Jump to content

Am i being over sensitive?
My birthday...

  • Please log in to reply
54 replies to this topic

#1 *concerned*

Posted 22 February 2013 - 10:57 PM

It my birthday next Saturday and my DD got an invitation to her best friends birthday (who goes to a different school and lives about 20 minutes away) for the Sunday but it's her weekend to go to her Dad's. She asked what was happening that weekend. Hubby hadn't mentioned anything, but I told her shell be with us as I would organise a weekend swap.
She was happy with that...

Today I spoke to Hubby about needing to swap weekend with Ex. He asked what date was for the kids party and i told him the 3rd. And then he blurts out "so what day is your birthday?"

My heart fell through the floor. All hopes of secret carefully laid plans, the possibility of a small hidden stash of money having been put away (things are tight financially), a breakfast in bed, a special cake... anything. Gone. He didn't even know what day it was. He hadn't thought about the fact our DD year old was meant to be with her Dad that weekend. Nothing.

Admittedly, he was still awake at 12noon after doing an 11pm  to 7am night shift. Our lives are hectic with two kids, him working shift work with no pattern or predictability in his job, financial strain, a $1600 repair bill for our work car (which we didn't know was that high at the time of conversation, thought it was $400), after school activities for kids,  and running our own business. He has been doing a string of afternoon shifts so home around 11.30pm, but we don't make it to bed before 1am at the earliest. So things are challenging, but that's just our life...

Anyway, I got upset. I feel insignificant,, unimportant and very hurt. I didn't scream and yell. I did a bit later, when trying to explain why I was upset, trying to express my pain.

All he could say was that he has/we have been so busy. That he wanted to go away with the kids but we can't afford it. Then the car bill came so all chances of even a night away went poof. Then he tried to say for me not to get upset, it wasn't intentional.

I know he loves me. He works incredibly hard to support the family. I have no complaints or issues with him and housework or the business or kids. He is very loving and (normally) attentive. We talk for hours so no communication issues and have no issues with each other's in-laws.

For me, that makes it worse.

Am I over-reacting? What do you think?

#2 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:02 PM

I would certainly be upset.

My husband KNOWS he's hopeless.  He has freely admitted he goes hunting for my licence or birth certificate around Valentines day so he doesn't forget the date.  (14 March).  WE've been together 7 years, he still does it each year.

There's still time for him to do something small but meaningful.

#3 Magnus

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:09 PM

It does sound hurtful, but at least you had this conversation now while there's still enough time left for him/you to plan something nice (even if not expensive).

If you don't think he's the kind that will take the initiative to do something romantic, then maybe just tell him what you want him to do/plam, so you know that something will happen on your birthday. I know it's not your responsibility, but it might make you feel better if you're not worried for the next week about him not making the effort.

#4 bakesgirls

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:12 PM

I'd be upset too if my DH didn't know when my birthday was. It's not a big thing to ask that he remember, no matter how busy he has been IMO.

I hope he does something nice for you OP, now that he has been reminded. original.gif

#5 Justaduck

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:13 PM

DP only this afternoon forgot mine - one of those "What is your ***** name" things came up on FB & he read mine as a completely wrong date altogether. His excuse "Men are hopeless with dates." My Dad is just as bad, even though we share the same date of the month that we were born.
I do usually mention in the lead up It is my bday in x amount of weeks just in conversation, not even as a reminder to him.
He still has time to do brekky in bed or make a cake for you, I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

#6 Fright bat

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:22 PM

I think you're over reacting.

Its just a birthday. You should feel special every day because your husband clearly works hard to support your family. Not devastated because the media/movies/marketers/society say birthdays should be a big deal.

If you feel neglected and unimportant, there's probably more going on than him not instantly rememberin what day of the week in two weeks your birthday happens to fall on.

#7 Imaginary friend

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:25 PM

some people are just bad at remembering dates -  I think you are reading too much into this.

#8 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:35 PM

Well it's all very well to say that you are overreacting if the presumption is that you are feeling nurtured overall.

