MC? the day of my first MC EDD
How to deal with it?
, Feb 17 2013 05:05 PM
2 replies to this topic
Posted 17 February 2013 - 05:05 PM
Hi Lovely ladies,
Some of you would know my story however I will put it down here to get it out. Hope you don't mind the length....
DH and I have been TTC for 7 years (5 in earnest). We learnt last year that his sperm has some morphology issues (only 2% any good) and the only way was with ICSI/IVF. So not being ones to waste any more time we leapt into the process. First cycle we learnt that I was a poor responder. only 3 eggs, 2 fert and no frosties. Transfered 1 on day 3. Made it to 11.5 weeks and learnt that we had a MMC. Passed a fair porpotion of this at home then D&C.
On to cycle 2 (we were just unlucky) same story. Upped dose of Gonal F and away we go. Same result at 9 weeks, only discovered this 2 days before leaving for New Zealand on a work trip. D&C day after US. Stupid GP didnt send anything off for testing.
Now there is cycle 3. Many tests, no really issues except my thyroid a bit inconsistant. Different drugs to try to get better quality. Result. 6 eggs, 5 fert then rapid deterioration. Transfered 2 at day 3 of not great quality. Nothing frozen.
Got late +ve HPT. BT on the 14/2 (which I didn't get results from until 15/2) shows HCG 90 and terribly low progesterone. Up the dose of progesterone. I have spotted Fri Night, all day Sat and finally a bright red bleed (not a lot though) today.
Whilst I am sadly getting used to the idea of MC my main problem is that the day that I have to have my next BT is tomorrow - the day that I was supposed to be having our first child. My heart is breaking here and I just don't know what to do.
I know deep down that there is nothing that I can do to change nor stop this. I am 36 and my clock is ticking. I am terribly frightened of another cycle and MC but what choice do we really have? I am frightened that if I wait too long that the quality of my eggs will decrease even more and that we will have even less chance. If we cycle again soon I am frightened that we will crack up 4MC in less than 12months. I am frightened that we will never have children and that I don't have the strength to do this.
Thankyou for reading my story.
Posted 18 February 2013 - 08:16 PM
Hill plain, I feel your pain. Am also the same age and similar situation. Ivf. Mc the first after ivf at only 5w, second just shy of 18w. (Complications thru amnio.) Had a third FET in between, but no luck there. Though I still have some frosties. Have only just physically gotten over the most recent MC and I think mentally the best help has been seeing a psychologist. She's been able to help me with the fear of the unknown and has helped me see some hope for the future. (Am right back to square one and hope to do another ivf round in April) I'm so terrified of losing another baby. Don't think I could go thru another funeral. But I know I have to try to see a future or else what's the point of going on. The psychologist has been able to teach me some relaxation techniques to help me cope with the stress. She also gets me to write down my negative thoughts and feelings. I initially felt such pain and loss with no hope for any success in the future. When you write down the negative things, such as this will never work for me, then try to find a more rational positive thought, such it could work for me. By writing down your emotions, then it helps your mind sort out your thoughts and resolve stress. Maybe your GP could refer you to someone? (Thru the medics mental health plan you can get some Medicare covered sessions). Im also fearful of trying ivf again after this last mc. so desperate to have my first baby and honestly so jealous of my friends who have had success. why can,t it just work for me. But need to find strength to continue this journey. So if you need to talk, pm me. You,re definitely not alone.
Posted 19 February 2013 - 12:07 PM
Hillplain I know a lot of what you are feeling right now! Our MC EDD was the 1st of March and I'm waiting for the call today to tell me if our first FET worked or not.
After talking to counsellors (from work's program and the SIDS ones) I don't know if I could ever go through a stim cycle again...the fear of another round of OHSS is too much. I'm lucky as I had some frozen ones, though two were lost, I still have the one I hopefully have onboard and 3 others. I would recommend talking to a professional, I know SIDS has a 24 hour bereavement support line that might help you 1300 308 307.
My MC was late and heartbreaking, I still think about it everyday and feel the loss as keenly. DH has moved on, he isn't one to dwell on things, but I am. Apart from him, my parents and this forum, I wont be telling any one else until we hit 16 weeks (if we do, trying to be positive is hard)...
I had my bleeds with my loss and was told that there was no reason to worry, it can be many things (like the progesterone can upset the cervix etc etc)...so here's hoping you are okay and this is your time! I'll be praying for you and hoping we both end up in a nice happier due date buddy group soon.
That your GP didn't follow up properly is sh*tty, I know so many MCs are unexplained (like ours) but when you're already involved in fertility treatment, no evidence should be ignored! Any chance you can see a different GP in the future? It can be hard to find decent proactive ones sometimes.
Please keep writing, here or just for yourself like Princesspeachzz suggested. I did some writing myself and it helped me clarify what I scared of and eventually find a little perspective.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Everyone loves a personalised Christmas present - especially those which have been lovingly created by little hands. These Christmas gifts are so easy that even your toddler will be able to make them.
Our friends at The Sun-Herald are giving you the chance to win a family pass to Taronga Zoo Sydney or Taronga Western Plains Zoo.
I?m not ready for my son to stop believing in Santa yet. But should I treat him like the intelligent and sensible boy that he is and tell the truth, or should I lie, with the good intentions of keeping the magic alive for just a little longer?
More than half a million lights, countless hours of work, a world record - and it's all for a good cause.
Doctors made a shocking discovery when they found a dandelion growing inside 16-month-old?s ear canal.
Introducing the new campaign to help mums and babies around Australia.
Despite safety campaigns by organisations such as Kidsafe, the number of children dying and being injured in driveway accidents has remained steady. One mother shares her story of loss and warns others to pay attention.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Fitness blogger and football wife Caroline Berg Eriksen has come under fire for posting a photo of her amazing post-baby body on Instrgram just four days after giving birth. She has defended the picture saying she is "proud" of what her body has achieved.
A pregnant woman had her baby taken by British social workers after a forced caesarean section - and the child has still not been returned to her.
When kids want something, they'll ask ... and ask ... and ask ... until you cave in. You can teach them to unlearn this annoying tactic by saying just three words.
Babies love getting their little gums around keys - but these ones are cleaner and more fun than the set on your key ring.
Win one of 9 LEGO® DUPLO® Planes? ?Skippers? Flight School set for Christmas. Enter here for your chance to win.
Join Essential Baby and Aldi in celebrating Chrismas, with gift guides, the truth about Santa and how to manage christmas while pregnant + lots more.
Enter for your chance to win all 12 of these Hasbro toys - including a year supply of Duracell batteries to keep them all going!
Breaking Bad, The Great Gatsby and Game of Thrones are all inspiring baby names in the UK this year ? but royal names are on the decline.
To celebrate the launch of this gorgeous new baby skincare range, Essential Baby is giving our readers the chance to win one of ten Little Bairn Essentials Gift Packs.
For a limited time you can save 50% off when you gift unlimited access to The Age or SMH. It's the gift for those you love, who love to know.
One of the world's hottest party stylists and creator of blog sensation www.karaspartyideas.com, Kara Allen is touring Australia in February and March 2014. Enter now for your chance to win a ticket to her workshop.
Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.
Here's a selection of vintage boys and girls monikers which have traditionally been used as either nicknames or given names, from the 1880s through to the 1950s.
Free Printable Activities
Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.