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Twins - do you invite both to parties?


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#1 Lifesgood

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:09 AM

If your 7 y/o child is friends with one child of a set of twins (or more), do you invite both twins to your child's party (assuming it is a small party with only 5-6 close friends invited).

And as an aside point - do twins usually bring one gift between them or one each? (Not because I want my child to get more gifts, in fact I'd prefer no gifts, just asking out of curiosity).

#2 Kreme

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:15 AM

My daughter is friends with a twin. Last year we invited both to her party but the "other" twin already had a party on and couldn't attend. So I can't tell you about the presents. But DD went to their party and we bought them separate presents, cards and different wrapping paper.

When I spoke to the twins' mum she said that they don't expect both to be invited but it's nice when it happens. DD was inviting about 15 girls so an extra one didn't matter. If numbers were restricted I would let DD choose who to invite.

#3 Safety Queen

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:16 AM

Would you invite the siblings of other children? If not theres your answer just because they are twins doesnt mean they have to go every where together

At 7 there mum should be able to explain why one was invited with out the other

#4 kpingitquiet

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:16 AM

If on friendly terms with the other twin, I'd probably invite both. If, however, one twin was virtually unknown to my child, I'd only invite the one they considered a friend. Now, younger than 7 or 8, I'd probably invite both as they might be too young to understand why they weren't included.

No clue about gifts.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:18 AM

No I don't. I invite the child my child is friends with. The twins are siblings, not one in the same. I feel no more obligation to invite them, than I do the siblings of other children.

As for gifts, I really couldn't say. I know my DD1 buys two gifts, one for each child (as they are two separate people) when she has gone to twin birthdays, but I'm not sure if it is the norm to reciprocate that, as in a gift from each child.

Edited by bakesgirls, 23 February 2013 - 10:21 AM.


#6 Monkey_Mind

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:24 AM

I haven't had my twins yet, so someone else will probably be in a better position to answer. IMO for a small party if your child is friendlier with one twin than the other personally I'd be ok with it. I think the twin that isn't invited may feel left out though, so I'd explain to the mum it's only an intimate event with limited numbers and you'd understand if the invited twin can't come to avoid any hurt feelings. I'd also give the invite to the mum not the child so she can decide what to do.
In that situation if the mother of the child having the party explained the situation, I'd let my child go and then do something nice with the other twin. I'm expecting b/g twins so I guess it's an easier scenario for me than b/b or g/g twins though.
Re presents; I think if are both are invited then they would both bring presents.

#7 Always amazed!

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:28 AM

Im a mum of twins and of 2 boys very close in age ( eg mostly same friends same year in school ect)

The present thing.. I buy a gift from each child attending..


As for the inviting thing.. It depends.

As the mum it would make it easier if you invited both for me.
BUT
I wouldnt invite them just because they are twins. I would only invite if they were both somewhat friendly with my child.

#8 Julie3Girls

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:43 AM

I invite the child they are friends with.

In our case, one time that meant inviting both twins to the party.
The other time, it was only inviting one twin (boy/girl twins).  

In terms if gifts,
When we are inviting, we bring a gift for the name on the invite. So if invited to X and Ys birthday, then my child takes a gift for X and a gift for Y.   If invited to Z's party (which happens to be a shared party with their twin) then I bring s gift for Z.  This was after I rsvp'd and the mother specifically asked us to only bring a gift for Z.

Gifts in return ... The time we invited both twins, they only brought the one gift, and then there was a lovely scene when they arrived - only one gift, so the girls were fighting over who got to carry in the gift and give it to my dd, ended up with one twin in tears when they knocked on the door.  

Oh, and if I am inviting both twins, both children get their own invite, not just one shared invited.

#9 aussiespecial123

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:22 AM

im a twin.

we used to HATE getting a shared present, even if the value was double as such. we always gave a present each too.

in relation to invites. we preety much both got invited to parties untill highschool with different friendships groups. in our circle of family/friends it would have been considered rude not to invite both.  (however money wasnt an issue or a reason back them to restrict numbers etc)

#10 Lyn29

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:24 AM

.

Edited by bye, 29 March 2013 - 02:16 PM.


#11 ~BT~

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:31 AM

No need to invite both.

And we give a present from each child invited, unless its a family friend, then it's just one from our family.

#12 LynnyP

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:40 AM

Pretty much what Julie3Girls says.

