Jump to content

eeekkk! Was I rude?


  • Please log in to reply
45 replies to this topic

#1 SaintJoe

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:39 PM

I received a text a week ago from a friend inviting me and others out to dinner for her birthday.

There were 6 of us in attendance, I didn't know anyone else.

Now in my friendship group usually this means we pay our own way and don't do presents. The fact that the meal has been paid for is usually the present. Mostly we all pay a bit extra and cover the birthday girl.

When I got there everyone but me had a gift. A nice big one! It was quite obvious I was the only one that didn't have anything. I felt royally cheap when she opened them all in front of us.

So EB what is the expectation? Would you expect a gift at a casual dinner where people pay their own way anyway? Or do you only do gifts at a proper catered event?

(can we exclude close friends and family here as I always purchase them gifts anyway)


#2 Quirk

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:41 PM

I'm not sure how enjoying a nice meal out could be seen as a birthday gift, aren't you the only person that benefits from that?  unsure.gif

#3 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

QUOTE (Quirk @ 17/02/2013, 03:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm not sure how enjoying a nice meal out could be seen as a birthday gift, aren't you the only person that benefits from that?  unsure.gif



The guests paid for the birthday girls' dinner I believe. If the group usually don't do gifts I don't think you have been rude at all.

#4 It'sjust_me

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

I would still buy a gift regardless of having to pay for my own meal. Otherwise, how is it different from any other time you go out for dinner? I go out to dinner with my friends regularly so this would be no different going for their birthday if we didnt get them a gift....

If you all chipped in for the birthday girls dinner then that is nice, but there are still 6 of you, so I wouldn't imagine it would cost all that much anyway, which is why I would still buy a gift, especially if they are a close friend...

Edited by Ifonlyyouknew..., 17 February 2013 - 02:46 PM.


#5 FeralHez

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:44 PM

I would have made the same 'mistake' OP

If we go out for dinner/drinks I will buy the birthday girl/guy a drink or two. I don't expect gifts from my friends these days (although one or two sweet ones still do it)

#6 B.feral3

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

PP, I would have thought the same as you. In my circle grown ups don't receive or expect gifts. Going out as a group is the norm.

#7 GamerMum

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

I never expect gifts from anyone, but I usually give them. Even if it's something small, or even a card.

I've had a few birthday dinners, and never received anything, whether the meal is paid for or not. I've also been the only one to bring a gift a few times.

I wouldn't have a clue what the "done" thing is.

#8 SaintJoe

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

QUOTE (Quirk @ 17/02/2013, 02:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm not sure how enjoying a nice meal out could be seen as a birthday gift, aren't you the only person that benefits from that?  unsure.gif


Yes but usually we pay for the birthday persons meal. To be honest at my age I don't really expect a present, I'm just happy to have a catch up with friends.


#9 envs

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:49 PM

For me, and the way I was brought up, you treat invitations out as if you were inviting people to your home;

If you are doing the inviting for your own occasion, you pay for everyone...usually people bring gifts if it's your birthday. If it's a group of friends getting together for your birthday and you don't do the inviting/initiation, everyone pays for themselves, and they also usually bring a gift, as well as have the meal paid for.

Otherwise, as some pp'er said, it's not really a celebration if the birthday person doesn't get a gift...that's just going out for dinner.

Btw we don't ever actually expect presents, but I'm coming from the perspective that I socialize a lot with extended family rather than non-relatives

Edited by envs, 17 February 2013 - 02:56 PM.


#10 BrookeAry

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:50 PM

I usually go flowers if I'm not sure! I would never expect gift from friends at a b'day dinner.

#11 Quirk

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:52 PM

I get what you're saying regarding paying for your friends dinner, but that between 6 would only be $10 tops.

Maybe as you don't know the other friends that were there, that this is just something they do in their circle, so I wouldn't think of you as rude, as you obviously weren't aware.

#12 katniss

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

I'm sure gifts weren't expected but some people still like to buy gifts anyway. I'm sure the birthday girl hasn't thought anything of it.

I generally expect to pay my own way to a dinner invite so no, I wouldn't think that is the gift.

#13 ~Mo+Moosh~

Posted 17 February 2013 - 02:55 PM

I sometimes might do a present but it certainly isn't a given. If in the days leading up to the dinner I happen to come across the perfect something for the birthday person then I'd probably get it but I'm unlikely to go out of my way to do so. I really love giving presents when there is no expectation.

I know my friends would not be disappointed if they didn't get a present from me, they really just enjoy coming together for good food and a laugh. The birthday is often just a good excuse to bring together a group of busy people.



#14 Peevish

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

I don't think you were rude. Obviously in her circle of friends it is the norm to take a gift. Awkward for you but I can't see this as an issue among friends.
Personally, I don't judge rudeness on whether or not someone gives me a present on my birthday (husband excluded!). And I would much rather a person made time to spend with me on my birthday than give me a present.

#15 BadCat

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:07 PM

Not rude.

I wouldn't have taken a gift either.  We tend to count the get together as the gift.

#16 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:07 PM

We always buy gifts for the birthday person and pay our own way when we have group birthday dinners.

