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How would you answer this?
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59 replies to this topic

#1 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:01 AM

To try cut a long story short, we announced our pregnancy to our Swing Dance students last night.
One of these students is someone we do consider a friend, thats all. Not a close friend even.. He is a little (ok, a lot) socially awkward, doesnt know how to speak to people. Hes a nice guy though. Unfortunatly for us he thinks we are his best/close mates. (my husband and I).

I logged into the book of face this morning and found this message from him: (names removed)

Hey kks,

First I would like to say Congrats again. Next, I would like to say that even though it is still early I would like to put this out there for thought, I would like to be considered as a godparent for your infant. I know I am not special, you and S would most likely pick person 1 or person 2 , I don't really expect to be chosen but I just thought that I could at least ask to be considered as I feel that you two are really close friends of mine and that it would be an honor to be asked be apart of the great future that th...is will create.

Thank you in advance for the considereation.

Yours Sincerely

kks's friend

Yeah.... I did basically write back saying if we do go down that path we have chosen two of our mates that are family to us but thanks anyway..
Its not what I wanted to write though!!!!!

So... Why oh why would he even think its ok to ask that??? I am godmother to my neice and would NEVER have asked my brother the above!

Edited by kitkatswing, 28 February 2013 - 01:44 PM.

#2 Monket

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:07 AM

I think that is really sweet.  How wonderful that this person is already taking an interest in your child's life.  I would just thank him and let him know you hadn't yet thought that far ahead.

#3 Bluenomi

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:07 AM

Well if you wanted to scare him off you could have told him you've already sold the child's soul to the devil so no need for any godparents  biggrin.gif

I suspect if he's as socially awkward as you think, he doesn't know it's not the done thing to ask.

#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:08 AM

He could have ASD. My DP sometimes thinks he is really good friends with someone who doesn't feel the same way because he misreads the signals.

#5 Therese

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:09 AM

I also think it's sweet. He obviously isn't aware that asking something like that isn't the done thing.

I think your reply to him was a good one.

#6 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

He really is a nice guy. But yes I do think something is not quite right... He does tend to invite himself along to anything we are doing...

He seems ok with my response...

I just though it very strange.....

#7 FiveAus

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:17 AM

Oh gosh, that's hard. I used to work for someone who was socially....inept, awkward etc, and was desperate to "belong".
He used to tell me about his best friend, how they'd met, all the things they'd done over the years.....these were two middle aged, single men.
I met the "best friend" eventually, and he and I got along like a house on fire. But he was clearly shocked when I mentioned that he was my bosses best friend. In no way, shape or form did he even consider himself a close friend....more of an acquaintance with a bit of history.

It's kind of sad really.

#8 Illiterati

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:44 AM

QUOTE (FiveAus @ 26/02/2013, 09:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh gosh, that's hard. I used to work for someone who was socially....inept, awkward etc, and was desperate to "belong".
He used to tell me about his best friend, how they'd met, all the things they'd done over the years.....these were two middle aged, single men.
I met the "best friend" eventually, and he and I got along like a house on fire. But he was clearly shocked when I mentioned that he was my bosses best friend. In no way, shape or form did he even consider himself a close friend....more of an acquaintance with a bit of history.

It's kind of sad really.

Not sad at all and i hope your unfortunate remark did not affect their friendship. For your boss - that other man may have been his 'best' or 'closest' friend. Other other man may have had other closer friends. Symmetry is not necessarily always required. If you yourself had been more socially with it, you would have tuned in to that possibility and not made your comment which caused awkwardness.

#9 AngryBird

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:00 AM

Why are you asking for "funny replies"? To ridicule him a little? I hope not.
His request seems genuine and heartfelt and even if you think it's a laughable idea, he doesn't. The bit where he says "I know I am not special" is sad.

I don't think it's rude to ask - it's certainly not the social norm but there's nothing wrong with asking to be considered.

Perhaps he can be a godbrother instead?!

#10 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:08 AM

QUOTE (AfroCircus @ 26/02/2013, 10:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why are you asking for "funny replies"? To ridicule him a little? I hope not.
His request seems genuine and heartfelt and even if you think it's a laughable idea, he doesn't. The bit where he says "I know I am not special" is sad.

I don't think it's rude to ask - it's certainly not the social norm but there's nothing wrong with asking to be considered.

Perhaps he can be a godbrother instead?!

My first reaction to his question was "Oh hell no!!".... This guy invites himself along to everything we do. Look I really like him as a friend ,but sometimes he can be a little over the top...

godbrother, not a chance at all, not even in the slightest would I even consider it....

He is our dance student.....

#11 AngryBird

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:15 AM

Oh OK, I thought you said he was also a friend?

