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Another wedding question


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25 replies to this topic

#1 Nofliesonme

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:34 PM

So as previously stated we are running off and having a small wedding etc, many friends and family aren't coming and many will not be able to make it to the gathering we have a few weeks later..

I don't want gifts etc but know many people will still want to wish us well etc.

If I include a blank card and a message that reads.


Because you couldn't be with us on our special day,
We thought you might like to wish us well, anyway.
Enclosed is a blank card just for you, to write
your well wishes for us two.
Write what you wish, write what you may,
to be stuck in a book forever and a day.

If this is something you'd like to do
Please post card back to the following address:



Is that too forward. I figure it implies we only want the card back and it would be a lovely keepsake for us if they did return it.

#2 PurpleNess

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:37 PM

I've never heard of this before but if your friends & family have RSVP's that they can't attend etc then I don't see the harm...although most caring individuals I'd think may send a card regardless.

#3 Fossy

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

Id just let them pick their own card, I love reading all the cards and finding one that suits the couple. Much more personal I think.

#4 epl0822

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

You'll probably receive cards from your friends and family anyway. If somebody asks you what you want for your wedding you could say you'd love to receive a nice card to make a booklet, or you could get a close friend to organise it for you. But it seems unnecessary to send people notes essentially asking them to "please write us a card."

#5 eigne

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:46 PM

I would prefer a message along the lines if 'we're sorry you couldn't make it to our special day. If you would like to, please enclose a message and post to XXX'



#6 Threelittleducks

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

I'm a little confused by the timeline....

Is it - You invite someone, they RSVP and decline, you then send them a card asking for well wishes?

If this is the case then I think it is a little odd.

Normally when we are unable to attend a wedding, I send a lovely card wishing them well with a note declining the invitation. Then, if we are close to the couple, a gift follows closer to the time.

I don't like the idea of being pressured or made to feel obliged to send a note with well wishes.

Good luck.

#7 niggles

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:48 PM

I'd avoid the phrase 'wish us well' as it's one that's become synonymous with the option of giving money instead of a gift and I don't think you want to imply that.

#8 emlis22

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:53 PM

I agree that it sounds like you're still asking for money.

#9 zzgirl

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:00 PM

I don't like the idea.  If I received that it would sound to me like you want me to send the card back with money in it.  (which I would normally do if I wasn't attending a wedding anyway with a card).  So I kind of see it as you are being a bit pushy???  If someone wants to send you a card and a message, they will.  Otherwise its kind of like you are pushing the point.

#10 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:02 PM

Never heard of this before.  It's a nice thought, from your perspective.  However, I suspect people who want to send you a card will do so, off their own bat, without any prompting.  Otherwise, you are putting your friends under a bit of pressure to perform as expected, IMO.

If you do go ahead with this, include a self-addressed stamped envelope.  You might as well go the whole way and make sure you get the note returned.

QUOTE (niggles @ 25/02/2013, 01:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd avoid the phrase 'wish us well' as it's one that's become synonymous with the option of giving money instead of a gift and I don't think you want to imply that.

agree

#11 9ferals

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:09 PM

Personally I wouldn't do it that way.
As you aren't having many people at your wedding itself, I'm guessing you are sending out an announcement rather than an invitation.  In which case I think you only need to announce the fact that you are married and then leave it up to people to decide for themselves just how they want to "wish you well".

It seems a bit contrived to ask people to send you something - if they aren't at either celebration and don't choose to send a card or anything else, they they probably aren't close enough to matter if they are included in your memory book.

#12 Nofliesonme

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:12 PM

All good then, yes I have sent out Cards inviting people to a gathering after our wedding..... A few weeks after. Today I received 12 phone calls from people who can not attend as they all live too far away....they said they will return their RSVP in the mail but because they all know my phone number though they'd ring... ( I would assume that's why they rang ) lol. Anyways I was sitting here and just thought oh maybe I could make a book of cards etc.... I'm sure they still want to give us their best wishes for the future....

But obviously it seems as though that idea is on the out. And definitely don't want to imply that we want money... I didnt think it implied that but obviously by thE majority rule it does original.gif

Thanks anyway

ETA I took a previous Ebers advice and sent out announcements advising we are getting married on a particular date at a small private gathering...I also included the invite to the get together on ..... Of April.