If you are being cared for and nurtured on a daily basis then well ummm cut him some slack?  But it's hard to see that you would react that way if you if you felt you were being cared for with what you share.

#9 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:37 PM

In the ten years DH and I have been together, he has gotten me 2 birthday presents. One thoughtless, last minute gift, the other a present his mother had chosen.

He makes such a big song and dance about stressing out because its my birthday but then does nothing.

10 years.

I feel your pain. It still hurts me every year and yet each year I'm stupid enough to think maybe this year will be different.

#10 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 23 February 2013 - 01:41 AM

Id be sad too sad.gif

#11 GenWhy

Posted 23 February 2013 - 02:15 AM

I wouldn't be sad about the lack of a weekend away or anything planned. I'd definitely be upset about him not remembering your birthday.

My DH have been together for over 11 years. I think I've gotten one birthday present and card in that time. It is even more frustrating when they know it's your birthday but don't get you anything. He always says he has great ideas about what to buy or wants to surprise me but never follows through. I wisened up a few years ago and now don't get him anything either. On our wedding anniversary just gone, I got a card. I was gobsmacked. I hadn't bothered to get him one. I think it hurt his feelings. Maybe this year I'll get a birthday card!

#12 FauxPas

Posted 23 February 2013 - 05:13 AM

he sounds like such a lovely husband and caring father.  He is tired, over worked and stressed about bills/ providing for his family (that includes you!)....  you have already expressed your sadness to him, he responded, I am sure he will do something sweet for your birthday...   you need to give him a break  original.gif

#13 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 23 February 2013 - 06:16 AM

My dad is hopeless at dates, and he finally realised he was just needlessly upsetting the (mostly) women in his life, so he made a little laminated card with all the birthdays and anniversaries and put it in photo section of his wallet. He checks it every few days.   Maybe you could suggest that to your DH.

#14 farfaraway

Posted 23 February 2013 - 06:34 AM

Sorry, but the "men are hopeless with dates" excuse wears a bit thin on me. If my DH can't be bothered remembering 3 significant dates - mine and our children's birthdays - then that's just pathetic. I completely understand why you are upset. Yes, it's "just" a birthday, but so what? It's the one day we are allowed to feel a little bit special and celebrated, so yes, I'd be monumentally peed if my DH couldn't remember the date. I wouldn't expect a massive gesture, but at the very least a card and a token of his care for me - coffee, breakkie made, whatever. Not too much to ask in my opinion.

#15 Leslie Knope

Posted 23 February 2013 - 06:36 AM

I think you're overreacting. It sounds like it was one of those mind slip things.

#16 MrsLexiK

Posted 23 February 2013 - 06:42 AM

If asked my DH couldn't tell you the date he could give you a few dates around the actual date but it would be a fluke if he got the correct date. I am also like this for half of our family (but come on there are 50 birthdays to remember I think I am doing good remembering half and having a general idea if the others)

#17 cinnabubble

Posted 23 February 2013 - 06:57 AM

It seems like he's an essentially lovely husband who forgot a date. Birthdays aren't a big deal to me, so I really wouldn't care, but obviously you do. I'd cut him some slack. It sounds like he works hard for you every day, which is way more important than just remembering one day and being pretty crap the rest of the time.

#18 feralisles

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:06 AM

My DP rarely remembers mine (maybe three times in 25 years...)
I've learned not to expect anything so as not to be disappointed. That way it is a nice surprise if he actually does remember!

Like others have said OP, it is the bigger picture that counts.

#19 namie

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

QUOTE (Leslie Knope @ 23/02/2013, 07:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you're overreacting. It sounds like it was one of those mind slip things.

I agree. I remember the dates of most people's birthdays but I couldn't tell you what day they fall on.

I've been looking at late March/early April on the calendar a lot lately because my MIL is coming to stay with us. Her trip covers both DS2s 2nd birthday and DPs 40th. I know the dates she arrives, the dates of their birthdays, that we'll be having a celebration of some kind each of the two weekends, but in a conversation of what is happening on what day, I'd have to check the calendar.

If the conversation went as you said 'What day is your birthday?' then it sounds to me like he was just trying to get the days and dates straight in his head.

