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Baby vs New Job


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#1 k-lo

Posted 19 February 2013 - 07:45 PM

So we've just started TTC this year - I'm just in my first TWW so very early days.

A few weeks ago an opportunity came up at work for a new job at work; interesting sounding work and a bit of a sideways step but maybe will mean more in the future. So I applied and I have a second interview on Friday.

I'm just feeling stressed about the timing. If I conceive straight away, I'll be off on mat leave within the year and I'd feel awful. I know it could take months (or longer) to conceive, AND I might not even get the job, but I'm just wondering what everyone thinks.

If I get a BFP on this cycle; do you think I should disclose it straight away or withdraw my application? Or just continue on and see what happens???



#2 KACM

Posted 19 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

I would continue at this point. If you're offered the job after a BFP, you can discuss it with the relevant person then. They may well appreciate your honesty (then again they may not). Don't deny yourself an opportunity when, as you say, it may take many months to conceive.

Having said that though - good luck with your TWW!!!

#3 Duck-o-lah

Posted 19 February 2013 - 07:52 PM

If it sounds really interesting I'd go for it! It would be too bad if you didn't even apply and it took you a while to conceive.

I applied for a new job after over a year ttc, suprise suprise I found out I was pg the day I started. They have been very supportive.

As for disclosing the news, I think that's something you can approach at the time.

Good luck on both fronts!

#4 seaside_feral

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:01 PM

I think the best thing is to continue living your life while TTC, you don't know how long it might take (hopefully not long for your sake!) but I think the whole experience will be less stressful if you don't out your life on hold while trying. Good luck OP!

#5 libbylu

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:07 PM

After suffering a miscarriage at 7 weeks and learning that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, I am against disclosing a pregnancy to ones employer before 12 weeks.  As far as I am concerned you are only semi-pregnant before that point and it makes sense to only share the news with your nearest and dearest.
Also, it takes the average fertile couple 7 months to conceive, so I wouldn't use up too much time worrying about it if I were you.

#6 busy&happy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:10 PM

A couple of years ago I applied for a job (which I was successful) and had been trying to conceive. Little did I know that I was just pregnant. As I didn't start the position for several weeks this coincided with me more or less finding out I was pregnant. I felt a little guilty but started the job anyway because you don't know what could happen. When I was over 12 weeks I informed my employer. My advice is live your life and worry about the what if's when they happen.

Edited by busy&happy, 19 February 2013 - 08:12 PM.


#7 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 19 February 2013 - 08:58 PM

QUOTE (KACMum @ 19/02/2013, 07:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would continue at this point. If you're offered the job after a BFP, you can discuss it with the relevant person then. They may well appreciate your honesty (then again they may not). Don't deny yourself an opportunity when, as you say, it may take many months to conceive.

Having said that though - good luck with your TWW!!!

agree with this. Life happens when it does.  Just go with it and see what happens.  No need to script your life before it happens.

#8 katiebear26

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:08 PM

OP i interview a lot of people through my job and i have to say that i would love to knoe if my preferred candidate was in early pregnancy stages when i was appointing her...

BUT -

if you do tell them you run the risk of them choosing someone else. if you are PG, and if the job is in the same company then you would i assume have spent enough time there by the time you were due to be eligible for unpaid mat leave, or paid leave if they offer it. therefore TBH i wouldn't tell them until you normally would - e.g. 12 weeks - then they have to deal with replacing you but at least you know there was no discrimination.

as much as i would like to think everyone would be good and not discriminate, a lot of people still do.

if you know the hiring manager really well and trust them then you can be honest that you are TTC, maybe leave it at that. then it's not a huge shock when it does happen (fingers crossed for you!!)  but you feel safe doing so.

#9 Musk Sticks

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:10 PM

I left my job to move when I married DH.
I was hesitant to find work initially because I would have felt bad if I conceived just after starting the job.
So, I didn't work for the first year of our marriage.
I was lucky enough to find my almost dream job and was fortunate enough to conceive DS after a little more than 2 years of TTC.

So, I would say hope for the best, but don't pass up opportunities because you 'might' be pregnant.

#10 k-lo

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:06 AM

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. Its true, there are just too many 'what ifs' to worry at this point.
My employer has been very good to me, so I'd like to do the right thing by them, but I don't want to run around telling everyone my life plans so soon...


#11 leisamd

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:14 AM

I applied for a promotion before I had kids, I got it and started just as I found out I was pregnant.  I didn't tell them until 16 weeks.  I'd previously miscarried so was wary of telling anyone.  They were surprised and a little annoyed at first (I was about the 5th person in the team to fall pregnant!  whoops...) but were supportive in the end.  

