Jump to content

Friendship troubles for a 7 year old boy.


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 luke's mummu

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

DS (7 years) has been friends with 2 boys since preschool(about 4 years old). Actually, he has been good friends with 1 (child 1) and a littlebit friendly with the other (child 2). Problem is child 1 and 2 go to school together,in the same class this year and live close together, and their parents socialisetogether. My son goes to a different school and we live a few suburbs away. For the past 2 years they have all played soccer together and gotalong reasonably well.

Over the past 6 months, I have noticed child 2 is becoming alot more jealous of my son, trying to drag child 1 away from him. My son hasstarted to retaliate, and says things like “Child 2 doesn’t like me, he justwants to steal child 1 away”. The other child is bordering on bulling at times.I don’t think the parents have noticed at all. They are in the same soccer teamthis year and I am watching like a hawk, but there’s only so much I can do, I can’toverhear every conversation between child 1 and 2.

Now the other 2 are going to start cubs. My son has alwaysbeen keen to start cubs. But I’m aware it would mean less supervision by me(i.e. they usually don’t have parents present at their meetings) and thereforemore opportunity for child 2 to exclude my son from the friendship group. Partof me wants to just take my child away from the whole situation,(i.e. cubs, soccereverything) and only invite Child 1 over for playdates, so they can have some1-on-1 time, without child 2 trying to separate them. And part of me says mychild needs to learn to deal with these situations. (He doesn’t have great socialskills, and only 2 good friends).

What should I do? Am I missing anything?

Thanks, Lisa

Edited by luke's mummu, 18 February 2013 - 09:34 PM.


#2 Bomber girl

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:36 PM

Cubs might be a good way for him to make other friends

#3 her mum

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

Perhaps he could go to cubs in your suburb, and perhaps make some new friends?

Either way, I can't really see the harm in inviting just the 1 kid that he's actually friendly with for a playdate; it might actually help things.

#4 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

#5 The Old Feral

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:41 PM

I also have a 7yo boy.  I'd be encouraging a wider circle of friends. If I was friends with the parents,  I'd also be dropping into  a conversation that DS has felt excluded lately.  They may not have noticed.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:46 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.


???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

#7 saxa

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

I don't think putting all the blame on child 2 is fair.

If DS wants to be friends with child 1 then organise 1 on 1 play dates for them.

I would also be trying to encourage new friendships.

You say he goes to a different school than the other 2, does he not have any friends at his own school?

#8 loubee

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:27 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 09:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Sorry but I have to agree. You can't make other kids like your kids better. Friendships change all the time and trying to orchestrate a false friendship will backfire. Let them sort it out.

QUOTE
???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

If child 2 doesn't want to play your son it's not bullying, if he is manipulating child 1 to play only with him they need to sort it out. If he is bullying then you should teach your child to try and deal with the situation but as hard as it is listening in to try and catch him out is not helping your child.

#9 Plaxy

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:35 PM

I'd be taking the emphasis off this group of 3, by just letting things take their course there, while at the same time encouraging friendships at your son's school. Could he also get to know other boys at soccer? You could perhaps encourage having a few other kids from either his class or soccer over? I like the idea of cubs in his own suburb. Perhaps you could have a chat to his teacher if you feel he's not making friends  in his class?

#10 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:36 PM

QUOTE (luke's mummu @ 18/02/2013, 10:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!


Yes. Weird and creepy.

Not wanting to play with your child is not bullying. Convincing another child to play with him instead is not bullying. It's not the job of other parents to make their kid play with your kid. Not at age 7.

You say the two other kids live close together, go to school together, their parents socialize together etc. it sounds like they are better friends. Deal with it. Either start socializing with the parents too, or encourage your child to find new friends.

You cannot force a friendship that has perhaps run it's course. And trying to listen in on kids conversations to try and find out if they want to play with your child or not is way out of line, likely to be a source of embarrassment to your son, and likely to become a reason those children (and parents!) don't want to play with him.

I don't mean to be rude but I do mean to be blunt. Your behaviour is OTT. Leave the kid and his friends alone, unless there is actual bulkying going on (which from your description, there isn't). No one likes to be the less liked one, but that's not bullying.

