Jump to content

Big gaps....
between children


  • Please log in to reply
29 replies to this topic

#1 lovebeingamum76

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:37 AM

Would love to hear stories from those that have big gaps between kids......

My first 2 are 3 years apart but this time (I am only 5 weeks preg) I will have 6.5 years between my dauter and this bub.My son will be 9.5 years...

I am excited to soon be sharing this pregnancy with them and them and I know they will be great big brother and sister.It was nice to have 3 years with my son before DD was born and its been nice to have the time with DD while DS was at school....this time round ill be able to have loads of one on one time.
did your older kids get jealous about bub? Any tips or suggestions?

TIA

#2 Oh My......

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:49 AM

My DS1 was 5 when DD was born, 7 when DS2 born and will be 11yrs old when twins are born. They all have a strong bond with each other. Have their moments of cause. No one was jealous.

Biggest issue that I have is DS1 is in a very different stage to DS2 (he now 4yrs old and at preschool). Trying to find special activities that they both enjoy

#3 Rolex

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:25 PM

Interested in replies as well original.gif

I'm due in July with #4, and my #3 turns 8 in August.  My older kids will be 12, 10 and 8.

Blows me away to think that by the time this baby is starting school, I'll have 2 in high school, and one already finished high school ohmy.gif  But they are all very much looking forward to helping with the baby (except nappies, they've all stated they're not doing nappies! Lol).

The big age gap does worry me a bit, only because I had my first 3 all close together, and now having a huge gap.  But we did start TTC for this one 6 years ago, so I take what I'm given biggrin.gif

Edited by Rolex, 22 February 2013 - 12:30 PM.


#4 RealityBites

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

I have a 10yo and an almost 5yo, and due in May. I only do babies/toddlers one at a time!

#5 cameo

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:35 PM

I am not pregnant - came to this from recent topics - but my DS was 5.5 when his sister was born.  She is now 4 and he is 10.

It has been great really, DS has a much bigger understanding and is able to cope with the dramas of a newborn really well.  He is great with her (most of the time) and is able to entertain her or make her laugh if she is upset etc etc.

The only downsides I have are that they will only share one year of primary together (Grade 6 and Prep next year), their interests are different being such a big gap and finding activities that they can both enjoy is a bit trickier.

If it wasn't for the schooling, the gap would be only positive for me.  It's so lovely and easier on me!!

#6 Feral-Lausii

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:47 PM

My eldest child was 16 and a half when I had dd who is now 3. The others are now 13, 12 and 10. Two in High School, one Primary and my eldest has moved out.

No jealousy issues, she is adored by all of them. They look for her when they get home from school and are very protective of her.

The only issue is having someone her age to play with. She does go to daycare two days a week, so that helps. And being the only child at school with no siblings there to look out for her. But I guess many only children manage so she will be fine.

This stage of my life is so much easier then when I had 3 under 4 plus a moody ten year old.  biggrin.gif I often look back at that time and wonder how I managed!



#7 Jjbeanz

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:02 PM

I had 3 yrs then 5 yrs then 3 yrs between my 4 ( 11 yrs  between oldest and youngest ) I enjoy it as I've had more time with each baby/toddler untill the next baby came along and only 1 in nappies. They are so much more independent from 3 yrs onwards so I found it easier to cope with a newborn plus the older kids are a great help original.gif

The hardest has been that they are at different stages with school. Last yr I had 1 at high school, 1 at primary school, 1 at preschool and 1 at daycare and that was a pain. Luckily my 3 oldest all love the same sport otherwise that would be difficult

ETA there wasn't much jealousy when bub came along...they all adore her original.gif

Edited by Jjbeanz, 22 February 2013 - 01:04 PM.


#8 ~Supernova~

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:03 PM

There is just over 7 years between DD and DS. They absolutely adore each other. She is so great with him, carries him around, plays barbies with him. I LOVE this age gap. I'm not the kind of person who could handle a close age gap and several little kids, I shudder at the thought.

#9 weepingangel

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:30 PM

I have a 15 year old, 13 year old, 10 year old and an 18 month old.

Our older girls are besotted with our baby girl ( not so much a baby anymore original.gif ), i think it has been a lot easier than having 4 close together.

#10 Maple Leaf

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:37 PM

I have 4.5 years between my girls. They are like oil and water. But that is due to their personalities more so than the age gap.

I think whether siblings get along or not is 90% based on personality, not necessarily their ages!
*in my experience*. wink.gif


#11 Bluenomi

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

My sisters are 10, 12 and 18 years younger than me, we get one fine, just the usual kids stuff.

I'm planning at 4 year gap, no way did I want kids 2 years apart!

