Jump to content

DH going away for the night


  • Please log in to reply
48 replies to this topic

#1 Nicole-Bris

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:13 AM

Just wondering if I am being a big sooky la la or whether I have a little bit of a reason to be upset.  DH calls me last night about going away interstate on Saturday until Sunday for a friends BBQ and something to do with a football internet league.  Other than the expense normally I would have no problem with this but DH has been working interstate for the last month, one of the longest periods his ever been away and this last week I have really been struggling.

I have two children one with ADD and one with ODD and he is a very hands on dad and husband so not having any support for the last month is starting to wear me down A LOT.  He works interstate but normally for a week or two and then is home for a couple of days.  This time he is home for a week but I work Monday - Thursday and with him going away Saturday morning and coming home Sunday most likely hungover I'm feeling that the family and me time probably won't eventuate.  

I swing between DH has been working really long hours in harsh conditions earning good money so deserves this to what about the kids and I.  I know that he would be happy if I did the same thing but I wouldn't spend over $350 on flights going to a BBQ (plus I have no friends to do this with) but not only that I would like us to spend some time together.  

So am I being a bit silly I mean really its just for one night or can I be a little bit sad.

#2 ~Supernova~

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:21 AM

My response probably isn't going to be a popular one, but if my DH had been away for a month and I was at the end of the tether with the kids, I'd be pretty p*ssed off if he did this. Personal time is all well and good, but it sounds like you really need both a break, and some time with your DH.

If it were me - I'd be spelling this out to my DH very clearly.

So yeah, I'd be upset.

EFS

Edited by Mareek, 20 February 2013 - 06:22 AM.


#3 kpingitquiet

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:32 AM

I think I'd be pretty annoyed at that. Perhaps he could've planned a "day off" trip for another time when he hadn't already been away so long.

#4 Escapin

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:35 AM

Yeah, I'd be upset too. Being away so much, maybe he's forgotten a little bit how much work being at home is. And maybe hasn't thought about your feelings either.

#5 Bec .

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:40 AM

Personally I would let him go. He's been away working,
not on holiday. However, do explain how you are feeling & perhaps start planning your own overnight escape.

#6 amaza

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:52 AM

I would probably be a little disappointed and would say as much but wouldn't have an issue with him going.

You say he would have been home for a week by then? You have Friday off to spend with him or have your me time? Did I get that wrong? If he's already home, even if he has been working away for a month, I don't see an issue.

If I got that wrong then maybe my thoughts would change.

#7 Bel Rowley

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:58 AM

Yeah I'd be p*ssed. It would be one thing if it was to see family or a long-time they rarely see for a special occasion, but just for a BBQ? And planned at the last minute? Nope, wouldn't be happy.

#8 Banana Pancakes

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:03 AM

Id be annoyed but I wouldn't stop him. Its only one night in the grand scheme of things.

I would however plan on lots of dvd marathons with the kids, all their favourite foods, a trip to the park and then as soon as dh walked in the door I would walk out and go and have a (long) coffee somewhere nice all by myself!

#9 Coffeegirl

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:05 AM

QUOTE (rbat @ 20/02/2013, 07:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I would let him go. He's been away working,
not on holiday. However, do explain how you are feeling & perhaps start planning your own overnight escape.


^^. This.  But only if it was for something that he could not do at another time.  IE besties 40th, or a wedding, or a sporting event that was planned some time prior (finals etc)

I don't think a last minute get together with some internet mates that he has probably never met is acceptable.

#10 wesse

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

It's a poorly timed BBQ away but I wouldnt stop DH from going. As pp said, he has been working, not on holiday. I would plan a weekend out and about with the kids or rally support from friends and family nearby.
I would however tell him how hard it has been for you lately with the children.
I hope you get through the w/e op!

#11 a letter to Elise.

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:21 AM

I would be annoyed and a bit sad. I wouldn't tell him not to go, but I would tell him how I felt.
I am assuming that even though he will have been back for a week, you both would have been working and this is the first weekend he's been home for a month.

#12 Chchgirl

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:23 AM

As long as I got to arrange my weekend away and downtime, then I'd be ok.

#13 Lucygoosey1

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:32 AM

I'd feel the same as you.  I'd be 'letting' him go,  but have a talk about how tough it's been lately and how much you are really needing down time too.  
My DH had been away at a conference for 4 nights, then wanted to go to the cricket a few nights later.  I told him I was a bit worn out and needed a break,  so booked a facial for the weekend when he'd be home.
It was enough for me to recharge and not get annoyed.


#14 bluecardigans

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:43 AM

QUOTE (Chchgirl @ 20/02/2013, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As long as I got to arrange my weekend away and downtime, then I'd be ok.

This. OP before he leaves, set the date for your weekend.

#15 qak

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:44 AM

QUOTE (wesse @ 20/02/2013, 08:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's a poorly timed BBQ away but I wouldnt stop DH from going. As pp said, he has been working, not on holiday.


I agree - it doesn't sound like he organised it, so it was just the (bad) luck of the draw for you.  I don't think you should blame your DH for that, or complain that he is going.


