Jump to content

I'm sick of being judged for 'still' breastfeeding


  • Please log in to reply
61 replies to this topic

#1 flowermama

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:19 PM

DD2 is 16 months and is still breastfed. My MIL was here on the weekend and as always was making comments about me still breastfeeding and how at 16 months DD2 is much too old to be breastfed (she didn't breastfeed her own children and thinks they're better on a bottle after 6 months). She also was saying that DD2 is such a mummy's girl and overly attached because she's breastfed. I pointed out that she's been like that since birth, even when she was a month old she'd go crazy if poor DH tried to settle her or hold her when I was with DD1 and is actually better now than she was. I was emailing a friend complaining about MIL, as you do  biggrin.gif and she replied saying 'I didn't know you were still breastfeeding, WHY???'. Firstly what's the big deal, she's only 16 months and secondly why does everyone feel they have the right to judge/comment? I pointed out to my friend that her almost 2 year old still has bottles and that every kid is different, hers is having trouble giving up bottles and mine still wants to breastfeed. She gets annoyed when people tell her that her DD is too old for bottles and really should be off them by now, especially the overnight one, so I'm not sure why she thinks it's ok for her to criticise me. You'd think that breastfeeding is poisonous to babies from some of the reactions  rant.gif

#2 FurryTongue

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:24 PM

I breastfed my kids until they were 18 months and also copped it from many people. I just use to smile and say I was giving my kids the best start to life and I hardly think that is something to criticise.


#3 Dresden

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:25 PM

My youngest is still breastfed, and showing zero interest in weaning.

#4 Mummzy

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:26 PM

bbighug.gif

I have been there! Everyone was against me still feeding my 2 year old. I just weaned him 2 weeks ago. The worst is when your Hubby is telling you to stop, and "he is too old for it". "He only wants you because of your boobs".  mad.gif

I never listened to any of them. I had no support at all. I just did what I felt was right for my son and I.

#5 anotherid

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:28 PM

I would just simply reply that you are following the advice of The World Health Organisation to breastfeed to two years or beyond if possible.

#6 mysonsmum

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:28 PM

Lol it's a sad world! I first started getting questioned for 'still' breastfeeding when my son was only 3 months old, don't u know u should only do it for the first 6 weeks?? You don't want to spoil them or create habits & there is no nutrients after 6 months blink.gif . I don't even hear peoples comments anymore I'm happy my sons happy & pretty lucky I reckon biggrin.gif

#7 Jenferal

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:30 PM

I breast fed until January when my daughter was 2 years and 9 months.
I never really  told anyone I was still BF her because it's NO ONE'S business but my own and my daughter's.
I mentioned it to my MiL a year or so ago and she was surprised but I just said I was going to feed her till 2 yrs as per the WHO guidelines.
If you don't want to be judged, don't tell anyone. Sad but true. They can't comment if it's not brought up or seen, but that does depend on if you feed in front of others, we only fed at home the last year or so.

#8 I'msoMerry

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:30 PM

Ignore them and enjoy this lovely time with your DD!

You cant go back when you stop.
I can not understand why people say anything negative about it. I dont know why some people continue with bottles after one year old, but it is not my place to judge them.

I have had arguments with people who think I am mean to my DD at 2 years because I limit her salt and sugar intake. I just say you do what you want, I am being a good parent! I just dont accept their criticism.

#9 Roobear

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

I am tandem feeding DD 25 months and DS 7 months and get that comment in regards to DD all the time :/


#10 Loulla

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:35 PM

Your DD is very fortunate to have such an educated and caring mummy who follows the WHO guidelines. Good on you, she will reap the benefits her whole life original.gif

#11 flowermama

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

Thanks for the support. I don't go out of my way to tell people, but every single time my MIL comes to visit it's one of the first things she asks - 'are you still feeding her?', often accompanied by a 'tsk tsk' sound and a head shake when I say yes...it drives me crazy.

#12 kadoodle

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:38 PM

I can't say I've had one comment about still feeding DS2 at 18 months.  Which is strange, because I did get quite a few - both negative and positive - for feeding my older 3 to between 12 and 21 months.

#13 Zarlias

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

Someone asked me in a surprised voice over the weekend if I was 'still' feeding.

My son is 7 weeks old.

#14 FEdeRAL

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:45 PM

I find that our parents' generation has a different attitude to breastfeeding because formula feeding was so popular back then. And some of those who judge have never done it or didn't have a good experience with it. Before I had my babies the first time I learnt that a friend was still BF her 2 yr old I was a little bit  blink.gif. Then I had my taste of what BF feels like, and when another friend told me she was still BF her 3.5 yr old I secretly hoped DD would last this long too!

