Jump to content

Friendship troubles for a 7 year old boy.


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 luke's mummu

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

DS (7 years) has been friends with 2 boys since preschool(about 4 years old). Actually, he has been good friends with 1 (child 1) and a littlebit friendly with the other (child 2). Problem is child 1 and 2 go to school together,in the same class this year and live close together, and their parents socialisetogether. My son goes to a different school and we live a few suburbs away. For the past 2 years they have all played soccer together and gotalong reasonably well.

Over the past 6 months, I have noticed child 2 is becoming alot more jealous of my son, trying to drag child 1 away from him. My son hasstarted to retaliate, and says things like “Child 2 doesn’t like me, he justwants to steal child 1 away”. The other child is bordering on bulling at times.I don’t think the parents have noticed at all. They are in the same soccer teamthis year and I am watching like a hawk, but there’s only so much I can do, I can’toverhear every conversation between child 1 and 2.

Now the other 2 are going to start cubs. My son has alwaysbeen keen to start cubs. But I’m aware it would mean less supervision by me(i.e. they usually don’t have parents present at their meetings) and thereforemore opportunity for child 2 to exclude my son from the friendship group. Partof me wants to just take my child away from the whole situation,(i.e. cubs, soccereverything) and only invite Child 1 over for playdates, so they can have some1-on-1 time, without child 2 trying to separate them. And part of me says mychild needs to learn to deal with these situations. (He doesn’t have great socialskills, and only 2 good friends).

What should I do? Am I missing anything?

Thanks, Lisa

Edited by luke's mummu, 18 February 2013 - 09:34 PM.


#2 Mrs Lannister

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:36 PM

Cubs might be a good way for him to make other friends

#3 her mum

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

Perhaps he could go to cubs in your suburb, and perhaps make some new friends?

Either way, I can't really see the harm in inviting just the 1 kid that he's actually friendly with for a playdate; it might actually help things.

#4 Fright bat

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

#5 The Old Feral

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:41 PM

I also have a 7yo boy.  I'd be encouraging a wider circle of friends. If I was friends with the parents,  I'd also be dropping into  a conversation that DS has felt excluded lately.  They may not have noticed.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:46 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.


???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

#7 saxa

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

I don't think putting all the blame on child 2 is fair.

If DS wants to be friends with child 1 then organise 1 on 1 play dates for them.

I would also be trying to encourage new friendships.

You say he goes to a different school than the other 2, does he not have any friends at his own school?

#8 loubee

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:27 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 09:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Sorry but I have to agree. You can't make other kids like your kids better. Friendships change all the time and trying to orchestrate a false friendship will backfire. Let them sort it out.

QUOTE
???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

If child 2 doesn't want to play your son it's not bullying, if he is manipulating child 1 to play only with him they need to sort it out. If he is bullying then you should teach your child to try and deal with the situation but as hard as it is listening in to try and catch him out is not helping your child.

#9 Plaxy

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:35 PM

I'd be taking the emphasis off this group of 3, by just letting things take their course there, while at the same time encouraging friendships at your son's school. Could he also get to know other boys at soccer? You could perhaps encourage having a few other kids from either his class or soccer over? I like the idea of cubs in his own suburb. Perhaps you could have a chat to his teacher if you feel he's not making friends  in his class?

#10 Fright bat

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:36 PM

QUOTE (luke's mummu @ 18/02/2013, 10:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!


Yes. Weird and creepy.

Not wanting to play with your child is not bullying. Convincing another child to play with him instead is not bullying. It's not the job of other parents to make their kid play with your kid. Not at age 7.

You say the two other kids live close together, go to school together, their parents socialize together etc. it sounds like they are better friends. Deal with it. Either start socializing with the parents too, or encourage your child to find new friends.

You cannot force a friendship that has perhaps run it's course. And trying to listen in on kids conversations to try and find out if they want to play with your child or not is way out of line, likely to be a source of embarrassment to your son, and likely to become a reason those children (and parents!) don't want to play with him.

I don't mean to be rude but I do mean to be blunt. Your behaviour is OTT. Leave the kid and his friends alone, unless there is actual bulkying going on (which from your description, there isn't). No one likes to be the less liked one, but that's not bullying.

If your son wants to play with these boys, let him. If he wants to join cubs with them, let him. If he doesn't do something else. At 7, he's old enough to participate in that decision. Try asking him, not EB.

#11 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:57 PM

While I agree with the others that the scenario you describe doesn't sound like bullying, since I know you from the SNs board, I can appreciate why you might have "extra" concern about your son's friendships. When a child has social struggles beyond the typical playground stuff, it can be hard not to be heavily invested. I do get that!

As other people have mentioned above, this might be a ripe time for you to help your son develop new friendships as well -- Cubs is one option, if he's keen to join. Another idea is to ask him which kids he enjoys or would like to know better at his own school. If he says "I don't know," then perhaps ask his teacher if there are any kids who are particularly accepting of him or show potential for being friends. Invite these kids over for a fun play date that your son plans. Ask him if there are any other activities -- art, music, other sports -- that he would like to try, and enroll him in one of those activities.

Good luck.



#12 madmother

Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:13 PM

I would add that one on one playdates as a PP suggested is a good idea BUT do it with both kids at different times.

