Jump to content

Time Out
Too Long?


  • Please log in to reply
34 replies to this topic

#1 GenWhy

Posted 20 February 2013 - 09:25 PM

I'm just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on what is and isn't appropriate for time out? My 3 nearly 4 year old DS started kindy 3 weeks ago. He goes 2 days a week. I have been informed that he has been put in time out on a few occasions and have sent a note asking the teacher why he is being placed in time out (as in, what is he doing that warrants punishment). I spoke to the teacher after school today and she just said he's not listening. I explained that I was trying to understand what this meant (is he running around being silly and ignoring requests to settle down? Is he not putting his lunchbox away? Theres a number of things that "not listening" could relate to and I'm trying to work out if it's a specific instance etc so I can try to address it).

The teacher repeated that he "just doesn't listen" and if he doesn't listen he is placed in time out. Further attempts t clarify were not very successful - she stated he doesn't do what she asks so he gets 10 minutes in time out. I asked her again about how many minutes and she said it is TEN minutes per offence.

Personally I know my DS would struggle to sit still for more than 3 minutes. Ten is a huge ask! I said that this concerned me and I thought time out was supposed to be a minute per age of the child. She basically said that this was the behaviour management policy and if I didn't like it I could speak to the Principal.

So what do you think? Is 10 minutes in time out a bit overboard? Or should i expect my 3 yr old kindy child to sit still in time out for that long? Also should I be able to clarify further exactly what "not listening" means?

#2 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 20 February 2013 - 09:34 PM

Yeah if you don't know what he is doing when he's "not listening" how are you supposed to address it, usually when my lot aren't listening it's because they are being a bit silly and not paying attention to those around them, a quick "turn on your listening ears" usually gets them cooperative.

10 minutes also sounds too long for me at that age, my twins turn 4 on Sunday and I think the longest we do time out for is 5 minutes.

If you are not happy with the way the teacher is handling your DS then I would make an appointment with the principal AND the teacher so that you can all come up with a solution that suits everyone  original.gif  



#3 Funwith3

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:16 PM

Your kinder sounds more like a prison!

What constitutes as time out? Is he being sent to sit somewhere totally on his own, or is it more like he has to sit away from the rest of the kids on the floor while a story is being read? I think that would make a difference. Time out as in a totally other room is not on. Not at kinder. Kinder is supposed to be caring and nurturing, not punishing.

And if the teacher couldn't even give you an example of what warrants time out......well, I'd be furious.

#4 GenWhy

Posted 21 February 2013 - 12:52 AM

He is being sent to sit on a chair facing a wall to "think" about what he's done wrong. I'm feeling extremely sad for him. Since school started he has not been enjoying it and has been asking to stay home.

I want him to behave but I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall whenever I try to speak with the teacher. I simply don't understand what "not listening" actually involves. I think a meeting with the principal and the teacher will be requested. I really can't understand the logic of putting a 3 or 4 year old in time out for that long. It's not a technique that has been used at school before for my 5 or 6 year old.

To the PP, yes, it's starting to feel like a prison rather than kindy. I got a note home today chastising me for sending a cut orange to school as "they make a mess". WTF?

#5 PurpleWitch

Posted 21 February 2013 - 01:04 AM

Sounds awful sad.gif

#6 countrylivingmum

Posted 21 February 2013 - 01:22 AM

How on earth are you ment to address the problem if you don't know the details?!?!? I agree with pp I would ask to see the principle and explain you want to sort this out but the teacher isn't giving enough info for you do so.

Genwhy- if I was you I would send my child with an orange at least once a week ph34r.gif  laugh.gif .I thought they are trying to encourage healthy eating these days ?

Edited by countrylivingmum, 21 February 2013 - 01:23 AM.


#7 GenWhy

Posted 21 February 2013 - 01:31 AM

Yeah I thought healthy eating was recommended. Last week I was told off for sending gluten and msg free crackers and a few pieces of cheese (along with a sandwich and fruit salad). Apparently "crackers aren't allowed" either.

#8 Feral Cancerian

Posted 21 February 2013 - 03:48 AM

Is he doing two full days ie. six hours? That's a long haul for a kid who's not even four yet. I think they're too harsh to expect constant listening throughout a long day.

