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Would you not send your child to a party that clashed with your church service?
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#1 Canberra Chick

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:19 PM

This is not something that even occurred to me as an issue! DS's birthday is next Sunday. He's having a party at home with a few friends, from 11-1. His best friend is unsure if he can come, because his family go to church on Sunday morning.
I would have thought as a one off you could leave your child at the party, go to church with the rest of the family and collect him afterwards. Or would this be completely beyond the pale?

I don't remember any problems from my childhood, but then there were fewer parties then. So to church goers, would you not let your child attend the party?

Edited by Canberra chick, 25 February 2013 - 02:55 PM.

#2 Mitis angelam

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:23 PM

I don't know about "not let," exactly.  But if the party starts at 11, and church starts at 10 (for example), it would be awkward to drop a child very early.  Most churchgoers would be well and truly in the service by 11.

On the other hand, as a one off, no, I probably wouldn't have a problem.  But if it became a regular pattern of clashing commitments, I might well start saying that in our family church is a priority and isn't always going to come last.

#3 Lees75

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:25 PM

Growing up, I would never have been allowed to go to a party Sunday morning.  

With my kids, I am a lot more easy-going and would let them go. It has only happened once, and was quite logistically painful, to be honest! I had to be at church at 9am for set up, then raced off to drop him to a party at 10am, back to church (missed the first bit as it started at 10am), in time to take the children's talk, which they had to postpone because I wasn't back yet- lol! If it hadn't have been for DS's friend's mum offering to take him home with her, I would have had to leave church to pick DS up and then head back to church to help finish the pack up.

#4 Canberra Chick

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:26 PM

Oh if it was all the time, fair enough. But this is apparently DS's best friend and I'd be happy for him to come round early as he is no trouble and it would reduce DS's hyperness pre party!

#5 SemiRuralGirl

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:28 PM

For us it would depend on the location of the church / location of the party. Most church services start at 10, so it wouldn't just be a matter of dropping child off at 11 then returning - you'd probably have to skip church. Especially if the party was far away from the church.
If it was a best friend and there wasn't anything "special" happening at church that day, I would probably skip church the once to take the child while DH took rest of family to church. I wouldn't if it wasn't a really close friend or if there was something happening at church that I really didn't want to miss (baptism, kids concert etc).

ETA - I just read your response and in that situation I would drop the child off before church and pick up after (if all was fine with hosting parents!)

Edited by luvmy2bubs, 24 February 2013 - 06:32 PM.

#6 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:29 PM

I can't remember a clash like this from childhood but I can say for certain that I would not have in a million years been allowed to skip church for anything. Well, maybe an emergency hospital admission but not much else. Way OTT on my parent's part but different strokes for different folks.

#7 SeaPrincess

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:30 PM

If church was that important, I'd make arrangements to go to a different service.

#8 JaneDoe2010

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:32 PM

QUOTE (Canberra chick @ 24/02/2013, 07:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd be happy for him to come round early as he is no trouble and it would reduce DS's hyperness pre party!

I think it would be good to offer that, as logistically it could be difficult. Some hard core Christian parents might not let their kids go and miss church, you'll have to just see I guess.

#9 luke's mummu

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:33 PM

I would let my child go to the party, presuming it's a one-off or annual event! My son doesn't get invited to heaps of parties, so I am happy for him to go whenever he is. Church/Sunday school is on every week for us.

But then again, I try not to schedule my kid's birthday parties for Sunday mornings. I understand if you have several kids, and they get invited to heaps of parties, you may feel different to me.

#10 Wiggle-fan's_Mum

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:36 PM

In Year 1 - so turning 7, one of DD's friends invited a church-goer to a 12 - 2 Sunday party and her Mum had a voice message left by the father which was quite terse and said "We do not go to birthday parties on Sunday. Sunday is the day of the Lord a day to go to church and spend with family"

#11 Foogle

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:36 PM

I would have thought as a one off you could leave your child at the party, go to church with the rest of the family and collect him afterwards. Or would this be completely beyond the pale?

Not beyond the pale but if it were my DS's best friend then I think I would have been aware of their Sunday morning commitment and scheduled the start of the party to be a little later.

#12 SemiRuralGirl

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:38 PM

QUOTE (SeaPrincess @ 24/02/2013, 07:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If church was that important, I'd make arrangements to go to a different service.

This wouldn't be possible for us! No other services! biggrin.gif

Another thing for our family, is that I want my kids to want to go to church and enjoy it. If they were missing their best friend's party for church, that would be quite negative. If it was happening all the time, different story, but for once off's I think flexibility is good.

I would also just mention to the parents that you're happy to watch him, however I guess it would depend on how important it is to them for their son to be at church that day.

#13 **Tiger*Filly**

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:39 PM


Edited by Tyrone Finkelmeyer, 26 March 2013 - 07:57 PM.

#14 Always amazed!

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:39 PM

I wouldnt have a problem with a sunday party but that's because i go to church on a Saturday  wink.gif

But i wouldnt have a problem with it.. I would work it out so thy could go .. especially if it was my kids best friend:)

#15 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:46 PM

On of DD's friends family are very religious and they would never allow their daughter to miss church for a party. But these people are very fanatical about religion.. we were over at their place one day and out of the blue the mother got the 7 year old to 'lay hands and start praying' for someone who was visiting! That person is not religious at all so to say it was awkward was an understatement!

DD wants to have a sleep over for her birthday but we know her freind won't be allowed to come because they often do church stuff on Saturday night too. Their whole life is about church.