If your son wants to play with these boys, let him. If he wants to join cubs with them, let him. If he doesn't do something else. At 7, he's old enough to participate in that decision. Try asking him, not EB.

#11 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:57 PM

While I agree with the others that the scenario you describe doesn't sound like bullying, since I know you from the SNs board, I can appreciate why you might have "extra" concern about your son's friendships. When a child has social struggles beyond the typical playground stuff, it can be hard not to be heavily invested. I do get that!

As other people have mentioned above, this might be a ripe time for you to help your son develop new friendships as well -- Cubs is one option, if he's keen to join. Another idea is to ask him which kids he enjoys or would like to know better at his own school. If he says "I don't know," then perhaps ask his teacher if there are any kids who are particularly accepting of him or show potential for being friends. Invite these kids over for a fun play date that your son plans. Ask him if there are any other activities -- art, music, other sports -- that he would like to try, and enroll him in one of those activities.

Good luck.



#12 madmother

Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:13 PM

I would add that one on one playdates as a PP suggested is a good idea BUT do it with both kids at different times.

I too think it is the closer relationship due to the parents being friends, etc, but your son can still be friends with BOTH boys.

As the mother of a son on the spectrum, and another with anxiety and social issues, I can understand your need to be involved BUT I do think you are taking normal interactions and making them bigger in your mind.

You need to work on your sons social needs, and teach him resiliance as much as stepping back will tear your heart out at times. Don't not be aware and monitor, just give him the tools to deal with the friendships better on his own.

original.gif

Edited by madmother, 18 February 2013 - 11:14 PM.


#13 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:22 PM

QUOTE (madmother @ 19/02/2013, 12:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't not be aware and monitor, just give him the tools to deal with the friendships better on his own.

original.gif


Normally, double negatives don't work...but this time, they are perfect. wink.gif  Well stated, madmother!

#14 ~sydblue~

Posted 19 February 2013 - 05:47 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Yes the kids are allowed to play with whoever they want. However if a child is unhappy as the OP's obviously is, the mother is allowed to try and figure out why things are happening. No it is not weird & creepy, I can hardly imagine the OP donning disguises to sneek up behind the kids and listen to them.

And yes 7yr old boys can be as nasty and b**chy as girls get around that age. It is just that, the age.

OP if you want to keep the friendship with the one child, then invite just him over for playdates. I agree that starting your DS off in another Cubs area is a good thing as it will let him find other friends in your area. If it isn't too far into your season, maybe get him into another soccer team. There are some great clubs with some great coaches out there who foster teamwork on the field and off, as having a team of arguing kids is not great to coach.


#15 cward

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:55 AM

I think it is probably quite normal that these two boys are closer friends.  They go to school together, they socialise together.  If your son wants to keep playing soccer in the same team then I too would be comign up with some strategies to help him manage the situation not hovering over them listening to the conversation.

Like other PP's I would be encouraging friendships at school as well.  While I am a big believer in kids not being with their school friends all the time, ie we like our girls to play sport with kids they don't go to school with, I think (without knowing all the circumstances) that your son needs to make some friends with kids he goes to school with.  Is there another local scocer team he can play with?  Also regarding cubs I think they would be getting watched pretty closely at that, similarly with soccer training.  As a coach I just can't imagine parents standing that close while I was training a team to hear what was going on and as a coach I would being nipping anything I thought was inappropirate in the bud




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Toddler pleads for return of "stolen" nose

A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.

The 15 photos new parents share (and five they don't)

From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Breastfeeding friendly caf goes viral

A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.

First look at the Bugaboo Bee3

The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.

Childcare costs, not paid leave, the real issue for parents

Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

We lost three babies in two years

Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.

Family turned back from doomed flight MH17

'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Adorable Skeanie loafers for kids

Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.

My baby is hypermobile

For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.

When you don?t bond with your baby

They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.

Yumi Stynes: Having a baby after a 10-year break

After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.

Grieving father asks for help to Photoshop his daughter's image

When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.

Raising kids in a 'low media' home

Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.