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Wedding question

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#1 Nofliesonme

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:20 PM

Ok so we are running off and getting married at Easter. When home we will send out announcement cards to tell everyone the news. We are doing a sand ceremony and all our close friends will receive a small sand jar etc.

We would still like everyone to celebrate who doesn't come and was thinking of sending out a invite

" it's never to late to celebrate, come and join us on this date"

John & Jane Doe

Would like it if you could join us at....... To celebrate ?.... What do I write, nextly we were hoping to maybe ask for each person to contribute $30 towards meals and we will cover drinks, kids and excess..... How would you word it? And all people have 2-5 kids per family, and they could choose as they wish off the menu... We have been together 10 years so don't want gifts. Any help appreciated.

Edited by thunda, 18 February 2013 - 04:22 PM.

#2 Mitis angelam

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:23 PM

I think if you can't afford meals for everybody, just do something like an elaborate afternoon tea, but don't ask people to pay, there's no good way to do that.

#3 Nofliesonme

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:26 PM

It's only a thought, not certain if we should original.gif

#4 globalgirl

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:28 PM

I agree with PP.  It's a lovely idea to throw yourselves a little celebration party and I'm sure all your family and friends would love to be included so they can join in the happy occasion....but asking for people to contribute doesn't sit right with me.

I think if you'd like to organise something, then do it within your means and have something more low-key that you can afford yourself (without asking for contributions)

#5 MummySmiles

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:30 PM

I would be happy to pay for my meal if I was going to a wedding and did not have to pay for a present.

Could you word it similar to the wishing well Poems, about having everything, not needing presents, but to help cover costs could people(adults)  pay their own meal?

#6 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:32 PM

When our friends eloped they had a 'celebration' at a local watering hole where they supplied a couple of platters of food and everyone bought their own drinks as they went. A few people bought presents, most did not.

I think this is a good way to celebrate eloping - either supply a bbq or something simple or don't supply anything at all and word it we will be having a few drinks at X place if you can drop in and say hi we'd love to see you"

Or something.

My friend loved having a chance to wear her wedding dress twice biggrin.gif

I agree with Ange - there is no good way to ask for people to pay UNLESS you don't tell them you are married, ask them to come and pay whatever for dinner and announce it there.

That way no gifts, no confusion as to gifts, everyone finds out at the same time.


#7 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:32 PM

I'd either do a bbq at home, or an afternoon tea or something as Angie suggested.

TBH if good friends of mine ran off and got married and I wasn't invited to be there, but then they wanted me to pay to go to a party for them, I'd be a bit peeved.

Personally, I'd plan a party I could afford rather than asking people and expect them to pay.

#8 MarigoldMadge

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:35 PM

The most I could ever ask people to contribute to a non-wedding wedding celebration would be to bring a plate, if I was having a big party at home - and that would be a stretch!

Does it have to be in a restaurant? Is there not a backyard, or a park etc, where you could just have a picnic or BBQ, that would be a lot cheaper for you to pay for all the food etc.

#9 Nofliesonme

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:35 PM

Ok would you go to a restaurant then ( we live in small town)  like the RSL ( our options are limited, other choice was going to the city where they live ) that has $10 meals and we had arranged to have a choice of 3 dishes????? or is that too povo too.? The meals are great and very large etc..... I'd be happy to cover that plus drinks etc

Otherwise I will look at backyard. I was just trying to get away from clean up etc.

Edited by thunda, 18 February 2013 - 04:38 PM.

#10 Procrastinator5000

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:36 PM

QUOTE (PussyDids @ 18/02/2013, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd either do a bbq at home, or an afternoon tea or something as Angie suggested.

TBH if good friends of mine ran off and got married and I wasn't invited to be there, but then they wanted me to pay to go to a party for them, I'd be a bit peeved.

Personally, I'd plan a party I could afford rather than asking people and expect them to pay.

Ditto to all of the above!

I'd plan something you can afford to pay for yourselves. If you have an afternoon tea, there may be people in your circles (aunties, friends) who'd love to do something to help and who you can assign to make slices, scones, etc to help with the catering costs.

#11 Katie_bella

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:39 PM

I'm the same as the PP, if you ran off had a nice holiday, got married and then expected me to fork out for the celebration bit afterwards i probably wouldn't go (unless close friend or family and i felt i had no choice, then i'd go but i'd be a bit shirty about it)

It smacks of wanting it all without paying for it...holiday, private wedding, reception.

A quiet BBQ or an afternoon session at a great pub with meals provided by you at least, sounds like a much better idea to me. If you don't have much $ to spend, reduce numbers for your reception or go somewhere cheaper to elope.

#12 Procrastinator5000

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:39 PM

QUOTE (thunda @ 18/02/2013, 05:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Ok would you go to a restaurant then ( we live in small town)  like the RSL ( our options are limited, other choice was going to the city where they live ) that has $10 meals and we had arranged to have a choice of 3 dishes????? or is that too pogo too.? The meals are great and very large etc..... I'd be happy to cover that plus drinks etc

My bold - what's pogo?? Is this a new term or was that an autocorrect? laughing2.gif

I think the RSL sounds great, if you're covering the cost. You know your circle of friends and what they'd enjoy best.

I hope it goes well whatever you choose!

