Jump to content

How would you answer this?
New question, help please!


  • Please log in to reply
59 replies to this topic

#1 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:01 AM

To try cut a long story short, we announced our pregnancy to our Swing Dance students last night.
One of these students is someone we do consider a friend, thats all. Not a close friend even.. He is a little (ok, a lot) socially awkward, doesnt know how to speak to people. Hes a nice guy though. Unfortunatly for us he thinks we are his best/close mates. (my husband and I).

I logged into the book of face this morning and found this message from him: (names removed)

Hey kks,

First I would like to say Congrats again. Next, I would like to say that even though it is still early I would like to put this out there for thought, I would like to be considered as a godparent for your infant. I know I am not special, you and S would most likely pick person 1 or person 2 , I don't really expect to be chosen but I just thought that I could at least ask to be considered as I feel that you two are really close friends of mine and that it would be an honor to be asked be apart of the great future that th...is will create.

Thank you in advance for the considereation.

Yours Sincerely

kks's friend
--------------------------------

Yeah.... I did basically write back saying if we do go down that path we have chosen two of our mates that are family to us but thanks anyway..
Its not what I wanted to write though!!!!!

So... Why oh why would he even think its ok to ask that??? I am godmother to my neice and would NEVER have asked my brother the above!

Edited by kitkatswing, 28 February 2013 - 01:44 PM.


#2 Monket

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:07 AM

I think that is really sweet.  How wonderful that this person is already taking an interest in your child's life.  I would just thank him and let him know you hadn't yet thought that far ahead.

#3 Bluenomi

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:07 AM

Well if you wanted to scare him off you could have told him you've already sold the child's soul to the devil so no need for any godparents  biggrin.gif

I suspect if he's as socially awkward as you think, he doesn't know it's not the done thing to ask.

#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:08 AM

He could have ASD. My DP sometimes thinks he is really good friends with someone who doesn't feel the same way because he misreads the signals.

#5 Therese

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:09 AM

I also think it's sweet. He obviously isn't aware that asking something like that isn't the done thing.

I think your reply to him was a good one.

#6 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

He really is a nice guy. But yes I do think something is not quite right... He does tend to invite himself along to anything we are doing...

He seems ok with my response...

I just though it very strange.....

#7 FiveAus

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:17 AM

Oh gosh, that's hard. I used to work for someone who was socially....inept, awkward etc, and was desperate to "belong".
He used to tell me about his best friend, how they'd met, all the things they'd done over the years.....these were two middle aged, single men.
I met the "best friend" eventually, and he and I got along like a house on fire. But he was clearly shocked when I mentioned that he was my bosses best friend. In no way, shape or form did he even consider himself a close friend....more of an acquaintance with a bit of history.

It's kind of sad really.


#8 Illiterati

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:44 AM

QUOTE (FiveAus @ 26/02/2013, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh gosh, that's hard. I used to work for someone who was socially....inept, awkward etc, and was desperate to "belong".
He used to tell me about his best friend, how they'd met, all the things they'd done over the years.....these were two middle aged, single men.
I met the "best friend" eventually, and he and I got along like a house on fire. But he was clearly shocked when I mentioned that he was my bosses best friend. In no way, shape or form did he even consider himself a close friend....more of an acquaintance with a bit of history.

It's kind of sad really.


Not sad at all and i hope your unfortunate remark did not affect their friendship. For your boss - that other man may have been his 'best' or 'closest' friend. Other other man may have had other closer friends. Symmetry is not necessarily always required. If you yourself had been more socially with it, you would have tuned in to that possibility and not made your comment which caused awkwardness.

#9 AngryBird

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:00 AM

Why are you asking for "funny replies"? To ridicule him a little? I hope not.
His request seems genuine and heartfelt and even if you think it's a laughable idea, he doesn't. The bit where he says "I know I am not special" is sad.

I don't think it's rude to ask - it's certainly not the social norm but there's nothing wrong with asking to be considered.

Perhaps he can be a godbrother instead?!

#10 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:08 AM

QUOTE (AfroCircus @ 26/02/2013, 10:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why are you asking for "funny replies"? To ridicule him a little? I hope not.
His request seems genuine and heartfelt and even if you think it's a laughable idea, he doesn't. The bit where he says "I know I am not special" is sad.

I don't think it's rude to ask - it's certainly not the social norm but there's nothing wrong with asking to be considered.

Perhaps he can be a godbrother instead?!



My first reaction to his question was "Oh hell no!!".... This guy invites himself along to everything we do. Look I really like him as a friend ,but sometimes he can be a little over the top...

godbrother, not a chance at all, not even in the slightest would I even consider it....

He is our dance student.....

#11 AngryBird

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:15 AM

Oh OK, I thought you said he was also a friend?

