Jump to content

DH going away for the night


  • Please log in to reply
48 replies to this topic

#1 Nicole-Bris

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:13 AM

Just wondering if I am being a big sooky la la or whether I have a little bit of a reason to be upset.  DH calls me last night about going away interstate on Saturday until Sunday for a friends BBQ and something to do with a football internet league.  Other than the expense normally I would have no problem with this but DH has been working interstate for the last month, one of the longest periods his ever been away and this last week I have really been struggling.

I have two children one with ADD and one with ODD and he is a very hands on dad and husband so not having any support for the last month is starting to wear me down A LOT.  He works interstate but normally for a week or two and then is home for a couple of days.  This time he is home for a week but I work Monday - Thursday and with him going away Saturday morning and coming home Sunday most likely hungover I'm feeling that the family and me time probably won't eventuate.  

I swing between DH has been working really long hours in harsh conditions earning good money so deserves this to what about the kids and I.  I know that he would be happy if I did the same thing but I wouldn't spend over $350 on flights going to a BBQ (plus I have no friends to do this with) but not only that I would like us to spend some time together.  

So am I being a bit silly I mean really its just for one night or can I be a little bit sad.

#2 ~Supernova~

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:21 AM

My response probably isn't going to be a popular one, but if my DH had been away for a month and I was at the end of the tether with the kids, I'd be pretty p*ssed off if he did this. Personal time is all well and good, but it sounds like you really need both a break, and some time with your DH.

If it were me - I'd be spelling this out to my DH very clearly.

So yeah, I'd be upset.

EFS

Edited by Mareek, 20 February 2013 - 06:22 AM.


#3 kpingitquiet

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:32 AM

I think I'd be pretty annoyed at that. Perhaps he could've planned a "day off" trip for another time when he hadn't already been away so long.

#4 Escapin

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:35 AM

Yeah, I'd be upset too. Being away so much, maybe he's forgotten a little bit how much work being at home is. And maybe hasn't thought about your feelings either.

#5 Bec .

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:40 AM

Personally I would let him go. He's been away working,
not on holiday. However, do explain how you are feeling & perhaps start planning your own overnight escape.

#6 amaza

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:52 AM

I would probably be a little disappointed and would say as much but wouldn't have an issue with him going.

You say he would have been home for a week by then? You have Friday off to spend with him or have your me time? Did I get that wrong? If he's already home, even if he has been working away for a month, I don't see an issue.

If I got that wrong then maybe my thoughts would change.

#7 Bel Rowley

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:58 AM

Yeah I'd be p*ssed. It would be one thing if it was to see family or a long-time they rarely see for a special occasion, but just for a BBQ? And planned at the last minute? Nope, wouldn't be happy.

#8 Banana Pancakes

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:03 AM

Id be annoyed but I wouldn't stop him. Its only one night in the grand scheme of things.

I would however plan on lots of dvd marathons with the kids, all their favourite foods, a trip to the park and then as soon as dh walked in the door I would walk out and go and have a (long) coffee somewhere nice all by myself!

#9 Coffeegirl

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:05 AM

QUOTE (rbat @ 20/02/2013, 07:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I would let him go. He's been away working,
not on holiday. However, do explain how you are feeling & perhaps start planning your own overnight escape.


^^. This.  But only if it was for something that he could not do at another time.  IE besties 40th, or a wedding, or a sporting event that was planned some time prior (finals etc)

I don't think a last minute get together with some internet mates that he has probably never met is acceptable.

#10 wesse

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

It's a poorly timed BBQ away but I wouldnt stop DH from going. As pp said, he has been working, not on holiday. I would plan a weekend out and about with the kids or rally support from friends and family nearby.
I would however tell him how hard it has been for you lately with the children.
I hope you get through the w/e op!

#11 a letter to Elise.

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:21 AM

I would be annoyed and a bit sad. I wouldn't tell him not to go, but I would tell him how I felt.
I am assuming that even though he will have been back for a week, you both would have been working and this is the first weekend he's been home for a month.

#12 Chchgirl

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:23 AM

As long as I got to arrange my weekend away and downtime, then I'd be ok.

#13 Lucygoosey1

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:32 AM

I'd feel the same as you.  I'd be 'letting' him go,  but have a talk about how tough it's been lately and how much you are really needing down time too.  
My DH had been away at a conference for 4 nights, then wanted to go to the cricket a few nights later.  I told him I was a bit worn out and needed a break,  so booked a facial for the weekend when he'd be home.
It was enough for me to recharge and not get annoyed.


#14 bluecardigans

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:43 AM

QUOTE (Chchgirl @ 20/02/2013, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As long as I got to arrange my weekend away and downtime, then I'd be ok.

This. OP before he leaves, set the date for your weekend.

#15 qak

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:44 AM

QUOTE (wesse @ 20/02/2013, 08:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's a poorly timed BBQ away but I wouldnt stop DH from going. As pp said, he has been working, not on holiday.


I agree - it doesn't sound like he organised it, so it was just the (bad) luck of the draw for you.  I don't think you should blame your DH for that, or complain that he is going.