#13 Charlies Angel

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:43 PM

The sand jars for close friends? I think this would mean more to you than to others on an ongoing basis. I would reconsider this.

I would be happy for my friends who have married, but wouldn't need a symbolic reminder - especially as I wasn't actually there.

Just sayin'...

I think the idea of platters of bar snacks at a family friendly hotel is a great idea.

Hope you have a great wedding and a great night with your friends.

#14 Nofliesonme

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:49 PM

Thanks, sand jars are for the closest of friends and family. The ones who would like something to keep..... I have little frames etc etc from wedding,placing cards in frames etc...

Thanks for the honest opinions, I don't know if I don't ask....

So now to decide backyard or rsl all expenses covered either way.

Pogo was a spellcheck crazy...POVO is what meant original.gif

Nextly can you have 2 wedding cakes? With my friends at the gathering?

#15 9ferals

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:49 PM

I agree with the PP - sand jars may be meaningful to you, but for others they are just going to be dust collectors.
And I think that if you can't afford to pay for everyone, why not ask them along for afternoon drinks (with you providing some nibbles) and then give people the option to stay on for dinner at their own expense if they want to.

Edited to add - have as many wedding cakes as you want, you're celebrating after all.  I had cupcakes so we had lots of cakes, with people taking home the leftovers.  Personally I'd rather take home something to eat than a frame or jar etc (though I take the point that your family may like something tangible).

Edited by Rubybelle, 18 February 2013 - 04:51 PM.

#16 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:51 PM

OK - Why do you want two wedding cakes?

Allergy - yes, absolutely.

Tradition - I am having two tiers, traditional fruit on the bottom and chocolate mud cake on top - this way everyone gets something they like but it's still one cake.

#17 Procrastinator5000

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:52 PM

I like your attitude, it's great that you're taking opinions on board!

I thought pogo might have been a typo ;-)

In my circles, I think the backyard afternoon tea would go down better than the RSL dinner but weigh up the cost and see what you think everyone would enjoy more.

#18 Nofliesonme

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:56 PM

QUOTE (Dinosaurus @ 18/02/2013, 04:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OK - Why do you want two wedding cakes?

Allergy - yes, absolutely.

Tradition - I am having two tiers, traditional fruit on the bottom and chocolate mud cake on top - this way everyone gets something they like but it's still one cake.

Because we are having a small one at the ceremony with the witnesses. And I thought I could have another cake on the day or evening with all friends present...Not a done thing?

We are camping after all at wedding time so I doubt any cake would survive hence why I ordered at 20 serve cake so all present can have 2 pieces.

At the gathering there would be around 40 people so could order a replica?

Just sussing this out.

#19 9ferals

Posted 18 February 2013 - 04:58 PM

Yup, having a second wedding cake for your second party sounds good to me!

#20 adl

Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:02 PM

We had a small gathering with some friends after our wedding which was an away thing... that werent invited ( and that was ok as limited numbers etc) and not that close...

We did get some platters of food and some drinks at the bar at our local,  everyone was very happy as it was more a drink to toast the couple and celebrate with them...   I think it cost us less than $200 as we went to a club ... everyone was happy with that.

we actually got the idea from another couple that had eloped but wanted a small celebration too....

#21 Mozzie1

Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:02 PM

I think it's fine to have 2 wedding cakes!

Personally, I would have no issue with spending $30 on a meal to celebrate a friend's wedding. But I know from spending time on EB and other forums that most people seem to have an issue with it, so it would be safer to go with something else.

Could you hire a room in a pub or restaurant and do finger food and soft drinks, with people buying their own alcohol? That's what we did for our engagement drinks, cost us about $200 total.

#22 greypink

Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:13 PM

All the best for your upcoming wedding OP original.gif

Close friends of mine did something very similar, although they were married in their backyard with a few witnesses instead of eloping. It was the bride's second and groom's first marriage and they didn't want anything fancy but lots of people wanted to celebrate so they were convinced to have a party!

A few weeks after the wedding they hired a cheap hall and had a celebration party. They did pay for the catering but it was only finger food and champagne for toasting from memory. I think quite a few people also offered to bring food as well.
The bride wore her wedding dress and they had a photo album with the wedding pics set up on a table to the side, with a guestbook for people to sign.
They did have a cake but it was just a simple mudcake with "Congratulations bride and groom"
Admittedly a few people did comment to them that they thought it was a bit weird but most people had a great time and felt happy to be included in the celebration original.gif

#23 podg

Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:17 PM

We had a very small family wedding (8 people including us) then had a house party at each set of parents' house. Each had speeches, cake, made me dress up as a bride...

I had no idea there were all these rules and protocols.

Enjoy whatever you decide on. original.gif

#24 protart roflcoptor

Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:21 PM

What exactly is a 'sand ceremony'?

Sounds like you're having 2 weddings, really.

#25 Nofliesonme

Posted 18 February 2013 - 05:22 PM

Thanks for the well wishes guys original.gif I'm so excited, I have only waited 10 years for this Tounge1.gif lol, but neither of us are about the big wedding. I didn't know there were all these protocols either, I'd be happy to pay the $30 too, but thought I'd get opinions as people don't always think the same.

We are going camping on a property and with 1 group of friends, decided that we would do it there. Get it over with and less stress original.gif

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