Jump to content

Tiresome tantrums


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 TheChipAddict

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:11 PM

Hi everyone,
Just hoping I could could get some advice/ideas/new perspectives on how to manage terrible tantrums. DS is nearly 2.5 years. Since he was 15 months he has been throwing regular tantrums. We use timeout which had some early success but he can be placed in timeout ten or more times in a day, often for the same things: hitting, biting, throwing screaming fits when he doesn't get his own way, refusing food etc.
I am due to have DS2 in about four weeks. I am also struggling with severe antenatal depression, on top of a severe cervical prolapse, which is unfortunately limiting my ability to get out and about. I am also finding the oppressive Perth heat difficult.  My concern is how I am going to manage his tantrums once I am busy feeding etc a newborn.
Hopefully someone can offer advice..... hands.gif
Thanks in anticipation.

#2 bettymm

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:18 PM

I understand the behaviour is extremely frustrating..2 year olds can be such hard work!!  Especially when pregnant and dealing with depression and health issues.  However, I do think using time out ten or more times a day is going to lose its effectiveness.  My first suggestion would be to pick your battles.  Try to focus on one particular behavioral action that is the most frequent/worst and work on that.  Try to let the smaller things slide.    For example you could do time out for hitting/biting , but just be relaxed about meals.  Offer it, tell him its there but not staying there all night, if he is hungry he will eat it eventually, if not, he wont.  Tell him there is nothing else to eat but dinner, if he gets hungry later you could re offer it.

Around that age, when meal times became hard along with all the other 2 year old dramas, i didnt want to fight at meal times too.  For a while all I offered/cooked were things I knew she liked and wouldnt fuss about .  A rotation of pumpkin soup, noodles with grated vege and egg/ soft boiled egg with toast/broccoli.  Once a week I would offer something new.  She eventually grew out of it and now at 4, eats most meals that I cook.

With all the stress your under, dont fight every battle. Time outs all day long will make for a very stressful environment which will exacerbate the tantrums.  Give him lots of affection and reassurance that everything is ok.  

I hope things work out for you OP, good luck with the new bub, I hope you have a supportive partner/family around you

#3 EBeditor

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:23 PM

At that age I just ignored tantrums. Refusing food gets ignored too. Hitting and biting I would try timeout but my kids would rarely sit in timeout until they were 3.

Could some special toys that only come out at feeding time help once the newborn is here?

Good luck, the heat must be unbearable in late pregnancy.

#4 ekbaby

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:36 PM

Tantrums are normal in this age group- it's not a sign that anything is wrong with your DS or with you, it just means that he's a little person who hasn't worked out how to deal with his frustration yet- and there are a lot of things that 2.5 year olds find frustrating. It's an age where they want to have autonomy (make their own decisions, be the boss, do it themselves) but they don't really have the skills yet.

I wouldn't worry about "treating" the tantrums, but don't feel like you need to "give in" either. You're allowed to make decisions that need to be made as a parent (no chocolate for breakfast etc) but he's allowed to be unhappy about it! You could try channeling his tantrums into expressing his feelings in a way that's safe- for example, suggesting he go to his room and punch a pillow, talk to him about letting the feelings out. Some kids don't like to be talked to when having a tantrum so as long as he is safe, I would let him go for it, but don't "buy into it" too much, IYKWIM- maybe saying a few things like "I can see you're really upset about that, you wanted to xyz" but not arguing with him or getting massively upset or trying to bargain with him.

In public spaces sometimes it's easier if you can remove him to a place that's a bit less public - a quieter spot of the park etc- but when you're heavily pregnant that's difficult! Sometimes you just need to wait it out, but waiting it out and waiting for them to calm down (without changing your mind) ends up resolving the situation faster than punishing them for tantruming or arguing with them.


#5 treefalls

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:51 PM

Hi OP
That sounds really stressful! ....Have been through a bit of that. I think 2.5 was the hardest age at our place but it doesn't happen so much any more, thankfully (now it's Freya's turn!)
If you are getting really frustrated, you could try looking into this book I read recently called Parent Effectiveness Training (PET) which talks about 'active listening'. I found this worked really well on our son, especially when he throws a tantrum over something in particular - like something he wants, or somebody leaving. It's basically extreme empathy! But it's funny to watch when it works.... it kind of stops them dead in their tracks.
Anyway, it's another thing to have up your sleeve that might at least work sometimes - and the book is really, REALLY interesting if you can get past some slightly daggy examples of dialogue.
Best of luck with it all.

#6 trishalishous

Posted 21 February 2013 - 11:47 PM

I have the same age gap, and I found that wearing the baby in a sling helped with the adjustment, since we could still read a book/go to the park, while I was feeding/baby slept

Im also big on ignoring the bad behaviour and trying to praise all good behaviour.

#7 bjk76

Posted 22 February 2013 - 12:43 AM

MelbChick - Parent Effectiveness Training sounds really interesting and like an extension of what I am doing. - I'd like to learn more!

DS is 22mo, so a bit younger, but of course he does throw tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. Generally I listen to him and if it really doesn't matter whether or not he gets what he wants (i.e. not dangerous, not inconvenient etc.), then I'll let him do it. Of course this heads off any tantrums that were about to start. If he really can't get his own way, I'll get down to his level and explain to him why I said no. Most of the time this will stop his crying from progressing to a proper tantrum. I'm not sure that he understands everything I say in my explanation, but I think that it's like he understands that I have a good reason for saying no and I want to share that reason with him, even if he doesn't quite understand. I will also try to put his feelings into words. eg. You're angry because Mummy said you couldn't have xyz.  If he happens to have a really big tantrum, I will still do the explaining and voicing his feelings thing, but will give him a cuddle if he is standing close to me and is receptive, otherwise I let him have some space and then he comes back to me when he's ready and we have a cuddle. If all else fails, because he's too upset, I breastfeed him, but generally the other techniques work.

I'm not sure how this will go as he gets older, so I'll definitely look into the Parent Effectiveness Training thing.

#8 TheChipAddict

Posted 22 February 2013 - 10:51 AM

Thanks very much for the kind words and suggestions. You have all given me something to think about. I have also thought that a lot of it may be related to him sensing that mentally/emotionally, things are not right with me. Unfortunately this episode of depression has been particularly bad. I am unable to communicate much with anybody, and am finding the most basic, simple daily tasks almost insurmountable. Then the overwhelming guilt I feel when I can recognize how my illness impacts my loved ones...it's just a shi**y, nasty vicious circle.
anyway, am going to try out a few of your suggestions over the next weeks. Hopefully, I'll note an improvement...
Thanks again original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.