Jump to content

Where has my libido gone?


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:24 PM

OK, so I have a wonderful toddler and am approaching my mid-forties and have NO libido!!!   My son is fairly easy going and now sleeps all night but I do get tired running around after him all day.  I also try to have a nap some afternoons if I'm tired - rather than do housework...

Anyway, I just have no libido.  Even if we go to bed early, I can manage it but I still don't get very aroused and it feels like a chore/gift to my partner.  I stopped BF late last year and thought things would go back to normal, but alas not.

I love my partner and we have a great relationship - he doesn't hassle me about this.  But I feel like part of my identity is missing.

Is it just me?  Any tips to getting my "mojo" back??

#2 sedawson

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:29 PM

Yes, my suggestion is 'taking care of business' on your own, several times a week to jolt things along. With whatever it takes or whatever works for you.

Also, there's nothing wrong with not particularly feeling like sex. Our society tends to view people who aren't constantly rooting as being highly deficient, but that's just a social construction. If it's a problem for you, that's a good enough reason to try something new, but if it's just that you feel you ought to be, maybe ease up on yourself.

So there's a couple of ideas for you.




#3 mibi

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

I don't know, but mine has disappeared too. Maybe it's something to do with having a toddler. DD is nearly 2.5yrs. I also have 2 DSs (7.5 and 5.5) and the thought of my husband coming near me is nearing  sick.gif  even though my feelings for him haven't changed. I love him dearly. But my mojo is MIA.

#4 AlmostCeleste

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

Hi OP, I have no libido either and haven't for the last few years. I actually feel like one of the other posters in regards to the idea of sex with my partner. I would rather just be left alone. I feel sorry for him but not enough to want to have sex! The Arndt school of thought 'just get on with it and then you'll feel like it' just doesn't work for me; I just want it to be over. Oh yes, I'm a catch wink.gif

You could be entering the menopausal phase of life, even if your period is still 'normal'. Perimenopause can start years before you lose your period and plays havoc with your hormones. At 47, I rarely have a period now, but always before the magic 12 months is up, so i am still perceived to be perimenopausal.
Maybe you could have some blood tests to see where you are with all this. You could try what sedawson suggested, doesn't work for me, but might for you; everyone is different.

Don't be hard on yourself either because having a toddler is very hands-on and mentally tiring. You may find that when your child is a bit older and starts school that you feel less harried, and that might help.

#5 Beancat

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:24 PM

Hi OP, Any chance you are taking any medication that may be having an impact.  I was on lexapro last year and not onlly did I have zero libido, I couldnt orgasm either.

suggest what a PP has said "take care of business" on your own for a bit andsee if this works

#6 CharliMarley

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

Don't be too hard on yourself as I think it happens as we get older. Many medications play havoc with sex drive also and I don't think Tina Arndt can fix that.

#7 feralgreenthumbs

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:35 PM

Has your period returned post BF?

I found the same as pp, couldn't orgasm and couldn't stand the idea of sex whilst I was on antidepressants. I finally got to a place that I could wean off them, able to orgasm, but no libido still.

Wasn't until my period came back at 16mths postpartum that my mojo is slowly returning, and it's still only half way there a few months later.

Suggestions of 'sorting yourself out' regularly is a great idea too. Might get things happening.

Good luck! Best to see your GP too original.gif

#8 ABabyPlease

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:38 PM

Thanks for sharing your stories too.  I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school.

I will try to take sedawson's advice - this kept me going when I was single!!!  But I'm not very motivated that way either right now.

I'm not wanting to regain my "sex kitten" status, but would like to enjoy sex about once a week.  We are also trying for another baby but with having sex only once a month - not much chance there....

My DP is great and not pushing the matter or even asking much - but we would both like to be sharing some more sexual fun.  We do try to prioritise special nights but something comes up -like baby being up late, too hot, dinner too filling... always an excuse from me!!!

#9 ABabyPlease

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:41 PM

Thanks Grenthumbs - not on any mediaction & have seen GP.  Have had about 5 periods now.

Fingers crossed things will pick up.

#10 AlmostCeleste

Posted 05 March 2013 - 09:54 AM

'27/02/2013, 01:38 PM' post='15359922']
"Thanks for sharing your stories too.  I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school."

I wasn't suggesting you are going through actual menopause (although my sister did at 42), more that peri-menopause may have started. It can start for some women in their 30's and can go on for years before actual menopause (cessation of periods) occurs. In the meantime, your hormones go a bit haywire, which completely affects how you feel. I was 43 when I had blood tests showing hormone levels were acting up. I was not, and still am not, in actual menopause.

Good luck!

Edited by AlmostCeleste, 05 March 2013 - 09:55 AM.


#11 PurpleNess

Posted 22 July 2013 - 02:13 PM

OP I could have written your post - how are things now?? Any updates??

#12 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:25 PM

Hi PurpleNess, things are getting better. I'm enjoying things more once we get started but I am not yet reaching the heights pre baby.....IYKWIM   But I do now have hope that I will get there again one day. Fingers crossed!

It's better that I am less tired and we aim to eat a light dinner by 6 and go to bed by 9 when we want to get romantic. So less spontaneous but more successful.

I'm still open to advice...

#13 feralgreenthumbs

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:34 PM

Did you see your GP?

What about those supplements you can get at health food stores? - have no idea if they work, but they're usually advertising them regularly.

What about reading / watching something erotic? Does/could that help get you in the mood?

#14 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:53 PM

My GP recommend a book, but I haven't looked for it yet, I must do that.  I am open to new erotic books etc but haven't found anything that inspires me. My stash from my single days don't seem to work any more...

I'm not keen on supplements as we are kinda TTC....

Things are better now I am less tired.

#15 cardamom

Posted 23 July 2013 - 10:05 PM

QUOTE (PurpleNess @ 22/07/2013, 02:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I could have written your post - how are things now?? Any updates??


Me too, except that I'm 24 and don't have children yet, so don't even have the added issue of toddler-wrangling to tire me out  sad.gif  The way I feel right now, I could quite happily never have sex again.

#16 PurpleNess

Posted 31 July 2013 - 03:18 PM

Cardamon, I'm sorry to hear that, you really need to speak to a GP and get to the bottom of it. I hope you find some answers - as do I...Think for me it's about being totally over extended by toddler wrangling and keeping the house clean ..I just don't have any more to give....but I'm trying.  Wishing you the best.

ABabyPlease - Glad things are on the improve, can't say the same here. You mentioned you might be TTC, congrats. We're doing the merry I'm too old to have another dance, one day I do, next I don't...hope it works out for you x




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win Coles Little Explorer nappies for your toddler

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

'Why we called our daughter Wyatt'

Ashton Kutcher has spoken about how he and Mila Kunis chose their daughter's name - and why they've set up her social media accounts.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.