#12 Madnesscraves

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:19 AM

I'm wondering whether he considers godparent as a legal guardian if something were to happen to you and your DH or just in name?

Either It would make me uncomfortable. It's a sweet request but I wouldn't be happy with someone coming forth and asking this. I'd be inclined to say thanks, but we've selected our siblings for this. I wouldn't use the word family in case he considers you as family, considering that word is so diverse. Just nip it in the bus with a thanks, but we've already selected our parents/sibs for godparents.

Or just tell him you're not doing the godparents route. My DD has no godparents.

Edited by Madnesscraves, 26 February 2013 - 09:19 AM.


#13 Kay1

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:23 AM

I also think it  very sweet. Ok a bit odd but you said he is socially awkward. Not sure why you want to make fun of him..... unsure.gif.

I feel sorry for him as he is clearly lonely and considers you family even though you obviously find him irritating.

I would simply thank him for the lovely offer but say you have already chosen x and y. No need to be mean about it.

#14 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:29 AM

student/friend, we do see him outside of dance class but dont activly hang out with him...

We dont invite him to parties at our house, or anything like that... As I said, he is a friend, but not a close one at all...

I foudn it quite rude of him to ask that to be honest..

Im not being mean about it. I told him politly thanks for offering, but no thanks.. In other words of course... Im not even sure we will be having official godfathers for the baby yet!!!

Edited by kitkatswing, 26 February 2013 - 09:30 AM.


#15 Propaganda

Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:41 PM

If he's socially inept then he probably just doesn't understand how rude this could come across. You cannot say that someone is socially awkward and then complain that they behave in a socially awkward way. Should you have expected any differently?  unsure.gif

I'm finding this thread a little uncomfortable. You call him a friend, but you're not talking about him as if he is one and seem to be asking us to join you as you poke fun at him.

Yeah, he was rude in asking, but you know he's socially awkward, so it shouldn't come as a shock. If he was harassing you about it, badgering you into letting him, then I would understand why you'd be irritated, but as it stands, I don't understand the need for the thread, since you've already responded anyway, you already know he's socially awkward and it seems like this is about poking fun at him, more than anything else.

I think just handling it as you did was fine, and there's no need to overthink it.

#16 jessie123

Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

Mean thread.

Your overreacting. He asked you politely decline and move on.

#17 opethmum

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:02 PM

Just write a nicely worded email to this effect

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your hearty congratulations it is really nice to be expecting a little one! We have not decided as of yet whether we will have god parents to our child yet, we don't know if our bub will be Christened yet. We of course will let you know if we feel that is a ceremony important to us and what we want for our child.
Thank you so much for your email and thanks for your dedication to our friendship and we value your presence in our life.

Kind Regards
kks

Just be nice and firm and be congenial, no need for a passive aggressive stance.



#18 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:11 PM

I would never be passive aggresive to him,...

I was shocked by the nerve of him asking, but very politly declined his offer.

Might be time to back away from him even more and this thread.... I dont want him to get more ideas, I thought being friendly to him was fine, but if he is starting to see us at more then what it is. Might be time to back completely away...

#19 Domestic Goddess

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:36 PM

Yeah I agree with PP's. You know he's socially "awkward" so does it really shock you that much that he made this request?
It would not surprise me at all if I already knew he was a bit "awkward" or "inept".

I would've said that we really appreciate the offer, but have already got the God family sorted a long time ago, in case it was needed.
It is your choice to back away from him, but please be tactful and subtle. He might have ASD, Aspergers or another mental disability.
Who knows how he would feel and react if you suddenly completely cut him out sad.gif

#20 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:39 PM

Thats a good point,... It probably wont affect anything anyway, we really only do see him at dance class, and then maybe 4-5 times during the year at social events...

Yeah it did shock me though, I really never thought he would ask such a thing!!! I guess I learnt something new..

#21 againagain

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:57 PM

I don't really understand why he is 'rude' or 'has the nerve' to ask. He obviously feels he has something to offer a child of yours and he has extended the offer quite nicely actually.



#22 GoneWithTheWhinge

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:10 PM

I think making an offer like that is actually quite generous -after all godparents are supposed to be involved in a child's life forever and provide support the child may need as they grow up. For someone to come forward and offer themselves to take on such a commitment is actually pretty brave.

His email seemed nice to me, friendly and warm. Not creepy or rude.

#23 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:13 PM

I guess you really have to know the person to understand why it comes off creepy and rude. Its really hard to convey online....

#24 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:20 PM

His email sounds a bit presumptuous to me and he sounds more like an acquaintance than an actual friend.

I don't think it's sweet or rude I just find it odd. That being said there could be any number of reasons why he felt it okay to ask.


#25 epl0822

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:25 PM

Does anyone else feel sorry for this guy?




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.