Jump to content

Twins - do you invite both to parties?


  • Please log in to reply
45 replies to this topic

#1 Lifesgood

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:09 AM

If your 7 y/o child is friends with one child of a set of twins (or more), do you invite both twins to your child's party (assuming it is a small party with only 5-6 close friends invited).

And as an aside point - do twins usually bring one gift between them or one each? (Not because I want my child to get more gifts, in fact I'd prefer no gifts, just asking out of curiosity).

#2 Kreme

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:15 AM

My daughter is friends with a twin. Last year we invited both to her party but the "other" twin already had a party on and couldn't attend. So I can't tell you about the presents. But DD went to their party and we bought them separate presents, cards and different wrapping paper.

When I spoke to the twins' mum she said that they don't expect both to be invited but it's nice when it happens. DD was inviting about 15 girls so an extra one didn't matter. If numbers were restricted I would let DD choose who to invite.

#3 Tobias'smum

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:16 AM

Would you invite the siblings of other children? If not theres your answer just because they are twins doesnt mean they have to go every where together

At 7 there mum should be able to explain why one was invited with out the other

#4 kpingitquiet

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:16 AM

If on friendly terms with the other twin, I'd probably invite both. If, however, one twin was virtually unknown to my child, I'd only invite the one they considered a friend. Now, younger than 7 or 8, I'd probably invite both as they might be too young to understand why they weren't included.

No clue about gifts.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:18 AM

No I don't. I invite the child my child is friends with. The twins are siblings, not one in the same. I feel no more obligation to invite them, than I do the siblings of other children.

As for gifts, I really couldn't say. I know my DD1 buys two gifts, one for each child (as they are two separate people) when she has gone to twin birthdays, but I'm not sure if it is the norm to reciprocate that, as in a gift from each child.

Edited by bakesgirls, 23 February 2013 - 10:21 AM.


#6 Monkey_Mind

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:24 AM

I haven't had my twins yet, so someone else will probably be in a better position to answer. IMO for a small party if your child is friendlier with one twin than the other personally I'd be ok with it. I think the twin that isn't invited may feel left out though, so I'd explain to the mum it's only an intimate event with limited numbers and you'd understand if the invited twin can't come to avoid any hurt feelings. I'd also give the invite to the mum not the child so she can decide what to do.
In that situation if the mother of the child having the party explained the situation, I'd let my child go and then do something nice with the other twin. I'm expecting b/g twins so I guess it's an easier scenario for me than b/b or g/g twins though.
Re presents; I think if are both are invited then they would both bring presents.

#7 Always amazed!

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:28 AM

Im a mum of twins and of 2 boys very close in age ( eg mostly same friends same year in school ect)

The present thing.. I buy a gift from each child attending..


As for the inviting thing.. It depends.

As the mum it would make it easier if you invited both for me.
BUT
I wouldnt invite them just because they are twins. I would only invite if they were both somewhat friendly with my child.

#8 Julie3Girls

Posted 23 February 2013 - 10:43 AM

I invite the child they are friends with.

In our case, one time that meant inviting both twins to the party.
The other time, it was only inviting one twin (boy/girl twins).  

In terms if gifts,
When we are inviting, we bring a gift for the name on the invite. So if invited to X and Ys birthday, then my child takes a gift for X and a gift for Y.   If invited to Z's party (which happens to be a shared party with their twin) then I bring s gift for Z.  This was after I rsvp'd and the mother specifically asked us to only bring a gift for Z.

Gifts in return ... The time we invited both twins, they only brought the one gift, and then there was a lovely scene when they arrived - only one gift, so the girls were fighting over who got to carry in the gift and give it to my dd, ended up with one twin in tears when they knocked on the door.  

Oh, and if I am inviting both twins, both children get their own invite, not just one shared invited.

#9 aussiespecial123

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:22 AM

im a twin.

we used to HATE getting a shared present, even if the value was double as such. we always gave a present each too.

in relation to invites. we preety much both got invited to parties untill highschool with different friendships groups. in our circle of family/friends it would have been considered rude not to invite both.  (however money wasnt an issue or a reason back them to restrict numbers etc)

#10 Lyn29

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:24 AM

.

Edited by bye, 29 March 2013 - 02:16 PM.


#11 ~BT~

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:31 AM

No need to invite both.

And we give a present from each child invited, unless its a family friend, then it's just one from our family.