I too think it is the closer relationship due to the parents being friends, etc, but your son can still be friends with BOTH boys.

As the mother of a son on the spectrum, and another with anxiety and social issues, I can understand your need to be involved BUT I do think you are taking normal interactions and making them bigger in your mind.

You need to work on your sons social needs, and teach him resiliance as much as stepping back will tear your heart out at times. Don't not be aware and monitor, just give him the tools to deal with the friendships better on his own.

original.gif

Edited by madmother, 18 February 2013 - 11:14 PM.


#13 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:22 PM

QUOTE (madmother @ 19/02/2013, 12:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't not be aware and monitor, just give him the tools to deal with the friendships better on his own.

original.gif


Normally, double negatives don't work...but this time, they are perfect. wink.gif  Well stated, madmother!

#14 ~sydblue~

Posted 19 February 2013 - 05:47 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Yes the kids are allowed to play with whoever they want. However if a child is unhappy as the OP's obviously is, the mother is allowed to try and figure out why things are happening. No it is not weird & creepy, I can hardly imagine the OP donning disguises to sneek up behind the kids and listen to them.

And yes 7yr old boys can be as nasty and b**chy as girls get around that age. It is just that, the age.

OP if you want to keep the friendship with the one child, then invite just him over for playdates. I agree that starting your DS off in another Cubs area is a good thing as it will let him find other friends in your area. If it isn't too far into your season, maybe get him into another soccer team. There are some great clubs with some great coaches out there who foster teamwork on the field and off, as having a team of arguing kids is not great to coach.


#15 cward

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:55 AM

I think it is probably quite normal that these two boys are closer friends.  They go to school together, they socialise together.  If your son wants to keep playing soccer in the same team then I too would be comign up with some strategies to help him manage the situation not hovering over them listening to the conversation.

Like other PP's I would be encouraging friendships at school as well.  While I am a big believer in kids not being with their school friends all the time, ie we like our girls to play sport with kids they don't go to school with, I think (without knowing all the circumstances) that your son needs to make some friends with kids he goes to school with.  Is there another local scocer team he can play with?  Also regarding cubs I think they would be getting watched pretty closely at that, similarly with soccer training.  As a coach I just can't imagine parents standing that close while I was training a team to hear what was going on and as a coach I would being nipping anything I thought was inappropirate in the bud




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN a $500 Visa debit card

Are you a parent? Simply take our survey for your chance to win a $500 pre-paid VISA debit card.

Breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mum - feeding your baby does

Given my immense dislike of Hopkins and her opinions, I was genuinely shocked to discover that last week she actually said something that I agreed with.

'Toni, another baby has died': the anguish of watching governments fail our babies

It has been six years since whooping cough claimed the life of four-week-old Dana McCaffery. Her parents are angry that lessons learnt weren't enough to save other babies.

Longer breastfeeding linked to higher IQ

A study of 3500 infants has found that babies who are breastfed grow up to be more intelligent and wealthy.

The 2015 flu vaccine: what's new, who should get it

For certain members of the community, catching flu can lead to severe illness or death. A vaccination can be lifesaving.

Dealing with a nappy escape artist

I hear about the tots that have a penchant for ripping their nappies off and the odd one that even smears the brown stuff on the walls and fine home furnishings, and I shudder.

Hospital apologises for 'traumatising' baby mix-up

St Vincent's Hospital has apologised "unreservedly" for a baby mix-up that left one new mum traumatised.

Tips for flying with a baby

Travelling with kids requires a whole other set of skills - ones that I have learned through (sometimes unfortunate) trial and error.

How to stay calm in an emergency

I’m not expecting you to be as calm as you might be right now. What I mean is that if your panic levels are through the roof during a stressful situation, let’s bring them down to just under the ceiling.

Toddler gets 'drunk' after cranberry juice mix-up

A toddler was taken to hospital after a waitress served her sangria instead of cranberry juice at a US restaurant.

We need to stop using this word when we talk about childbirth

Is it shaming to point out that women are often being let down in birth?

The certificate helping parents deal with pregnancy loss

For some people, this certificate will offer a sense of validation that their child was acknowledged as being here and now gone, and will help them with life post-loss.

Grieving families give warnings after toddler deaths

Two Queensland families are grieving the loss of their toddler sons after the boys drowned in separate incidents last week.

The phenomenon of phantom pregnancy kicks

'Phantom pregnancy kicks’ are encountered by many mums months - or even years - after their pregnancy is over.

The health insurance advice you can't afford to ignore

There's one simple switch that could save you hundreds of dollars a year in private health insurance.

4D scans show how smoking affects babies still in the womb

The harmful effects of smoking during pregnancy on unborn babies may be seen in tiny movements in their faces using 4D ultrasound scans, research has found.

How to babyproof your job interview

Once upon a time, I was a fan of job interviews. That all changed after I'd switched careers, had a baby and decided to spend the first year at home with her.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

The most dangerous toddler food trends

Pete Evans' paleo cookbook for kids caused a storm, but there are plenty of other unsafe food trends for babies and toddlers.

Infection killed new mum of twins

Modern medicine could not save 19-year-old Sophie Burgess who died 48 hours after giving birth to twins in the UK.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.