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6 month old at funeral
24 replies to this topic
Posted 20 February 2013 - 11:50 AM
A good friend of ours died last Friday. His funeral is this Friday. Our boys will be in school but try as I might I cannot get a sitter for our little daughter.
Do you think it's ok for me to take her with us? She is a very quiet baby and I would obviously go outside with her if she got noisy but as I only go to funerals of those very close I don't know what the norm is.
We both want to go to the funeral and ideally we wouldn't take the lady baby with us but unless one of us don't go, this is the only way.
I guess I'm just hoping people will reassure me that it's ok. This week has already been so hard. I had hoped my support network might be a little more understanding and help me out
Posted 20 February 2013 - 11:52 AM
So sorry for your loss.
Yes, absolutely take your DD with you.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 11:54 AM
Yes you can take a baby, but IME be prepared for one of you to spend the whole thing outside with bubs.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 11:55 AM
Yes I do think it is ok. Our baby son slept through my grandmother's funeral. My cousin's baby son was also not a problem. I think it is an important funeral for you to attend.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 11:58 AM
Thank you so much. He was a good man taken too young (42). We just really want to be able to give our respects and say goodbye. He deserves that
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:00 PM
I would think so. I didn't mind little or big kids at my dh's funeral, I think your bub should be fine...
Sorry for your loss as well xx
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:00 PM
I agree with Chaos, I would take the baby but be prepared that someone might have to take the baby out. I was very fortunate when I took 7 month old DD to my grandfather's funeral, that a family friend was there to take her out when she started screaming. I was doing a reading and couldn't walk out (plus of course didn't want to).
Very sorry about your friend .
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:02 PM
Absolutely. Just sit at the back near the exit door so that if bubs starts wailing one of you can take her out until she is settled then come back in.
I've taken my kids to all funerals I have been to as they have all pertained to family but I would have had no issue taking them to a friends funeral either. To be honest I found that as babies they were no problem, it was the toddler phase that was as they get bored and want to runa round which is inappropriate. When they are older it seemed to be okay as they then moved into a morbid fascination about the whole thing.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:05 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.
When DS was a similar age, I had to take him to my aunt's funeral. He slept in the car on the way there and I gave him a feed on arrival so he was happy and settled. We sat at the end of a row next to the side exit and I had his dummy in reach also. We didn't have any problems.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:05 PM
I think it's fine. I'd just stand up the back and pop outside at the first sign of any crankiness.
Sorry for your loss
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:11 PM
I took my DS to a funeral at 5 days old, and another at 22 months. The second one was more of a problem, because he wanted to wriggle and call out. At 6 months, I can't see a big problem so long as you are willing to take steps to keep noise down or take him outside if you can't.
We fed DS during both services, it is harder to be noisy when your mouth is full.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:13 PM
We took our daughter to my aunt's funeral when she was about 3 mths old. I would say get there early, give a feed before hand, take a quiet toy, sit in the back row. Standing at the back for the whole service will be too much for you holding a 6 mth old (esp if you are dressed in heels) and everyone will offer you their seat anyhow, so pick a seat in the back row so you can slip out if necessary.
Funerals are important rituals in grieving and children shouldn't be excluded from them as IMO they need to learn about such rituals, particularly if they are grieving too. Obviously a 6 mth old isn't learning or grieving at this stage, but they are still part of the context. Peace be with you on Friday.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:20 PM
I think it's fine, I agree with finding a seat up the back.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:20 PM
Thank you for the wonderful ideas. It's at 11 which is her nap time anyway so I'm hoping like mad that she will want to have a cuddle and a sleep and giving her a feed is a brilliant idea. I will hold off to get her vaccinations next week just in case as well.
I agree Mrs Bunny. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:29 PM
I've taken DD to a funeral around the same age. They actually had a special parents room which was sound proof so they couldn't hear DD but I could still hear the service. It was handy when she got upset and I couldn't calm her, I ducked in there.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:32 PM
I agree with everyone else, I think that it is fine as long as you are prepared to go outside if bubs starts crying.
Sorry for your loss OP.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:37 PM
Sorry for your loss.
I took my then 4 month old to my aunts funeral. His dad stayed at home with our DD who was 20 months old. I just sat near the back so I was a,e to pop out if needed. I fed him during the service and all was fine. Absolutely you should take your little one.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 12:52 PM
Last year my dad died and I took my 13mth old, 4yo, 5yo and 7yo. My 13mth old cried through a section of it and a family friend went to take him out but my mum wanted him to stay.
6wks before my dad died my pop died and we also took the 13mth old, 5yo and 7yo (the 4yo didnt want to come) and they were fine, but this one they got a little bored with and DH took the 13mth old out near the end but they had a video link to outside incase you needed to take the kids out you were still able to hear and see what was going on.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 01:00 PM
I agree it is fine. The last funeral we went to was for a good friends Mum, we didn't take the children and our friend and his family told us they wished we had
Posted 20 February 2013 - 01:09 PM
I took my then 4 month old to my Aunties funeral, she was fine in the pram, and when she got upset, I had my brother's girlfriend take her outside.
Edited by LittleMissPink, 20 February 2013 - 01:09 PM.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 03:11 PM
We took my one-month old and my 20-month old to my Dad's funeral. A couple of other people brought their babies along. It was no problem. And a lot of the older people loved seeing young ones at the funeral - circle of life and all that.
Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 20 February 2013 - 03:11 PM.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 03:17 PM
It is fine (and I think expected) that a babe in arms will come with the parents. My DS sadly came to 3 funerals in his first year. I sort of engineered the day to get him to sleep in his pram or have a feed during the service though.
Posted 20 February 2013 - 03:19 PM
I offer my condolences to you at this sad time.
Absolutely it is fine take your baby, I think funerals should be for everyone who loved your friend, age IME is irrelevant and most people I know would hate for you not to attend because of your baby. Go but be prepared to have aids to soothe a grumpy baby and maybe sit near the door
Posted 20 February 2013 - 03:28 PM
Sorry for your loss and yes I think it's fine to take your daughter with you.
I had a close friend die early last year and DH talked me out of taking my then 9 month old (she'll probably cry an ruin it) he said. I really regret not going :-( DH is an idiot.
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