#9 Just Another Cat

Posted 21 February 2013 - 04:47 AM

If you can't even understand what he's in trouble for, how is he supposed too???

I agree that 10 minutes is too long for a 4 year old.

#10 Carmen02

Posted 21 February 2013 - 05:19 AM

that is to long for a 4yr old, to be honest my 8yr old would have trouble! If your not happy with the teacher's response do go higher, not listening is not a good enough reason.

#11 fionah

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:09 AM

That's way too much.
When we used FDC the carer would get the kids to sit quietly in a corner or sit next to her. Only for a few minutes and it had to be for a good reason, not just a vague "not listening" excuse.

Ray takes a sliced orange to school every other day. This is our second term at this school and I haven't seen a single healthy eating encouragement, if they asked me not to send an orange, I would very promptly join the P&C and ruffle some feathers.

Fi

Edited: damned auto correct...

Edited by fionah, 21 February 2013 - 07:11 AM.


#12 The Falcon

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:35 AM

Are you sure this Kindy is right for you? TBH they sound terrible!  

"not Listening" is too vague for you to address

10 mins is too long for his age

I would ask the principle for more information on these matters at the very least. The teacher sounds like she doesn't care

#13 Jess1308

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:41 AM

My son starts 3 yr old kinder next year and no way could he sit for 10 min, I think its excessive. I also agree with some of the other responses if she can't articulate what exactly the context is of him 'not listening' how are you and he supposed to work on fixing it?

#14 Feralishous

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:29 AM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 21/02/2013, 04:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Definitely too long. i don't think time out has a place in a preschool setting at all. There are other ways to discipline a child, which don't involve exclusion.

agreed. I wouldn't be happy with time out as a behaviour management technique at all.

#15 GenWhy

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:34 AM

DS goes for 3 full days one week and 2 full days the next week. He's in a split kindy/pre-primary class. His teacher has a diploma from TAFE to be a teacher and this is her second year of teaching. She's young, very abrupt and I think has her back up because I have already spoken to her twice about other issues. She's told a mutual acquaintance that if I keep taking issue with the school I'll be treated as the whinging parent and therefore will be ignored. Nice.

Changing schools is not an option unfortunately. It's the only school for 200km.

#16 A-ZMum

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:40 AM

QUOTE (GenWhy @ 21/02/2013, 10:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She's told a mutual acquaintance that if I keep taking issue with the school I'll be treated as the whinging parent and therefore will be ignored. Nice.


Umm, what??  That's totally inappropriate!  She needs an attitude change.  I'd definitely be getting an interview with the teacher and principal.

#17 DonnaNobelHasBeenS

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:48 AM

QUOTE (GenWhy @ 21/02/2013, 07:34 AM)
15345330[/url]']
DS goes for 3 full days one week and 2 full days the next week. He's in a split kindy/pre-primary class. His teacher has a diploma from TAFE to be a teacher and this is her second year of teaching. She's young, very abrupt and I think has her back up because I have already spoken to her twice about other issues. She's told a mutual acquaintance that if I keep taking issue with the school I'll be treated as the whinging parent and therefore will be ignored. Nice.

Changing schools is not an option unfortunately. It's the only school for 200km.


That is simply not on. I was a Nanny for a large variety of ages and this has never happened to my school aged kids. She ounces like a right charmer!!!!! I think it's time to forget reasoning with her and go straight o the principal or your gild will think tht this overbearing behavior is normal or school teachers.
Hope things get sorted soon.


#18 Therese

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:55 AM

QUOTE (GenWhy @ 21/02/2013, 10:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
DS goes for 3 full days one week and 2 full days the next week. He's in a split kindy/pre-primary class. His teacher has a diploma from TAFE to be a teacher and this is her second year of teaching. She's young, very abrupt and I think has her back up because I have already spoken to her twice about other issues. She's told a mutual acquaintance that if I keep taking issue with the school I'll be treated as the whinging parent and therefore will be ignored. Nice.

Changing schools is not an option unfortunately. It's the only school for 200km.


I would not be happy with her using time out like that and I definitely would not be happy about her talking about me to another person. That is incredibly unprofessional and I would be letting her manager (the principal)  know about it.

