Jump to content

Friendship troubles for a 7 year old boy.


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 luke's mummu

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

DS (7 years) has been friends with 2 boys since preschool(about 4 years old). Actually, he has been good friends with 1 (child 1) and a littlebit friendly with the other (child 2). Problem is child 1 and 2 go to school together,in the same class this year and live close together, and their parents socialisetogether. My son goes to a different school and we live a few suburbs away. For the past 2 years they have all played soccer together and gotalong reasonably well.

Over the past 6 months, I have noticed child 2 is becoming alot more jealous of my son, trying to drag child 1 away from him. My son hasstarted to retaliate, and says things like “Child 2 doesn’t like me, he justwants to steal child 1 away”. The other child is bordering on bulling at times.I don’t think the parents have noticed at all. They are in the same soccer teamthis year and I am watching like a hawk, but there’s only so much I can do, I can’toverhear every conversation between child 1 and 2.

Now the other 2 are going to start cubs. My son has alwaysbeen keen to start cubs. But I’m aware it would mean less supervision by me(i.e. they usually don’t have parents present at their meetings) and thereforemore opportunity for child 2 to exclude my son from the friendship group. Partof me wants to just take my child away from the whole situation,(i.e. cubs, soccereverything) and only invite Child 1 over for playdates, so they can have some1-on-1 time, without child 2 trying to separate them. And part of me says mychild needs to learn to deal with these situations. (He doesn’t have great socialskills, and only 2 good friends).

What should I do? Am I missing anything?

Thanks, Lisa

Edited by luke's mummu, 18 February 2013 - 09:34 PM.


#2 Mrs Lannister

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:36 PM

Cubs might be a good way for him to make other friends

#3 her mum

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

Perhaps he could go to cubs in your suburb, and perhaps make some new friends?

Either way, I can't really see the harm in inviting just the 1 kid that he's actually friendly with for a playdate; it might actually help things.

#4 Fright bat

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:38 PM

You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

#5 The Old Feral

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:41 PM

I also have a 7yo boy.  I'd be encouraging a wider circle of friends. If I was friends with the parents,  I'd also be dropping into  a conversation that DS has felt excluded lately.  They may not have noticed.

#6 luke's mummu

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:46 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.


???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

#7 saxa

Posted 18 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

I don't think putting all the blame on child 2 is fair.

If DS wants to be friends with child 1 then organise 1 on 1 play dates for them.

I would also be trying to encourage new friendships.

You say he goes to a different school than the other 2, does he not have any friends at his own school?

#8 loubee

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:27 PM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 09:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Sorry but I have to agree. You can't make other kids like your kids better. Friendships change all the time and trying to orchestrate a false friendship will backfire. Let them sort it out.

QUOTE
???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!

If child 2 doesn't want to play your son it's not bullying, if he is manipulating child 1 to play only with him they need to sort it out. If he is bullying then you should teach your child to try and deal with the situation but as hard as it is listening in to try and catch him out is not helping your child.

#9 Plaxy

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:35 PM

I'd be taking the emphasis off this group of 3, by just letting things take their course there, while at the same time encouraging friendships at your son's school. Could he also get to know other boys at soccer? You could perhaps encourage having a few other kids from either his class or soccer over? I like the idea of cubs in his own suburb. Perhaps you could have a chat to his teacher if you feel he's not making friends  in his class?

#10 Fright bat

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:36 PM

QUOTE (luke's mummu @ 18/02/2013, 10:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
???? I beg your pardon? Weird and creepy to watch and listen when I think my child is being bullied????? How rude!!!


Yes. Weird and creepy.

Not wanting to play with your child is not bullying. Convincing another child to play with him instead is not bullying. It's not the job of other parents to make their kid play with your kid. Not at age 7.

You say the two other kids live close together, go to school together, their parents socialize together etc. it sounds like they are better friends. Deal with it. Either start socializing with the parents too, or encourage your child to find new friends.

You cannot force a friendship that has perhaps run it's course. And trying to listen in on kids conversations to try and find out if they want to play with your child or not is way out of line, likely to be a source of embarrassment to your son, and likely to become a reason those children (and parents!) don't want to play with him.

I don't mean to be rude but I do mean to be blunt. Your behaviour is OTT. Leave the kid and his friends alone, unless there is actual bulkying going on (which from your description, there isn't). No one likes to be the less liked one, but that's not bullying.

If your son wants to play with these boys, let him. If he wants to join cubs with them, let him. If he doesn't do something else. At 7, he's old enough to participate in that decision. Try asking him, not EB.

#11 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 February 2013 - 10:57 PM

While I agree with the others that the scenario you describe doesn't sound like bullying, since I know you from the SNs board, I can appreciate why you might have "extra" concern about your son's friendships. When a child has social struggles beyond the typical playground stuff, it can be hard not to be heavily invested. I do get that!