#12 Cranky Kitten

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:55 PM

I have 9 years between my two, they really enjoy each other now that DS is older but DD did find him a bit boring in the newborn days. She was expecting to be able to play with him and it really didn't work out that way because he was either feeding or sleeping. She sort of resented that time a little but I kept reassuring her that it will pass and that she gets to do a lot of things that DS can't do simply because she's older.


#13 Carmen02

Posted 22 February 2013 - 02:12 PM

DD was almost 9 and DS was 6 when DS2 was born, there was absoutely no jealous at all between them! DS2 spent 2 weeks in SCN so it was a rough start to life but DS adored him from the first time he saw him..DD took some time to get used to him she was scared of all the machines and what was happening..but now DS2 is 2 yrs old and they all have an amazing realtionship DD adores him and tries to do everything for him (i have to stop her sometimes because i sh ould do something lol!) DS's both have a great realtionship playing together and when he was a baby they both did everything they could to help!

#14 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 22 February 2013 - 04:18 PM

Sorry to be a bit of a downer here but DH has two other siblings with 6 year gaps between them (he was 13 when his brother was born and his sister was 6).

OK DH was pretty good with his brother and helped his mum looking after him (changing diapers etc) however it's later on that it becomes sad.


Basically once DH reached university he couldn't really relate to his 5 year old brother. Brother wanted to play but DH was busy at uni, work and dating me! Sister was about 12 and also wasn't interested in playing with 5 year old. DH did spend time driving his sister around to things like orchestra but they didn't get on to well (I still remember a huge fight in which she bit him while he was driving the car). DH ended up be a defacto parent and this really was a hassle for him. He had no authority but his mum expected him to shuttle the two others around and supervise them when she couldn't.


DH and his brother never really connected as brother was often too young to participate or be interested in DH doings. When all three siblings were out together they often got mistaken as a family which peeved them off heaps. DH of course moved out with me when he was 21 (brother was 9 by then) so that was pretty much the end of any relationship between them. It's only been since DH's brother finished uni (now 22) that the two have become "friends" and are able to talk to each other and that is the saddest part of all.


My dad and his brother had a 6 year gap as well so his brother was off to intermediate school when he started primary. As soon as his brother truned 18 he left home and country (Dad just started high school) They were never close and that's haunted their realtionship since.

#15 Lishyfips

Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:36 PM

I'm so glad to hear there are many others out there with big gaps between kids! I have been feeling a bit embarrassed about telling people I'm pregnant with my third as my older kids are 7.5 and 5 years old. I worried people would think I was having another baby to avoid going back to work now that my other two are at school. Silly to worry about what people think, really - it's not like there's some set plan everyone needs to stick to. Besides, there are obviously lots of families with gaps of more than two or three years between kids - I'm really conscious of how many are around that I'd never even noticed before.

Freaks me out to think I will have one in high school and another at kinder, but I guess it has advantages in other ways (live in babysitter when they're older!).

#16 ~Supernova~

Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:41 PM

QUOTE (Kiwi Bicycle @ 22/02/2013, 05:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry to be a bit of a downer here but DH has two other siblings with 6 year gaps between them (he was 13 when his brother was born and his sister was 6).

OK DH was pretty good with his brother and helped his mum looking after him (changing diapers etc) however it's later on that it becomes sad.


Basically once DH reached university he couldn't really relate to his 5 year old brother. Brother wanted to play but DH was busy at uni, work and dating me! Sister was about 12 and also wasn't interested in playing with 5 year old. DH did spend time driving his sister around to things like orchestra but they didn't get on to well (I still remember a huge fight in which she bit him while he was driving the car). DH ended up be a defacto parent and this really was a hassle for him. He had no authority but his mum expected him to shuttle the two others around and supervise them when she couldn't.


DH and his brother never really connected as brother was often too young to participate or be interested in DH doings. When all three siblings were out together they often got mistaken as a family which peeved them off heaps. DH of course moved out with me when he was 21 (brother was 9 by then) so that was pretty much the end of any relationship between them. It's only been since DH's brother finished uni (now 22) that the two have become "friends" and are able to talk to each other and that is the saddest part of all.


My dad and his brother had a 6 year gap as well so his brother was off to intermediate school when he started primary. As soon as his brother truned 18 he left home and country (Dad just started high school) They were never close and that's haunted their realtionship since.


I think as per pp, it really does just come down to personality sometimes. And even with children close in age, they will go through stages of closeness and distance. I have 2 sisters, one is 3 years younger, one 8 years. I went through my times of being frustrated with both. Happily though, we are all very close now. I used to still play barbies with my little sis when I was 13 (and I was NOT a kiddish teenager, I was a horror) I just kept it secret from my friends LOL. But she was my sister, and I loved her  wub.gif

#17 FiveAus

Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:43 PM

I was 10 then 12 when my younger brother and sister were born. I couldn't imagine loving babies more than I loved them (until I had my own). I thought they were wonderful, and I completely adored them.  

