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Partner not invited to wedding
Is this a new phenomenon?

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106 replies to this topic

#1 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 12:56 PM

Yes, another wedding wdyt.

DH just got a wedding invite which only has his name on it. He presumed it included me as well until I told him that it clearly only has his name and that no I don't think it includes me.

Ok I know that people can invite whoever they want to their wedding, I get that.

What my question is, is this a relatively new phenomenon? We have never had an invite like this before and have been to many weddings.

Not asking for opinions on what he should do. That's already been decided.

#2 EssentialBludger

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I hear about it lots on EB, never happened to us though. I have an invite on the fridge right now addressed to both of us - I've never met the couple in my life!

#3 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:03 PM

It is a work colleague, I have met her a couple of times.

#4 Oriental lily

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:03 PM

On EB?

In my reality yes.

I have never came across this in my family and social circle but apparently EB says its perfectly fine.

#5 TinyTeddys

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:04 PM

My DH was invited to a wedding and I wasn't. It was a work college, small wedding and apparently no ones partners were invited. I had never meet them so I wasn't fussed.

#6 April girl

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:04 PM

This old chestnut! I do find it strange to not invite someone's partner to accompany them to a wedding. I don't know if it's a new phenomenom or anything- it hasn't happened to me but I know I wouldn't go without my husband and nor would he go without me.

#7 kelbelblue

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (moss @ 19/02/2013, 12:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would think it odd but I guess it depends on the context. Is it a work colleague that you don't know? I would still think it a bit odd not to invite a spouse but less odd than a friend who knows you both but did not invite you.

I agree with Moss. Very strange if you both know the couple, understandable if only your husband knows them and they have limited seating, or simply don't want a guest list filled with strangers.
Probably not something I would be upset about if it is the latter.

#8 Beancat

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:05 PM

Weird, very weird.  I would always invite the partner (ie a real, serious partner, not a 2 month girlfriend/boyfriend) even if I didnt know them, or for that matter had met them.  Very strange - have you had a falling out with the person?

I started seeing someone, (who incidently is about to father my third child and we have been together for 6 years) about  6 weeks before my sisters' wedding.  Neither he or I expected him to be invited

ETA - could it actually be a printing mistake?  Is there some way you can secretly check this out?

Edited by Beancat, 19 February 2013 - 01:06 PM.

#9 Born Slippy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:06 PM

I have not had an invite like that personally.

However, I certainly have no expectation to be invited to a wedding where my only connection to the bride and/or groom is through my partner. It is not clear from the OP what the exact situation is.

For that reason this is a general example: if a colleague of my DP (particularly one I'd never met) was getting married, I would not expect to be invited just because I am in a relationship with DP. It would make more sense that DP and other work colleagues were invited, without partners.

#10 item

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

At our wedding, we invited a few work ppl and their partners


if I were to do it again, I would invite more work colleagues, not invite their partners, and then seat them all together  ph34r.gif

Edited to make sense

Edited by in(s)ane, 19 February 2013 - 01:11 PM.

#11 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

I wasn't invited to a wedding my boyfriend was a driver at.  I found it quite upsetting as to me our  relationship was everything, and still is.

The next one he was invited as "X and friend".  Again I was rather put out but the bride tracked me down and told me that her friend wrote out the invites and didnt know my name.

Might be worth clarifying.

#12 PixieVee

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

I normally would never invite someone without their partner but I am actually considering it for my colleagues. I don't know, I think when it comes to people from work it's fine.

#13 Born Slippy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

QUOTE (Milly Molly Mandy @ 19/02/2013, 02:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It is a work colleague, I have met her a couple of times.

I would just assume that it is an issue of cost or numbers then. I don't think I'd be fussed, for the reasons I'd stated earlier.

#14 BetteBoop

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:12 PM

I don't know if it's a new trend or not.

I was invited to a wedding almost 20 years ago without my long term boyfriend. I've gone to many weddings since then on my own, including weddings for family members and workmates.

I don't see an issue with it but then DH and I have fairly independent social lives.

#15 Gudrun

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:21 PM

Nothing new about it.   If people wish to celebrate with a maximum of people they know well within their budget then they invite only the people they know well.

I really enjoyed a wedding of a work colleague about 20 years ago where he specifically told us that the invite was only for the colleagues not their partners.   We were sat at one big table and had an absolute ball.   One bloke turned down the invite because his wife wasn't invited.   So he missed out on all the fun.

#16 epl0822

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:24 PM

Honestly - I don't see what the big deal is. My DH goes to plenty of social events without me, and I without him. If DH's friend wants him there but not me I'm happy to have an evening to myself. What is it about weddings that couples feel like they have to go joined at the hip? It's not like your DH is going there alone to hook up with a bridesmaid?