#19 LovenFire

Posted 21 February 2013 - 11:29 AM

Definitely take this up with the Principal OP, and make sure you tell the Principal of what your mutual acquaintance said.  I would also be a bit concerned of her retaliating by cracking down further on your son and would alert the principal to this too.  Especially as your child already is saying he is unhappy.  

Ten minutes is far too long for a vague issue like "not listening".     Being put in a chair and told to face the corner to think about what he's done wrong - what is he meant to think about????  I think every bit of parenting advice that I have read which advocates a similar type of discipline states that you must tell your child clearly what they are being put there for - otherwise it makes no sense to the child.

OP, if you haven't already made an appt to see the Principal, I would do so stat.  


#20 GenWhy

Posted 21 February 2013 - 11:52 AM

Thanks for the replies. I have kept DS home today. He had a tantrum at the school gate and said he wants to stay home. I took him to the door of his classroom and his whole demeanor changed. He just looked so sad. I told the teacher I thought about it and I'm not happy with the behaviour management policy. I also said I will ask to make an appt with the Principal about it. Her response was "fine. DS was probably going to be sent home today anyway". Apparently if they get more than 3 time outs a day they are sent to the principal's office and a parent is summoned to collect them. Glad to hear she was already thinking DS would be in time out 3 times! This school is seriously making me wonder why I'm living here.

#21 *LucyE*

Posted 21 February 2013 - 11:55 AM

QUOTE
She's told a mutual acquaintance that if I keep taking issue with the school I'll be treated as the whinging parent and therefore will be ignored.

That is sooooo not on!

I would be making an appointment with the principal pronto.

I'm not a fan of time out in the first place, but 10 mins is too long for a 3 year old, the teacher can't articulate why and doesn't seem to have any other strategies in place.  I would remind them that 'discipline' means 'to teach' and that punitive punishments like 10 mins of time out does not teach a 3 year old anything.

Then there's the issue of the teacher discussing you to another person, let alone her attitude.  Not professional and maybe she needs some 'discipline'.

#22 SemiRuralGirl

Posted 21 February 2013 - 12:05 PM

There are numerous things about this scenario that are seriously disturbing IMO.
I personally would not be leaving my children in the care of a person like that. It sounds terrible. Not making a mess???!!! They are THREE! WTH?!
If he's not listening, then as a teacher of three year olds, she should have techniques to work with that. I am having visions of this woman with a cane standing at the front of the room lording over the children commanding / yelling at them to do as they're told.
Who can learn in that environment?
And the comments to a third party. I'm sorry, are we back in high school?
Gah. The whole thing makes me sick.
Get. Out. Of. There.
FAST.


#23 SemiRuralGirl

Posted 21 February 2013 - 12:08 PM

Oh and to answer the original question, 10 minutes is ridiculous for time out. I too am not a fan of time out in general, especially not at that age in a kinder setting - there are so many better options such as separation, distraction, diversion.
If they were going to use time out, one minute per age is the generally accepted time.
Boo to this bully teacher.

#24 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 21 February 2013 - 12:12 PM

QUOTE (GenWhy @ 21/02/2013, 11:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the replies. I have kept DS home today. He had a tantrum at the school gate and said he wants to stay home. I took him to the door of his classroom and his whole demeanor changed. He just looked so sad. I told the teacher I thought about it and I'm not happy with the behaviour management policy. I also said I will ask to make an appt with the Principal about it. Her response was "fine. DS was probably going to be sent home today anyway". Apparently if they get more than 3 time outs a day they are sent to the principal's office and a parent is summoned to collect them. Glad to hear she was already thinking DS would be in time out 3 times! This school is seriously making me wonder why I'm living here.

Good grief, that teacher sounds awful, simply awful!

I hope you have better luck with the principal.  But if the teacher isn't concerned about you going to the principal about what has happened, it makes me suspect she has already had her own chat with the principal and knows how it's all going to go down. I hope I'm wrong.

#25 blenheim

Posted 21 February 2013 - 12:13 PM

Not on.  At all.

I use time out at home but to make a child face the wall - I think it's adding an unnecessary element of humiliation and exclusion - plus, it's much worse to be able to see the other kids having fun and not being able to join in.

10 minutes is WAY too long as well.

Also, her professionalism is atrocious if she's discussing your son and you to anyone outside the school - I'd be at the principal's office ASAP.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Christa Engles was changing her baby's nappy when tragedy struck.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.