My 12 year younger sister and I shared each others births. I was at the birth of her first daughter, and I asked her to come and be with me at the birth of my fourth child.

#18 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:00 PM

Ds1 was 5 when DS2 was born....we didn't plan such a big gap, I struggled with some secondary infertility....in the end it worked ok, DS1 started school by the time I had the baby, so I had some time alone with him, which was nice! DS 1 is pretty self sufficient, over the tantrum stage, can help out....he loves him and is really very good with him. I do realise all that can change, there will no doubt be a time when DS1 goes through a "Too cool for school" stage and DS2 will be the annoying little brother, but I hope they remain friends......as PPs have said, it really comes down to personality ...


#19 Glowworm80

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:10 PM

I have a nine year gap between my DS and DD. we are still in the early stages as she is 5 months old. He really loves and enjoys being with her. He is also a huge help, keeping her occupied during dinners etc. we haven't really experienced jealously, although he did once say I was spending a lot of time with DD, and I explained her being a baby and her needing me a lot, like he did when he was a baby. He was happy with that explanation.

#20 mummahh

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:16 PM

DD is 17, DS is 3.

Yes, she did get jealous! She went from being an only child of divorced parents (i.e spoiled rotten) to being a surprise big sister. It took some adjustment.

Just remember, your older kids are still your babies too. They need one-on-one time of their own. Also, don't expect too much of them in terms of looking after their little brother/sister. Some kids are great with babies, others take their time.

These days my two adore each other, and DD is an awesome babysitter, when she is available that is!

#21 Goggie

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:48 PM

There are 6, 8, and 10 years between me and my siblings. I loved being the baby of the family and enjoy close relationships with 2 of my 3 siblings but the oldest and I just don't get along we are very different people with different values and interests.
In saying that, the biggest issue for me was I often felt like an only child as by the time I was in primary school my brother was in year 6 and my sisters in high school so we didn't do a lot together as kids and once they hit late teenage years they stopped coming to events as a family which meant that it was often just me and my parents.

Mum made sure I socialized a lot and had lots of friends over etc to keep me company but I was a shy child and I think I could have been pushed to get out of my shell a bit more if my siblings were around.

But I loved being the baby of the family and due to the large gap, when I was in my 20's I was the only one left at home and really enjoyed my parents company as I had more time with them and I got to enjoy the generosity of my parents by staying at home til I was 25!!

#22 Everafter

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:17 PM

DD will be 7.5 when this one is born.  I think she will be a wonderful big sister...well, that's what I'm hoping!

#23 Stronger

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:23 PM

This thread is interesting reading as I will have a nearly 7yr age gap between #1 and #2 - didn't plan it this way but it is what it is! I am kind of looking forward to being able to spend some one on one time with bub though like i did with DD. I just hope bub is a good one at being ferried to and from school and all of DD's activities!



#24 Eonyk

Posted 23 February 2013 - 05:59 AM

From the perspective of someone who has a much younger sibling:

I have a sister who is 12 years younger. From my experience, I feel blessed to have a younger sibling and one who is much younger. I feel incredibly close to her, although obviously our relationship is unique because she is that much younger. She is in her teens now.

What I love about having the big gap is that I was old enough when she was born to better appreciate how young she was, and was able to watch her grow and develop. I have memories of watching her wide-eyed wonder and memories of all her milestone moments like first laugh, first word, crawling, walking etc. I wouldn't trade that for the world!!!

I have also ensured I can be someone she can come to for advice or to talk if she doesn't want to go to our parents, and I do feel very protective of her. Because she is aware I am that much older, I think she is quite open to listening to my advice, even in circumstances where she might not listen to our parents! What teen wants to admit their parents are right?!? LOL. But it's not so hard to admit your older, pretty cool sister may have a point worth listening to. Especially in the areas of puberty, dating, school etc. I'm just glad she sees me as someone she can confide in.

All in all, I feel extremely lucky to have a much younger sibling and haven't felt any negatives to the big age gap. I also think my parents have appreciated the large age gap between us through the years... they got many hours of free babysitting out of me!!!

Edited by Eonyk, 23 February 2013 - 06:04 AM.


#25 DreamFeralisations

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:11 AM

There are 10 years between my girls and they love each other so much - sure, it might be different when they are 5 and 15, but so far (touch wood) all is wonderful - they have their moments, but what siblings don't?




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

'Chopstick Baby' born at 23 weeks

Given the nickname of 'Chopstick Baby' by local media, a baby born weighing 660g has survived a week outside the womb.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.