My daughter knows two sets of twins.  As a bit of background, her school has single sex classrooms so all the girls are in one class and the boys in another.  One set of twins is two girls, the other is a boy and a girl.  There are only 16 girls in the class so usually birthdays are the whole class.  She has invited both girl twins and the girl from the other set to her birthday party each time.  The girl twins have invited her to their birthday.  The girl and boy twin had a birthday party at the same place but sent out separate invitations.  I really can't remember if my daughter got two presents from the twins or not but she takes two presents to their party.  To the girl/boy party she took only a present for the girl!

Edited because I misused the sex and completely made the whole post nonsensical(er)

Edited by LynnyP, 23 February 2013 - 12:08 PM.


#13 choccy2

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:50 AM

If my child was friends with both twins then yes. If not no.
No different than any other siblings.
If i was inviting both I'd give them an invitation each - they are not the same kid so deserve their own invitation.

#14 emnut

Posted 23 February 2013 - 12:04 PM

only if your child is friends with both of the twins.  DS has 2 sets of identical twins he knows - one set he invites both girls as he regularly plays with both, the other he only invites the one he plays with the most.  Both twin parents have indicated this is their preference.

ETA - also agree with the invitation each

Edited by emnut, 23 February 2013 - 12:04 PM.


#15 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 23 February 2013 - 12:15 PM

QUOTE (choccy2 @ 23/02/2013, 11:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If my child was friends with both twins then yes. If not no.
No different than any other siblings.

pretty much this.  We do this now with non-twin siblings - if my child plays with more than one kid from the same family, we tend to invite the children she plays with.  

Next week, both my girls have been invited to 2 parties.  We are shopping this weekend for 4 gifts (the girls each take a present for each birthday child).  I would imagine that as my girls grow up, they will develop their own circle of friends, but at this age, there is still a fair bit of overlap with friends.

I do one invitation per family, name the kids on the invitation.  I figure it's less invitations on the fridge and no different to what I would do for a party invitation for adults (adults from the same family who all live in the same house get one invitation).  I certainly don't expect (or want) two separate invitations for both my kids if they are invited to the same party.  If that's the case, am I supposed to RSVP two times, once for each child?

Upon saying this, when my children were very young (under three) we tended to invited families, rather than individual children.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 23 February 2013 - 12:18 PM.


#16 jill1972

Posted 23 February 2013 - 12:16 PM

Because I'm a Mum of twins, I would invite both, especially when they're little.  They're so used to being around each other all the time if one's uninvited they would definitely feel upset (mine would anyway).  I would have them bring a gift each.

If I didn't have twins I don't know if I'd have the same answer.



_________

#17 mumto3princesses

Posted 23 February 2013 - 01:55 PM

From about 7yrs it doesn't matter so much. But at 5 or 6 my twins couldn't deal with one being invited and not the other. I did try once. DH took DD#1 to her activity which took all day so I had no choice but to take DD#3 to the party and try to leave with DD#2. It was awful and she was so upset not to be part of the party with the girls that she thought were her friends too. It would have been different if I was able to leave her with someone while I took DD#3 but I had no choice.

Now that they are older they are ok with only one getting invited but as they have most of the same friends they usually both get invited. They are also used to doing their after school activities seperate now too which makes a difference and they are fine with being apart.

We always do seperate presents and cards. They prefer to give a present that they have picked out themselves. I think we did one present once or twice over the years but it was worth the same as what we would have spent on 2 presents.

And a present each is much appreciated. They had a party once and invited a girl who they thought was both their friends. The girl walked straight past DD#2 to DD#3 said happy birthday, gave her a hug and a present and card. DD#2 would have been happy with a happy birthday, card and even just a $1 present. For a long time afterwards that really bothered her and she kept telling me so and so isn't my friend.

#18 Nobodyelse

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:07 PM

DS has one set of twin as friends. They're only two at the moment and naturally, are bot invited at that age.

As the gift recipient, I'd only expect one gift from the family rather than one from each child. But I'd always give one to each twin (if their mother would let us give gifts. She's a strict no-gifts partier even though she ignores that rule when others have it. biggrin.gif Cheeky monkey).

#19 Illiterati

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:37 PM

I don't make my kids invite the evil twin. Only the good one.

