???

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 27 February 2013 - 02:59 PM

That's why they are making you do the task: because it's not the sort of thing many people do naturally or easily.

Would it help to look through your photographs from birth onwards?

Edited by meggs1, 27 February 2013 - 03:00 PM.


#3 emwill

Posted 27 February 2013 - 03:01 PM

I'm sure that it is not because you have nothing to write about your DS, it's just trying to find the words in which to say it.
I find it hard to express emotions in words, but I also had to do a similar letter to my DS for a school retreat.
I ended up writing how proud I was that he was grown into a wonderful young man. What a fantastic big brother he was.
How kind and thoughtful he is to others. That he is respectful, warm, funny and honest. And how I hope he will always know how much he is loved and that I wish him lots of love, laughter and happiness.
Hope that helps a little.

#4 Superman+4sisters

Posted 27 February 2013 - 03:46 PM

I think it's also that we're used to looking at their flaws, where we're trying to help them to grow in various areas. For example our eldest got an end of year award from school at a time when we were tearing our hair out with some issues going on. I suppose the people at school get an entirely different perspective than we get in day to day life.

Maybe think about the various parts of his life - school, out of school activities, friends, family life for example - and jotting down a few strengths and positives for each of these areas. Maybe even look at him through the eyes of others, leaving out the faults we as family are so aware of.

And look at this as a chance to dream a little of the man he's going to grow into. It won't be long now original.gif

Good luck!

#5 2_little_boys

Posted 27 February 2013 - 03:51 PM

My sister did this last year for her daughter.  She spent about 3 weeks doing it with it coming to me at least once a day for revision, editing and for me to add anything I could think of.

I really dont think its an easy task, no matter how amazing and fantastic the child is.

#6 frizzle

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:12 PM

Start with bullet points then build it from there. Is he kind to others, confident, assertive, thoughtful, considerate? Good with animals or children, grandparents something that shows a different side?

#7 JapNFeral

Posted 28 February 2013 - 04:14 PM

QUOTE (3mummy3 @ 27/02/2013, 03:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Im ashamed to say I am having a major parenting fail at the moment. My ds 14 has a healthy relationships day at school next week which requires me to write a letter of affirmation to him to open on the day. The letter has three paragraphs:
I am proud of you...
The talents i see in you are... And
As you grow, i hope...

I am completely at a loss as to what to write to my son. How can any decent mother not be able to find anything to write about???

Start with a list of good and not so good points for your DS. That will help.

#8 MidnightDad

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:15 PM

Next week? Girl, you is lucky. I went along to a school evening last week with DD2 and at one point we were all asked to stand and face each other (parent to child). We were asked to tell the other two things we most liked about them then and there.

Lots and lots of nervous muttering, groans and shuffling from parents and kids alike I can tell you.

#9 butterflydreaming

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:21 PM

QUOTE (MidnightDad @ 28/02/2013, 03:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Next week? Girl, you is lucky. I went along to a school evening last week with DD2 and at one point we were all asked to stand and face each other (parent to child). We were asked to tell the other two things we most liked about them then and there.

Lots and lots of nervous muttering, groans and shuffling from parents and kids alike I can tell you.



I don't get it. Why would it be hard to find two things you like about your child even if put on the spot? I could easily give you a list of things I like about my three year old DS and even my 11 year old DSD. If you can't think of something you like about your child then you spend far too long focusing on the negatives and not nurturing their positives imo.

#10 Jax12

Posted 28 February 2013 - 05:31 PM

I would let it sit for a while OP.  I had a similar attack of 'OMG I'm a terrible mother' when I struggled to fill in the strengths/weaknesses and likes/dislikes for DS when he started daycare at 10 months old.  I had no idea.  I knew people telling me their 8 week old loved the colour yellow - I never picked up on anything like that.  And I have been a teacher so felt like it should be extra easy for me to make assessments on my son...but at first thought I had nothing.  I made a few dot points and resolved myself to being crap at parenting.  But after a while, without meaning to, I began noticing things (that I already knew) and realising that I was thinking too hard and to just let it come naturally to me.  I ended up with a detailed list for all sections.

I think it's a really worthwhile exercise actually to help you connect those thoughts and feelings that we all have but are sometimes too busy to appreciate or articulate.  Good luck with it and I hope your DS appreciates the letter.  original.gif




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