Jump to content

How would you answer this?
New question, help please!

  • Please log in to reply
59 replies to this topic

#1 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:01 AM

To try cut a long story short, we announced our pregnancy to our Swing Dance students last night.
One of these students is someone we do consider a friend, thats all. Not a close friend even.. He is a little (ok, a lot) socially awkward, doesnt know how to speak to people. Hes a nice guy though. Unfortunatly for us he thinks we are his best/close mates. (my husband and I).

I logged into the book of face this morning and found this message from him: (names removed)

Hey kks,

First I would like to say Congrats again. Next, I would like to say that even though it is still early I would like to put this out there for thought, I would like to be considered as a godparent for your infant. I know I am not special, you and S would most likely pick person 1 or person 2 , I don't really expect to be chosen but I just thought that I could at least ask to be considered as I feel that you two are really close friends of mine and that it would be an honor to be asked be apart of the great future that th...is will create.

Thank you in advance for the considereation.

Yours Sincerely

kks's friend

Yeah.... I did basically write back saying if we do go down that path we have chosen two of our mates that are family to us but thanks anyway..
Its not what I wanted to write though!!!!!

So... Why oh why would he even think its ok to ask that??? I am godmother to my neice and would NEVER have asked my brother the above!

Edited by kitkatswing, 28 February 2013 - 01:44 PM.

#2 Monket

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:07 AM

I think that is really sweet.  How wonderful that this person is already taking an interest in your child's life.  I would just thank him and let him know you hadn't yet thought that far ahead.

#3 Bluenomi

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:07 AM

Well if you wanted to scare him off you could have told him you've already sold the child's soul to the devil so no need for any godparents  biggrin.gif

I suspect if he's as socially awkward as you think, he doesn't know it's not the done thing to ask.

#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:08 AM

He could have ASD. My DP sometimes thinks he is really good friends with someone who doesn't feel the same way because he misreads the signals.

#5 Therese

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:09 AM

I also think it's sweet. He obviously isn't aware that asking something like that isn't the done thing.

I think your reply to him was a good one.

#6 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

He really is a nice guy. But yes I do think something is not quite right... He does tend to invite himself along to anything we are doing...

He seems ok with my response...

I just though it very strange.....

#7 FiveAus

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:17 AM

Oh gosh, that's hard. I used to work for someone who was socially....inept, awkward etc, and was desperate to "belong".
He used to tell me about his best friend, how they'd met, all the things they'd done over the years.....these were two middle aged, single men.
I met the "best friend" eventually, and he and I got along like a house on fire. But he was clearly shocked when I mentioned that he was my bosses best friend. In no way, shape or form did he even consider himself a close friend....more of an acquaintance with a bit of history.

It's kind of sad really.

#8 Illiterati

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:44 AM

QUOTE (FiveAus @ 26/02/2013, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh gosh, that's hard. I used to work for someone who was socially....inept, awkward etc, and was desperate to "belong".
He used to tell me about his best friend, how they'd met, all the things they'd done over the years.....these were two middle aged, single men.
I met the "best friend" eventually, and he and I got along like a house on fire. But he was clearly shocked when I mentioned that he was my bosses best friend. In no way, shape or form did he even consider himself a close friend....more of an acquaintance with a bit of history.

It's kind of sad really.

Not sad at all and i hope your unfortunate remark did not affect their friendship. For your boss - that other man may have been his 'best' or 'closest' friend. Other other man may have had other closer friends. Symmetry is not necessarily always required. If you yourself had been more socially with it, you would have tuned in to that possibility and not made your comment which caused awkwardness.

#9 AngryBird

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:00 AM

Why are you asking for "funny replies"? To ridicule him a little? I hope not.
His request seems genuine and heartfelt and even if you think it's a laughable idea, he doesn't. The bit where he says "I know I am not special" is sad.

I don't think it's rude to ask - it's certainly not the social norm but there's nothing wrong with asking to be considered.

Perhaps he can be a godbrother instead?!

#10 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:08 AM

QUOTE (AfroCircus @ 26/02/2013, 10:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why are you asking for "funny replies"? To ridicule him a little? I hope not.
His request seems genuine and heartfelt and even if you think it's a laughable idea, he doesn't. The bit where he says "I know I am not special" is sad.

