Jump to content

RSVP Etiquette
Should I chase RSVPs?


  • Please log in to reply
37 replies to this topic

#1 crd

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:28 PM

Hi all,

I apologise if this topic has already been thrashed out, I don't spend that much time on EB.

I was just after a little help before I commit a social faux pas.

If you don't RSVP, would that mean you've genuinely forgotten, can go and wouldn't mind a reminder. Would it mean you can't go but you wouldn't mind being chased up, or would it mean you are available, really don't want to go and you are hoping that if you ignore it, it will go away  happy.gif

I guess I'm wondering, should I chase people that haven't given a RSVP by the required date, or should I assume they are not coming? Would you think it rude if someone hassled you for a response?

Thanks for your help!

#2 Black Velvet

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:45 PM

I chase up those who haven't RSVPed. I think they are the rude ones (unless they have genuinely forgotten).

#3 envs

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:53 PM

I am terrible with RSVP. My phone and the invite never seem to be in the dame place when I am able to send the RSVP....

I hate talking on the phone, but feel bad just texting a response, so I procrastinate...until RSVP time comes and goes

Please don't think people like me are being rude intentionally and it would be very welcome to receive a reminder : )

#4 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:56 PM

I think it's rude not to make the effort to RSVP, so if people don't bother RSVPing I just count them as not coming.

#5 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 24 February 2013 - 12:06 AM

Could be any of those, so do a no pressure "just verifying you can't make it" follow up, if you want to.

#6 Gudrun

Posted 24 February 2013 - 12:21 AM

It just means they haven't answered and they should have.  If you need to know numbers then you'll need to chase them up.  They may or may not intend coming or if they're like my sister and just don't RSVP at all to keep the options open.  (Not charming,  wink.gif )

#7 Mozzie1

Posted 24 February 2013 - 12:40 AM

I chased everyone who didn't RSVP to our wedding. Turns out one of my best friends never got his invite, and assumed he hadn't made the cut! Always follow up.

#8 JustBeige

Posted 24 February 2013 - 05:47 AM

Depends on the event, but I usually chase if its a catered or numbered event.

Its incredibly rude to not rsvp, there is no excuse when you have received  an invitation. Unfortunately it happens a lot these days.

#9 seayork2002

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:04 AM

I would hope I would remember but if not I would have no issues at all with a reminder I would just reply then, I guess if you are not sure only chase if you need to know for number sake (so you don't have to pay for no shows) just assume they are not showing, if you do chase and they have a problem with that then they really are rude!

#10 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:09 AM

I assume they are not coming.   If they can't be bothered RSVP'ing, in all honesty,  I don't want them there.

#11 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:10 AM

OP, if you have mobile phone numbers of the people who haven't responded yet, just send a quick text saying that you haven't yet heard from them but need to have firm numbers, are they coming or not.

You'll probably get a few apologies along with the quick reply RSVPs

QUOTE (envs @ 23/02/2013, 11:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am terrible with RSVP. My phone and the invite never seem to be in the dame place when I am able to send the RSVP....

I hate talking on the phone, but feel bad just texting a response, so I procrastinate...until RSVP time comes and goes

Please don't think people like me are being rude intentionally and it would be very welcome to receive a reminder : )

I prefer text RSVPs, that way I just check my phone to see who has said yes or no.  And it's better to text than not to RSVP.

#12 EsmeLennox

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:12 AM

I assume they aren't coming, but in my case it would genuinely mean I have forgotten, so you could call me and say 'you coming or what?' And then I would go 'oh bugger, totally forgot, I am soooo sorry...'

Does that help you...no, didn't think so...

#13 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:13 AM

QUOTE (Dinah_Harris @ 24/02/2013, 10:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I assume they are not coming.   If they can't be bothered RSVP'ing, in all honesty,  I don't want them there.


Me too,I find people not RSVPing really rude. I don't remind people, if they can't find the few minutes to reply why should I chase them up.

#14 Sunny003

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:14 AM

I'd call/text & ask. Better that than to have non rsvp'ers show up on the day

#15 Bel Rowley

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:25 AM

I text or email to check, I know sometimes people genuinely forget, meaning to RSVP but losing track of the date. For something like a wedding I do think it's extremely rude, when numbers are so important. For a casual birthday party at home I'm not too fussed and would allow for enough food etc in case they happen to show.

