Jump to content

Where has my libido gone?


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:24 PM

OK, so I have a wonderful toddler and am approaching my mid-forties and have NO libido!!!   My son is fairly easy going and now sleeps all night but I do get tired running around after him all day.  I also try to have a nap some afternoons if I'm tired - rather than do housework...

Anyway, I just have no libido.  Even if we go to bed early, I can manage it but I still don't get very aroused and it feels like a chore/gift to my partner.  I stopped BF late last year and thought things would go back to normal, but alas not.

I love my partner and we have a great relationship - he doesn't hassle me about this.  But I feel like part of my identity is missing.

Is it just me?  Any tips to getting my "mojo" back??

#2 sedawson

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:29 PM

Yes, my suggestion is 'taking care of business' on your own, several times a week to jolt things along. With whatever it takes or whatever works for you.

Also, there's nothing wrong with not particularly feeling like sex. Our society tends to view people who aren't constantly rooting as being highly deficient, but that's just a social construction. If it's a problem for you, that's a good enough reason to try something new, but if it's just that you feel you ought to be, maybe ease up on yourself.

So there's a couple of ideas for you.




#3 mibi

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

I don't know, but mine has disappeared too. Maybe it's something to do with having a toddler. DD is nearly 2.5yrs. I also have 2 DSs (7.5 and 5.5) and the thought of my husband coming near me is nearing  sick.gif  even though my feelings for him haven't changed. I love him dearly. But my mojo is MIA.

#4 AlmostCeleste

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:19 PM

Hi OP, I have no libido either and haven't for the last few years. I actually feel like one of the other posters in regards to the idea of sex with my partner. I would rather just be left alone. I feel sorry for him but not enough to want to have sex! The Arndt school of thought 'just get on with it and then you'll feel like it' just doesn't work for me; I just want it to be over. Oh yes, I'm a catch wink.gif

You could be entering the menopausal phase of life, even if your period is still 'normal'. Perimenopause can start years before you lose your period and plays havoc with your hormones. At 47, I rarely have a period now, but always before the magic 12 months is up, so i am still perceived to be perimenopausal.
Maybe you could have some blood tests to see where you are with all this. You could try what sedawson suggested, doesn't work for me, but might for you; everyone is different.

Don't be hard on yourself either because having a toddler is very hands-on and mentally tiring. You may find that when your child is a bit older and starts school that you feel less harried, and that might help.

#5 Beancat

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:24 PM

Hi OP, Any chance you are taking any medication that may be having an impact.  I was on lexapro last year and not onlly did I have zero libido, I couldnt orgasm either.

suggest what a PP has said "take care of business" on your own for a bit andsee if this works

#6 Copper and May

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

Don't be too hard on yourself as I think it happens as we get older. Many medications play havoc with sex drive also and I don't think Tina Arndt can fix that.

#7 greenthumbs

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:35 PM

Has your period returned post BF?

I found the same as pp, couldn't orgasm and couldn't stand the idea of sex whilst I was on antidepressants. I finally got to a place that I could wean off them, able to orgasm, but no libido still.

Wasn't until my period came back at 16mths postpartum that my mojo is slowly returning, and it's still only half way there a few months later.

Suggestions of 'sorting yourself out' regularly is a great idea too. Might get things happening.

Good luck! Best to see your GP too original.gif

#8 ABabyPlease

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:38 PM

Thanks for sharing your stories too.  I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school.

I will try to take sedawson's advice - this kept me going when I was single!!!  But I'm not very motivated that way either right now.

I'm not wanting to regain my "sex kitten" status, but would like to enjoy sex about once a week.  We are also trying for another baby but with having sex only once a month - not much chance there....

My DP is great and not pushing the matter or even asking much - but we would both like to be sharing some more sexual fun.  We do try to prioritise special nights but something comes up -like baby being up late, too hot, dinner too filling... always an excuse from me!!!

#9 ABabyPlease

Posted 27 February 2013 - 12:41 PM

Thanks Grenthumbs - not on any mediaction & have seen GP.  Have had about 5 periods now.

Fingers crossed things will pick up.

#10 AlmostCeleste

Posted 05 March 2013 - 09:54 AM

'27/02/2013, 01:38 PM' post='15359922']
"Thanks for sharing your stories too.  I am still only 43, so don't think I'm going through menopause just yet and my toddler is only 18 months, so a long way to go until school."

I wasn't suggesting you are going through actual menopause (although my sister did at 42), more that peri-menopause may have started. It can start for some women in their 30's and can go on for years before actual menopause (cessation of periods) occurs. In the meantime, your hormones go a bit haywire, which completely affects how you feel. I was 43 when I had blood tests showing hormone levels were acting up. I was not, and still am not, in actual menopause.

Good luck!

Edited by AlmostCeleste, 05 March 2013 - 09:55 AM.


#11 PurpleNess

Posted 22 July 2013 - 02:13 PM

OP I could have written your post - how are things now?? Any updates??

#12 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:25 PM

Hi PurpleNess, things are getting better. I'm enjoying things more once we get started but I am not yet reaching the heights pre baby.....IYKWIM   But I do now have hope that I will get there again one day. Fingers crossed!

It's better that I am less tired and we aim to eat a light dinner by 6 and go to bed by 9 when we want to get romantic. So less spontaneous but more successful.

I'm still open to advice...

#13 greenthumbs

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:34 PM

Did you see your GP?

What about those supplements you can get at health food stores? - have no idea if they work, but they're usually advertising them regularly.

What about reading / watching something erotic? Does/could that help get you in the mood?

#14 ABabyPlease

Posted 23 July 2013 - 09:53 PM

My GP recommend a book, but I haven't looked for it yet, I must do that.  I am open to new erotic books etc but haven't found anything that inspires me. My stash from my single days don't seem to work any more...

I'm not keen on supplements as we are kinda TTC....

Things are better now I am less tired.

#15 cardamom

Posted 23 July 2013 - 10:05 PM

QUOTE (PurpleNess @ 22/07/2013, 02:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP I could have written your post - how are things now?? Any updates??


Me too, except that I'm 24 and don't have children yet, so don't even have the added issue of toddler-wrangling to tire me out  sad.gif  The way I feel right now, I could quite happily never have sex again.

#16 PurpleNess

Posted 31 July 2013 - 03:18 PM

Cardamon, I'm sorry to hear that, you really need to speak to a GP and get to the bottom of it. I hope you find some answers - as do I...Think for me it's about being totally over extended by toddler wrangling and keeping the house clean ..I just don't have any more to give....but I'm trying.  Wishing you the best.

ABabyPlease - Glad things are on the improve, can't say the same here. You mentioned you might be TTC, congrats. We're doing the merry I'm too old to have another dance, one day I do, next I don't...hope it works out for you x




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGOŽ DUPLOŽ Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.