Edited by namie, 23 February 2013 - 07:08 AM.

#20 Penguin78

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:14 AM

I think you are overreacting. I saw the question as him asking which day the date of your birthday fell on. And it's not like it wasn't on his radar he knew it was around that time so I would cut him some slack. But maybe say without getting upset that you would like the day to be acknowledged somehow within your means. I think it's important for kids to see as well that it's important to give to their parents on their special days and mot just receive all the time.

My husband is good at suprise presents but hopeless at planning ahead for big days he was getting steadily worse in that department until one year for my birthday I got nothing. No card nothing. And I was 8months pregnant with our first child!

So the next day I sat him down and calmy and rationally told him that birthdays were important to me. That I didn't need a million dollar gift but I would like him to think and plan to give me something for my birthday. Since then, he has been excellent and understands how I feel.

#21 Mpjp is feral

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:17 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 23/02/2013, 12:22 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you're over reacting.

Its just a birthday. You should feel special every day because your husband clearly works hard to support your family. Not devastated because the media/movies/marketers/society say birthdays should be a big deal.

If you feel neglected and unimportant, there's probably more going on than him not instantly rememberin what day of the week in two weeks your birthday happens to fall on.

QUOTE (Hoi Polloi @ 23/02/2013, 12:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well it's all very well to say that you are overreacting if the presumption is that you are feeling nurtured overall.

If you are being cared for and nurtured on a daily basis then well ummm cut him some slack?  But it's hard to see that you would react that way if you if you felt you were being cared for with what you share.

QUOTE (FauxPas @ 23/02/2013, 06:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
he sounds like such a lovely husband and caring father.  He is tired, over worked and stressed about bills/ providing for his family (that includes you!)....  you have already expressed your sadness to him, he responded, I am sure he will do something sweet for your birthday...   you need to give him a break  original.gif

I agree w all these posts. From what you've described you dh is working extremely hard, long hours, and shift work which is not really conducive to a calm mind!!!!  Yes it's just your life, but it doesn't stop those in it feeling the effects of it.
If your dh is as wonderful as you describe, and he does sound wonderful, I'd definitely calm down about your bday. In my opinion you've overreacted..... Maybe bc your life is also stressful?
From how you've described him, he probably feels like a right sh*t right now.

#22 Kay1

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:20 AM

I used to get upset about this stuff. Unfortunately I've just had to accept that its not important to my DH like it is to me.

Last year he remembered in the morning and made the kids sing Happy Birthday. They didn't believe it was my birthday and just looked at DH oddly while he sang Happy Birthday and then went to work. I generally buy myself a present and say "this is for my birthday".

No amount of me telling him that its important to me, or showing him by doing nice things on his birthday has worked so I've had to just get over it. I would like to look forward to my birthday but I don't really. Maybe when the kids are older and can do something themselves. original.gif

I would def cut your DH some slack. He did know it was coming up and perhaps he will do something little for you. Expecting him to organise a night away or something in the circumstances sounds quite unrealistic. I'd settle for breakfast in bed or a bunch of flowers!!

#23 barrington

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:27 AM

He didn't know what day of the week your birthday was on?  OTT reaction on your part.

Its my DD's birthday next week, I've only just looked at the calendar to see what day of the week it falls on.  Just because I didn't know whether or not her birthday was on Wednesday or Thursday, doesn't mean I don't care about her or won't have presents and a surprise for her.  

#24 The Old Feral

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:35 AM

If my DH asked that what he would really be saying is "I know your birthday is xx/xx and it's coming up but I've lost track and can't remember which day of the week it's going to fall on".

At worst I'd roll my eyes and tease him about being a space cadet.

#25 MAGS24

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:37 AM

I wouldn't be upset. I think that guys in particular have trouble remembering birthday dates etc. I always remind my husband about a month in advance that my birthday is coming up, just so that he has no excuse to forget. I used to get upset about lack luster or forgotten birthdays but now I just celebrate the kids birthdays and don't worry about DH or mine very much.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.


Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.


What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.


Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.