Jump to content

50th Birthday or 50th wedding anniversary
Spin off but genuine question


  • Please log in to reply
26 replies to this topic

#1 TopsyTurvy

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:07 AM

Seeing the 1st Birthday vs 40th Birthday thread I thought I would ask WWYD?

Dad's long term partner is turning 50, the same week DH's mum and Dad celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Both have opted for the same Saturday to celebrate.

Obviously I can't go to both (1.5 hours drive apart)
DH has chosen to bury his head in the sand and not think about it, but the only solution I can see is DH goes to his parents party, and I go to Dad's partners party.

I am going to be terribly disappointed not to go to DH's parents, but I did warn them that the 50th Birthday party was scheduled early on that date, but DH's mum claims she forgot (which is entirely possible as she is a little on the air headed side Tounge1.gif ) and just planned it for that night because its the actual night of their anniversary.

Any other solutions anyone can think of?




#2 DEVOCEAN

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

I would prefer to go to the 50th wedding anniversary. It is something that is not achieved very often.

#3 kpingitquiet

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:13 AM

I would send a lovely gift to dad's partner and arrange to take them to lunch sometime soon, then I would go to the anniversary. 50 years married, to me, is a heck of a lot bigger accomplishment than 50 years breathing biggrin.gif

#4 JRA

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:14 AM

One question is how long a long term partner? Was she there when your husband was growing up. Or is it only since he has grown up?

If you don't have your DH going to his step mum, and you to your parents, I would definitely do the 50 wedding anniversary.



#5 kpingitquiet

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:19 AM

JRA: I read it the other way around. Anniversary is her husband's parents. Birthday is her (essentially) step-parent.

#6 Julie3Girls

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:20 AM

It would depend on the type of celebration.

Lots of different scenarios, and a lot depends on your relationship with them all, and the type of party, how hurt would they be if you didn't come, how laid back are they for doing something on a different day. I admit, I would be leaning to the anniversary

If the 50th birthday is a party with lots of her friends, and the wedding anniversary is a lot of family, I'd go to the anniversary, and then visit your family the next afternoon for a small family birthday celebration.  Or even turn up in

Is the birthday party on the actual day?  If not, I'd try and visit the birthday girl on her actual birthday and go to the anniversary party.

Maybe visit the birthday girl in the morning/have lunch, help set up, then great big hug, " wish we could stay for the party have a great time" and head to the other one.

Otherwise, you really are down to one at each party.  What lousy timing!!

Edited by Julie3Girls, 22 February 2013 - 07:22 AM.


#7 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:22 AM

Zero contest with this one as well.

As my countrywoman so eloquently put it, "50 years married, to me, is a heck of a lot bigger accomplishment than 50 years breathing."

Besides, with so many people making a big hoopla out of 40th birthdays and 60th birthdays, there will likely be another opportunity to party hard with your dad's partner. I would do something very lovely with her around the date of her big birthday but plan on being at my inlaws' anniversary celebration (unless, of course, you are estranged from your inlaws!)

Sorry about the timing!

Edited by baddmammajamma, 22 February 2013 - 07:23 AM.


#8 Country (deci)Mel

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:24 AM

I'd go to the anniversary.

Your Dad's partner will have all her friends around her to celebrate, and you can have a catch up later or earlier in the week to let her know she is special.

A 50th Wedding Anniversary is a big deal, and I would imagine your PILs will be wanting to have all their family around - it is the celebration of the start of that family after all!  

You don't want to be the missing head in the family photos!

As keepingitquiet said:
QUOTE
50 years married, to me, is a heck of a lot bigger accomplishment than 50 years breathing


#9 TopsyTurvy

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:29 AM

I know it totally sucks with the timing!

Dad and his girlfriend have been together for about 17 years now.

She has been planning her birthday for months and we have family flying from interstate to attend.  Hers is being paid for and catered at a local restaurant and I had actually RSVP'd we were going when DH's mum sprung the anniversary party on us.
They are having a much lower key affair with a few close friends and immediate family at the clubhouse of the retirement village they live in.  

Arggghh its such a frustrating dilemma, I do absolutely acknowledge that the 50th anniversary trumps a birthday, but I know Dad's girlfriend will be upset if at least I don't go as we are pretty close.



#10 DEVOCEAN

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:30 AM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 22/02/2013, 08:27 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would do the one of you go to each event thing.

Someone elses wedding anniversary means nothing to me though so I'd see it as getting out of a boring, nothing event. Birthdays should always be celebrated, you never know when it will be your last.

So her DH's parents and the day they got married and started their family, means nothing.