#12 LynnyP

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:40 AM

Pretty much what Julie3Girls says.

My daughter knows two sets of twins.  As a bit of background, her school has single sex classrooms so all the girls are in one class and the boys in another.  One set of twins is two girls, the other is a boy and a girl.  There are only 16 girls in the class so usually birthdays are the whole class.  She has invited both girl twins and the girl from the other set to her birthday party each time.  The girl twins have invited her to their birthday.  The girl and boy twin had a birthday party at the same place but sent out separate invitations.  I really can't remember if my daughter got two presents from the twins or not but she takes two presents to their party.  To the girl/boy party she took only a present for the girl!

Edited because I misused the sex and completely made the whole post nonsensical(er)

Edited by LynnyP, 23 February 2013 - 12:08 PM.


#13 choccy2

Posted 23 February 2013 - 11:50 AM

If my child was friends with both twins then yes. If not no.
No different than any other siblings.
If i was inviting both I'd give them an invitation each - they are not the same kid so deserve their own invitation.

#14 emnut

Posted 23 February 2013 - 12:04 PM

only if your child is friends with both of the twins.  DS has 2 sets of identical twins he knows - one set he invites both girls as he regularly plays with both, the other he only invites the one he plays with the most.  Both twin parents have indicated this is their preference.

ETA - also agree with the invitation each

Edited by emnut, 23 February 2013 - 12:04 PM.


#15 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 23 February 2013 - 12:15 PM

QUOTE (choccy2 @ 23/02/2013, 11:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If my child was friends with both twins then yes. If not no.
No different than any other siblings.

pretty much this.  We do this now with non-twin siblings - if my child plays with more than one kid from the same family, we tend to invite the children she plays with.  

Next week, both my girls have been invited to 2 parties.  We are shopping this weekend for 4 gifts (the girls each take a present for each birthday child).  I would imagine that as my girls grow up, they will develop their own circle of friends, but at this age, there is still a fair bit of overlap with friends.

I do one invitation per family, name the kids on the invitation.  I figure it's less invitations on the fridge and no different to what I would do for a party invitation for adults (adults from the same family who all live in the same house get one invitation).  I certainly don't expect (or want) two separate invitations for both my kids if they are invited to the same party.  If that's the case, am I supposed to RSVP two times, once for each child?

Upon saying this, when my children were very young (under three) we tended to invited families, rather than individual children.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 23 February 2013 - 12:18 PM.


#16 jill1972

Posted 23 February 2013 - 12:16 PM

Because I'm a Mum of twins, I would invite both, especially when they're little.  They're so used to being around each other all the time if one's uninvited they would definitely feel upset (mine would anyway).  I would have them bring a gift each.

If I didn't have twins I don't know if I'd have the same answer.



_________

#17 mumto3princesses

Posted 23 February 2013 - 01:55 PM

From about 7yrs it doesn't matter so much. But at 5 or 6 my twins couldn't deal with one being invited and not the other. I did try once. DH took DD#1 to her activity which took all day so I had no choice but to take DD#3 to the party and try to leave with DD#2. It was awful and she was so upset not to be part of the party with the girls that she thought were her friends too. It would have been different if I was able to leave her with someone while I took DD#3 but I had no choice.

Now that they are older they are ok with only one getting invited but as they have most of the same friends they usually both get invited. They are also used to doing their after school activities seperate now too which makes a difference and they are fine with being apart.

We always do seperate presents and cards. They prefer to give a present that they have picked out themselves. I think we did one present once or twice over the years but it was worth the same as what we would have spent on 2 presents.

And a present each is much appreciated. They had a party once and invited a girl who they thought was both their friends. The girl walked straight past DD#2 to DD#3 said happy birthday, gave her a hug and a present and card. DD#2 would have been happy with a happy birthday, card and even just a $1 present. For a long time afterwards that really bothered her and she kept telling me so and so isn't my friend.

#18 Drowninginferal

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:07 PM

DS has one set of twin as friends. They're only two at the moment and naturally, are bot invited at that age.

As the gift recipient, I'd only expect one gift from the family rather than one from each child. But I'd always give one to each twin (if their mother would let us give gifts. She's a strict no-gifts partier even though she ignores that rule when others have it. biggrin.gif Cheeky monkey).

#19 Illiterati

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:37 PM

I don't make my kids invite the evil twin. Only the good one.