#16 JoMarch

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:59 AM

I agree with you OP, I'd also be a little peeved....but I wouldn't try to stop him from going.  Its only one night in the grand scheme of things and as you say you're DH works hard (so I guess you feel like he deserves some him time).  But I would definately let him know how you feel & organise some family/you time for as soon as possible.

#17 Queen Yoda

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:22 AM

QUOTE (Nicole-Bris @ 20/02/2013, 06:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just wondering if I am being a big sooky la la or whether I have a little bit of a reason to be upset.  DH calls me last night about going away interstate on Saturday until Sunday for a friends BBQ and something to do with a football internet league.  Other than the expense normally I would have no problem with this but DH has been working interstate for the last month, one of the longest periods his ever been away and this last week I have really been struggling.

I have two children one with ADD and one with ODD and he is a very hands on dad and husband so not having any support for the last month is starting to wear me down A LOT.  He works interstate but normally for a week or two and then is home for a couple of days.  This time he is home for a week but I work Monday - Thursday and with him going away Saturday morning and coming home Sunday most likely hungover I'm feeling that the family and me time probably won't eventuate.  

I swing between DH has been working really long hours in harsh conditions earning good money so deserves this to what about the kids and I.  I know that he would be happy if I did the same thing but I wouldn't spend over $350 on flights going to a BBQ (plus I have no friends to do this with) but not only that I would like us to spend some time together.  

So am I being a bit silly I mean really its just for one night or can I be a little bit sad.

I'd be annoyed about it, for sure.  But if it's a one off thing that he hasn't done for yonks, I also wouldn't begrudge him a weekend with his mates.  But I would be extracting a promise of what he planned to do the following weekend to make it up to me/the family and then proceed to book myself some of my own down time for when DH is next around with the family (eg. massage or manicure/pedicure, or coffee and movie with a girlfriend, or a few hours of purposely doing nothing away from the kids, etc).  Just as your DH needs some down time occasionally, so do you, so be proactive about it and make some of your own plans.

If he did it every 2nd month and the last time was only 4 weeks ago, I'd be extremely miffed.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 20 February 2013 - 08:23 AM.


#18 *LucyE*

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:39 AM

I agree that although I wouldn't be impressed, and would say so, I wouldn't stop him.

I would have concrete plans set for whatever 'family time' you want, before he leaves though.

#19 emlis22

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:45 AM

On the inside, I'd be shattered. But I would stop myself at getting sooky and let him do his thing. It will be worth it in the end I reckon. Just maybe mention you were/are disappointed and make him spoil you when he is home!



#20 Nicole-Bris

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:49 AM

Its funny because I agree with absolutely everyones posts.  Although I'm disappointed, I won't stop him going.  Now that I think about it,  I think I'm more upset not that he is going away for the night but that he knows how much I've been struggling (phone calls from school about DD, getting teary over nothing).   He has been promising lots of fun things with the kids (they are really missing him as well) and plenty of time for myself (which I will get some on Friday) but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Edited by Nicole-Bris, 20 February 2013 - 08:53 AM.


#21 Queen Yoda

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:52 AM

QUOTE (Nicole-Bris @ 20/02/2013, 08:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Its funny because I agree with absolutely everyones posts.  Although I'm disappointed, I won't stop him going.  Now that I think about it,  I think I'm more upset not that he is going away for the night but that he knows how much I've been struggling (phone calls from school about DD, getting teary over nothing).   He has been promising lots of fun things with the kids and plenty of time for myself (which I will get some on Friday) but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Start planning a bit of your own down time and let him know that you are doing that.  I reckon he will be very understanding about it.  And it gives you something to focus on for yourself, rather than focusing on why you are upset at him.

#22 StudyMum

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:06 AM

My hubby works away and if it was us in this position I would let  him go. As others have said, when he is away he's working - not doing it for the fun of it (though if you are like me you have to keep reminding yourself of this!) - and he deserves some down time too. Sure, it hasn't been organised too well but blokes never think these things through properly  dry.gif

Definitely organise a weekend for yourself - it's only fair original.gif

#23 BeccaBoo88

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:27 AM

I would be annoyed, but I know saying he couldn't go wouldn't be fair either.

Can you try and organsie a day off for yourself when he is back? Book in for a treatment at a day spa or even just take yourself to the library? Having an arrangement for 'you' time can reallllllly make a difference.

#24 Soontobegran

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:33 AM

I would let him go but then arrange a similar 'get away' for yourself afterwards leaving him home alone.
This is what we did, my DH played and still plays gold very seriously and this often took him away to tournaments, some of which meant I was home alone with 5 little children and also trying to organise going to work for a few days.

I am not underestimating the problems it causes and the exhaustion but it was always reciprocated here and it worked well.

Good luck, I hope you can work out something that suits you both.

#25 *LucyE*

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

QUOTE
but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Does he use a diary/calendar?  If so, confirm dates with him to actually do stuff. That way, it's locked in.

