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would you go?
late notice birthday bbq


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#1 Bob-the-skull

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

It's DP's mothers birthday today, about 2pm DP msg'ed me saying that she will be having a bbq today but he doesn't know what time and will get back to me.

I msg'ed him back saying that if it is going to be late then we won't be able to come over as its a school night and everyone here is pretty tired. I think DP is a bit disappointed but understands where I am coming from.

I rang him to explain to him that we are all really tired and a bit more in to it, any meal at his place is always served at least 2 hours later than planned, so being invited for dinner at 6 or even 7 which i could potentially get away with won't be served usually til 8.30-9pm! Then time for eating etc means no one here is getting home til at least 10.

Would you go to a bbq in these circumstances? I am sticking with my decision but part of me feels crappy because it is her birthday and no doubt she will whinge at DP for us not coming over.

*note: us not coming over is just the boys and I, DP lives with his mother and of course will be there for dinner with her.

#2 Expelliarmus

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:15 PM

I go, with sandwiches and if dinner isn't served by 6pm explain you'll need to leave due to school night. Hand out sandwiches on the way home.

#3 Nasty Fr0g

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:20 PM

I'd go.

(Any excuse to eat a meal you haven't prepared yourself is worth any hassle! original.gif )

#4 lamarque

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:22 PM

I'd go with kids that age, probably not if they were toddlers.   original.gif

#5 Yomumma

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:23 PM

I would go but say you will have to leave early as it is a school night and as the other posters said bring something to eat in case it takes ages! I have a friend like this too..It can be frustrating when you have kids.

#6 beaglebaby

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:24 PM

Any chance you can pop over now and pick up a cake on the way for afternoon tea and happy birthday?

#7 Blueberrymummy

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:24 PM

Maybe you could go to wish her a happy birthday but just tell them that you can't stay for dinner and leave a bit earlier so your kids can go to sleep at a reasonable time.

#8 cinnabubble

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:25 PM

I wouldn't. Too much hassle for too little reward.

#9 Julie3Girls

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:28 PM

How far away are they?  Is there time to drop over in the afternoon, have afternoon tea. If dinner looks like being really late, simply make your apologies, and grab some take out on the way home.

#10 Bob-the-skull

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:36 PM

we actually live very close, so travelling isn't really a problem (other than i would have to leave my nice aircon'ed house and drive in the hot car Tounge1.gif ).

However leaving before the time she would accept us leaving is unlikely to happen... she is fondly known as the time vortex as you drop in for 5 min to drop something off and you leave 3 hours later!

I actually do like her, that isn't a problem just in case anyone thinks its a personal thing against her. I just know how late we would get home, the last time we left DS1 was in a meltdown as she likes to be inside his personal space and he can't cope with that when he is tired.

#11 lotsa

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:36 PM

Eat before you go and have a set time to leave. The kids can still have some nibbles and say happy birthday and everyone is happy.

It is not really about eating imo, it is about being respectful and turning up to your DP's family event, even if they do things a tad late it is important to show up.

#12 swimmingalong

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:40 PM

I wouldn't be going...they've known it's going to be her birthday for a whole year and couldn't organised something sooner.. let them know that little kids who need to be in bed at a decent time on a school night restricts you to lunchtime celebrations only.


#13 Juki

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:46 PM

I would go, and if dinner isn't on the table by 6:30, leave. Your kiddos are more important than people who can't plan a meal when kids are around.

#14 Madeline's Mum

Posted 24 February 2013 - 02:55 PM

I detest going out on Sunday nights. It's my time to get prepared for the week ahead and really just enjoy being at home and getting an early night.

Given the short notice I would pop over for afternoon tea with a cake or some pastry and leave around 5:30-6 picking up dinner on the way home.

#15 HRH Countrymel

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

Probably not.

If she is miffed then she needs to be miffed at her adult son, who is dating a woman with two young children and can't get organised enough to tell her of an event held at his own home, the date of which he would of been aware of his whole life, in advance.

Don't feel guilty.  This isn't on you.

#16 Bob-the-skull

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:04 PM

QUOTE (countrymel @ 24/02/2013, 03:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Probably not.

