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Big gaps....
between children


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#1 lovebeingamum76

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:37 AM

Would love to hear stories from those that have big gaps between kids......

My first 2 are 3 years apart but this time (I am only 5 weeks preg) I will have 6.5 years between my dauter and this bub.My son will be 9.5 years...

I am excited to soon be sharing this pregnancy with them and them and I know they will be great big brother and sister.It was nice to have 3 years with my son before DD was born and its been nice to have the time with DD while DS was at school....this time round ill be able to have loads of one on one time.
did your older kids get jealous about bub? Any tips or suggestions?

TIA

#2 Oh My......

Posted 22 February 2013 - 11:49 AM

My DS1 was 5 when DD was born, 7 when DS2 born and will be 11yrs old when twins are born. They all have a strong bond with each other. Have their moments of cause. No one was jealous.

Biggest issue that I have is DS1 is in a very different stage to DS2 (he now 4yrs old and at preschool). Trying to find special activities that they both enjoy

#3 Rolex

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:25 PM

Interested in replies as well original.gif

I'm due in July with #4, and my #3 turns 8 in August.  My older kids will be 12, 10 and 8.

Blows me away to think that by the time this baby is starting school, I'll have 2 in high school, and one already finished high school ohmy.gif  But they are all very much looking forward to helping with the baby (except nappies, they've all stated they're not doing nappies! Lol).

The big age gap does worry me a bit, only because I had my first 3 all close together, and now having a huge gap.  But we did start TTC for this one 6 years ago, so I take what I'm given biggrin.gif

Edited by Rolex, 22 February 2013 - 12:30 PM.


#4 RealityBites

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:27 PM

I have a 10yo and an almost 5yo, and due in May. I only do babies/toddlers one at a time!

#5 cameo

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:35 PM

I am not pregnant - came to this from recent topics - but my DS was 5.5 when his sister was born.  She is now 4 and he is 10.

It has been great really, DS has a much bigger understanding and is able to cope with the dramas of a newborn really well.  He is great with her (most of the time) and is able to entertain her or make her laugh if she is upset etc etc.

The only downsides I have are that they will only share one year of primary together (Grade 6 and Prep next year), their interests are different being such a big gap and finding activities that they can both enjoy is a bit trickier.

If it wasn't for the schooling, the gap would be only positive for me.  It's so lovely and easier on me!!

#6 Feral-Lausii

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:47 PM

My eldest child was 16 and a half when I had dd who is now 3. The others are now 13, 12 and 10. Two in High School, one Primary and my eldest has moved out.

No jealousy issues, she is adored by all of them. They look for her when they get home from school and are very protective of her.

The only issue is having someone her age to play with. She does go to daycare two days a week, so that helps. And being the only child at school with no siblings there to look out for her. But I guess many only children manage so she will be fine.

This stage of my life is so much easier then when I had 3 under 4 plus a moody ten year old.  biggrin.gif I often look back at that time and wonder how I managed!



#7 Jjbeanz

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:02 PM

I had 3 yrs then 5 yrs then 3 yrs between my 4 ( 11 yrs  between oldest and youngest ) I enjoy it as I've had more time with each baby/toddler untill the next baby came along and only 1 in nappies. They are so much more independent from 3 yrs onwards so I found it easier to cope with a newborn plus the older kids are a great help original.gif

The hardest has been that they are at different stages with school. Last yr I had 1 at high school, 1 at primary school, 1 at preschool and 1 at daycare and that was a pain. Luckily my 3 oldest all love the same sport otherwise that would be difficult

ETA there wasn't much jealousy when bub came along...they all adore her original.gif

Edited by Jjbeanz, 22 February 2013 - 01:04 PM.


#8 ~Supernova~

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:03 PM

There is just over 7 years between DD and DS. They absolutely adore each other. She is so great with him, carries him around, plays barbies with him. I LOVE this age gap. I'm not the kind of person who could handle a close age gap and several little kids, I shudder at the thought.

#9 weepingangel

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:30 PM

I have a 15 year old, 13 year old, 10 year old and an 18 month old.

Our older girls are besotted with our baby girl ( not so much a baby anymore original.gif ), i think it has been a lot easier than having 4 close together.

#10 Maple Leaf

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:37 PM

I have 4.5 years between my girls. They are like oil and water. But that is due to their personalities more so than the age gap.

I think whether siblings get along or not is 90% based on personality, not necessarily their ages!
*in my experience*. wink.gif


#11 Bluenomi

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

My sisters are 10, 12 and 18 years younger than me, we get one fine, just the usual kids stuff.

I'm planning at 4 year gap, no way did I want kids 2 years apart!