#15 maxsmum1000

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:45 PM

QUOTE (anotherid @ 18/02/2013, 01:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just simply reply that you are following the advice of The World Health Organisation to breastfeed to two years or beyond if possible.


AMEN the recommendations are given for a good reason!!

QUOTE (Jenflea @ 18/02/2013, 01:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I breast fedAMENmy MiL a year or so ago and she was surprised but I just said I was going to feed her till 2 yrs as per the WHO guidelines.
If you don't want to be judged, don't tell anyone. Sad but true. They can't comment if it's not brought up or seen, but that does depend on if you feed in front of others, we only fed at home the last year or so.


My son is 21months and still BF'ing 2-3 times per day, unfortunately I have taken to not telling anybody he still breast feeds and only doing it at home or privately due to the 'looks' and snide comments you get. I think this is wrong and unfair, why are we constantly judged and not supported?!

Keep doing what you and your babe are comfortable and happy with!!

original.gif


#16 Anemonefish

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

Great job for 'still' breastfeeding, OP, you continue to do what you feel is right for you & your child, and try to ignore people's judgement. Just smile, nod and carry on what you're doing. Focus on the praise and positive things you hear.

I breastfed my DD for 4 yrs and DS for 3.5 yrs. I feel it has been very beneficial to them. My DD was clingy when she was little too, I think that's normal. She's now a very balanced, fairly independent, bright and very healthy 9 year old. Thankfully most of our family & friends were supportive, or if they disagreed then they kept it to themselves, but I did have a few friends who would make comments. One male friend once told me I should let my husband reclaim my boobs, and I shut him up by saying, "What makes you think he doesn't have access to them now?". Another friend said, "Oh, at this age, breastfeeding is more for the mother than the child"  wacko.gif

#17 VintageEyes

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

I BF DS until after he was 2. Got a few "thats wierd" comments, mostly indirectly, which were quickly retracted when I revealed I was still BF.
But the thing that made me mad was that these comments normally came from those who had FF and were still giving a bottle to help them sleep etc...like thats different how?

#18 lucky 2

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:53 PM

I reckon when some people have nothing to find fault in they go looking for something, you'll do.
Lots of people don't understand the bfing relationship and think it is just about milk, but if it's not "just" that for you and your child, then it's not and its understandable that some others wont get that.
It's just weird for some people.
If you keep doing whatever you and your child want then they will see that things can be done differently and the world still keeps turning.


#19 Bluenomi

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

My MIL was the same, she was demanding to know why I was still feeding DD past 1. Um because she likes it, it's good for her and I want too? I also pointed out the WHO recommendation to be told 'that only applies to babies in the 3rd world'  rolleyes.gif

She bottle fed her kids from birth so thinks breastfeeding is not the done thing.

#20 Mille-Mille

Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

I had so much trouble bf'ing DD, this time around i'll be stoked to make it to 6 months and ecstatic to make it to 1 yr.  Anything beyond that will be gravy, if anyone gives me crap about it then they can go jump.

#21 mysonsmum

Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:00 PM

Also when I don't like peoples attitudes I sometimes say it's what's best for her, but I can understand why u didn't though, it's not for the faint hearted! Don't get me wrong I would never judge any body for their decisions BUT if they want to judge me they should be prepared to get a taste of their own medicine wink.gif

#22 Smoo

Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE (anotherid @ 18/02/2013, 02:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would just simply reply that you are following the advice of The World Health Organisation to breastfeed to two years or beyond if possible.


My father keeps telling me that is only for 'developing countries'  wacko.gif

Good for you OP, DS is still going at 2, do what is right for you and ignore everyone else. I've found the worst are the ones who didn't breastfeed and feel that you breastfeeding is somehow saying they did a bad job (I don't think this)

#23 Walkers

Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:11 PM

I am still bfeeding my 21 month old son and at this point he shows no interest in weaning. I've had a few 'he doesn't need it at this age' type comments from my mother which I find annoying. Now that I am pregnant again I am getting told that I will have to wean soon for sure  rolleyes.gif  Love the look of horror when I respond with 'no actually I'll just tandem feed'.

#24 Tesseract

Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:13 PM

QUOTE (lucky 2 @ 18/02/2013, 02:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lots of people don't understand the bfing relationship and think it is just about milk, but if it's not "just" that for you and your child, then it's not and its understandable that some others wont get that.


