Jump to content

I know there's no good time but...
Baby vs New Job


  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 k-lo

Posted 19 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

So we've just started TTC this year - I'm just in my first TWW so very early days.

A few weeks ago an opportunity came up at work for a new job at work; interesting sounding work and a bit of a sideways step but maybe will mean more in the future. So I applied and I have a second interview on Friday.

I'm just feeling stressed about the timing. If I conceive straight away, I'll be off on mat leave within the year and I'd feel awful. I know it could take months (or longer) to conceive, AND I might not even get the job, but I'm just wondering what everyone thinks.

If I get a BFP on this cycle; do you think I should disclose it straight away or withdraw my application? Or just continue on and see what happens???



#2 KACM

Posted 19 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

I would continue at this point. If you're offered the job after a BFP, you can discuss it with the relevant person then. They may well appreciate your honesty (then again they may not). Don't deny yourself an opportunity when, as you say, it may take many months to conceive.

Having said that though - good luck with your TWW!!!

#3 Duck-o-lah

Posted 19 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

If it sounds really interesting I'd go for it! It would be too bad if you didn't even apply and it took you a while to conceive.

I applied for a new job after over a year ttc, suprise suprise I found out I was pg the day I started. They have been very supportive.

As for disclosing the news, I think that's something you can approach at the time.

Good luck on both fronts!

#4 seaside_feral

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:01 PM

I think the best thing is to continue living your life while TTC, you don't know how long it might take (hopefully not long for your sake!) but I think the whole experience will be less stressful if you don't out your life on hold while trying. Good luck OP!

#5 libbylu

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:07 PM

After suffering a miscarriage at 7 weeks and learning that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, I am against disclosing a pregnancy to ones employer before 12 weeks.  As far as I am concerned you are only semi-pregnant before that point and it makes sense to only share the news with your nearest and dearest.
Also, it takes the average fertile couple 7 months to conceive, so I wouldn't use up too much time worrying about it if I were you.

#6 busy&happy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:10 PM

A couple of years ago I applied for a job (which I was successful) and had been trying to conceive. Little did I know that I was just pregnant. As I didn't start the position for several weeks this coincided with me more or less finding out I was pregnant. I felt a little guilty but started the job anyway because you don't know what could happen. When I was over 12 weeks I informed my employer. My advice is live your life and worry about the what if's when they happen.

Edited by busy&happy, 19 February 2013 - 08:12 PM.


#7 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:58 PM

QUOTE (KACMum @ 19/02/2013, 07:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would continue at this point. If you're offered the job after a BFP, you can discuss it with the relevant person then. They may well appreciate your honesty (then again they may not). Don't deny yourself an opportunity when, as you say, it may take many months to conceive.

Having said that though - good luck with your TWW!!!

agree with this. Life happens when it does.  Just go with it and see what happens.  No need to script your life before it happens.

#8 katiebear26

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:08 PM

OP i interview a lot of people through my job and i have to say that i would love to knoe if my preferred candidate was in early pregnancy stages when i was appointing her...

BUT -

if you do tell them you run the risk of them choosing someone else. if you are PG, and if the job is in the same company then you would i assume have spent enough time there by the time you were due to be eligible for unpaid mat leave, or paid leave if they offer it. therefore TBH i wouldn't tell them until you normally would - e.g. 12 weeks - then they have to deal with replacing you but at least you know there was no discrimination.

as much as i would like to think everyone would be good and not discriminate, a lot of people still do.

if you know the hiring manager really well and trust them then you can be honest that you are TTC, maybe leave it at that. then it's not a huge shock when it does happen (fingers crossed for you!!)  but you feel safe doing so.

#9 Musk Sticks

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:10 PM

I left my job to move when I married DH.
I was hesitant to find work initially because I would have felt bad if I conceived just after starting the job.
So, I didn't work for the first year of our marriage.
I was lucky enough to find my almost dream job and was fortunate enough to conceive DS after a little more than 2 years of TTC.

So, I would say hope for the best, but don't pass up opportunities because you 'might' be pregnant.

#10 k-lo

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:06 AM

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. Its true, there are just too many 'what ifs' to worry at this point.
My employer has been very good to me, so I'd like to do the right thing by them, but I don't want to run around telling everyone my life plans so soon...


#11 leisamd

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:14 AM

I applied for a promotion before I had kids, I got it and started just as I found out I was pregnant.  I didn't tell them until 16 weeks.  I'd previously miscarried so was wary of telling anyone.  They were surprised and a little annoyed at first (I was about the 5th person in the team to fall pregnant!  whoops...) but were supportive in the end.  