Not much they can do about it, it's one of those things that neither you nor the employer can predict.

#12 limequarter

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:19 AM

Go for both.

Your worry actually happened to me - I applied, accepted and started a new dream job and found out the day after I accepted it that I was pregnant!

I kept it a secret until 10 weeks (when I came clean because I had to take time off to go to the hospital to check out some bleeding). I don't believe you should tell earlier because it would jeopardise your chances and miscarriage rates are so high anyway.

My awesome employer was disappointed but understood that we didn't quite expect to fall pregnant so soon and that I was already pregnant unknowingly when I took the job so it was just weird timing.

My boss was really supportive and I enjoyed the best 8 months' work of my life before leaving to have my baby. It was totally worth it for me (I have way more confidence after finally having a job I loved) and for my company (my short-term presence contributed a lot to the company and got them through a tough spot between long-term employees).

My approach was to work really hard during the 8 months and try to 'thank' my boss for being so supportive by being a brilliant member of the team (of course when pregnancy got too much it was fine for me to step back). This approach helped eliminate any bad feelings from the company. It was obvious I was still valuable for the time that I was there.

Don't hesitate on either front - you just don't know whether the job or the baby will come first - and if they both come at the same time, it will work itself out anyway. :-)


PS - A few other employees were hired and quit again in the time that I was there, so if you can stay for at least 8 months, that's actually a lot more stable than a lot of people in the working world anyway.

#13 julzely

Posted 21 February 2013 - 07:21 AM

I've got a job interview on Monday at a new company and I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant.  I'm not going to stress unless I actually get the job, then I need to decided if I tell them when they offer me the job, or wait till 12 weeks.  Talk about bad timing, but this is a dream job for me. Sadly I won't be eligible for maternity leave with the new company which I would get if I stay with my current one.

#14 ~Winter~

Posted 21 February 2013 - 08:04 AM

I'm waiting to hear back about an interview within my current company. It's a good promotion and if I get it we will be waiting until close to a year in the position to ttc. I want to give it my all for the first year at least I need to get my health sorted first as well. I wouldn't tell the employer until you have reached 12 weeks

#15 AmberNut

Posted 21 February 2013 - 08:17 AM

I implore you NOT to do what I have done. I too had some choices to make regarding my career whilst TTC. I chose the conservative approach in not changing jobs because I just might go on maternity leave soon.
The result... my life has been on hold now for 5 years...
A very wise IVF counselor recently told me that TTC is something that you do along side life.
Based on my experience, I'd say go for it, if you happen to conceive then mores the better.
Good luck with your career and TTC!

#16 kpingitquiet

Posted 21 February 2013 - 08:55 AM

I wouldn't even worry about notifying them til 12wks+. Unless there is a physical component to the job that means pregnancy would be an issue? It's not their business.

#17 GenWhy

Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:51 AM

I wouldn't tell them. I told my employer when I was 8 weeks pregnant with my first because I was being placed in a different area. The result was that I got shifted to the most boring position possible with no hopes for advancement until I had my baby. I only got 6 weeks paid maternity leave and then 4 weeks of annual leave. When I was returning to work I applied for a different area and got it. Soon after I found out I was pregnant again (complete surprise). I held off telling my employer for 6 months. I was very lucky I didn't have a belly at all. I was promoted when I was 5 months preggers and that's something I guarantee wouldn't have happened if they knew I was pregnant at the time.

My boss was not at all impressed and actually tried to take the promotion off me. A few calls to the union sorted that out but it became an unpleasant place to work. I transferred to a better position when I came back from maternity leave around 12 weeks later and was specifically asked if I'd "completed my family" when I did the interview. I said yes and got the job. Unfortunately discrimination is still out there OP. I wouldn't jeopardize your chances by telling.

#18 Mumsyto2

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:03 AM

QUOTE (katiebear26 @ 19/02/2013, 10:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
if you know the hiring manager really well and trust them then you can be honest that you are TTC, maybe leave it at that. then it's not a huge shock when it does happen (fingers crossed for you!!)  but you feel safe doing so.

I actually find this to be some of the weirdest advice I have ever read - no offence but it really is.
Who in their right mind would tell a prospective employer they are TTC??? The underlying thing at the core is that it is absolutley none of their business no matter how much you 'trust' them and it has absolutely nothing to do with whether you are the best candidate for the job in regards to legislation re hiring staff and discrimination.

#19 Bel Rowley

Posted 21 February 2013 - 10:57 AM

I would go for the job and not say anything to your employers until at least 12 weeks, if you happen to become pregnant. You are under no obligation to tell them, and I would hate for my chances of advancement to be jeopardised because of a pregnancy I deserved. If you become pregnant you cross that bridge when you come to it.




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