If she is miffed then she needs to be miffed at her adult son, who is dating a woman with two young children and can't get organised enough to tell her of an event held at his own home, the date of which he would of been aware of his whole life, in advance.

Don't feel guilty.  This isn't on you.


he isn't organising it... he had no knowledge of this before today although he suspected it would be announced at some point today. she is organising it... at some point...

this is the way that she is i have found, i was trying to go with it but the stress on the boys and I who already live very busy lives was getting to me... i am hoping that if i start refusing to go then she might realise this needs to change... the last two events i said very clearly before we went over that dinner needed to be on time and neither time was food served before 9pm.

#17 Kay1

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:05 PM

Countrymel nailed it. original.gif

#18 DEVOCEAN

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:08 PM

Sounds to me like they were all sitting around having a few drinks and decided "Oh it's your birthday, lets have a BBQ for dinner."

I wouldn't go. The kids need to be fresh for school tomorrow..

#19 Kay1

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:13 PM

Oh ok, read your last post. Yeah, I'd say thanks very much but its not going to work for you. I have rellies who invit us over for 'lunch' at 12.30 and its served at about 3pm. We now feed the kids before we go.



#20 tibs

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:13 PM

I probably wouldn't go but spontaneity isn't my strong point wink.gif

#21 Aribika

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:26 PM

Given your last reply I would probably give it a miss.  If I thought I could just go for a short time and still have the chn home at their normal bed time then I would but if you know that just isn't going to happen then save yourself the stress.

Lorraine

#22 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

QUOTE (-*meh*- @ 24/02/2013, 04:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
he isn't organising it... he had no knowledge of this before today although he suspected it would be announced at some point today. she is organising it... at some point...

this is the way that she is i have found, i was trying to go with it but the stress on the boys and I who already live very busy lives was getting to me... i am hoping that if i start refusing to go then she might realise this needs to change... the last two events i said very clearly before we went over that dinner needed to be on time and neither time was food served before 9pm.


My Inlaws are like that, everything is a last minute rush or idea and dinner is served "whenever".

QUOTE (tibs @ 24/02/2013, 04:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I probably wouldn't go but spontaneity isn't my strong point ;)


Same. I wouldn't go. It wouldn't bother me if it werea late night, but I'd need time to mentally prepare for it. Lol I'm really useless without notice.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:36 PM

No I woudn't, not if it is going to cause that much hassle with my own kids..

#24 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 24 February 2013 - 11:09 PM

QUOTE (-*meh*- @ 24/02/2013, 02:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would you go to a bbq in these circumstances? I am sticking with my decision but part of me feels crappy because it is her birthday and no doubt she will whinge at DP for us not coming over.

Nope, I wouldn't go, for all the reasons you have outlined.  Just apologise and say that Sunday nights are not the best time when you have kids and school the next day.  

As a few people have said, she's had a whole year to do something, so giving someone a couple of hours notice on a Sunday afternoon - well, tough luck if people can't make it.

QUOTE (swimmingalong @ 24/02/2013, 02:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't be going...they've known it's going to be her birthday for a whole year and couldn't organised something sooner

exactly.

Apologise profusely and let her know that if you were kid-free, you'd be happy to come at the drop of a hat.  But the kids come first and an early Sunday night for them helps with the rest of the week.


#25 ~ky~

Posted 25 February 2013 - 12:43 AM

I'd go, but my big kids are older than yours and my little one will keep going until she drops anyway.

For a birthday, no matter how late the notice, I would make the effort as it is the only day of the year that is allocated especially to celebrating them. It may be that it is completely spontaneous, but, i could also be that she is feeling a bit sorry for herself that no one else took the initiative and did something so is throwing herself a party so she feels a little valued.

My DH has only remembered my birthday once in the 13 years we have been married. I have felt rotten every year when it just passes without any form of celebration, only apologies. I often don't even get any phone calls from anyone. So, feeling like an ASW, I post that it's my birthday on Facebook just so that I feel like someone cares. Stupid to feel this way at 43 but that's just the way it is.




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