I don't think it's rude to ask - it's certainly not the social norm but there's nothing wrong with asking to be considered.

Perhaps he can be a godbrother instead?!

My first reaction to his question was "Oh hell no!!".... This guy invites himself along to everything we do. Look I really like him as a friend ,but sometimes he can be a little over the top...

godbrother, not a chance at all, not even in the slightest would I even consider it....

He is our dance student.....

#11 AngryBird

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:15 AM

Oh OK, I thought you said he was also a friend?

#12 Madnesscraves

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:19 AM

I'm wondering whether he considers godparent as a legal guardian if something were to happen to you and your DH or just in name?

Either It would make me uncomfortable. It's a sweet request but I wouldn't be happy with someone coming forth and asking this. I'd be inclined to say thanks, but we've selected our siblings for this. I wouldn't use the word family in case he considers you as family, considering that word is so diverse. Just nip it in the bus with a thanks, but we've already selected our parents/sibs for godparents.

Or just tell him you're not doing the godparents route. My DD has no godparents.

Edited by Madnesscraves, 26 February 2013 - 09:19 AM.

#13 Kay1

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:23 AM

I also think it  very sweet. Ok a bit odd but you said he is socially awkward. Not sure why you want to make fun of him..... unsure.gif.

I feel sorry for him as he is clearly lonely and considers you family even though you obviously find him irritating.

I would simply thank him for the lovely offer but say you have already chosen x and y. No need to be mean about it.

#14 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:29 AM

student/friend, we do see him outside of dance class but dont activly hang out with him...

We dont invite him to parties at our house, or anything like that... As I said, he is a friend, but not a close one at all...

I foudn it quite rude of him to ask that to be honest..

Im not being mean about it. I told him politly thanks for offering, but no thanks.. In other words of course... Im not even sure we will be having official godfathers for the baby yet!!!

Edited by kitkatswing, 26 February 2013 - 09:30 AM.

#15 Propaganda

Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:41 PM

If he's socially inept then he probably just doesn't understand how rude this could come across. You cannot say that someone is socially awkward and then complain that they behave in a socially awkward way. Should you have expected any differently?  unsure.gif

I'm finding this thread a little uncomfortable. You call him a friend, but you're not talking about him as if he is one and seem to be asking us to join you as you poke fun at him.

Yeah, he was rude in asking, but you know he's socially awkward, so it shouldn't come as a shock. If he was harassing you about it, badgering you into letting him, then I would understand why you'd be irritated, but as it stands, I don't understand the need for the thread, since you've already responded anyway, you already know he's socially awkward and it seems like this is about poking fun at him, more than anything else.

I think just handling it as you did was fine, and there's no need to overthink it.

#16 jessie123

Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

Mean thread.

Your overreacting. He asked you politely decline and move on.

#17 opethmum

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:02 PM

Just write a nicely worded email to this effect

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your hearty congratulations it is really nice to be expecting a little one! We have not decided as of yet whether we will have god parents to our child yet, we don't know if our bub will be Christened yet. We of course will let you know if we feel that is a ceremony important to us and what we want for our child.
Thank you so much for your email and thanks for your dedication to our friendship and we value your presence in our life.

Kind Regards

Just be nice and firm and be congenial, no need for a passive aggressive stance.

#18 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:11 PM

I would never be passive aggresive to him,...

I was shocked by the nerve of him asking, but very politly declined his offer.

Might be time to back away from him even more and this thread.... I dont want him to get more ideas, I thought being friendly to him was fine, but if he is starting to see us at more then what it is. Might be time to back completely away...

#19 Domestic Goddess

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:36 PM

Yeah I agree with PP's. You know he's socially "awkward" so does it really shock you that much that he made this request?
It would not surprise me at all if I already knew he was a bit "awkward" or "inept".

I would've said that we really appreciate the offer, but have already got the God family sorted a long time ago, in case it was needed.
It is your choice to back away from him, but please be tactful and subtle. He might have ASD, Aspergers or another mental disability.
Who knows how he would feel and react if you suddenly completely cut him out sad.gif

#20 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:39 PM

Thats a good point,... It probably wont affect anything anyway, we really only do see him at dance class, and then maybe 4-5 times during the year at social events...

