Jump to content

DH going away for the night


  • Please log in to reply
46 replies to this topic

#1 Nicole-Bris

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:13 AM

Just wondering if I am being a big sooky la la or whether I have a little bit of a reason to be upset.  DH calls me last night about going away interstate on Saturday until Sunday for a friends BBQ and something to do with a football internet league.  Other than the expense normally I would have no problem with this but DH has been working interstate for the last month, one of the longest periods his ever been away and this last week I have really been struggling.

I have two children one with ADD and one with ODD and he is a very hands on dad and husband so not having any support for the last month is starting to wear me down A LOT.  He works interstate but normally for a week or two and then is home for a couple of days.  This time he is home for a week but I work Monday - Thursday and with him going away Saturday morning and coming home Sunday most likely hungover I'm feeling that the family and me time probably won't eventuate.  

I swing between DH has been working really long hours in harsh conditions earning good money so deserves this to what about the kids and I.  I know that he would be happy if I did the same thing but I wouldn't spend over $350 on flights going to a BBQ (plus I have no friends to do this with) but not only that I would like us to spend some time together.  

So am I being a bit silly I mean really its just for one night or can I be a little bit sad.

#2 ~Supernova~

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:21 AM

My response probably isn't going to be a popular one, but if my DH had been away for a month and I was at the end of the tether with the kids, I'd be pretty p*ssed off if he did this. Personal time is all well and good, but it sounds like you really need both a break, and some time with your DH.

If it were me - I'd be spelling this out to my DH very clearly.

So yeah, I'd be upset.

EFS

Edited by Mareek, 20 February 2013 - 06:22 AM.


#3 kpingitquiet

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:32 AM

I think I'd be pretty annoyed at that. Perhaps he could've planned a "day off" trip for another time when he hadn't already been away so long.

#4 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:35 AM

Yeah, I'd be upset too. Being away so much, maybe he's forgotten a little bit how much work being at home is. And maybe hasn't thought about your feelings either.

#5 Bec .

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:40 AM

Personally I would let him go. He's been away working,
not on holiday. However, do explain how you are feeling & perhaps start planning your own overnight escape.

#6 amaza

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:52 AM

I would probably be a little disappointed and would say as much but wouldn't have an issue with him going.

You say he would have been home for a week by then? You have Friday off to spend with him or have your me time? Did I get that wrong? If he's already home, even if he has been working away for a month, I don't see an issue.

If I got that wrong then maybe my thoughts would change.

#7 Bel Rowley

Posted 20 February 2013 - 06:58 AM

Yeah I'd be p*ssed. It would be one thing if it was to see family or a long-time they rarely see for a special occasion, but just for a BBQ? And planned at the last minute? Nope, wouldn't be happy.

#8 Banana Pancakes

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:03 AM

Id be annoyed but I wouldn't stop him. Its only one night in the grand scheme of things.

I would however plan on lots of dvd marathons with the kids, all their favourite foods, a trip to the park and then as soon as dh walked in the door I would walk out and go and have a (long) coffee somewhere nice all by myself!

#9 Coffeegirl

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:05 AM

QUOTE (rbat @ 20/02/2013, 07:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I would let him go. He's been away working,
not on holiday. However, do explain how you are feeling & perhaps start planning your own overnight escape.


^^. This.  But only if it was for something that he could not do at another time.  IE besties 40th, or a wedding, or a sporting event that was planned some time prior (finals etc)

I don't think a last minute get together with some internet mates that he has probably never met is acceptable.

#10 wesse

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

It's a poorly timed BBQ away but I wouldnt stop DH from going. As pp said, he has been working, not on holiday. I would plan a weekend out and about with the kids or rally support from friends and family nearby.
I would however tell him how hard it has been for you lately with the children.
I hope you get through the w/e op!

#11 a letter to Elise.

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:21 AM

I would be annoyed and a bit sad. I wouldn't tell him not to go, but I would tell him how I felt.
I am assuming that even though he will have been back for a week, you both would have been working and this is the first weekend he's been home for a month.

#12 Chchgirl

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:23 AM

As long as I got to arrange my weekend away and downtime, then I'd be ok.

#13 Lucygoosey1

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:32 AM

I'd feel the same as you.  I'd be 'letting' him go,  but have a talk about how tough it's been lately and how much you are really needing down time too.  
My DH had been away at a conference for 4 nights, then wanted to go to the cricket a few nights later.  I told him I was a bit worn out and needed a break,  so booked a facial for the weekend when he'd be home.
It was enough for me to recharge and not get annoyed.