Growing up we went to church every Sunday afternoon without fail. We didn't go to things because we had church. I think now my parents were a bit OTT about it. Not as bad as DD's Friends family though.

If church was that important, I'd make arrangements to go to a different service.

Going to another service is not always an option. Some smaller churches only have one service or maybe only one that is for families.

Edited by Princess.cranky.pants, 24 February 2013 - 07:05 PM.

#16 baddmammajamma

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:48 PM

QUOTE (myfamilyrocks @ 24/02/2013, 07:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Many people go to church then have a strictly family day on a Sunday. No other visitors, no visiting others.

We have a lot of church going friends, but I can't think of a single person in our very large circle of diverse friends who would issue a blanket "No outside social activities on Sunday. Ever!" But, of course, I can appreciate that there might be people who do exactly as you've mentioned above.

OP, can your son's best friend come to the party late? Or could you extend it a little on the back end (just for him) so he could have some extra play time with your son?

Among my kids' friends, Sunday parties tend to start around noon or so, to allow those who attend morning services to get home.

I think it's worth the effort to reach out to the parents and offer to have him for the entire morning as well -- hopefully, they will see that as a gracious gesture, not one that is trying to get in the way of their churchgoing habits.

Hope your son has a lovely party!

#17 liveworkplay

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:48 PM

QUOTE (SeaPrincess @ 24/02/2013, 07:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If church was that important, I'd make arrangements to go to a different service.

Me too. Or miss it for that week. But my belief is that you do not need to be in a church to worship your version of "God" so attending church on a regular basis is not the be all and end all for me.

A similar thing happened at DD's former dance school (2 years running!) with a family who were Seventh Day Adventists and would not allow their children to participate in the end of year concert (non compulsory) because of church. However, our former dance school then required every other student to give up their Sunday morning (Oh yes, the irony!) to do a mock dance piece just for those parents, we were not permitted to stay!!

Edited by liveworkplay, 24 February 2013 - 06:54 PM.

#18 Expelliarmus

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:54 PM

Do you know what religion?

My children don't attend parties on Sunday and not because of the time of the service (no you couldn't choose another time either) it wouldn't matter what time, they would be unable to attend.

#19 LovingTheBeach

Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:56 PM

My DS is only a baby but as he grows up I would be ok with missing church (ours is at 10am) every now and then for a birthday party, but if there were a few parties close together that coincided with our church time, then I would explain to the parents of the birthday child our commitment to church and that DS would be unable to make it.

#20 leisamd

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:14 PM

For a best friend and once off we'd probably skip church. However it would take some thought. For example, our church starts at 9.30 & we often don't leave til nearly 1 pm. It's an important commitment to us. There are no other services to attend. We also only have one car so it would mean the whole family is likely to skip. Once off is fine, but church really is a big priority, it's not so simple.

#21 MarigoldMadge

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:25 PM

I think it really depends on the denomination and the commitment to their parish/congregation... growing up Catholic, my mum knew the timetable of every parish in driving distance.... we could do a Saturday night service, early Sunday, right through to the last Sunday night one, at 7pm. We would just chop and change services, depending on our plans.

Whereas, I have one branch of my extended family that have members who are Mormon, Assembly of God and Presbyterian, and they all have one service to attend - and that service is not the 45 minute Catholic mass, there's Sunday school, bible study groups, elder gatherings... often becoming almost an all day event.  

We would have no problem attending a birthday party like yours, because church was something we fitted into our weekend, whereas for others, Church is set in stone, and everything else is fitted in around that.

#22 Emby

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:31 PM

We've never made the kids miss a party for church (and our school friends have Sunday parties all the time), but sometimes the logistics can get pretty hairy. The problem is, being pretty involved, we often have duties. I can't really skip if I'm supposed to be playing the piano or leading Sunday School! We've been known to send one parent off to church on a bike while the other one drives round to do the party dopoff, and then swap transport half way through wink.gif

You should definitely tell the BF's parents you're happy to have him round early, it may make their life a lot easier.

#23 Rolex

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:34 PM

QUOTE (Canberra chick @ 24/02/2013, 06:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would have thought as a one off you could leave your child at the party, go to church with the rest of the family and collect him afterwards. Or would this be completely beyond the pale?

This is exactly what one of my 10yo son's friend's did for his party last Sunday.  In fact, when his mum rang to RSVP, she said that her son will be happy that he gets to miss church for a week wink.gif

Having said that, with my kid's best mates, I have always checked the date with their mum before I finalise and send invites out.  Would be sad not to have their bestie there!

#24 *mylittleprince*

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:44 PM

There are so many different options and solutions.

Our church has an 8am, 10am and 6pm service. Regular church attendance is important for us and our children. We could however choose between the first two services but the 6pm would not suit us as we have two 4 month olds that would need to sleep before the service ends.

I would allow DS (3 years) to skip church as a once off if needed.

With regards to people 'having a whole Sunday off' I only know one friend who makes Sunday a church and family day, so no other activities. All/most of our friends are regular church goers and all have busy weekends.

I would definately mention to the parents that you are willing to look after the child before/after to fit in with their church service. They might think that you would be too busy so don't want to ask. Also, many people serve in some capacity so either them/husband/partner wouldn't be able to get off.

#25 tibs

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

We had my DS's last party on a Sunday morning - because many of his friends had soccer on Saturday morning and all the younger kids including 2 of mine would be feral by the time an afternoon party would have rolled around.  We had 2 kids who couldn't come because of church.  There's always something on sometime for somebody  shrug.gif

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