#17 Anonymous12

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

I completely understand it from a work colleague perspective. Weddings are expensive, I am sure they would love to have work colleagues and their partners, but maybe they can't afford it so the compromise is colleagues only? Otherwise the other compromise would be no colleagues.

When a friend of mine from work was getting married I offered not to bring my husband along because I knew they were struggling with the guest list. I am close to her, DH isn't.

#18 Miss Kiwi

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:29 PM

QUOTE (Gudrun @ 19/02/2013, 02:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Nothing new about it.   If people wish to celebrate with a maximum of people they know well within their budget then they invite only the people they know well.

I really enjoyed a wedding of a work colleague about 20 years ago where he specifically told us that the invite was only for the colleagues not their partners.   We were sat at one big table and had an absolute ball.   One bloke turned down the invite because his wife wasn't invited.   So he missed out on all the fun.

I don't see the big deal if other work colleagues were invited without their partners. Is this the case OP?

I take it from your last sentence in your post about you have already decided what to do so you don't need advice on that. Does that mean your husband is declining the invite because you are not invited?
That is a real shame if that's the case.

I don't know why people get so upset about these kinda of things, no kids at weddings etc. it's their wedding and they should be able to invite whom they choose:)!

#19 Fenrir

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

I don't know if it's a new trend or not.

Neither do I but it would never occur to me to NOT invite a partner, especially if you know they are in a long term relationship or are married.

#20 4ngiebella

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:32 PM

The latest wedding invite that came to my partner was addressed to him and his best friend with my name written underneath as an afterthought. I haven't stopped laughing since we received it hehe

#21 #YKG

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

Nope not new has been going on for years.

TBH meeting someone a couple of times does not a friend make. Your husband obviously has a good enough relationship with his co worker to be invited.  

At the end of the days its the couples decision and dont understand the huffing and puffing from people with the "they where invited but what about me?!" comes across as childish. And yes i have been to weddings as the only one out of a coupke invited and being the one that wasnt invited. Why would you want to go to a strangers wedding anyway.

#22 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:34 PM

I would not do that but I have been invited to a wedding without my partner.

I knew they wanted a small wedding and they didn't know my partner well so we were OK with it.

Then her brother rang up to tell her she was a selfish cow (apparently she hadn't invited her SIL either!!) so DP got an invite original.gif

Hilarious, even with our DPs there were u/20 people there including some random couple who used the only loo to have noisy sex preventing anyone else going for quite a while (and then some of us had to wait until we left because were a bit ikky with the whole thought of it!)

Anyway - IMO it is OK if it's a small wedding where it's something like immediate family and friends and everyone knows each other (I would put work colleagues together and assume your DP isn't the only one from work going). But when people are married, it's a biggish wedding and people don't know a lot of other people then you got to give them someone to sit with, talk to, dance with and feel comfortable with - you don't want your wedding to feel like a night long boring as hell, god these people are rude thing for one or two friends.

#23 MrsLexiK

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

A girl I worked with only invited myself, not my DH (though he was DB then) I didn't even give it a second thought, there was 6 invite and 4 of us where either in de factos or long term relationships none of us thought it was unusal.  Our partners had all meet her but only a handful of times.  DH had a wedding on that same weekend as it turned out, I cannot remember if I was invited or not but I had never actually meet these people before because they lived interstate.  

In the end it would have been weird if I had gone (I am thinking I was probably invited but only because my BIL was in the wedding and my SIL was invited and all other mates did not have their wives going only my BIL, as the wives got to look after the kids for the weekend) as I had no idea who they were nor did I really know (expect for DH and my SIL) anyone else who would have been catching up with each other. I also got an invite to one of DH's close friend's weddings after only dating DH for a short time.  I was surprised to be invited honestly, but I think the key here is close friend.

#24 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:37 PM

Thanks all, so not totally a new thing, and not a growing trend either by the sounds of it.

Epl0822 it is no big deal. Not sure where my OP suggests my fear of DH hooking up with the bridesmaid but you are free to read into it whatever you want.

#25 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 19 February 2013 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (Milly Molly Mandy @ 19/02/2013, 01:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes, another wedding wdyt.

DH just got a wedding invite which only has his name on it. He presumed it included me as well until I told him that it clearly only has his name and that no I don't think it includes me.

Ok I know that people can invite whoever they want to their wedding, I get that.

What my question is, is this a relatively new phenomenon? We have never had an invite like this before and have been to many weddings.

Not asking for opinions on what he should do. That's already been decided.

Don't leave us in suspense. Is he going or not?

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