Jump to content

Forming friendships


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 nicknick

Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:27 AM

DS (3.4yrs) started Preschool this year and has been going for 4 weeks. He loves going, runs in the gates in the morning and very happy to send me on my way. This morning I was chatting to his teacher and one of the things we discussed was friendships, she commented that he is happy being part of the group but isn't forming direct relationships. To me I didn't even think at this early stage it would be commented on, but she mentioned it so is flagging it to me but I was interested to hear from others about how long it took to form friendships in Preschool. Also is there anything you did to help him/her develop the friendships?

#2 tibs

Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:48 AM

My 3 year old DD just started preschool and she is the same, I would say that is normal for this age.  Plus it has only been 4 weeks!  I remember when my son started preschool he was the same but certainly by the second half of the year he had his definite friends that he played with.

#3 nicknick

Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:53 AM

Thanks tibs, yes I was very taken aback this morning that she mentioned this - I really wouldn't think after a month he would be required to have a bunch of friends and that he was playing with the group was the important thing. We have a parent meeting next week so will certainly do a little more digging on expectations then..... Thank you again for letting me know about your DD.  original.gif

#4 M1B2G

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

Still fairly common to be doing side by side play rather than playing directly with other children...  I would not worry....

#5 boatiebabe

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:10 AM

I would also be surprised by that comment from the child care worker.

I would think at 3 there would still be a lot of side by side play but not direct friendships after only 4 weeks in a new centre.

I don't think either of mine started forming close one on one friendships until at least 4 at day care.

Sometimes even at 'big school' it might take until Year 1 or 2 for them to find besties.

#6 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:17 AM

At 3.5 yo, I think it would be common for new kids to take at least a few months (3-6 months) before they actively seek out someone to play along side or with.  Happy enough to play along side most kids at that age, but would imagine it might take a few months before they actively pick a friend to play with.

#7 josh2003

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:32 AM

I've been worrying about the same thing, so it's a relief to hear it's quite common.

My son, who is 3.5, has been going to daycare 3 days per week since he was one. He is really shy, and I've been worrying lately about whether he is making any friends. He talks about a couple of kids being his friends, but when I watch him, he seems to just hover around them and play, rather than play directly with them.

Our oldest son had a best friend (a girl!) from the beginning all the way up until they started school, and they were inseparable, but our second just seems to be different.

He does have a "proper" friend (our neighbour's daughter), but she is 6, so I think he's been able to connect with her because she instigates it.

#8 nicknick

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:48 AM

Thanks for the feedback, I must say I was surprised with how easy it is to take him - he is a routine man and thought the new environment this year would have really challenged him so have been quite surprised he adapted so qucikly as I said happily says goodbye to me everyday.

I thought at 3 it's still common to have side-by-side play, this morning as I was talking to the teacher (or felt like being told off by her - maybe just me thinking that) he happily put himself in the middle of a group of kids and played with the water. I understand if he wasn't interested at all being around them it might be a different case. I would also think every child is going to be different as you all mentio, some Im sure might make quick friends. To add to how bad I was feeling 1/2 way through the discussion DD decided to vomit all over me...

Josh it's really hard I know, you just want the best for them. I might also watch a little more next week after leaving him, I can put myself in the trees a little - maybe just need to add the camourflage paint to hide myself.  original.gif

Thanks again  original.gif

Edited by nicknick, 26 February 2013 - 11:50 AM.


#9 Bbtimes2

Posted 26 February 2013 - 07:50 PM

My DS1 is almost 9 and still doesn't have a best friend. He is really popular and gets invited to all the parties (even for children I have never heard of!) and always has someone inviting him over for a playdate.
DS2 is has just turned 5 and it wasn't until this year that he even had a friend. He is much more a one on one kind of kid.

I think some kids just like to drift between groups and are more than happy, while others prefer to have certain people they play with.
I wouldn't worry. Your son obviously loves preschool and is getting along with all the other kids so in my book he is doing great.

#10 nicknick

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:33 AM

Thanks Bbtimes2, I do agree with your comments.

I don't know, dropped him off this morning and he was his happy self going - same as I watched him he was playing a chasing game with another boy (who was a little older and faster, he couldn't actually catch him  biggrin.gif ) then went to the rope climbing area with some other kids. He puts himself in the middle of it all so really think this comment was a little strange from his teacher yesterday.

Thanks for all of the feedback, really does make you feel better hearing others stories and puts it all into perspective.  original.gif

#11 tiggy2

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:45 AM

Sounds perfectly normal.

If you do want to cultivate specific friendships organise some one on one playdates with a few of the kids and see who he seems to click with (and which mums you like!)

If you don't get to chat with the other mums you can put a note in the child's pocket thingy where they put the kinder newsletters.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.