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Help me get my head together...


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#1 4ngiebella

Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:47 AM

Hi everyone,

I've been posting in here a little bit lately and have just come across such supportive and wonderful people that this is where I wanted to turn first to get my head around the latest piece of news that has rocked the boat somewhat.

As you know, the real estate called this week to say the house is going on the market, I had to go to a friend's funeral on Friday and every day life happening...

The latest is that I am pregnant. We had one accident this month and I took the morning after pill right away. Apparently it wasn't enough so I'm about 6 weeks pregnant. I knew something was up because even though I have irregular periods at best, I was getting very sick like I did when I had morning sickness.

So this will be my 4th child. And our 5th counting my step son. We only have him half the time so I guess the real question is, how did everyone cope with 5 kids!

To be honest I never really wanted a large family. And my youngest is 6 months old. The others are 5 and 7. Eek!!!

#2 deedee70

Posted 25 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

Just saw this, off to pick up kids from school but big hugs and you'll be surprised how easily you will cope!! Trust me!  biggrin.gif
Congratulations!!  biggrin.gif

#3 Nofliesonme

Posted 25 February 2013 - 07:09 PM

You will cope, you always cope no matter what.... I'm sure in a few months your perspective will change. Good luck OP

#4 nessrose

Posted 26 February 2013 - 08:03 PM

Hi there,

We didn't set out to have a big family.We have 5 kids who are aged 7, 5 year old twins, 3 and 10 months.

Like you, our #4 was the result of a little accident, then a failed morning after pill attempt! She turned out to be such a blessing that we decided on a #5!

It's amazing how organised you become with lots of kids. You will surprise yourself. Congratulations and just enjoy the pregnancy. It's funny what life throws at us sometimes.

#5 librablonde

Posted 26 February 2013 - 09:14 PM

I had a similar expansion of my family at a fast rate: 4 years ago I was single and a foster carer to 2 kids, I then met my DP who had 2 young DS's, then 2 more siblings to my foster kids were born and placed in foster care with me, then I moved in with my DP and her kids 8 months ago. So I went from 3 people in my family to 8 people in the space of 4 years. Sometimes I still reel from the shock of it all, but most of the time it's great. You really do learn to adjust very quickly and change your priorities. For example: my 2 eldest foster kids used to have a bath, story and special wind-down time with me every single night. Now they bathe 2-3 times a week and getting a bedtime story less often. My house used to be very clean and orderly, now it's cluttered and tidy but not always clean. I used to have much more time for social events and "me" time, now I have very little of that time.

However, I wouldn't change it for anything. Our family is large, loud and we love each other. More kids means more squabbles to sort out but more kids to play with. I now drive a 8-seater van instead of my groovy little vintage car but I can fit so much stuff in that van when I need to when I get some great time to do "fun shopping". I couldn't fit awesome op-shop furniture finds in my old car.  Now my kids crave one-on-one time with me and our time together is extremely valued by them. They rarely ruin that time with naughty behaviour and we have brilliant memories of that time. When I do a head-count of all the kids trailing along with me when we're walking along the street I feel totally satisfied and happy that everyone is where they should be and that this is our life. It's not easy, rarely cruisey, but always interesting.

OP, I think you can cope with 5 kids if you set your mind to it and just choose to let yourself and your priorities change. The problems start when parents think their life isn't going to change that much and resent having a large family when it does. You will probably have a less tidy house, you may have to stretch your dollars further, you might not drive a cool car. But so what?? I think a large family is what you make it: either something fun and loving or something fraught and stressful. You can do it, OP. Set yourself up some excellent routines now, set some goals for the next 7.5 months before the baby arrives and make sure you have supportive family and friends around you if possible. It's very do-able.

#6 4ngiebella

Posted 27 February 2013 - 09:36 AM

QUOTE (librablonde @ 26/02/2013, 09:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I had a similar expansion of my family at a fast rate: 4 years ago I was single and a foster carer to 2 kids, I then met my DP who had 2 young DS's, then 2 more siblings to my foster kids were born and placed in foster care with me, then I moved in with my DP and her kids 8 months ago. So I went from 3 people in my family to 8 people in the space of 4 years. Sometimes I still reel from the shock of it all, but most of the time it's great. You really do learn to adjust very quickly and change your priorities. For example: my 2 eldest foster kids used to have a bath, story and special wind-down time with me every single night. Now they bathe 2-3 times a week and getting a bedtime story less often. My house used to be very clean and orderly, now it's cluttered and tidy but not always clean. I used to have much more time for social events and "me" time, now I have very little of that time.

However, I wouldn't change it for anything. Our family is large, loud and we love each other. More kids means more squabbles to sort out but more kids to play with. I now drive a 8-seater van instead of my groovy little vintage car but I can fit so much stuff in that van when I need to when I get some great time to do "fun shopping". I couldn't fit awesome op-shop furniture finds in my old car.  Now my kids crave one-on-one time with me and our time together is extremely valued by them. They rarely ruin that time with naughty behaviour and we have brilliant memories of that time. When I do a head-count of all the kids trailing along with me when we're walking along the street I feel totally satisfied and happy that everyone is where they should be and that this is our life. It's not easy, rarely cruisey, but always interesting.

OP, I think you can cope with 5 kids if you set your mind to it and just choose to let yourself and your priorities change. The problems start when parents think their life isn't going to change that much and resent having a large family when it does. You will probably have a less tidy house, you may have to stretch your dollars further, you might not drive a cool car. But so what?? I think a large family is what you make it: either something fun and loving or something fraught and stressful. You can do it, OP. Set yourself up some excellent routines now, set some goals for the next 7.5 months before the baby arrives and make sure you have supportive family and friends around you if possible. It's very do-able.


Oh thank you so much. I made an appointment this morning with a counselling service to try and get my head around this. I'm still freaking out so much and with little support from family and friends I've been leaning toward a medical termination but everything you just said was how I imagined a big family could be. I know it can be a romantic notion at times but I also think family = love. And I think about how wonderful having 5 children will be at every stage in my life. Imagine all the wonderful grandchildren!!!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Thank you for your post. It was JUST what I needed to hear to gain back a bit of positivity xxx




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