#14 Displayanome

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:43 AM

QUOTE (Chchgirl @ 20/02/2013, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As long as I got to arrange my weekend away and downtime, then I'd be ok.

This. OP before he leaves, set the date for your weekend.

#15 qak

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:44 AM

QUOTE (wesse @ 20/02/2013, 08:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's a poorly timed BBQ away but I wouldnt stop DH from going. As pp said, he has been working, not on holiday.


I agree - it doesn't sound like he organised it, so it was just the (bad) luck of the draw for you.  I don't think you should blame your DH for that, or complain that he is going.


#16 JoMarch

Posted 20 February 2013 - 07:59 AM

I agree with you OP, I'd also be a little peeved....but I wouldn't try to stop him from going.  Its only one night in the grand scheme of things and as you say you're DH works hard (so I guess you feel like he deserves some him time).  But I would definately let him know how you feel & organise some family/you time for as soon as possible.

#17 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:22 AM

QUOTE (Nicole-Bris @ 20/02/2013, 06:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just wondering if I am being a big sooky la la or whether I have a little bit of a reason to be upset.  DH calls me last night about going away interstate on Saturday until Sunday for a friends BBQ and something to do with a football internet league.  Other than the expense normally I would have no problem with this but DH has been working interstate for the last month, one of the longest periods his ever been away and this last week I have really been struggling.

I have two children one with ADD and one with ODD and he is a very hands on dad and husband so not having any support for the last month is starting to wear me down A LOT.  He works interstate but normally for a week or two and then is home for a couple of days.  This time he is home for a week but I work Monday - Thursday and with him going away Saturday morning and coming home Sunday most likely hungover I'm feeling that the family and me time probably won't eventuate.  

I swing between DH has been working really long hours in harsh conditions earning good money so deserves this to what about the kids and I.  I know that he would be happy if I did the same thing but I wouldn't spend over $350 on flights going to a BBQ (plus I have no friends to do this with) but not only that I would like us to spend some time together.  

So am I being a bit silly I mean really its just for one night or can I be a little bit sad.

I'd be annoyed about it, for sure.  But if it's a one off thing that he hasn't done for yonks, I also wouldn't begrudge him a weekend with his mates.  But I would be extracting a promise of what he planned to do the following weekend to make it up to me/the family and then proceed to book myself some of my own down time for when DH is next around with the family (eg. massage or manicure/pedicure, or coffee and movie with a girlfriend, or a few hours of purposely doing nothing away from the kids, etc).  Just as your DH needs some down time occasionally, so do you, so be proactive about it and make some of your own plans.

If he did it every 2nd month and the last time was only 4 weeks ago, I'd be extremely miffed.

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 20 February 2013 - 08:23 AM.


#18 *LucyE*

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:39 AM

I agree that although I wouldn't be impressed, and would say so, I wouldn't stop him.

I would have concrete plans set for whatever 'family time' you want, before he leaves though.

#19 emlis22

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:45 AM

On the inside, I'd be shattered. But I would stop myself at getting sooky and let him do his thing. It will be worth it in the end I reckon. Just maybe mention you were/are disappointed and make him spoil you when he is home!



#20 Nicole-Bris

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:49 AM

Its funny because I agree with absolutely everyones posts.  Although I'm disappointed, I won't stop him going.  Now that I think about it,  I think I'm more upset not that he is going away for the night but that he knows how much I've been struggling (phone calls from school about DD, getting teary over nothing).   He has been promising lots of fun things with the kids (they are really missing him as well) and plenty of time for myself (which I will get some on Friday) but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Edited by Nicole-Bris, 20 February 2013 - 08:53 AM.


#21 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 20 February 2013 - 08:52 AM

QUOTE (Nicole-Bris @ 20/02/2013, 08:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Its funny because I agree with absolutely everyones posts.  Although I'm disappointed, I won't stop him going.  Now that I think about it,  I think I'm more upset not that he is going away for the night but that he knows how much I've been struggling (phone calls from school about DD, getting teary over nothing).   He has been promising lots of fun things with the kids and plenty of time for myself (which I will get some on Friday) but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Start planning a bit of your own down time and let him know that you are doing that.  I reckon he will be very understanding about it.  And it gives you something to focus on for yourself, rather than focusing on why you are upset at him.

