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Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:46 AM
This may not be the best forum but I could not find an only child forum and not sure where to post.
DS is 6 and an only child. He has never really raised it as an issue until the last month or so. We now get sobs about wanting a brother or sister. it has happened several times now. I am almost 46, DH 51 and he had the snip. So a sibling is out of the question. We got pregnant when DS was 2 but had a miscarriage and it was a very unusual pregnancy which would not have gone to term. So that gave us a fright about what could go wrong given our ages, and we lost our nerve. Plus I grieved for a long time. Then he seemed happy and we didn't want to upset the apple cart for any of us. So we waited for a few years. Lst year hubby had the snip for fear of pregnancy going wrong due to our advanced age.
We have explained to DS why we can't have a baby (well, minus the snip bit). Most of his friends and classmates have anywhere between 1 and 3 siblings which adds insult to injury (not only he does not have a sib but he is the only one who doesn't in his little world, other than one girl in his class).
I guess I was naive to think it wouldn't come up at some point. I now need to help DS to come to terms with it, without letting it tear me apart.
I thought finding some books about being an only child might be a good starting point. Does anyone have suggestions of useful resources?
Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:54 AM
It's hard isn't it. We are in the same/similar situation. DS is 6 and is about the only child in his year (45 kids) that i know of without a sibling. He is always asking why he doesn't have a brother or sister. I tell him it's because mummy is too old to have another baby (I'm 43), but in reality it's because his father didn't want to have any more. I was 36 when I had DS and we could have had another, but his father just refused. Sometimes I feel like telling him that, but of course I won't.
I just tell DS the old "families come in all different sizes" etc. And DH and I tell him he wouldn't like having to share his toys etc. Which is not much consolation of course. I'm not sure what to do, to be honest - will be interested to see other replies to this thread which will be more helpful than mine. Good luck.
Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:55 AM
DD has done that in the past, but it goes in phases for her. I've done fdc which helped her see how stretched my time is with others and has said she wants me to do fdc again but not have a baby. She's nearly 10 so I would not want another now anyway lol. She's friends with kids from large families and decided that sharing a room or taking turns year to year at birthday parties isn't her thing. Also, none of the kids did extra activities. Don't get me wrong, they preferred it that way, but again she decided it wasn't for her. I'm getting set up for fdc again but this time doing it different.
Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:57 AM
I wouldn't worry too much about his classmates - most kids are the only one of something, such as the only one with no siblings, or the only one with 7 siblings, or the only one that has a particular hobby, or the only one with no pets etc.
I'm an only child, and as I got older, I got to appreciate the opportunities I had that I may not have had my parents had any more children - I got to do a wide range of extra-curricular activities, lots of travel, my parent had lots of time for me.
Edited for grammar.
Edited by SlinkyMalinki, 27 February 2013 - 09:57 AM.
Posted 27 February 2013 - 10:06 AM
Thankfully my son has a few other only children in his class.
He has asked why he doesn't every now and then and I say various reasons why but then come up with stuff like 'if you had a brother or sister you wouldn't have so many toys/fun things to do' etc.. and he is fairly happy with that.
Thank fully he is pretty easy going so moves on easily.
I have no helpful ideas, though, sorry.
Oh, does he have a pet, like a dog or cat to play with? we only have budgies but my son loves them and interacts with them a lot. lol
Posted 27 February 2013 - 10:11 AM
Thanks for the responses so far. I think the comparison to others is a child's natural desire to be like everyone else. He feels different. He has in the past been able to see the advantages of an only child but right now even saying how much of a pain his friend's brother can be, does not realise that he would feel the same about a sibling himself.
We have lots of pets, that was ok for a while but now it doesn't cut it any more...
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