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Extremely clingy 4 year old


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#1 bmieke

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:00 AM

Not sure if anyone can help here. It is just that I am so over my daughters behaviour and I have to get it out.

DD is now 4, but has always been a bit of a clingy child. She started preschool at the beginning of last year and cried hysterically every morning, and started up again in the afternoons every day that she attended for the first term (2 days a week). But then it stopped. She was happy, she had friends, everything was good. She also started swimming lessons in that time, absolutely loved it. And she was doing dancing one morning a week, which she loved because 3 of her friends also attended.

Then last October (I think), DH and I were attending a concert and my mum offered to have my kids overnight (their first ever sleep over)....... DD, DS (7) and my niece (also 7). Since then, DD has completely regressed..... Crying at preschool, crying and refusing to swim at swimming lessons and crying and refusing to dance at dancing. I am over it. The other day, she fell asleep in the afternoon and DH arrive home, so I asked him to stay with her while I picked up DS from dancing. When she woke up and found I was not home she lost it.

We have one year til she starts school and I am starting to worry that we are going to have a crappy year, and then she won't separate at school.

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on helping her separate again. Just so you know, I don't give in to her..... Eg when she cracked it at swimming last week, she stayed in the pool crying for the lesson rather than getting her out. And her dance teachers and preschool teachers are lovely, so I have no fears in leaving her somewhere that I feel is a safe environment.

#2 CharliMarley

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:10 AM

I think you need to give in to her, as she is obviously suffering badly from separation anxiety and by being hard on her is only going to make her terribly unhappy and she will remember this time for the rest of her life. I was one of those clingy children and you just have to wait until they grow out of it and get more confidence. Be kind to her. bbighug.gif

#3 Great Dame

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:11 AM

If it was me, I would withdraw her from the non-essential activities until she gains her confidence back.  I don't see the point in doing them if she's upset and not enjoying it.

Lots of reassurance, 'love bombing' - basically just smother her until she feels the confidence to go out on her own again.  IME, trying to push them into things, to push them into independence when they're not ready, makes it worse and they become more clingy.  FWIW ds attends a class with 3-6 yr olds and it's quite common - there a few 3-4 yr olds who have a real struggle separating from mum.



#4 wombat

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:16 AM

Unfortunately I think some kids are just like that, and try as you might no matter what you do school next year may not be fun for her or you.  My DD was very similar and 7 years on, whilst she has no problems going to school, activities etc, she wouls still rather hang with me on weekends.  A lot is in the personality I think.  It doesn't help that society as a whole places stupid amounts of pressure on us to all raise, independant, self sufficient kids by the time they start school. some kids get there by 5, some not til 15. I honestly don't think we get much say in it.  Good luck.

#5 Jenflea

Posted 21 February 2013 - 02:47 PM

I don't see how leaving her in the pool crying for the whole lesson is doing her any good, let alone the other students.
Maybe she;s scared of the water as well, I was and it took me about 30 years to get over mum making me do swimming lessons every January.





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