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Where has my libido gone?

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#1 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:24 PM

OK, so I have a wonderful toddler and am approaching my mid-forties and have NO libido!!!   My son is fairly easy going and now sleeps all night but I do get tired running around after him all day.  I also try to have a nap some afternoons if I'm tired - rather than do housework...

Anyway, I just have no libido.  Even if we go to bed early, I can manage it but I still don't get very aroused and it feels like a chore/gift to my partner.  I stopped BF late last year and thought things would go back to normal, but alas not.

I love my partner and we have a great relationship - he doesn't hassle me about this.  But I feel like part of my identity is missing.

Is it just me?  Any tips to getting my "mojo" back??

#2 sedawson

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:29 PM

Yes, my suggestion is 'taking care of business' on your own, several times a week to jolt things along. With whatever it takes or whatever works for you.

Also, there's nothing wrong with not particularly feeling like sex. Our society tends to view people who aren't constantly rooting as being highly deficient, but that's just a social construction. If it's a problem for you, that's a good enough reason to try something new, but if it's just that you feel you ought to be, maybe ease up on yourself.

So there's a couple of ideas for you.

#3 mibi

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

I don't know, but mine has disappeared too. Maybe it's something to do with having a toddler. DD is nearly 2.5yrs. I also have 2 DSs (7.5 and 5.5) and the thought of my husband coming near me is nearing  sick.gif  even though my feelings for him haven't changed. I love him dearly. But my mojo is MIA.

#4 AlmostCeleste

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

Hi OP, I have no libido either and haven't for the last few years. I actually feel like one of the other posters in regards to the idea of sex with my partner. I would rather just be left alone. I feel sorry for him but not enough to want to have sex! The Arndt school of thought 'just get on with it and then you'll feel like it' just doesn't work for me; I just want it to be over. Oh yes, I'm a catch wink.gif

You could be entering the menopausal phase of life, even if your period is still 'normal'. Perimenopause can start years before you lose your period and plays havoc with your hormones. At 47, I rarely have a period now, but always before the magic 12 months is up, so i am still perceived to be perimenopausal.
Maybe you could have some blood tests to see where you are with all this. You could try what sedawson suggested, doesn't work for me, but might for you; everyone is different.

Don't be hard on yourself either because having a toddler is very hands-on and mentally tiring. You may find that when your child is a bit older and starts school that you feel less harried, and that might help.

#5 Beancat

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:24 PM

Hi OP, Any chance you are taking any medication that may be having an impact.  I was on lexapro last year and not onlly did I have zero libido, I couldnt orgasm either.

suggest what a PP has said "take care of business" on your own for a bit andsee if this works

#6 Copper and May

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

Don't be too hard on yourself as I think it happens as we get older. Many medications play havoc with sex drive also and I don't think Tina Arndt can fix that.

#7 greenthumbs

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:35 PM

Has your period returned post BF?

I found the same as pp, couldn't orgasm and couldn't stand the idea of sex whilst I was on antidepressants. I finally got to a place that I could wean off them, able to orgasm, but no libido still.

Wasn't until my period came back at 16mths postpartum that my mojo is slowly returning, and it's still only half way there a few months later.

Suggestions of 'sorting yourself out' regularly is a great idea too. Might get things happening.

Good luck! Best to see your GP too original.gif

#8 ABabyPlease

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:38 PM

Thanks for sharing your stories too.  I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school.

I will try to take sedawson's advice - this kept me going when I was single!!!  But I'm not very motivated that way either right now.

I'm not wanting to regain my "sex kitten" status, but would like to enjoy sex about once a week.  We are also trying for another baby but with having sex only once a month - not much chance there....

My DP is great and not pushing the matter or even asking much - but we would both like to be sharing some more sexual fun.  We do try to prioritise special nights but something comes up -like baby being up late, too hot, dinner too filling... always an excuse from me!!!

#9 ABabyPlease

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:41 PM

Thanks Grenthumbs - not on any mediaction & have seen GP.  Have had about 5 periods now.

Fingers crossed things will pick up.

#10 AlmostCeleste

Posted 05 March 2013 - 09:54 AM

'27/02/2013, 01:38 PM' post='15359922']
"Thanks for sharing your stories too.  I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school."

I wasn't suggesting you are going through actual menopause (although my sister did at 42), more that peri-menopause may have started. It can start for some women in their 30's and can go on for years before actual menopause (cessation of periods) occurs. In the meantime, your hormones go a bit haywire, which completely affects how you feel. I was 43 when I had blood tests showing hormone levels were acting up. I was not, and still am not, in actual menopause.

Good luck!

Edited by AlmostCeleste, 05 March 2013 - 09:55 AM.

#11 PurpleNess

Posted 22 July 2013 - 02:13 PM

OP I could have written your post - how are things now?? Any updates??

#12 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:25 PM

Hi PurpleNess, things are getting better. I'm enjoying things more once we get started but I am not yet reaching the heights pre baby.....IYKWIM   But I do now have hope that I will get there again one day. Fingers crossed!

It's better that I am less tired and we aim to eat a light dinner by 6 and go to bed by 9 when we want to get romantic. So less spontaneous but more successful.

I'm still open to advice...

#13 greenthumbs

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:34 PM

Did you see your GP?

What about those supplements you can get at health food stores? - have no idea if they work, but they're usually advertising them regularly.

What about reading / watching something erotic? Does/could that help get you in the mood?

#14 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:53 PM

My GP recommend a book, but I haven't looked for it yet, I must do that.  I am open to new erotic books etc but haven't found anything that inspires me. My stash from my single days don't seem to work any more...

I'm not keen on supplements as we are kinda TTC....

Things are better now I am less tired.

#15 cardamom

Posted 23 July 2013 - 10:05 PM

QUOTE (PurpleNess @ 22/07/2013, 02:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I could have written your post - how are things now?? Any updates??

Me too, except that I'm 24 and don't have children yet, so don't even have the added issue of toddler-wrangling to tire me out  sad.gif  The way I feel right now, I could quite happily never have sex again.

#16 PurpleNess

Posted 31 July 2013 - 03:18 PM

Cardamon, I'm sorry to hear that, you really need to speak to a GP and get to the bottom of it. I hope you find some answers - as do I...Think for me it's about being totally over extended by toddler wrangling and keeping the house clean ..I just don't have any more to give....but I'm trying.  Wishing you the best.

ABabyPlease - Glad things are on the improve, can't say the same here. You mentioned you might be TTC, congrats. We're doing the merry I'm too old to have another dance, one day I do, next I don't...hope it works out for you x

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