#11 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:35 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 22/02/2013, 08:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She has been planning her birthday for months and we have family flying from interstate to attend.  Hers is being paid for and catered at a local restaurant and I had actually RSVP'd we were going when DH's mum sprung the anniversary party on us.
They are having a much lower key affair with a few close friends and immediate family at the clubhouse of the retirement village they live in.  

Arggghh its such a frustrating dilemma, I do absolutely acknowledge that the 50th anniversary trumps a birthday, but I know Dad's girlfriend will be upset if at least I don't go as we are pretty close.


All the more reason to go to the anniversary. If it's an intimate event, your absence will be felt even more.

Sounds like your father's partner is planning a big, bold 50th bash -- and I appreciate that you want to be there, but it just doesn't compare to a 50th wedding anniversary IMHO.

Your inlaws are, what, in their 70s? 80s? In a day and age when so many relationships don't make it, there's something really beautiful about an enduring love story of a half century.



#12 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:35 AM

Normally I would also say that a family 50thanniversary might trump a birthday (although I'm not big on anniversary celebrations, 50 years is a big deal)

However, as I would say to my son, if you RSVP'd to the birthday, you go to the birthday.

If necessary your DH could go to his parents.

#13 DEVOCEAN

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:35 AM

Glad you aren't my DIL. It's nice to know you think about your IL's as being unimportant.

#14 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:36 AM

Given your update, I'm going against the grain...

To me, you've answered the question, you've RSVP'd yes to the bday party. It would be incredibly rude to turn around and say you've had a better offer. I'd be really annoyed at someone that did that to me or someone I cared about. Your ILs should understand and if having you there was that important then MIL should have made sure it wasn't the same date as the party that you already told her about.

Given the anniversary party is smaller and just family I would "I'm really sorry but we already RSVP'd to the birthday party I told you about. We would have loved to have come, is there any way that you can move it so it doesn't clash??"

#15 ~Supernova~

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:36 AM

Considering you have already RSVP'd, and are close to your father's partner, I would go the route of you each attending separately. Not ideal, but keeps most people happy.

#16 baddmammajamma

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:39 AM

QUOTE (PussyDids @ 22/02/2013, 08:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Given the anniversary party is smaller and just family I would "I'm really sorry but we already RSVP'd to the birthday party I told you about. We would have loved to have come, is there any way that you can move it so it doesn't clash??"


Actually, that is a good point raised by PussyDids. If it is going to be an intimate affair, and not a lot of planning has been done at this stage, could your husband offer to help them organize it for the following weekend? Or weekend before?

#17 TopsyTurvy

Posted 22 February 2013 - 07:43 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 22/02/2013, 08:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am going to be terribly disappointed not to go to DH's parents



QUOTE (fairyflossfart @ 22/02/2013, 08:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Glad you aren't my DIL. It's nice to know you think about your IL's as being unimportant.


Geez where do you get off?

I said I would be disappointed not to go to the PIL!!

I'm glad I  not you DIL either!

#18 Bel Rowley

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:42 AM

Tough! My first instinct was to say the anniversary trumps the birthday, no contest, but given you have already RSVP'd yes to the birthday and it was arranged in advance, then I would be more inclined to attend it.

#19 *LucyE*

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:51 AM

QUOTE
QUOTE
Given the anniversary party is smaller and just family I would "I'm really sorry but we already RSVP'd to the birthday party I told you about. We would have loved to have come, is there any way that you can move it so it doesn't clash??"

Actually, that is a good point raised by PussyDids. If it is going to be an intimate affair, and not a lot of planning has been done at this stage, could your husband offer to help them organize it for the following weekend? Or weekend before?

This.  

If you hadn't rsvp-ed, I would go to the anniversary, but since you have, go to the birthday.  If your IL's can't/won't change their date, then your DH can attend that.  Not ideal but that's how it goes.


#20 CharliMarley

Posted 22 February 2013 - 08:54 AM

QUOTE (fairyflossfart @ 22/02/2013, 08:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would prefer to go to the 50th wedding anniversary. It is something that is not achieved very often.


I agree with this - more important than a birthday IMO. cclap.gif

#21 4kidlets

Posted 22 February 2013 - 09:01 AM

QUOTE
Someone elses wedding anniversary means nothing to me though so I'd see it as getting out of a boring, nothing event. Birthdays should always be celebrated, you never know when it will be your last.



I dont get this logic - you never know when a wedding anniversary will be your last either - and realistically a person turning 50 is likely to have many more birthdays than a couple in their 70s (at least) is likely to have more anniversaries.


Im not sure what you should do OP but  I certainly dont agree that 50th wedding anniveraries are a 'nothing event' unsure.gif

#22 JRA

Posted 22 February 2013 - 09:04 AM

GIven the extra information, yes, see if the anniversary can change, other than that one each way.