This. My MIL is a very nice woman and doesn't give me crap about "still" breastfeeding at 2 years. But she never breastfed herself (although I think she wanted to) and doesn't understand. Unless you have fed a toddler you don't understand the complexity and the depth of that relationship.

MIL has said stuff like "she only wants you for one thing", or "she doesn't need the milk" - while I could take this badly I don't think she means it in a bad way. This is because she doesn't understand that for a breastfeeding toddler breastfeeding is so much more than milk. It is closeness, comfort, security, mum, sweet yummies. Yes they can survive without breastfeeding, just as they could survive without their teddy or blankie - does that mean we ought to take that away too?

It is absolutely biologically normal for a human child to continue to feed through toddlerhood. Natural weaning usually takes place sometime between the ages of 2 and 7, with the mean being 4.

You're doing a wonderful job, don't let ignorance turn you off mothering the way your heart is telling you.

Usually when someone says "are you STILL feeding?" I put on a big smile and say "Yes, isn't it great?!" Followed by:
-She was sick last week and it was so comforting for her, plus it stopped her getting dehydrated
-It is such a lovely way to reconnect after a day at work
-I love all the extra cake I can eat, it burns so many calories
-The WHO recommends feeding till 2 years, we're nearly there!
-It fixes all the boo boos

If I'm feeling like being a bit shocking I tend to say "yes well the global average age of weaning is 4, but I'm not sure we'll get that far."

And when people ask when I'll stop I answer "Well, let's not get ridiculous here, I'll definitely stop before she goes to University."

#25 somila

Posted 18 February 2013 - 02:13 PM

I BF 15 months and 22 months for my respective children.  

Ignore criticism and do what you want.  Pull the critics up if they continue to question your decision when you've made your reasons clear (as in "Why not?  There are so many positives and no negatives.").  Ask them to stop bringing it up as you find it annoying.

As Shakespeare said:  "Feed on, MacDuff!"




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Video: 10-week-old baby sounds like she says 'I love you'

It’s mixed in amongst garbled baby talk, but this 10-week-old's apparent attempt at telling her parents that she loves them has made her an internet star.

I only enjoyed pregnancy after booking my caesarean

To say I became obsessed is something of an understatement. Everywhere I went I found cause to be reminded of my impending pain.

When your bundle doesn't bring immediate joy

One mum says joy is very a personal feeling and expecting all new mums to feel it in the months after their baby born may do more harm than good.

Lessons learned from my toddler

Blogger Kiran Chug explains why she is going to let her toddler make more decisions for himself.

Family welcomes first baby girl in more than 100 years

The Silverton family has heard the phrase "it's a girl" for the first time in four generations.

When a community of kindness steps in

In future when someone I care for, or even someone I barely know, is experiencing a difficult time, I will not overthink it. I'll follow my heart.

Mum in Business: Jac Bowie

Jac Bowie is the founder of Business in Heels, one of the fastest growing women’s networking events in Australia. She shares her story, including how she juggles work with a young family, and ways to work smarter.

What not to say to a mum of twins

Being a mum of identical twin boys stirs up great interest and fascination. It also opens itself up to nosy, invasive questions, as well as huge assumptions.

The mums suing over unplanned babies

A mother-of-five who calls her two youngest sons "miracle babies" is just one of many mums seeking financial compensation for their children's unplanned conceptions.

Video: Dad sings 'Hallelujah' to his daughter every year

It's a gorgeous song to begin with, but this dad's version of Hallelujah, sung for his young daughter, is especially touching.

Constipation in babies when starting solids

While starting solids can be frustrating and messy (yet also fun!), introducing solids can also play havoc on tiny digestive systems.

Parents reunited with baby snatched from hospital

A mother whose newborn baby was snatched from hospital has spoken of her joy and relief at getting her daughter back.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies - bump selfies - really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind"?

Life on the other side of the fence: Why I'm child-free and quite content

Acknowledging that motherhood isn't a bed of roses – to begrudge lack of time, sleep, money and spontaneity – is sacrilegious and a no-no, especially by mother superior-types.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher

Fill out this quick survey and tell us in 25 words or less your best pregnancy or parenting tip - you'll go in the draw to win a $200 Pumpkin Patch voucher.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

In defence of the bumpie

Are bumpies really "exhibitionism of the weirdest kind", as one writer has claimed?

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

My Wellbeing

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.