Jump to content

Help getting scared ds into kinder class


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 shacols

Posted 25 February 2013 - 08:47 AM

My ds is 5 and started kindergarden fyos this year. He has been going for three weeks now and it is not getting any easier.
He was the same at pre school will cry and hang onto my leg but at pre school they are more forgiving.
HIs teacher is lovely but i can tell she has had enough he says he is scared but when i pick him up he is happy and his teacher says as soon as i am gone he is fine. This morning the principle had to pry him of me. I have tried giving him extra cuddles, reasuring him and well as being tough on him telling him he has to go no matter what, i just don't know what to do anymore. Was thinking maybe a reward chart.
Does anyone have any ideas?

#2 Ohhmum

Posted 25 February 2013 - 08:53 AM

Could someone else take him to school for a few days? Maybe seperating from you before he gets there will help him develop a new habit? Its hard to see them so upset, but the fact that he is ok once you're gone is comforting!

#3 .:Natty:.

Posted 25 February 2013 - 08:58 AM

Breaks your heart doesn't it sad.gif My dd has been exactly the same and the thing that clicked seemed to be news day when she took in her fave doll (so far I have done three drop offs without her chasing me out of the school).
I find my DD is very overwhelmed by all the parents and kids at drop off, then they have to line up in morning assembly which is also daunting for her. I started getting there a bit late to avoid the mass of people, I also made friends with another mum who has a little girl who is also shy, I think this has helped her a bit as she is now friends with the little girl and they both help each other.
I'm also doing my best to volunteer at the school so it can show her that I have an interest in the school as well. (hard to juggle as I have two others to worry about).

I asked her what she didn't like about school, the first week it was the teachers were to bossy, then the bells are mean (which she is right our school has an awful bell), then it was because she didn't like sitting with her legs crossed :/ All of which I just kept reassuring her was all perfectly normal ect. Not much you can do except hope that one day you can drop and run wink.gif (lots of praise in the afternoon that they did so well at drop off to helps)


Edited by .:Natty:., 25 February 2013 - 08:59 AM.


#4 emwill

Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:04 AM

Does your school have a Buddy System where a Yr 6 student is assigned to help look after them?
If not maybe ask can you organise one so your little one has a special big person to help settle him of a morning. It really helps especially in the morning when they are looking for friends to play with or arrive while waiting for the bell.
Or maybe arrive a little early and drop him to the office for the teacher on play ground duty to take him out with them of a morning and be their special little helper.
I'm surprised the school hasn't tried any of this yet seen as he is getting so anxious of a morning.
Best wishes to your DS.

#5 opethmum

Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:09 AM

I would actually ask why he acts up and get to the bottom of it and if he can not provide an explanation for why then  I would clamp down on his behaviour and I would treat it no differently than when he is chucking a tantrum. I would actually employ the kiss and drop approach and do it hard and fast, the less time and opportunity he has to start up the behaviour the better. You do not honestly need to hang around the school unless you need to communicate to the teacher or have an appointment with the principal.
Good luck and I hope his behaviour improves.

#6 Lishyfips

Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:20 AM

A psychologist once suggested to me that, when my daughter was feeling anxious about something, I describe it as a 'big feeling' and get her to show me (with her hands) how big the feeling is. Have a conversation about the issue the night before that goes something like this...

'I can see you've got a big feeling when it's time for me to say goodbye at school. Is it this big? (small gap between hands) Or this big? (bigger gap) You show me with your hands.'

So you're getting your child to recognise the 'big feeling' (rather than you labelling it or expecting a small child to name the emotions they're experiencing) and you're getting them to quantify it. Then you can ask if, once school has started, the big feeling gets smaller. Eg. 'When the class is sitting on the floor listening to the teacher, is the feeling smaller? Show me how big is is then.' And, 'when it's time for your snack, has the feeling gone away?'

I had this same conversation with my grade 2 daughter this morning when she got stage fright. It's happened on and off since she started school. It's such a difficult situation because no one wants to leave their kid feeling distraught. A few things I've learned: it's better if I don't go into the classroom or she gets even more upset; if I need to calm her down I take her away from other kids/parents as much as possible - nothing worse than people looking or asking her what's wrong, just makes her more anxious.

I just try every time to get her to recognise that she's having a 'big feeling' and it will get smaller. It seems to work - maybe she'd just rather go into class than listen to me bang on about 'big feelings' again! From the little I know about cognitive behaviour therapy, this 'big feeling' recognition is no different from making anxious adults aware of how their bodies and minds respond to certain situations, and teaching them to calm themselves down rather than letting the feeling escalate.

By the way, my other daughter just started school this year and, since day one, she gives me a hug and a kiss at the gate before running off to class by herself. It's nothing I'm doing differently with either kid, so don't feel as if you've done something wrong with your son.

#7 Lishyfips

Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:23 AM

PS Sorry for the huge post and now this, but, if you wanted to try a reward system I always find 20c for half a tube icypole at the canteen works wonders with my kids!

#8 FeralZombieMum

Posted 25 February 2013 - 09:40 AM

Have a strict morning routine at home - do a visual chart/checklist for him and put one on his bedroom wall, one on the fridge and one on the back of the door that you exit by - so he can predict what he needs to do in the mornings.

Try to leave home at the same time as well, and keep to the same routine when you arrive at school - he might need a visual checklist when he arrives at school - eg unpack fruit snack, unpack library bag etc. A good teacher should have this up on the wall - if his teacher doesn't, then I would ask that they do a poster/chart (or write on the board) - it's amazing how many kids benefit from this! Some of my kid's teachers will have a message written on the white board in the morning - the kids know to check it each morning when they enter the classroom - it's part of their routine and also helps them know/predict what is happening with their morning.

It is also a good idea to have a weekly timetable with his home checklist so he can predict what will happen at school.
eg
Monday SPORT, LIBRARY
Tuesday ART
Wednesday SPORT, MUSIC
etc.

Then add after school activities to it.

If he can visualise and know what is happening, it can help reduce anxiety.

I would check to see if he is feeling overwhelmed by the noise in the classroom - it can be quite loud first thing, especially when there are parents chatting away as well.

I have a child that has sensory issues, and she will avoid the start of school so she doesn't have to be overwhelmed by the noise, and by all the kids arriving at lockers.

I would check to see where your DS is sitting - our school tends to move kids around on a weekly basis! This doesn't work for some kids - it adds to their anxiety. You could ask if your DS could remain in the same spot for the rest of the term, and see if he improves then.
Also check out where his bag goes, and if they use tubs/lockers to store items, see where this is. My DD has had her locker (high school) at the very end, and it's away from the door to the class - so it's in the quietest area possible. She also had the top locker, and the bottom normally remained spare, so she didn't have to wait for someone else to move out of her way. This has made a huge difference.
My DS (gr 1) was having issues in the morning last year, and he finally spoke up about it - the 2 other boys he shared the space with would just push in when he was unpacking his bag. I told him he needed to speak up - but I don't think he did, just talking to me about it, and working out how to handle it, was enough for him.

Lastly, use a form of bribery motivation. My DS earns 10 cents each morning he doesn't cling to me - at the end of the week he has 50 cents to spend on an icy pole at the canteen. Best 50 cents I've ever spent!




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

Win Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD

To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.