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Should upcoming grandparents be told before 12weeks?

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#1 Jill83

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

My hubby and I are struggling to decide. Pros/cons I'm 5.5weeks.

#2 Cacti

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

Really comes down to if you'd like their support, or like them to be aware if anything goes wrong. If yes, tell them.

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

It's a personal decision.

With DS I told my parents when I was about 5 weeks. With this one I told my mum the day after I got a positive test.

#4 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:45 PM

I didn't tell anyone till after NT scan
My sister told at 6 weeks

Your call!

#5 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

This is such an individual thing. We told my parents as soon as we found out (from memory 6 weeks). They are the type of people who can be trusted to keep secrets and did so until we passed 13 weeks and gave them the all clear to spill the beans.

#6 ninaswalk

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

Would you tell them if you had a miscarriage?  If yes, then tell them.  If no, then don't.  This was my criteria when deciding who to tell wink.gif

#7 Futureself

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:53 PM

There's no 'should', it's up to you. We told some Gparents but not others which some believe is 'unfair' but to us made sense. I'm close to my Mum and if I miscarried I'd tell her and need her to she was told after our dating scan at 7 weeks. I was hideously sick with HG a few weeks later and her knowing meant she could help us with housework, doctors appointments and general sympathy! My other set of parents and ILs we told after 12 weeks.

#8 kpingitquiet

Posted 16 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

Totally personal choice. I chose to tell my parents right away, so before even blood tests were done! Husband's parents, we waited until after the dating scan. Everyone else was told at 12wks. To me, it's about whose support/comments I did or did not want if I had an early miscarriage.

#9 Jekaho

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

As PP have said, personal choice.

We would have waited til 12 weeks, but we were going overseas with my inlaws from 8-11weeks, and I didn't want to be lying to them if I was unwell. So we told both sets of "grandparents" at 7 weeks.

For me, if anything had gone wrong, I would have just wanted to deal with it with my husband. I'm intensely private about that sort of thing.

#10 envs

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:27 PM

The's no reason they should be told before everyone else, unless you want their help if it doesn't go according to plan. And especially if they can't keep it to themselves until you are ready for the news to spread

#11 Freddie'sMum

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:31 PM

Totally your call - I told my family when I was 8 weeks along - because we had gone home to NZ to see everyone.

Second time around - one of the girls at work guessed before I got to the 12 week mark (and because I am a terrible liar) I told everyone then.

Personal choice - there is no "right" or "wrong" answer.

#12 wish*upon*a*star

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:35 PM

Definitely personal choice. We did  - parents, immediate family and close friends. But really up to the individual to decide, there is no one size fits all approach. Best wishes whatever you decide original.gif

#13 Amy 1976

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:37 PM

My family and I are all hopeless at keeping secrets so I told everyone straight away.

I figured that if I miscarried, I'd have their support. I also didn't mind if my mum told her friends. I figured I may as well let her because she would have told them anyway :/

I agree with those who suggested that you only tell people if you would tell them about a miscarriage.

#14 Duck-o-lah

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:41 PM

I told mum straight away as she knew I was going to a fertility clinic and she asked where I was in my cycle. 'Ummm... late' was my reply! I had to tell my family as my brother got married when I was 6 weeks and there was no way I was getting out of there without a glass of wine without question! To be fair, we also told DH's parents about the same time.

As pp's have said, I don't think there is a 'should', it's entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with original.gif

#15 HRH Countrymel

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:48 PM

There is no 'should' it is up to you and the relationship you have with your respective parents.

DP was bursting to tell his Mum and got quite huffy when I said we had to hold off.

Then we lost the pregnancy, the only person I had to 'untell' was my dearest friend (my mother is deceased) he realised then how utterly horrible it would have been to 'untell' his drama queen of a mother.

Just as we enjoyed having a wonderful secret just the two of us - we also held our pain privately and grieved together.  
That is the type of person I am..

#16 Jill83

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:54 PM

Wow thanks for all your helpful answers. It's gave me a lot to consider and having there support and encouragement would be dear. We will do some Skype calls today as the parents are interstate. We will set ground rules down though as much as they are harsh.