#16 Fr0g

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:28 AM

I follow up with a text.

They're invited in the first place because I actually want them at my function/ party - it's easy to flick a quick text;"Hi xxxx, hoping you can make it to my party this Saturday, please let me know if you can, cheers, Frog".

Edited by FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog, 24 February 2013 - 09:29 AM.


#17 niggles

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:31 AM

I really appreciate the reminder if I've forgotten to RSVP but don't expect it. I would also be happy for the host to assume I'm not coming, since I haven't told them I am coming. I don't tend to show up without RSVPing but I am notorious for forgetting to RSVP early.

#18 yellowtulips74

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:35 AM

When one of my daughters was little, we had a party at home and I couldn't remember if one girl (let's call her Mary) had rsvp'd or not -lots of mums would stop me at the school gate and rsvp verbally - and I just couldn't remember so I made sure there were enough supplies.  Home party, didn't really matter.

BUT, 30 minutes before the party one of the other mums realised her twins had two invitations - one was for both twins and the other was for Mary!  They'd had a playdate after school the day the invitations went out, and Mary had taken her invite out of the parent communication folder and left it at the twins' house.

So they never got it!  The twins' mum called Mary's mum but with 30 minutes notice they weren't able to come.  I WISH I'd checked!!

At our new school they have a policy - ALL invitations must be mailed or emailed directly.  Good policy!

But I would still check because you never know if the invitation actually arrived.

#19 Chchgirl

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:41 AM

After the many years experience I have had with kids parties and lack of rsvp's, I never chase them up. I don't have phone numbers to chase them up anyway.

I assume if somebody doesn't let me know, they are not coming. I have only had one person turn up after years of parties, with a sibling as well. They got a good earful!

#20 CallMeFeral

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:47 AM

RSVP for me means I've either forgotten it's on, or have actually bookmarked it and am planning to go, but have forgotten to say so. If I know I can't go, I usually reply straight away. Even if I don't want to go, I would reply no with a made up excuse.
So if I haven't replied, follow up is very welcome!

#21 ginger72

Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:50 AM

QUOTE (Mozzie1 @ 24/02/2013, 01:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I chased everyone who didn't RSVP to our wedding. Turns out one of my best friends never got his invite, and assumed he hadn't made the cut! Always follow up.

This happened to me as well.  I posted invitations to my wedding just before Christmas, and two or three got lost in the Christmas mail.  So a few good friends thought they weren't invited - terribly embarrassing!

It's definitely worth chasing RSVPs.  I don't believe everyone who forgets to RSVP is rude - people are just so busy these days it slips their minds.

#22 Spa Gonk

Posted 24 February 2013 - 12:10 PM

In terms of kids parties, I have discovered people not rsvping means they are not coming.  I have sent my kids to school with a note or these kids, just reminding them that the party is on in a few days and I have not heard if they are coming, please ring me to let me know either way.  I had one parent ring who had misplaced the invite, but still heard nothing from the others.

Even though I do home parties, I still get annoyed.  It means I am doing all the catering and organising, and really have eater things to do than make up party bags and party activities for people who won't be there.

#23 Chchgirl

Posted 24 February 2013 - 01:16 PM

I think weddings and christenings are different, I had everyone rsvp either way to mine but I would give them a reminder as I would know who I am inviting and all are close.

#24 Ally'smum

Posted 24 February 2013 - 01:41 PM

We have had people not receive invitations from us and wouldn't have known if I hadn't chased them up.

Similarly we were invited to an engagement party, never received the invitation and the people hosting it didn't follow up with us, just assumed we were too rude to rsvp.

I would always follow up because you never know what has happened, no need to assume the worst of anyone!


We have had people not receive invitations from us and wouldn't have known if I hadn't chased them up.

Similarly we were invited to an engagement party, never received the invitation and the people hosting it didn't follow up with us, just assumed we were too rude to rsvp.

I would always follow up because you never know what has happened, no need to assume the worst of anyone!


#25 Lyra

Posted 24 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

QUOTE (Bel Rowley @ 24/02/2013, 10:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I text or email to check, I know sometimes people genuinely forget, meaning to RSVP but losing track of the date. For something like a wedding I do think it's extremely rude, when numbers are so important. For a casual birthday party at home I'm not too fussed and would allow for enough food etc in case they happen to show.



I'm like this too




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.