#12 Madnesscraves

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:19 AM

I'm wondering whether he considers godparent as a legal guardian if something were to happen to you and your DH or just in name?

Either It would make me uncomfortable. It's a sweet request but I wouldn't be happy with someone coming forth and asking this. I'd be inclined to say thanks, but we've selected our siblings for this. I wouldn't use the word family in case he considers you as family, considering that word is so diverse. Just nip it in the bus with a thanks, but we've already selected our parents/sibs for godparents.

Or just tell him you're not doing the godparents route. My DD has no godparents.

Edited by Madnesscraves, 26 February 2013 - 09:19 AM.

#13 Kay1

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:23 AM

I also think it  very sweet. Ok a bit odd but you said he is socially awkward. Not sure why you want to make fun of him..... unsure.gif.

I feel sorry for him as he is clearly lonely and considers you family even though you obviously find him irritating.

I would simply thank him for the lovely offer but say you have already chosen x and y. No need to be mean about it.

#14 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:29 AM

student/friend, we do see him outside of dance class but dont activly hang out with him...

We dont invite him to parties at our house, or anything like that... As I said, he is a friend, but not a close one at all...

I foudn it quite rude of him to ask that to be honest..

Im not being mean about it. I told him politly thanks for offering, but no thanks.. In other words of course... Im not even sure we will be having official godfathers for the baby yet!!!

Edited by kitkatswing, 26 February 2013 - 09:30 AM.

#15 Propaganda

Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:41 PM

If he's socially inept then he probably just doesn't understand how rude this could come across. You cannot say that someone is socially awkward and then complain that they behave in a socially awkward way. Should you have expected any differently?  unsure.gif

I'm finding this thread a little uncomfortable. You call him a friend, but you're not talking about him as if he is one and seem to be asking us to join you as you poke fun at him.

Yeah, he was rude in asking, but you know he's socially awkward, so it shouldn't come as a shock. If he was harassing you about it, badgering you into letting him, then I would understand why you'd be irritated, but as it stands, I don't understand the need for the thread, since you've already responded anyway, you already know he's socially awkward and it seems like this is about poking fun at him, more than anything else.

I think just handling it as you did was fine, and there's no need to overthink it.

#16 jessie123

Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

Mean thread.

Your overreacting. He asked you politely decline and move on.

#17 opethmum

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:02 PM

Just write a nicely worded email to this effect

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your hearty congratulations it is really nice to be expecting a little one! We have not decided as of yet whether we will have god parents to our child yet, we don't know if our bub will be Christened yet. We of course will let you know if we feel that is a ceremony important to us and what we want for our child.
Thank you so much for your email and thanks for your dedication to our friendship and we value your presence in our life.

Kind Regards

Just be nice and firm and be congenial, no need for a passive aggressive stance.

#18 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:11 PM

I would never be passive aggresive to him,...

I was shocked by the nerve of him asking, but very politly declined his offer.

Might be time to back away from him even more and this thread.... I dont want him to get more ideas, I thought being friendly to him was fine, but if he is starting to see us at more then what it is. Might be time to back completely away...

#19 Domestic Goddess

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:36 PM

Yeah I agree with PP's. You know he's socially "awkward" so does it really shock you that much that he made this request?
It would not surprise me at all if I already knew he was a bit "awkward" or "inept".

I would've said that we really appreciate the offer, but have already got the God family sorted a long time ago, in case it was needed.
It is your choice to back away from him, but please be tactful and subtle. He might have ASD, Aspergers or another mental disability.
Who knows how he would feel and react if you suddenly completely cut him out sad.gif

#20 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:39 PM

Thats a good point,... It probably wont affect anything anyway, we really only do see him at dance class, and then maybe 4-5 times during the year at social events...

Yeah it did shock me though, I really never thought he would ask such a thing!!! I guess I learnt something new..

#21 againagain

Posted 26 February 2013 - 02:57 PM

I don't really understand why he is 'rude' or 'has the nerve' to ask. He obviously feels he has something to offer a child of yours and he has extended the offer quite nicely actually.

#22 GoneWithTheWhinge

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:10 PM

I think making an offer like that is actually quite generous -after all godparents are supposed to be involved in a child's life forever and provide support the child may need as they grow up. For someone to come forward and offer themselves to take on such a commitment is actually pretty brave.

His email seemed nice to me, friendly and warm. Not creepy or rude.

#23 kitkatswing

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:13 PM

I guess you really have to know the person to understand why it comes off creepy and rude. Its really hard to convey online....

#24 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:20 PM

His email sounds a bit presumptuous to me and he sounds more like an acquaintance than an actual friend.

I don't think it's sweet or rude I just find it odd. That being said there could be any number of reasons why he felt it okay to ask.

#25 epl0822

Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:25 PM

Does anyone else feel sorry for this guy?

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