#16 JoMarch

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:59 AM

I agree with you OP, I'd also be a little peeved....but I wouldn't try to stop him from going.  Its only one night in the grand scheme of things and as you say you're DH works hard (so I guess you feel like he deserves some him time).  But I would definately let him know how you feel & organise some family/you time for as soon as possible.

#17 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:22 AM

QUOTE (Nicole-Bris @ 20/02/2013, 06:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just wondering if I am being a big sooky la la or whether I have a little bit of a reason to be upset.  DH calls me last night about going away interstate on Saturday until Sunday for a friends BBQ and something to do with a football internet league.  Other than the expense normally I would have no problem with this but DH has been working interstate for the last month, one of the longest periods his ever been away and this last week I have really been struggling.

I have two children one with ADD and one with ODD and he is a very hands on dad and husband so not having any support for the last month is starting to wear me down A LOT.  He works interstate but normally for a week or two and then is home for a couple of days.  This time he is home for a week but I work Monday - Thursday and with him going away Saturday morning and coming home Sunday most likely hungover I'm feeling that the family and me time probably won't eventuate.  

I swing between DH has been working really long hours in harsh conditions earning good money so deserves this to what about the kids and I.  I know that he would be happy if I did the same thing but I wouldn't spend over $350 on flights going to a BBQ (plus I have no friends to do this with) but not only that I would like us to spend some time together.  

So am I being a bit silly I mean really its just for one night or can I be a little bit sad.

I'd be annoyed about it, for sure.  But if it's a one off thing that he hasn't done for yonks, I also wouldn't begrudge him a weekend with his mates.  But I would be extracting a promise of what he planned to do the following weekend to make it up to me/the family and then proceed to book myself some of my own down time for when DH is next around with the family (eg. massage or manicure/pedicure, or coffee and movie with a girlfriend, or a few hours of purposely doing nothing away from the kids, etc).  Just as your DH needs some down time occasionally, so do you, so be proactive about it and make some of your own plans.

If he did it every 2nd month and the last time was only 4 weeks ago, I'd be extremely miffed.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 20 February 2013 - 08:23 AM.


#18 *LucyE*

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:39 AM

I agree that although I wouldn't be impressed, and would say so, I wouldn't stop him.

I would have concrete plans set for whatever 'family time' you want, before he leaves though.

#19 emlis22

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:45 AM

On the inside, I'd be shattered. But I would stop myself at getting sooky and let him do his thing. It will be worth it in the end I reckon. Just maybe mention you were/are disappointed and make him spoil you when he is home!



#20 Nicole-Bris

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:49 AM

Its funny because I agree with absolutely everyones posts.  Although I'm disappointed, I won't stop him going.  Now that I think about it,  I think I'm more upset not that he is going away for the night but that he knows how much I've been struggling (phone calls from school about DD, getting teary over nothing).   He has been promising lots of fun things with the kids (they are really missing him as well) and plenty of time for myself (which I will get some on Friday) but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Edited by Nicole-Bris, 20 February 2013 - 08:53 AM.


#21 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:52 AM

QUOTE (Nicole-Bris @ 20/02/2013, 08:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Its funny because I agree with absolutely everyones posts.  Although I'm disappointed, I won't stop him going.  Now that I think about it,  I think I'm more upset not that he is going away for the night but that he knows how much I've been struggling (phone calls from school about DD, getting teary over nothing).   He has been promising lots of fun things with the kids and plenty of time for myself (which I will get some on Friday) but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Start planning a bit of your own down time and let him know that you are doing that.  I reckon he will be very understanding about it.  And it gives you something to focus on for yourself, rather than focusing on why you are upset at him.

#22 StudyMum

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:06 AM

My hubby works away and if it was us in this position I would let  him go. As others have said, when he is away he's working - not doing it for the fun of it (though if you are like me you have to keep reminding yourself of this!) - and he deserves some down time too. Sure, it hasn't been organised too well but blokes never think these things through properly  dry.gif

Definitely organise a weekend for yourself - it's only fair original.gif

#23 BeccaBoo88

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:27 AM

I would be annoyed, but I know saying he couldn't go wouldn't be fair either.

Can you try and organsie a day off for yourself when he is back? Book in for a treatment at a day spa or even just take yourself to the library? Having an arrangement for 'you' time can reallllllly make a difference.

#24 Soontobegran

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:33 AM

I would let him go but then arrange a similar 'get away' for yourself afterwards leaving him home alone.
This is what we did, my DH played and still plays gold very seriously and this often took him away to tournaments, some of which meant I was home alone with 5 little children and also trying to organise going to work for a few days.

I am not underestimating the problems it causes and the exhaustion but it was always reciprocated here and it worked well.

Good luck, I hope you can work out something that suits you both.

#25 *LucyE*

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

QUOTE
but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Does he use a diary/calendar?  If so, confirm dates with him to actually do stuff. That way, it's locked in.

I know I sometimes get enthusiastic about doing stuff but if I don't lock in dates or times, it gets pushed back or put off because something else more concrete comes up. That's how I managed to not catch up with a good friend for 8 months last year even though we see each other regularly in passing.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.