I know I sometimes get enthusiastic about doing stuff but if I don't lock in dates or times, it gets pushed back or put off because something else more concrete comes up. That's how I managed to not catch up with a good friend for 8 months last year even though we see each other regularly in passing.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

Child in suitcase 'could have died eight years ago'

A child whose remains were dumped in a suitcase in the South Australian bush is believed to have been a girl aged between two-and-a-half to four.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

Portable pools 'more dangerous than permanent ones'

Inflatable and portable children's pools may be required to be sold with compulsory fencing to prevent backyard drownings, with some experts even floating the idea of a ban.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

Six-week-old baby found dead, believed stabbed

A neighbour heard a child screaming before a baby was found dead, believed to have been stabbed, in a house in Newcastle.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Beaneasy: sweet nursery furniture with a twist

If you're looking to introduce an organic element into your baby's nursery but want to step away from natural timber, we have the perfect alternative.

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

Woman adopts best friend's four daughters after cancer tragedy

Best friends share everything - and for these two life-long friends, that includes family.

Baby Leo's mum excluded from $500K trust 'for her own protection'

Samuel Forrest didn't want his wife as a trustee of their baby Leo's half million dollar trust for her own "protection", it has emerged.

Confirmed: men gain weight when they become dads

Men who become fathers experience weight gain and an increase in body mass index, a measurement of body fat based on height and weight, according to a new, large-scale study

Carer investigated over washing machine photo posted 'for a laugh'

She said the photo of a boy with Down syndrome in a washing machine was taken just for fun, but no one else was laughing.

Mum's premature labour nightmare after high tea salmonella outbreak

An opulent high tea at a luxury Melbourne hotel has left 44 people with salmonella poisoning - including a pregnant woman, who went into early labour.

The day my son started a fire

Would you know what to do in a fire emergency? How safe is your home and family?

Prince George celebrates second birthday

Prince George's second birthday has been marked by the release of an official picture showing the toddler smiling as he is held by his proud beaming father.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

Review: Cybex Platinum PRIAM pram

I'm not usually one who believes in love at first sight but that's exactly what happened when I first saw the Cybex PRIAM.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Tell us what you think

to WIN 1 of 2 $500 Coles/Myer gift cards

Why I'm choosing to be a single mother right from the start

I believe that you get out of families what you put into them, and I will give mine my all.

Mother and baby units are a necessity for mental health, not a luxury

I have had two postnatal psychotic episodes. The first when my eldest child was six weeks old, and another after my second child was born.

30 French baby names

French names are always in fashion, but a few have risen in popularity in recent years.

New mum's Spanish maternity nightmare

A British woman who gave birth in Spain has told of her ordeal after spending weeks trying to convince medics the baby girl was hers.

Preparing Rover to be a good dog with baby

Some friends of ours say that it's dangerous to have a dog around a newborn and that we should start looking for a new home for him. Is it?

Company offers to ship working mums' breast milk home

First Apple and Facebook announced they would pay $20,000 towards the cost of their female employees freezing their eggs, now IBM in the US has come up with an innovative new policy aimed at retaining female employees.

Prince William speaks of his pride at wife Kate and 'little joy of heaven' Charlotte

The Duke of Cambridge opened up about family life and his plans for the future in an interview to mark his first day as an air ambulance pilot.

'Glowing' eye saves baby Mason's life

A simple photo taken in front of an evening fire gave new mother Sarah Bowers the power to save her baby's life. 

Parenting and decision overload

Of all the advice people told me before having a baby, no one warned me about the amount of decisions involved.

Proof that toddlers can't be left unsupervised - ever

Parents of toddlers all know the moment when realise your child is being suspiciously quiet. It can only mean one thing - trouble!

Meet Jeremy Ryan, The Voice contestant with seven kids

If you have trouble recalling the ages of Jeremy Ryan's seven children on The Voice, you're not alone. So does he.

Baby's adorable reaction to wearing glasses for the first time

Getting glasses can be a formative moment in a person's life.

Police officer buys supplies for family after mum of six caught shoplifting

When a mum of six was caught shoplifting nappies, clothes and shoes for her kids, the last thing she expected was for a stranger to pay for her haul.

Why pregnant women on antidepressants shouldn’t panic about birth defect claims

The risk of having uncontrolled depression is far greater than the small increased risk of birth defects that may be associated with specific antidepressants.

Arrests made over children's birthday party brawl

Police have raided properties and arrested a number of people over a brawl at a child's birthday party at a play centre in Sydney's west.

Family shares awesome drone baby announcement

Looking for a creative way to share some big news? Look to the skies, like this family did.

Young warrior Owen defies doctors' predictions

Little Owen DiCandilo's name means "young warrior", and it's a description that perfectly fits the inspiring 18-month-old

Advice for dads: when to approach your wife for sex

The exhaustion that comes with caring for young children often means romance between parents becomes a thing of the past.

I might be fat, but I don't need saving

I've been fat for pretty much most of life, besides a few crazy moments of being less-fat, but for the most part I've existed on this earth with a little more meat on my bones than desirable.

The rookie mistakes we make as parents

Since the dawn of civilisation, generation after generation of new parents have had to rely on instinct, trial and error - and sometimes get it wrong.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.