#22 StudyMum

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:06 AM

My hubby works away and if it was us in this position I would let  him go. As others have said, when he is away he's working - not doing it for the fun of it (though if you are like me you have to keep reminding yourself of this!) - and he deserves some down time too. Sure, it hasn't been organised too well but blokes never think these things through properly  dry.gif

Definitely organise a weekend for yourself - it's only fair original.gif

#23 BeccaBoo88

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:27 AM

I would be annoyed, but I know saying he couldn't go wouldn't be fair either.

Can you try and organsie a day off for yourself when he is back? Book in for a treatment at a day spa or even just take yourself to the library? Having an arrangement for 'you' time can reallllllly make a difference.

#24 Soontobegran

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:33 AM

I would let him go but then arrange a similar 'get away' for yourself afterwards leaving him home alone.
This is what we did, my DH played and still plays gold very seriously and this often took him away to tournaments, some of which meant I was home alone with 5 little children and also trying to organise going to work for a few days.

I am not underestimating the problems it causes and the exhaustion but it was always reciprocated here and it worked well.

Good luck, I hope you can work out something that suits you both.

#25 *LucyE*

Posted 20 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

QUOTE
but when it comes down to it going to a work collegues BBQ about a football internet competition is more important to him.

Does he use a diary/calendar?  If so, confirm dates with him to actually do stuff. That way, it's locked in.

I know I sometimes get enthusiastic about doing stuff but if I don't lock in dates or times, it gets pushed back or put off because something else more concrete comes up. That's how I managed to not catch up with a good friend for 8 months last year even though we see each other regularly in passing.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Mum shares hilarious story about attempting shower sex

As most parents know, finding time for sex post-kids is one of life's not-so-little challenges.

16 things you'll learn on the preschool party circuit

Kids birthday parties sound fun in the abstract but the reality is they often end up an introverts worst nightmare – forced social interaction in the name of good parenting.

The 92-year-old who's a great-great-great-grandmother

A 92-year-old Canadian woman has become a great-great-great grandmother this week after the family welcomed a baby boy.

The Pramrolla mimics a walk in the park to help your baby get to sleep

Simply put the pram brake on, set the wheels on top of the Pramrolla, plug it in and off they go ... or so they think.

Beyonce shares surreal pregnancy photo shoot

Pop superstar Beyonce on Thursday released a slew of photos of herself posing pregnant and nude.

Airport staff order mum to squeeze her breasts to prove she's lactating

A Singaporean mum of two has spoken about her humiliation at the hands of German airport security guards who ordered her to prove she could breastfeed.

How to keep your baby or toddler safe at home

Child-proofing tips that will ensure your home remains a safe haven for curious toddlers and babies on the move.

Told to get rid of their dogs, this expectant couple took the sweetest photos instead

When the couple conceived their first human child they came under enormous pressure to give up their dogs.

Bereaved parents take baby home for 'family time' after death, thanks to cuddle cot

A bereaved mother has spoken about her decision to take her daughter's body home to spend time as a family before her funeral.

'Get off your phone!': the daycare note that's got people talking

A note posted by a US daycare facility has urged parents to get off their phone when collecting their children:

Babysitter's creative 'hands-free' baby carrier hack

We've all been there – you need to hold the baby, but you also need to eat.

Will these be the most on-trend baby names of 2017?

Nameberry has crunched the numbers, predicting which monikers will see a rise in 2017.

Firefighter adopts the baby he helped deliver

Five years ago firefighter Marc Hadden took an emergency call that changed his life.

Mum shares graphic image to highlight importance of rear-facing car seats for kids

A British safety blogger has shared a graphic photo of the damage a seatbelt can do in a car accident in a bid to persuade more parents to use rear-facing car seats for as long as possible with their kids.

Pharrell Williams and his wife welcome triplets

Now that's a good way to start the new year.

Turn yourself into a child's climbing gym with this wearable vest

It's such a neat idea for those living in high density apartment blocks where children may struggle to get enough physical activity.

Bugaboo unveils its new Bugaboo Bee5

The lightweight and compact Bugaboo Bee has been on the scene for a decade now.

The first few weeks of pregnancy: surreal, scary, exciting

It is okay to be worried, nervous, anxious, in love and happy all at the same time.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

3-5 March 2017, Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

Your child's fine motor skills: what you should know

There is less of a focus on fine motor skills, but they're just as important as others. (SPONSORED)

5 ways music helps your toddler's development

There are at least five other compelling reasons to get musical around your toddler. (SPONSORED)

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

3-5 March 2017, Brisbane Convention & Exhibition Centre. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.