#12 Cranky Kitten

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:55 PM

I have 9 years between my two, they really enjoy each other now that DS is older but DD did find him a bit boring in the newborn days. She was expecting to be able to play with him and it really didn't work out that way because he was either feeding or sleeping. She sort of resented that time a little but I kept reassuring her that it will pass and that she gets to do a lot of things that DS can't do simply because she's older.


#13 Carmen02

Posted 22 February 2013 - 02:12 PM

DD was almost 9 and DS was 6 when DS2 was born, there was absoutely no jealous at all between them! DS2 spent 2 weeks in SCN so it was a rough start to life but DS adored him from the first time he saw him..DD took some time to get used to him she was scared of all the machines and what was happening..but now DS2 is 2 yrs old and they all have an amazing realtionship DD adores him and tries to do everything for him (i have to stop her sometimes because i sh ould do something lol!) DS's both have a great realtionship playing together and when he was a baby they both did everything they could to help!

#14 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 22 February 2013 - 04:18 PM

Sorry to be a bit of a downer here but DH has two other siblings with 6 year gaps between them (he was 13 when his brother was born and his sister was 6).

OK DH was pretty good with his brother and helped his mum looking after him (changing diapers etc) however it's later on that it becomes sad.


Basically once DH reached university he couldn't really relate to his 5 year old brother. Brother wanted to play but DH was busy at uni, work and dating me! Sister was about 12 and also wasn't interested in playing with 5 year old. DH did spend time driving his sister around to things like orchestra but they didn't get on to well (I still remember a huge fight in which she bit him while he was driving the car). DH ended up be a defacto parent and this really was a hassle for him. He had no authority but his mum expected him to shuttle the two others around and supervise them when she couldn't.


DH and his brother never really connected as brother was often too young to participate or be interested in DH doings. When all three siblings were out together they often got mistaken as a family which peeved them off heaps. DH of course moved out with me when he was 21 (brother was 9 by then) so that was pretty much the end of any relationship between them. It's only been since DH's brother finished uni (now 22) that the two have become "friends" and are able to talk to each other and that is the saddest part of all.


My dad and his brother had a 6 year gap as well so his brother was off to intermediate school when he started primary. As soon as his brother truned 18 he left home and country (Dad just started high school) They were never close and that's haunted their realtionship since.

#15 Lishyfips

Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:36 PM

I'm so glad to hear there are many others out there with big gaps between kids! I have been feeling a bit embarrassed about telling people I'm pregnant with my third as my older kids are 7.5 and 5 years old. I worried people would think I was having another baby to avoid going back to work now that my other two are at school. Silly to worry about what people think, really - it's not like there's some set plan everyone needs to stick to. Besides, there are obviously lots of families with gaps of more than two or three years between kids - I'm really conscious of how many are around that I'd never even noticed before.

Freaks me out to think I will have one in high school and another at kinder, but I guess it has advantages in other ways (live in babysitter when they're older!).

#16 ~Supernova~

Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:41 PM

QUOTE (Kiwi Bicycle @ 22/02/2013, 05:18 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sorry to be a bit of a downer here but DH has two other siblings with 6 year gaps between them (he was 13 when his brother was born and his sister was 6).

OK DH was pretty good with his brother and helped his mum looking after him (changing diapers etc) however it's later on that it becomes sad.


Basically once DH reached university he couldn't really relate to his 5 year old brother. Brother wanted to play but DH was busy at uni, work and dating me! Sister was about 12 and also wasn't interested in playing with 5 year old. DH did spend time driving his sister around to things like orchestra but they didn't get on to well (I still remember a huge fight in which she bit him while he was driving the car). DH ended up be a defacto parent and this really was a hassle for him. He had no authority but his mum expected him to shuttle the two others around and supervise them when she couldn't.


DH and his brother never really connected as brother was often too young to participate or be interested in DH doings. When all three siblings were out together they often got mistaken as a family which peeved them off heaps. DH of course moved out with me when he was 21 (brother was 9 by then) so that was pretty much the end of any relationship between them. It's only been since DH's brother finished uni (now 22) that the two have become "friends" and are able to talk to each other and that is the saddest part of all.


My dad and his brother had a 6 year gap as well so his brother was off to intermediate school when he started primary. As soon as his brother truned 18 he left home and country (Dad just started high school) They were never close and that's haunted their realtionship since.


I think as per pp, it really does just come down to personality sometimes. And even with children close in age, they will go through stages of closeness and distance. I have 2 sisters, one is 3 years younger, one 8 years. I went through my times of being frustrated with both. Happily though, we are all very close now. I used to still play barbies with my little sis when I was 13 (and I was NOT a kiddish teenager, I was a horror) I just kept it secret from my friends LOL. But she was my sister, and I loved her  wub.gif

#17 FiveAus

Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:43 PM

I was 10 then 12 when my younger brother and sister were born. I couldn't imagine loving babies more than I loved them (until I had my own). I thought they were wonderful, and I completely adored them.  