#20 Illiterati

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:46 PM

QUOTE (mumto3princesses @ 23/02/2013, 02:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
They had a party once and invited a girl who they thought was both their friends. The girl walked straight past DD#2 to DD#3 said happy birthday, gave her a hug and a present and card. DD#2 would have been happy with a happy birthday, card and even just a $1 present. For a long time afterwards that really bothered her and she kept telling me so and so isn't my friend.


How awful for your daughter. I mean how hard is it to pick up a $5 present at Kmart these days? The parents of the other child should have been a little more mindful.  And I agree that when twins are younger you invite both. Even the evil one  tongue.gif


#21 twinmumplus1

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:46 PM

As a mum of twins -

1.  Invite who they are friends with.  If they aren't really friendly, I wouldn't invite them.  A mum with twins knows that this will occur at some stage, and can have strategies to deal with it original.gif

2.  My boys are an oddity in the twin world - they LOVE shared presents.  When it comes to buying presents, I ask the parent giving the invite if they would like me to bring one or two presents (as in pool money, and get a DS/PS3 type game for example).  Most parents ask for the one.  All good original.gif

#22 Blueberrymummy

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:21 PM

Twins aren't just like any other siblings, they normally are in the same class, circle of friends and they go through many milestones together being exactly the same age. I would never only invite one twin, I think that is just cruel especially when they are in their primary school years, kids can be very sensitive. Unless my son had a really legitimate problem with one of the "twins" then I might consider it, but generally I would always invite both. What is the big deal about inviting an extra kid? I wouldn't want to be responsible for letting a child feel rejected.

Edited by Blueberrymummy, 23 February 2013 - 03:22 PM.


#23 balletmom4

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:33 PM

QUOTE (jill1972 @ 23/02/2013, 01:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Because I'm a Mum of twins, I would invite both, especially when they're little.  They're so used to being around each other all the time if one's uninvited they would definitely feel upset (mine would anyway).  I would have them bring a gift each.

If I didn't have twins I don't know if I'd have the same answer.



_________



I've got 4yo year old twins and compltely agree with this.

#24 Threelittleducks

Posted 23 February 2013 - 03:40 PM

QUOTE (Blueberrymummy @ 23/02/2013, 03:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Twins aren't just like any other siblings, they normally are in the same class, circle of friends and they go through many milestones together being exactly the same age. I would never only invite one twin, I think that is just cruel especially when they are in their primary school years, kids can be very sensitive. Unless my son had a really legitimate problem with one of the "twins" then I might consider it, but generally I would always invite both. What is the big deal about inviting an extra kid? I wouldn't want to be responsible for letting a child feel rejected.



This. I'm a twin Mum too.

I'm interested in how twin Mums deal with the situation of one not being invited too. Of course you can talk about it and plan a fun activity for the one who isn't going to the party....but surely the twin that isn't invited, especially in the younger age bracket, still feels hurt?




#25 mumto3princesses

Posted 23 February 2013 - 04:58 PM

That's true. They aren't just like any other siblings. Its not like a Year 4 child hanging out with her sister in Year 3 or Year 5 and their friends.

They often have the same friends even if they do end up with their own BFF's. Its not like they have a small group of friends and thats it. They will both have quite a few friends from their Year and wont play with exactly the same children each day except maybe their BFF's. In the younger years especially friends tend to be from their class or some other activity that they do at school with the other children. If not from the classroom or playground then they might be their choir friend, dancing friend, recorder friend, PSSA sport friend etc.

And if the school is anything like our school then at some stage over the years even if they are in seperate classes they will probably have been in a class with every child by the time they leave primary school. (They tend to mix them up a lot)

It does hurt if a classmate has a party and only one is invited. And that one girl from their 5th birthday party that didn't even say happy birthday to DD#2 unfortunately has given DD#2 the impression that she isn't her friend. I noticed they were in the same class as her in Year 2 and was surprised neither twin had mentioned she was in their class again when telling me who was in their class. DD#2's answer was I didn't tell you because she's not my friend.

Luckily only one being invited has only happened a few times over the years. When they were in Kindergarten I actually rang and said sorry she can't come. She's a twin and we aren't ready for seperate parties yet etc. That happened a couple of times.

We had one a couple of years ago where again only one got invited and there was tears even at the sight of the invitation in her twin sisters hand. I have to admit I did take the easy way out and make apologies to the parents saying we were "busy" that day. Then there was another one when we really were busy with a gymnastics competition.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.