Not much they can do about it, it's one of those things that neither you nor the employer can predict.

#12 thatsnotmybelly

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:19 AM

Go for both.

Your worry actually happened to me - I applied, accepted and started a new dream job and found out the day after I accepted it that I was pregnant!

I kept it a secret until 10 weeks (when I came clean because I had to take time off to go to the hospital to check out some bleeding). I don't believe you should tell earlier because it would jeopardise your chances and miscarriage rates are so high anyway.

My awesome employer was disappointed but understood that we didn't quite expect to fall pregnant so soon and that I was already pregnant unknowingly when I took the job so it was just weird timing.

My boss was really supportive and I enjoyed the best 8 months' work of my life before leaving to have my baby. It was totally worth it for me (I have way more confidence after finally having a job I loved) and for my company (my short-term presence contributed a lot to the company and got them through a tough spot between long-term employees).

My approach was to work really hard during the 8 months and try to 'thank' my boss for being so supportive by being a brilliant member of the team (of course when pregnancy got too much it was fine for me to step back). This approach helped eliminate any bad feelings from the company. It was obvious I was still valuable for the time that I was there.

Don't hesitate on either front - you just don't know whether the job or the baby will come first - and if they both come at the same time, it will work itself out anyway. :-)


PS - A few other employees were hired and quit again in the time that I was there, so if you can stay for at least 8 months, that's actually a lot more stable than a lot of people in the working world anyway.

#13 julzely

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:21 AM

I've got a job interview on Monday at a new company and I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant.  I'm not going to stress unless I actually get the job, then I need to decided if I tell them when they offer me the job, or wait till 12 weeks.  Talk about bad timing, but this is a dream job for me. Sadly I won't be eligible for maternity leave with the new company which I would get if I stay with my current one.

#14 ~Winter~

Posted 21 February 2013 - 08:04 AM

I'm waiting to hear back about an interview within my current company. It's a good promotion and if I get it we will be waiting until close to a year in the position to ttc. I want to give it my all for the first year at least I need to get my health sorted first as well. I wouldn't tell the employer until you have reached 12 weeks

#15 AmberNut

Posted 21 February 2013 - 08:17 AM

I implore you NOT to do what I have done. I too had some choices to make regarding my career whilst TTC. I chose the conservative approach in not changing jobs because I just might go on maternity leave soon.
The result... my life has been on hold now for 5 years...
A very wise IVF counselor recently told me that TTC is something that you do along side life.
Based on my experience, I'd say go for it, if you happen to conceive then mores the better.
Good luck with your career and TTC!

#16 kpingitquiet

Posted 21 February 2013 - 08:55 AM

I wouldn't even worry about notifying them til 12wks+. Unless there is a physical component to the job that means pregnancy would be an issue? It's not their business.

#17 GenWhy

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:51 AM

I wouldn't tell them. I told my employer when I was 8 weeks pregnant with my first because I was being placed in a different area. The result was that I got shifted to the most boring position possible with no hopes for advancement until I had my baby. I only got 6 weeks paid maternity leave and then 4 weeks of annual leave. When I was returning to work I applied for a different area and got it. Soon after I found out I was pregnant again (complete surprise). I held off telling my employer for 6 months. I was very lucky I didn't have a belly at all. I was promoted when I was 5 months preggers and that's something I guarantee wouldn't have happened if they knew I was pregnant at the time.

My boss was not at all impressed and actually tried to take the promotion off me. A few calls to the union sorted that out but it became an unpleasant place to work. I transferred to a better position when I came back from maternity leave around 12 weeks later and was specifically asked if I'd "completed my family" when I did the interview. I said yes and got the job. Unfortunately discrimination is still out there OP. I wouldn't jeopardize your chances by telling.

#18 Mumsyto2

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:03 AM

QUOTE (katiebear26 @ 19/02/2013, 10:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
if you know the hiring manager really well and trust them then you can be honest that you are TTC, maybe leave it at that. then it's not a huge shock when it does happen (fingers crossed for you!!)  but you feel safe doing so.

I actually find this to be some of the weirdest advice I have ever read - no offence but it really is.
Who in their right mind would tell a prospective employer they are TTC??? The underlying thing at the core is that it is absolutley none of their business no matter how much you 'trust' them and it has absolutely nothing to do with whether you are the best candidate for the job in regards to legislation re hiring staff and discrimination.

#19 Bel Rowley

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:57 AM

I would go for the job and not say anything to your employers until at least 12 weeks, if you happen to become pregnant. You are under no obligation to tell them, and I would hate for my chances of advancement to be jeopardised because of a pregnancy I deserved. If you become pregnant you cross that bridge when you come to it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.