#17 JustBeige

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:08 PM

QUOTE (Peevish @ 17/02/2013, 04:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you were rude. Obviously in her circle of friends it is the norm to take a gift. Awkward for you but I can't see this as an issue among friends.
Personally, I don't judge rudeness on whether or not someone gives me a present on my birthday (husband excluded!). And I would much rather a person made time to spend with me on my birthday than give me a present.

Yep exactly this.



#18 againagain

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:08 PM

I don't think it's rude, I would have had the same thing happen. We (group of friends and myself) often go out to dinner for birthdays, whoever is having the birthday generally texts people to say come along. We have a few wines, nice meal and maybe a card. No presents.

I don't get people saying that your share of the birthday girls dinner is only $10 therefore it wouldn't count or is stingey?? What's your price then?

I kind of hate getting presents as an adult, usually people give you candles or something that clutters up the house. I'd rather jus the dinner and drinks thanks.

ETA to make more sense! (Hopefully...)

Edited by againagain, 17 February 2013 - 03:10 PM.


#19 epl0822

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:08 PM

It's lame to keep note of who gave and who didn't. I'd like to think my friends and I are at an age where nobody cares if somebody or everybody doesn't bring a gift.

#20 ms flib

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:14 PM

I would give something small but there shouldn't be an expectation - especially when you account for the cost of dinner.

#21 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:24 PM

In my circle we don't normally do gifts unless its a big birthday (30/40) or a catered/home event.  Sometimes something small if you see the perfect thing or someone's been having a hard time.

#22 tazcan

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:41 PM

I think it's really weird to give a gift to an adult friend for their birthday - I wouldn't expect one for myself and wouldn't think of giving one to someone else (apart from my parents and maybe my siblings). I think an adult expecting a gift from a friend is quite childish and self-indulgent so I don't think your friend would have expected one. I would however love to use of the excuse of my birthday to catch up for dinner with some good friends.

#23 -Emissary-

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:42 PM


I don't think you were rude. I've done the same in the past depending on how close I am with the birthday person.

If I was extremely close to the birthday person, I would have bought a gift as well as paid for dinner.

#24 Guest_Dinah_Harris_*

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:44 PM

I don't know anyone over the age of 21 who routinely gives, receives or expects birthday presents. (Apart from one's significant other.).  So I don't think you we're rude.  



#25 MissingInAction

Posted 17 February 2013 - 03:46 PM

YOu weren't rude.  You were doing what your group of friends normally does... except this time you got caught out cos the rules changed without you knowing sad.gif

In that situation, I would've told a white lie and said that you left the present at home as you didn't want her to have to lug it around in town and will give it to her later.... and then quickly go and buy a gift and have it ready to give her next time you see her.

ETA:  unless you're under 21 or it's a big birthday party 30, 40, etc it's rude to EXPECT gifts.
They're nice though.  But it would be weird to expect them.  Hmm... so maybe don't get a gift and don't worry about it.  Unless it was her 30th or something. Ahh im no good at this.

Edited by MissingInAction, 17 February 2013 - 03:48 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Why are there so few sexy maternity bras?

Rather than feeling ashamed of their post-baby bodies, women should be free to buy lingerie that makes them look attractive and pretty - no matter what stage of life they're in.

Toddler Alliyah one step closer to first trip home

She has lived the first 14 months of her life in a hospital intensive care unit, but Alliyah Broadby's parents hope to finally take their little girl home with them.

'Put people before IVF profits': IVF pioneer Alan Trounson

IVF could be done for hundreds of dollars in Australia instead of $8500 if clinics stopped charging what ''the market will handle'', a pioneer of the technology says.

Expectant parents urged to swap the pub for bub

Nearly one in five women drink while pregnant, but a current campaign is trying to drive down that unhealthy statistic.

Nutella supplies threatened by bad weather

There's bad news for fans of Nutella, the gooey, chocolatey hazelnut spread.

The cost of growing your own vegies

Does it make financial sense to grow your own veggies, or are you better off ordering produce from the local food co-op?

Breastfeeding mums less likely to suffer from PND, but all need support

A new study has shown the a complex relationship between a mother?s intention to breastfeed, her ability to do so, and postnatal depression.

The #loveyourlines Instagram account taking on body issues

A new Instagram account, LoveYourLines, has put the call out for to change the way we view stretch marks.

Mum gets diploma 51 years after being thrown out of school over pregnancy

Sandra Lantz was about six months pregnant and four months from graduation when she was forced to leave high school. Now, more than half a century later, she has finally graduated.

The lowdown on male midwives

How would you feel about having a male midwife assist your baby's birth? For a growing number of mums, the idea is a reality - and the experts all agree that it's something that should be encouraged.

Bomb threat at daycare centre

Worried parents took to social media yesterday after their children's daycare was evacuated due to a bomb threat.

Unusual celebrity baby names

Celebrities love to use their imaginations when it comes to naming their kids! Here's a gallery of some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.

5 fears I've overcome since becoming a mum

Motherhood has a way of putting any phobias you had pre-parenthood into perspective: you either realise they?re a pointless waste of energy or they simply vanish in a sleep-deprived haze.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Going viral

Mum gives birth at school

A video of a three-year-old taking the ice bucket challenge has gone viral, but many aren't impressed.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.