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Stealing & general un-acceptable behaviour
At the end of my tether

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9 replies to this topic

#1 Manda

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:25 AM

Hi ladies,
I'm in need of some help!

Ok so i'll start with letting you know i'm not an able bodied parent these days, i have a lot of health issues going on ..Fibromyalgia, womens issues and a hopefully-soon-to-diagnosed-condition-in-both-knees...it's very painful and debilitating to the point i cant walk very far at all, to the point where i have just had to buy a mobility sscooter to get around outside the house, inside everythings a struggle, houework, stairs...you get the idea!....I just wanted to put that out there as it does affect my parenting, especially when it comes to picking kids up etc....i simply can't.

on another note:I have shared care 50/50 with their father. Which works for us all. the kids enjoy spending equal time with us both. this is set in conrecte and will not change anytime soon..no matter who wants it changed (not that anyone does)

Ok so now to the kids....really it's two of them Miss 5 and the ringleader master 6.
Stealing is the biggest issue, no matter what time they go to bed they get up early sneak downstairs and steal anything and everything, they bring it upstairs and share the loot with miss 2, who doesnt understand it's wrong, so it's affecting her as well as now she expects it. No punishments have worked and believe me i've tried everyting From basic lunchboxes, grounding, taking away everything and even not giving them breakfast, when they have taken more than what they would have had anyway for the morning meal.

I have tried talking it out, explaining it's wrong etc etc and ive tired the cranky route...NOTHING is working.

What they steal all depends on what they can get their hands on....from real food (fruits breakfast cereal etc) to lollies and chips (left over from xmas as i refuse to bring anymore treats in with this behaviour) to sugar and sprinkles. I have gone to the extremes of cable tying the cupboard handles togerther (have only ever used high cupboards -not that it's stopped them) the other day they somejow managed to get the cable ties off. I have stashed any treats in my room but they sneak in there too.
Apart from putting a padlock on the fridge (which i planned on doing as soon as this rain lets me out of the house) Theres nothing else i can do to secure the food.

I'm so sick of the mess they create doing it as well...like i said cleaning is a hugly painful experience for me.

Hunger causing it ? ...well maybe for master 6 when he refuses to eat dinner....tough luck.
I have asked why they do it and miss5 cries and master 6 says he doesnt know.We've had dicussions about what he can do to stop himself when he feels the urge but he's not even trying.

Also while im here i do want to bring up that i'm not happy in general with their behavior. I have never known kids to have the lack of repect for parents that they do.
If it was just in one or tow areas i'd chalk it up to kids being kids, but this is ridiculous, EVERYTHING i tell them i have to say no less than 20 times and they still dont do as they have been asked. They are rude and disrespectful to the rest of the household in the mornings, instead of playing quietly they yell and carry on and purposley wake everybody up EVERY MORNING . It really is in every area. They refuse to pack up, they swear at me when i punish them.
i'm tired, i'm tired of yelling of banning them from living because they will not behave.I'm tired of fighting what feels like a losing battle. I live with pain everyday, im trying to have a house that runs semi smooth, i want to have quality time with them but i cant when all my time is spent trying to deal with unacceptable behaviour.

They have a routine, they know the routine so it's definately not that they don't know what expected o0f them.

Please help!

Edited by Manda, 26 February 2013 - 09:30 AM.

#2 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:29 PM

I'm not sure what you mean by early?  But are you sure they aren't just hungry for breakfast? I'm an early riser and need to eat pretty much as soon as I wake up, or I get sick to my stomach.  Used to drive friends mad on holidays as a student - everyone else would be sleeping in and I'd be trying to sneak around to make breakfast.   Could you leave out some Up and Goes or breakfast bars.

#3 luke's mummu

Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:41 PM

Have you tried star charts - working on specific behaviours you want them to do, or not to do? e.g. 1 star for staying in your bedroom until Mummy gets up, 1 star for getting into the bath first time you are asked.

#4 Mis-Placed

Posted 28 February 2013 - 08:52 PM

My advise would be to not keep any food whatsoever in the house of the "junk" variety. If you dont want them gorging themselves on snacks & treats in the morning - just dont keep those items in house for awhile....?