Yeah it did shock me though, I really never thought he would ask such a thing!!! I guess I learnt something new..

#21 againagain

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:57 PM

I don't really understand why he is 'rude' or 'has the nerve' to ask. He obviously feels he has something to offer a child of yours and he has extended the offer quite nicely actually.

#22 GoneWithTheWhinge

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:10 PM

I think making an offer like that is actually quite generous -after all godparents are supposed to be involved in a child's life forever and provide support the child may need as they grow up. For someone to come forward and offer themselves to take on such a commitment is actually pretty brave.

His email seemed nice to me, friendly and warm. Not creepy or rude.

#23 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:13 PM

I guess you really have to know the person to understand why it comes off creepy and rude. Its really hard to convey online....

#24 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:20 PM

His email sounds a bit presumptuous to me and he sounds more like an acquaintance than an actual friend.

I don't think it's sweet or rude I just find it odd. That being said there could be any number of reasons why he felt it okay to ask.

#25 epl0822

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:25 PM

Does anyone else feel sorry for this guy?

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.

The Bugaboo by Diesel Denim launch

Essential Baby attended the launch and it got messy!

Father's letter to Bataclan terrorists

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

Adele's new song to sing along to

Singer follows up success of Hello with new belting ballad When We Were Young.

Major retailers restrict formula sales

Coles and Woolworths have imposed tighter buying bans on baby formula amid a shortage blamed on Chinese consumers.

Three-year-old breaks family's news

If you are three-years-old and an only child, then news doesn't get much bigger than this.

Swapped babies stay with families

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

How life is different with three kids

I knew having a third child would alter our lives, but it's had so many impacts - both tiny and enormous.


What's hot on EB

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Beautiful 'now and then' images of premature babies

They are stunning photos that the parents of these beautiful no doubt feared they may never see.

Physios warn pregnant women not to crunch like Michelle Bridges

Experts are urging pregnant women not to do exactly as Michelle Bridges does when exercising, or they risk developing rectus abdominus diastasis.

Penny-pinching supermarket shoppers switching in droves

Half of Australia thinks it can get cheaper groceries by switching supermarkets, and about one in four of us have already switched.

Baby breastfed by wrong mother after hospital mix up

A newborn baby has been breastfed by a stranger after a NSW hospital bungled the identities of two newborns, devastating one mother and potentially exposing the newborn to health risks.

Nurses invent skin to skin c-section drape

The determination of three US nurses to provide immediate skin to skin contact to mothers delivering their babies by caesarean section has led to the invention of a unique surgical drape.

Baby's first photo shoot features a special guest

You can always be sure of a few things not entirely going to plan during a newborn shoot – little accidents are almost par for the course – but this shoot was memorable for a whole other reason.

We are not the family you think we are, I promise

Kids have a way of presenting a completely inaccurate impression of you, as parents, and as a family.

The hidden harm of foetal alcohol syndrome disorder

Experts believe many children diagnosed with ADHD might actually have FASD and that the number of people suffering from the condition across the country could be as high as 500,000.

Anaesthetist facing charges after ignoring woman's pain during caesarean

An anaesthetist could be punished after telling a woman enduring an "excruciating" painful C-section that she was not actually in pain.

When your baby starts life in NICU

Our daughters are finally home after spending nearly four weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Wellington hospital.

How to save for a deposit while renting

As hard as it sounds, it is possible to save money when you rent, and certain things can be done to build a deposit faster.

Medications pregnant women should take, avoid, and think about

There are actually very few medications that must be absolutely avoided during pregnancy.

Paid parental leave uncertainty a growing concern

Eight months out from the due date of the government's PPL cut, some expectant parents are facing an uncertain time.

7 commandments of using the internet as a parent

What you need is careful, objective and repeatable science. Not anecdotes or old wives' tales, but data.

A rethink on screen ban for kids under two

With new guidelines being developed, the discouragement of use below two years of age is being revised.

10 things I want my wife to know

It's on those crazy days that I must remember to stop and let her know some things she needs to hear.

Better education about SIDS needed as deaths plateau

The number of sudden and unexpected deaths in infancy has decreased in NSW for the past 15 years but the most recent report into child deaths reveals the decline has plateaued.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.