As other people have mentioned above, this might be a ripe time for you to help your son develop new friendships as well -- Cubs is one option, if he's keen to join. Another idea is to ask him which kids he enjoys or would like to know better at his own school. If he says "I don't know," then perhaps ask his teacher if there are any kids who are particularly accepting of him or show potential for being friends. Invite these kids over for a fun play date that your son plans. Ask him if there are any other activities -- art, music, other sports -- that he would like to try, and enroll him in one of those activities.

Good luck.



#12 madmother

Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:13 PM

I would add that one on one playdates as a PP suggested is a good idea BUT do it with both kids at different times.

I too think it is the closer relationship due to the parents being friends, etc, but your son can still be friends with BOTH boys.

As the mother of a son on the spectrum, and another with anxiety and social issues, I can understand your need to be involved BUT I do think you are taking normal interactions and making them bigger in your mind.

You need to work on your sons social needs, and teach him resiliance as much as stepping back will tear your heart out at times. Don't not be aware and monitor, just give him the tools to deal with the friendships better on his own.

original.gif

Edited by madmother, 18 February 2013 - 11:14 PM.


#13 baddmammajamma

Posted 18 February 2013 - 11:22 PM

QUOTE (madmother @ 19/02/2013, 12:13 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Don't not be aware and monitor, just give him the tools to deal with the friendships better on his own.

original.gif


Normally, double negatives don't work...but this time, they are perfect. wink.gif  Well stated, madmother!

#14 ~sydblue~

Posted 19 February 2013 - 05:47 AM

QUOTE (AvadaKedavra @ 18/02/2013, 10:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You eavesdrop on children's conversations?

Let the kids sort it out. Child 2 is ALLOWED to only want to play with child 1. Child 1 is ALLOWED to like child 2 more.

And back off. Stop eavesdropping on the kids, or watching them like a hawk. It's kind of weird and creepy.

Yes the kids are allowed to play with whoever they want. However if a child is unhappy as the OP's obviously is, the mother is allowed to try and figure out why things are happening. No it is not weird & creepy, I can hardly imagine the OP donning disguises to sneek up behind the kids and listen to them.

And yes 7yr old boys can be as nasty and b**chy as girls get around that age. It is just that, the age.

OP if you want to keep the friendship with the one child, then invite just him over for playdates. I agree that starting your DS off in another Cubs area is a good thing as it will let him find other friends in your area. If it isn't too far into your season, maybe get him into another soccer team. There are some great clubs with some great coaches out there who foster teamwork on the field and off, as having a team of arguing kids is not great to coach.


#15 cward

Posted 19 February 2013 - 09:55 AM

I think it is probably quite normal that these two boys are closer friends.  They go to school together, they socialise together.  If your son wants to keep playing soccer in the same team then I too would be comign up with some strategies to help him manage the situation not hovering over them listening to the conversation.

Like other PP's I would be encouraging friendships at school as well.  While I am a big believer in kids not being with their school friends all the time, ie we like our girls to play sport with kids they don't go to school with, I think (without knowing all the circumstances) that your son needs to make some friends with kids he goes to school with.  Is there another local scocer team he can play with?  Also regarding cubs I think they would be getting watched pretty closely at that, similarly with soccer training.  As a coach I just can't imagine parents standing that close while I was training a team to hear what was going on and as a coach I would being nipping anything I thought was inappropirate in the bud




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

Win Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD

To celebrate the release of Love Child Season 2 on DVD from July 9, Essential Baby and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are giving away Love Child Season 1 & 2 on DVD to 13 lucky winners.

10 things I wish my pre-baby self knew

I look back at my pre-baby self and laugh at how ridiculously easy I actually had it. I remember complaining about how tired I was and how little time I had.

Creative ways to store your child's art

Ideas for storing your child's artworks have moved on from sticking them to the fridge door before guiltily dumping them in the bin.

Child abuse ignored because 'it's not your children': Waleed Aly

Waleed Aly takes apart the immigration law that's designed to "protect politicians"

How a newborn niece changed star Australian basketballer's life

In August 2013 star basketball Abby Bishop was 24-years-old and in the prime of her sporting career.

Guilt is my new shadow

No one warned me that when I gave birth there would be an additional side order of guilt.

12 brilliant Ikea hacks for kids’ rooms

Check out these creative upcycling ideas that transform regular Ikea items into something special for your little ones.

Child's nightmare about 'man with a light' turned out to be real

For three days, a three-year-old boy had been saying there was "a man with a light" outside his window at night.

Toilet truths after giving birth

The thought of going to the toilet after giving birth is often feared, but there are ways to make it less painful.

Woman asks strangers for $1 million to stop her having an abortion

An anonymous woman is taking an extreme moral and ethical stand by seeking $1 million in donations to prevent her going ahead with a planned abortion.

How a woman's dying wish made another woman a mum

"I kind of think about, 'What did I do beforehand? What kept me so busy back then?' Because now I'm really busy."

The parenting do-over: what six parents did differently second time around

In playgrounds across Australia, you can hear parents lamenting, "When we have our next baby I swear I won't be doing THAT again".

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.