#20 Illiterati

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:46 PM

QUOTE (mumto3princesses @ 23/02/2013, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
They had a party once and invited a girl who they thought was both their friends. The girl walked straight past DD#2 to DD#3 said happy birthday, gave her a hug and a present and card. DD#2 would have been happy with a happy birthday, card and even just a $1 present. For a long time afterwards that really bothered her and she kept telling me so and so isn't my friend.


How awful for your daughter. I mean how hard is it to pick up a $5 present at Kmart these days? The parents of the other child should have been a little more mindful.  And I agree that when twins are younger you invite both. Even the evil one  tongue.gif


#21 twinmumplus1

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:46 PM

As a mum of twins -

1.  Invite who they are friends with.  If they aren't really friendly, I wouldn't invite them.  A mum with twins knows that this will occur at some stage, and can have strategies to deal with it original.gif

2.  My boys are an oddity in the twin world - they LOVE shared presents.  When it comes to buying presents, I ask the parent giving the invite if they would like me to bring one or two presents (as in pool money, and get a DS/PS3 type game for example).  Most parents ask for the one.  All good original.gif

#22 Blueberrymummy

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:21 PM

Twins aren't just like any other siblings, they normally are in the same class, circle of friends and they go through many milestones together being exactly the same age. I would never only invite one twin, I think that is just cruel especially when they are in their primary school years, kids can be very sensitive. Unless my son had a really legitimate problem with one of the "twins" then I might consider it, but generally I would always invite both. What is the big deal about inviting an extra kid? I wouldn't want to be responsible for letting a child feel rejected.

Edited by Blueberrymummy, 23 February 2013 - 03:22 PM.


#23 balletmom4

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

QUOTE (jill1972 @ 23/02/2013, 01:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Because I'm a Mum of twins, I would invite both, especially when they're little.  They're so used to being around each other all the time if one's uninvited they would definitely feel upset (mine would anyway).  I would have them bring a gift each.

If I didn't have twins I don't know if I'd have the same answer.



_________



I've got 4yo year old twins and compltely agree with this.

#24 Threelittleducks

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:40 PM

QUOTE (Blueberrymummy @ 23/02/2013, 03:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Twins aren't just like any other siblings, they normally are in the same class, circle of friends and they go through many milestones together being exactly the same age. I would never only invite one twin, I think that is just cruel especially when they are in their primary school years, kids can be very sensitive. Unless my son had a really legitimate problem with one of the "twins" then I might consider it, but generally I would always invite both. What is the big deal about inviting an extra kid? I wouldn't want to be responsible for letting a child feel rejected.



This. I'm a twin Mum too.

I'm interested in how twin Mums deal with the situation of one not being invited too. Of course you can talk about it and plan a fun activity for the one who isn't going to the party....but surely the twin that isn't invited, especially in the younger age bracket, still feels hurt?




#25 mumto3princesses

Posted 23 February 2013 - 04:58 PM

That's true. They aren't just like any other siblings. Its not like a Year 4 child hanging out with her sister in Year 3 or Year 5 and their friends.

They often have the same friends even if they do end up with their own BFF's. Its not like they have a small group of friends and thats it. They will both have quite a few friends from their Year and wont play with exactly the same children each day except maybe their BFF's. In the younger years especially friends tend to be from their class or some other activity that they do at school with the other children. If not from the classroom or playground then they might be their choir friend, dancing friend, recorder friend, PSSA sport friend etc.

And if the school is anything like our school then at some stage over the years even if they are in seperate classes they will probably have been in a class with every child by the time they leave primary school. (They tend to mix them up a lot)

It does hurt if a classmate has a party and only one is invited. And that one girl from their 5th birthday party that didn't even say happy birthday to DD#2 unfortunately has given DD#2 the impression that she isn't her friend. I noticed they were in the same class as her in Year 2 and was surprised neither twin had mentioned she was in their class again when telling me who was in their class. DD#2's answer was I didn't tell you because she's not my friend.

Luckily only one being invited has only happened a few times over the years. When they were in Kindergarten I actually rang and said sorry she can't come. She's a twin and we aren't ready for seperate parties yet etc. That happened a couple of times.

We had one a couple of years ago where again only one got invited and there was tears even at the sight of the invitation in her twin sisters hand. I have to admit I did take the easy way out and make apologies to the parents saying we were "busy" that day. Then there was another one when we really were busy with a gymnastics competition.




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