My 12 year younger sister and I shared each others births. I was at the birth of her first daughter, and I asked her to come and be with me at the birth of my fourth child.

#18 Feral Borgia

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:00 PM

Ds1 was 5 when DS2 was born....we didn't plan such a big gap, I struggled with some secondary infertility....in the end it worked ok, DS1 started school by the time I had the baby, so I had some time alone with him, which was nice! DS 1 is pretty self sufficient, over the tantrum stage, can help out....he loves him and is really very good with him. I do realise all that can change, there will no doubt be a time when DS1 goes through a "Too cool for school" stage and DS2 will be the annoying little brother, but I hope they remain friends......as PPs have said, it really comes down to personality ...


#19 Glowworm80

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:10 PM

I have a nine year gap between my DS and DD. we are still in the early stages as she is 5 months old. He really loves and enjoys being with her. He is also a huge help, keeping her occupied during dinners etc. we haven't really experienced jealously, although he did once say I was spending a lot of time with DD, and I explained her being a baby and her needing me a lot, like he did when he was a baby. He was happy with that explanation.

#20 mummahh

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:16 PM

DD is 17, DS is 3.

Yes, she did get jealous! She went from being an only child of divorced parents (i.e spoiled rotten) to being a surprise big sister. It took some adjustment.

Just remember, your older kids are still your babies too. They need one-on-one time of their own. Also, don't expect too much of them in terms of looking after their little brother/sister. Some kids are great with babies, others take their time.

These days my two adore each other, and DD is an awesome babysitter, when she is available that is!

#21 Goggie

Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:48 PM

There are 6, 8, and 10 years between me and my siblings. I loved being the baby of the family and enjoy close relationships with 2 of my 3 siblings but the oldest and I just don't get along we are very different people with different values and interests.
In saying that, the biggest issue for me was I often felt like an only child as by the time I was in primary school my brother was in year 6 and my sisters in high school so we didn't do a lot together as kids and once they hit late teenage years they stopped coming to events as a family which meant that it was often just me and my parents.

Mum made sure I socialized a lot and had lots of friends over etc to keep me company but I was a shy child and I think I could have been pushed to get out of my shell a bit more if my siblings were around.

But I loved being the baby of the family and due to the large gap, when I was in my 20's I was the only one left at home and really enjoyed my parents company as I had more time with them and I got to enjoy the generosity of my parents by staying at home til I was 25!!

#22 Everafter

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:17 PM

DD will be 7.5 when this one is born.  I think she will be a wonderful big sister...well, that's what I'm hoping!

#23 Stronger

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:23 PM

This thread is interesting reading as I will have a nearly 7yr age gap between #1 and #2 - didn't plan it this way but it is what it is! I am kind of looking forward to being able to spend some one on one time with bub though like i did with DD. I just hope bub is a good one at being ferried to and from school and all of DD's activities!



#24 Eonyk

Posted 23 February 2013 - 05:59 AM

From the perspective of someone who has a much younger sibling:

I have a sister who is 12 years younger. From my experience, I feel blessed to have a younger sibling and one who is much younger. I feel incredibly close to her, although obviously our relationship is unique because she is that much younger. She is in her teens now.

What I love about having the big gap is that I was old enough when she was born to better appreciate how young she was, and was able to watch her grow and develop. I have memories of watching her wide-eyed wonder and memories of all her milestone moments like first laugh, first word, crawling, walking etc. I wouldn't trade that for the world!!!

I have also ensured I can be someone she can come to for advice or to talk if she doesn't want to go to our parents, and I do feel very protective of her. Because she is aware I am that much older, I think she is quite open to listening to my advice, even in circumstances where she might not listen to our parents! What teen wants to admit their parents are right?!? LOL. But it's not so hard to admit your older, pretty cool sister may have a point worth listening to. Especially in the areas of puberty, dating, school etc. I'm just glad she sees me as someone she can confide in.

All in all, I feel extremely lucky to have a much younger sibling and haven't felt any negatives to the big age gap. I also think my parents have appreciated the large age gap between us through the years... they got many hours of free babysitting out of me!!!

Edited by Eonyk, 23 February 2013 - 06:04 AM.


#25 DreamFeralisations

Posted 23 February 2013 - 07:11 AM

There are 10 years between my girls and they love each other so much - sure, it might be different when they are 5 and 15, but so far (touch wood) all is wonderful - they have their moments, but what siblings don't?




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