#17 Clarial

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

QUOTE (myfairlady @ 16/02/2013, 01:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would you tell them if you had a miscarriage?  If yes, then tell them.  If no, then don't.  This was my criteria when deciding who to tell wink.gif

I agree its an individual thing and people are different, what felt right to me was telling people who i could see myself discussing a possibly miscarriage with.  My MIL seemed almost shocked that we told her so early. She is a private person and i think she was a bit horrified that we didnt wait til 12 weeks. going on about don't get too excited at this early stage blah blah blah. I found her response pretty disappointing but i guess it shows different people - different approach.

Whatever you do - make it right for you  original.gif

#18 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:56 PM

If the grandparents were supportive then why wouldn't you tell them early?

Mum was the first person told and within 24 hours of getting a BPF. I am very close to mum. There is no way I could not tell her. She supported me though our struggles to get pregnant and when I had a miscarriage.

We told DH's parents at about 5 weeks for the first two and 7 weeks the third time (didn't know I was pg till 6 weeks).

Even my boss knew around 5 weeks when I was PG with DD1 because I was already very sick with MS.

It is a personal choice but we never really went into the keeping pregnancy a secret thing. If something went wrong then we would like the support of our family and friends. The only ones we didn't tell early on were the kids.. just in case something did happen and 9 months is a long time when your little. We told them after the 12 week NT scan.

#19 Jill83

Posted 16 February 2013 - 02:58 PM

The emotions have hit. Almost in tears watching a baby boy getting his first hair cut. So brave the hair dresser is doing a wonderful job.

#20 HRH Countrymel

Posted 16 February 2013 - 03:52 PM

QUOTE (Jill83 @ 16/02/2013, 03:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The emotions have hit. Almost in tears watching a baby boy getting his first hair cut. So brave the hair dresser is doing a wonderful job.

Ah you silly, gorgeous, hormonal mess you!

#21 Natbub0610

Posted 16 February 2013 - 04:07 PM

I agree, it's a personal choice and depends on how your family responds.

BUT ..... with my sister however ..... 1st time my cycle skipped, I saw her that weekend, I just knew why!! So did our Mum. She didn't even breath a word.

After blood test confirmed, she rang both of us back that week and asked how we knew, I just shrugged and said that I did.

2nd time my cycle skipped before I even saw her I knew.

I rang and asked her 'is there something you want to tell me?' she refuted any news. A week later she relented and told me when she was due.

So as far as telling and people 'knowing' just 2 different things.

*** Edit to Add ***

Once you tell family, the secret will be outed to all the world. Grandparents to be can't always keep baby news quiet for long. My mother solemnly promised to NOT tell anybody, I had calls within the hour!! But that was ok, I knew she'd blab no matter!!

Edited by Natbub0610, 16 February 2013 - 09:00 PM.

#22 namie

Posted 16 February 2013 - 04:54 PM

We've waited till after the 12 week scan with all 3 pregnancies.

The first time it just felt right to wait, and we had no close friends living near by who we socialised with regularly so it was easy to avoid tricky situations. Plus, if we ended up having a miscarriage I didn't want to have to tell everyone we'd lost the baby they were so happy to be meeting. It just felt easier to me to let mum know it had happened as all her sadness would be for me, rather than me being the bearer of sadness for everyone else.

The second time and this time, we waited partly for the same reasons, partly because we had the first time.

Some of my family became suspicious over Christmas when I was 5 weeks but kept it amongst themselves which was nice. Apparently I let some things slip which raised their curiosity, lol! No idea what I said that made mum twig, but when we announced over Skype last week my SIL turned to my brother and said 'I told you so! I knew it! It was the feta!'
I'd pushed some feta to the side of my plate rather than eat it at one particular Christmas lunch, and had earlier refused a glass of champagne so that was enough for her biggrin.gif

#23 Jill83

Posted 16 February 2013 - 05:01 PM

Damn now parents aren't available for Skype.

#24 Jill83

Posted 16 February 2013 - 05:07 PM

Damn now parents aren't available for Skype.

#25 VJs Mummy

Posted 16 February 2013 - 05:09 PM

1st was told early about 2-4 weeks second told noone till 9-10 weeks mainly due to not knwoing, 3rd didnt tell them to 15 weeks then she passed away, 4th after 20 weeks and this one everyone will find out next friday after my 20 week ultrasound

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