#23 EsmeLennox

Posted 22 February 2013 - 09:22 AM



QUOTE (baddmammajamma @ 22/02/2013, 05:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Actually, that is a good point raised by PussyDids. If it is going to be an intimate affair, and not a lot of planning has been done at this stage, could your husband offer to help them organize it for the following weekend? Or weekend before?


I think this too. If that's not possible, given that you have already RSVP'd I would probably go to the birthday party and DH go to the anniversary, I would also send an enormous bunch of flowers to DH's parents with appropriate 'wish I could be there' message and make a special effort to celebrate with them soon after by taking them to dinner.

If I hadn't already RSVP's the other event I would go to the anniversary.

#24 Julie3Girls

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

Already rsvp'd and interstate relatives ... I'd go with the party, at least for you.
I know you said it was 1,0.5 hrs between, but you could you manage lunch with your inlaws and dinner with your family?  If you mil has only just stArted organising, maybe she would consider a lunch time thing, that way it is still on the day.  You can take off mid afternoon to get to the party for your family.

#25 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:19 PM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 22/02/2013, 07:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Seeing the 1st Birthday vs 40th Birthday thread I thought I would ask WWYD?

Dad's long term partner is turning 50, the same week DH's mum and Dad celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Both have opted for the same Saturday to celebrate.

Obviously I can't go to both (1.5 hours drive apart)
DH has chosen to bury his head in the sand and not think about it, but the only solution I can see is DH goes to his parents party, and I go to Dad's partners party.

I am going to be terribly disappointed not to go to DH's parents, but I did warn them that the 50th Birthday party was scheduled early on that date, but DH's mum claims she forgot (which is entirely possible as she is a little on the air headed side Tounge1.gif ) and just planned it for that night because its the actual night of their anniversary.

Any other solutions anyone can think of?

Nope, first solution would be to divide and conquer (DH goes to his parents party, and I go to Dad's partners party.)

But if you wanted to go to the same event, I'd probably go to the 50th wedding anniversary.  That's pretty special and a bit of an achievement.

But if you have already RSVPed, then you go the the one that you have already said yes too.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reaction to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Empowering bikini photo of 46-year-old mum goes viral

When a group of teenagers made rude remarks about her body as she walked past them in a bikini at the local beach, Julie Cross refused to cover up.

Devastated widow discovers she's pregnant the day before husband's funeral

They had been trying to conceive a baby for seven years. Tragically Kristy Kirchner found out she was pregnant the day before her husband Royce's funeral.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Gabriella Goat sues Peppa Pig

Every toddler's favourite television pig is being sued by an Italian woman who shares a name with a Peppa Pig character.

Meet the Mpregs, the male pregnancy enthusiasts

"Men can't have babies - that's something only women can do! But our community is full of like-minded people who wish otherwise."

Your new motherhood survival kit

Forget about the bright, pretty baby things - while you're in survival mode, all you'll need are the essentials.

More than 100,000 cars recalled globally after death of pregnant woman

The announcement of a mass recall comes as Malaysian police investigate the death of pregnant woman in July.

I had a 'good baby' but still suffered from postnatal depression

I had a much wanted precious baby girl, a 'good baby' who slept well, self settled and was mostly content. It just seemed implausible to think I could succumb to depression.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Eating ice may give mental boost to the iron deficient: study

A new study proposes that, like a strong cup of coffee, ice may give those with insufficient iron a much-needed mental boost.

Tiny lives in caring hands: Thank U NICU Day

Each year in Australia, over 40,000 newborns need the help of a special care nursery or neonatal intensive care unit. One day a year, the staff are honoured by the parents they help through those dark days.

I paid $50,000 to have a girl

This time my husband and I hadn't taken any chances. We had paid $50,000 and travelled 13,000 kilometres to make sure the baby growing inside me was female.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Dear firstborn, I'm sorry

Being a first-time mum is tough for so many reasons – particularly because you really have no idea what you're doing.

A trace of sesame could kill my son

Helen Richardson son's had two anaphylactic reactions in a month. It's traumatic for everyone.

When you know before the test says yes

It wasn't a pregnancy test or missed period that told me I was pregnant with my second baby; it was too early for those things. A doner kebab told me I was going to be a mum again.

What not to do when your partner is in labour

Robbie Williams stole the show during his wife Ayda's labour, pretty much demonstrating everything on the "what not to do when your partner is in labour" list.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Dad breastfeeds his babies

Trevor Macdonald has now been pregnant twice, and is successfully breastfeeding his newest family member.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.