Jump to content

Forming friendships


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 nicknick

Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:27 AM

DS (3.4yrs) started Preschool this year and has been going for 4 weeks. He loves going, runs in the gates in the morning and very happy to send me on my way. This morning I was chatting to his teacher and one of the things we discussed was friendships, she commented that he is happy being part of the group but isn't forming direct relationships. To me I didn't even think at this early stage it would be commented on, but she mentioned it so is flagging it to me but I was interested to hear from others about how long it took to form friendships in Preschool. Also is there anything you did to help him/her develop the friendships?

#2 tibs

Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:48 AM

My 3 year old DD just started preschool and she is the same, I would say that is normal for this age.  Plus it has only been 4 weeks!  I remember when my son started preschool he was the same but certainly by the second half of the year he had his definite friends that he played with.

#3 nicknick

Posted 26 February 2013 - 10:53 AM

Thanks tibs, yes I was very taken aback this morning that she mentioned this - I really wouldn't think after a month he would be required to have a bunch of friends and that he was playing with the group was the important thing. We have a parent meeting next week so will certainly do a little more digging on expectations then..... Thank you again for letting me know about your DD.  original.gif

#4 M1B2G

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

Still fairly common to be doing side by side play rather than playing directly with other children...  I would not worry....

#5 boatiebabe

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:10 AM

I would also be surprised by that comment from the child care worker.

I would think at 3 there would still be a lot of side by side play but not direct friendships after only 4 weeks in a new centre.

I don't think either of mine started forming close one on one friendships until at least 4 at day care.

Sometimes even at 'big school' it might take until Year 1 or 2 for them to find besties.

#6 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:17 AM

At 3.5 yo, I think it would be common for new kids to take at least a few months (3-6 months) before they actively seek out someone to play along side or with.  Happy enough to play along side most kids at that age, but would imagine it might take a few months before they actively pick a friend to play with.

#7 josh2003

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:32 AM

I've been worrying about the same thing, so it's a relief to hear it's quite common.

My son, who is 3.5, has been going to daycare 3 days per week since he was one. He is really shy, and I've been worrying lately about whether he is making any friends. He talks about a couple of kids being his friends, but when I watch him, he seems to just hover around them and play, rather than play directly with them.

Our oldest son had a best friend (a girl!) from the beginning all the way up until they started school, and they were inseparable, but our second just seems to be different.

He does have a "proper" friend (our neighbour's daughter), but she is 6, so I think he's been able to connect with her because she instigates it.

#8 nicknick

Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:48 AM

Thanks for the feedback, I must say I was surprised with how easy it is to take him - he is a routine man and thought the new environment this year would have really challenged him so have been quite surprised he adapted so qucikly as I said happily says goodbye to me everyday.

I thought at 3 it's still common to have side-by-side play, this morning as I was talking to the teacher (or felt like being told off by her - maybe just me thinking that) he happily put himself in the middle of a group of kids and played with the water. I understand if he wasn't interested at all being around them it might be a different case. I would also think every child is going to be different as you all mentio, some Im sure might make quick friends. To add to how bad I was feeling 1/2 way through the discussion DD decided to vomit all over me...

Josh it's really hard I know, you just want the best for them. I might also watch a little more next week after leaving him, I can put myself in the trees a little - maybe just need to add the camourflage paint to hide myself.  original.gif

Thanks again  original.gif

Edited by nicknick, 26 February 2013 - 11:50 AM.


#9 Bbtimes2

Posted 26 February 2013 - 07:50 PM

My DS1 is almost 9 and still doesn't have a best friend. He is really popular and gets invited to all the parties (even for children I have never heard of!) and always has someone inviting him over for a playdate.
DS2 is has just turned 5 and it wasn't until this year that he even had a friend. He is much more a one on one kind of kid.

I think some kids just like to drift between groups and are more than happy, while others prefer to have certain people they play with.
I wouldn't worry. Your son obviously loves preschool and is getting along with all the other kids so in my book he is doing great.

#10 nicknick

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:33 AM

Thanks Bbtimes2, I do agree with your comments.

I don't know, dropped him off this morning and he was his happy self going - same as I watched him he was playing a chasing game with another boy (who was a little older and faster, he couldn't actually catch him  biggrin.gif ) then went to the rope climbing area with some other kids. He puts himself in the middle of it all so really think this comment was a little strange from his teacher yesterday.

Thanks for all of the feedback, really does make you feel better hearing others stories and puts it all into perspective.  original.gif

#11 tiggy2

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:45 AM

Sounds perfectly normal.

If you do want to cultivate specific friendships organise some one on one playdates with a few of the kids and see who he seems to click with (and which mums you like!)

If you don't get to chat with the other mums you can put a note in the child's pocket thingy where they put the kinder newsletters.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.