Edited by thunda, 25 February 2013 - 02:15 PM.


#13 Littleone84

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

If people want to send you well wishes or a card they will.

I think its rude and also seems like a Wishing Well money grab for those that cant make it.

#14 Ice Queen

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:40 PM

Odd.  I wouldn't like it and would assume it was wanting a cheque put with the card.  

I am a grown mature adult and like to choose my own cards and decide whether I want to write a message.  I don't need someone telling me to do it.  

Sorry I know you mean well but I really really dont like it and would probably throw it in the bin in a huff.

#15 FeralCrazyMum

Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:58 PM

It sounds like a cute idea in theory, but in reality, it's not. Those who want to wish you well will do so.

ETA: maybe the OP got the idea from the old acceptance cards ... I have memories of wedding invitations with their own acceptance cards that you sent back and these were often kept by brides. Bit late for that since you've already sent invites though.

Edited by CrazySingleMum, 25 February 2013 - 03:00 PM.


#16 Lyn29

Posted 25 February 2013 - 03:26 PM

.

Edited by bye, 29 March 2013 - 02:18 PM.


#17 Nofliesonme

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:03 PM

Thanks, I don't have parents to ask so hence I turn to eB. Lol I'm sure they can steer me in a direction that's acceptable. Lol

So will just pop their cards in a box instead...why does everyone assume people want gifts or money just because they got married...some of us genuinely have no interest in that original.gif

Edited by thunda, 25 February 2013 - 07:05 PM.


#18 Hands Up

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE (niggles @ 25/02/2013, 02:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd avoid the phrase 'wish us well' as it's one that's become synonymous with the option of giving money instead of a gift and I don't think you want to imply that.


Agreed.

#19 Guest_GreyMatter_*

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:19 PM

Sounds nice in theory and I can see the idea, but if I got something like that I'd think that the couple were looking for money.

QUOTE (thunda @ 25/02/2013, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks, I don't have parents to ask so hence I turn to eB. Lol I'm sure they can steer me in a direction that's acceptable. Lol

So will just pop their cards in a box instead...why does everyone assume people want gifts or money just because they got married...some of us genuinely have no interest in that original.gif


I don't assume that people want gifts or money and depending on who the couple was I'd probably send something anyway, but it just seems a little "proactive" (for want of a better word).

#20 eachschoolholidays

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:19 PM

I would find it very odd.  I definitely wouldn't recommend it.  Keep the ones you receive, but don't ask people to send them!

#21 Ice Queen

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

QUOTE (thunda @ 25/02/2013, 05:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So will just pop their cards in a box instead...why does everyone assume people want gifts or money just because they got married...some of us genuinely have no interest in that original.gif


I kept all my wedding cards in a box and it is lovely.  I read through them only recently when we moved house and it brought a smile to my face.  I also have boxes for the cards from when both my bubs were born.
biggrin.gif

#22 Nofliesonme

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:29 PM

I too have kept the cards from when all kids were born

#23 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:35 PM

OP I get what you are driving at.  You want people to know you value them, and give them the chance to participate, even though they can't be at the wedding.

I'd get prints of your favourite photo(s) from the wedding (an informal one if you havent got the official "photographer" ones back) and send them to everyone who couldn't be there.  I guarantee you'll get cards/emails/FB comments and you can print them for your album.

#24 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 25 February 2013 - 08:52 PM

QUOTE (meggs1 @ 25/02/2013, 07:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I get what you are driving at.  You want people to know you value them, and give them the chance to participate, even though they can't be at the wedding.

I'd get prints of your favourite photo(s) from the wedding (an informal one if you havent got the official "photographer" ones back) and send them to everyone who couldn't be there.  I guarantee you'll get cards/emails/FB comments and you can print them for your album.

I like this suggestion.   biggrin.gif

#25 zrello

Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:22 PM

I actually like the idea in theory.  When we married, all of dh's family was overseas.  We asked for them to write a message to be shared at the wedding & these were read out by the bridesmaids like the telegrams in the old days.  You could read out the best ones & make a display board of the rest with the guest book.  You could ask people with Something along the lines of, we would like you to still be part of our special day... Perhaps get your mother or bridesmaids to write to those not coming & ask if they wanted to send a message for the day? That may take away the possible cash in a card feeling.




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