#5 Roobear

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:07 PM

If he is getting up because he is hungry, maybe you can leave some food out for him that he can eat? Some fruit or something not as messy? I would approach it like "You are growing up now and I think you can be responsible enough to help yourself to breakfast so I will leave you out some food which you can come and get in the morning and share with your siblings. etc"

#6 TopsyTurvy

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:11 PM

I also agree that you should clear all junk type good out of the house for a while.

Leave them free access to as much of the healthy stuff as they want.  Don't restrict them helping themselves to things like fruit, non junk cereal, vegies etc.   if they are up early and hungry then allowing them the independence to eat when they are hungry will be good for you all.

Portion out stuff for them to save the mess making.

Leave a container of fruit in the fridge, an easily accessible fruit bowl on the bench.  Portion cereal into plastic containers.

#7 KnightsofNi

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:17 PM

I let me kids get up and get themselves something to eat as soon as they get up, even if no-one else gets up. They normally just have a yoghurt. (they are 2 and 4)

Could allowing them to get something themselves, perhaps satisfy them and stop the stealing and waking everyone up?

#8 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 28 February 2013 - 09:48 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 28/02/2013, 09:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm not sure what you mean by early?  But are you sure they aren't just hungry for breakfast? I'm an early riser and need to eat pretty much as soon as I wake up, or I get sick to my stomach.  Used to drive friends mad on holidays as a student - everyone else would be sleeping in and I'd be trying to sneak around to make breakfast.   Could you leave out some Up and Goes or breakfast bars.

This is what I'm thinking. I really can't see the issue with them helping themselves to fruit or cereal in the morning. Since they they don't have fully developed coordination yet, mess is to be expected. Get them to help clean up. Also if dinner hasn't been eaten offer a glass of milk and a slice of buttered bread before they go to bed.

Loud play from a 5/6 yo is not unusual. They're up, they want to get on with their day.  

As for the rest, if you're yelling all the time they'll be yelling too. I think (and I'm no expert) the key to any disciplinary technique is consistency and keeping in mind that change doesn't happen overnight and many things are learned behaviours. Kids will still be kids, you can't expect them to compute at an adult level, they have short attention spans and testing boundaries is part of growing up. They need constant reminders and positive role models.

Edited by ForsakenTruth, 28 February 2013 - 09:49 PM.

#9 Froger

Posted 01 March 2013 - 08:40 AM

To be honest OP, this sounds like normal behaviour. I think you may have to adjust your expectations. When I opened this thread I was expecting an OP complaining of their kids shoplifting, bashing people and setting the local school on fire, that sort of thing. Not getting up early in the morning,playing together and getting their own breakfast! Honestly, getting their own breakfast is NOT stealing. If you are unhappy with the food they are eating, don't buy that junk! This is certainly not something that warrants punishment at all.

The PPs have given you some excellent suggestions, like leaving suitable food out for them, that sort of thing. Maybe have a go with that and see if that makes things easier for them. If they are happy getting their own breakfast and sharing it with the others, I think it is lovely and something to be encouraged. They are obviously lovely kids who care about their siblings, especially the one who goes to all that trouble to get breakfast for the others. What a sweetie you have. IMO you should be happy with such beautiful caring behaviour towards their siblings.  

When you say you have 50% care, do you mean one week on and one week off? In the week you have the kids can you just forget about the housework and stuff if you can't manage it, and just catch up with it the week they are with their dad? And when you feel like shouting, maybe try whispering instead. I find that is a good trick, that makes the kids quieten down so they can hear you.

Good luck and try not to get so worried about normal childhood stuff. It is no good working yourself up about nothing - otherwise you are just going to be continually living in a state of upset, if this sort of normal stuff gets to you so much. Honestly it's not worth all this angst.

#10 Manda

Posted 06 March 2013 - 11:40 AM

Thnaks ladies sorry i havnt been back in ive been having more health issues...long story but found out 5 mths after a pap that i have high grade CIN3 precancer lesions need operations blah blah blah.

When i say early i mean 4 am or earlier...regardless what time they go to bed.

Ive tried letting them all go downstiars and have the 9 yr old make breakfast but mr 6 just keeps stealing more and more and hurting his siblings. Ill try again though.

Thanks, sorry for short post not in good head space.

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