How close is too close together?
, Feb 25 2013 04:34 PM
22 replies to this topic
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:34 PM
So I've just had my first child, 3 weeks ago, and yes, I am buggered and exhausted. But I'm also an old mum (about to turn 40), and the experience of having my daughter (after being quite sure for most of my life that I wouldn't have kids) has made me realise how much I DON'T want her to be an only child.
Is it crazy for us to be considering another one straight away? It took me a year to fall pregnant, and I think it will be harder this time.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:38 PM
Not at all. I would get the all clear from your dr and start when I was ready. At your age (which is only a year older than me by the way) I would seek help after ttc for 6 months. Don't try for a year.
Edited by frizzle, 25 February 2013 - 04:38 PM.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:42 PM
bit worried that it might kill me - people seem to freak out at an 18 month gap, let alone something closer. Have you done it?
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:42 PM
12month gap here, whilst not planned and it was a complete shock, it works. I didn't know any different and every baby stage just seemed like a long long stage. Its a scary thought but you cope, you have no other choice. I now have a 4yr gap between 1 &3 and honestly I still prefer the closer age gap.
Its hard work and you are tired but it is worth it
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:44 PM
how do you handle the feeding? are 2 arms enough? Do they sleep in tandem?
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:46 PM
I bumped into the woman I shared a room with after the birth of DS1 3 weeks after his first birthday, she was on her way home from hospital after having her second (so her children were 1 year 2 weeks apart), it was what worked for her and her family. If you want another and don't want to wait then go for it (obviously after getting the all clear from your Dr)
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:51 PM
how do you handle the feeding? are 2 arms enough? Do they sleep in tandem?
Sometimes two arms aren't enough lol, but you get very good at juggling.
Sleep wise dd1 was a very good sleeper so she used to still have two day sleeps when dd2 was born. I had them on a very strict routine, I needed it more for me then them. Some nights you felt like you never got to bed, but I think its like that with bigger gaps as well (still feel like that often with the three especially when sickness comes visiting lol).
Feeding wise, you do feel like you are constantly dishing out food, my supply didn't last with dd2 (we moved 2 days after she was born so lots of stress) so she was bottle fed, so I never really had to factor tandem feeds ect, but I have heard others do it fine.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 04:53 PM
I am an older mum too - had my first at 39 and second at 40 - 11 1/2 months between the two. It certainly wasn't planned that way but just happened, and I am so glad it did. Everyone told me it would be hard (especially my charming MIL who told me it was terrible that I was pregnant again and that I would not cope and would end up in a mental institution! - suffice to say our relationship has been extremely frosty ever since!). My kids are best friends and are playing together outside as we speak. I would have had a third with the same age difference, but it didn't happen for us unfortunately.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 05:02 PM
I think we'd have to keep trying for another one so soon a secret from PIL. They'd descend on us with criticism and worries.
It's the growing up together thing as friends I'd like. I love that your kids can do that. 11 months - is that too young to have been jealous when the 2nd child came along?
Posted 25 February 2013 - 05:09 PM
My DS does not remember life without his sister, and yes - he was far too young to become jealous of her when she was born.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 05:18 PM
11 months - is that too young to have been jealous when the 2nd child came along?
I reckon. We have a 20 month age gap between DS and DD, and I didn't see any signs of jealousy. A few regressions to babyhood (e.g. wanting to be carried, spoon fed), but that was it.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 06:43 PM
We started trying to conceive our second when DS was 6 months old. Unfortunately it took longer than planned. DS was easy baby (apart from his sleep) and so far an easy toddler, so we wanted another one sooner as thought if the next one is more difficult it would be easier to cope.
We will end up having a 21 month gap.
I have friends with closer age gaps (13 months and 18 months) and they cope fine.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 06:48 PM
15 month age gap with our first 2. I actually found it incredibly easy, baby number 2 fell into baby number 1's rountine easily and it was very cruisy for me. However when DD2 arrived 22 months later maybe that was a bit of a stretch.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 06:54 PM
An ex-neighbour of ours had Number One, who was 6 weeks prem and was pregnant with Number Two before One came home. But thet's not all.....Number Two turned out to be Numbers Two and Three. Three babies under 12 months. It was a nightmare for the first two or three years but now that they are teenagers the early years seem like a walk in the park.
If I were you I would just go for it as soon as your doctor gives you the OK.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 06:57 PM
I had my first child at 41 and my second at 42. They are 14 months apart. DD was not planned (after extensive IVF to make DS) and I was less than happy about finding out I was pregnant when he was still a baby. Now, it really doesn't matter.
The first year had some truly awful moments but some great moments also. They are now fabulous together and I am so glad that the age gap is not huge. They are polar opposites and can fight like cats and dogs but can be equally as loving too, no different to siblings with a larger gap. I love how they are into the same things at the same time and can truly share a childhood. As I am so old, I also love that they will have each other when they no longer have us!
If it feels right, go for it!
Posted 25 February 2013 - 08:02 PM
I went to school with three girls, one older sister and twins twelve months younger. That would be hard.
I know someone who got pregnant when her first was 6 weeks old. Both babies were prem, so there's only about a 9 month gap. It's been hard for her, basically having two babies just at different stages. Now that the younger one is moving into toddlerhood it's getting easier.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:34 PM
12month age gap between youngest two here totally unplanned but wouldn't change it for the world! Never had any jealousy issues as DS was way too young, insanely busy but worth it. In your situation I don't see why not, if you are ready go for it as soon as you get the all clear.
Oh FWIW the pregnancy was actually one of the hardest parts for me though it was very difficult having back/pelvis problems and lugging around a heavy son who couldn't walk yet
Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:42 PM
I have heard of a 7 month gap ( second child was premature). That is too close.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:48 PM
If time isn't on your side, then I say go for it. All age gaps have pros and cons. I have a 3 year old and 4 month old twins. All my faily live overseas. You just cope because you have too! I'm loving this stage of life.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:49 PM
Given your age and the fact that you know you want another baby, I think you should just go for it.
Forget about what other people say to discourage you. There are advantages and disadvantages either way.
Just do whatever you can to set up some support. For instance, you might decide to put your older child in daycare for two days a week when the new baby comes along. Although I had a bigger age gap, my son's two days of care were a lifesaver in those early days - for both of us! It meant he could do all the painting and cooking and activities that I didn't have the energy to set up for him and it gave me time at home with my newborn (you know, to actually sleep when the baby sleeps!) If your budget allows it, I'd also invest in a cleaner or even consider having an in-home nanny for a few hours a week to help out.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 10:03 PM
If you think it will take a while to fall pregnant, start as soon as you can.
Mine have a 13 month gap (DS was an accident). It was ridiculously hard work for the first 12-18 months of his life, but it's been a dream since then - they entertain each other, have a constant companion, play together, I get to spend all day on EB
But no seriously, I think after that baby stage, 2 is as easy as 1 (lots of variables at play of course, it depends what they are like and whether they get along). And if you know you want more than one and it may take a while, I would absolutely start straight away because it probably won't be that close a gap anyway. And if it is - it will be hard for a little while - but you'll get through it and then it will be EXCELLENT.
Posted 25 February 2013 - 10:12 PM
I have a 13 month gap between 2 of mine, didn't plan to be pg when dd was 4 months old but that's how it worked out. There were some crazy days that's for sure but overall great and really good now they are 3 and 4!
Posted 25 February 2013 - 10:22 PM
I have a 14 month gap. The early days of #2 are very very hazy and I was in survival mode. Its gotten a bit easier in some ways now. The best bit is they play together and keep each other entertained which is handy.
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