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Persons comments make me second guess myself

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#1 citylife

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:08 AM

I didn't know whether this was a vent or simply me just wanting to reassure myself.
A Mum at an activity my LO attends has a 2.5 yr old and asked if I had enrolled my child for 3 yr kinder next year. I simply said no that they are going the year after.

Now I have my own reasons for this they are:

My child's bday is late March
I want my child to turn 4 in 3 yr old kinder, 5 in 4 yr old kiner and start prep as a 5 yr old turning 6 not a 4 yr old turning 5

If I do send early it means we have to wait and miss out on 7 weeks or so of not attedning Kinder until turns 3

This mother who I only see once a week and pretty much just say hi to at the activity in passing then started giving me a lecture about how she thinks I should re consider and that since my child is so advanced that I am doing detriment to them by keeping them back. Mind you I have quite a chatterbox and the vocab is a lot more advacned than many the same age or in the case a little older like this mothers child who hardly speaks doesn't even say hello to you.

I have made enquiries and have had lengthy chats with many Kinder Teachers and they all say hold them back as it will be of benefit later on. Some have even changed the cut off dates here and you have to be 3 at the end of Jan rather than end of April so my child misses out on that anyway.

Why am I second guessing myself?
Have I made the right decision?
Yes I have my DH and I agree and that is all that matters

Anyone have a end of March/early April bubs and sent them early? Pros/cons
or held back Pros/cons


#2 cinnabubble

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:15 AM

We don't do kinder, we do daycare, but my mid-March child will be starting school at four. Why? Because there's no reason for her not to. She's tall as some of the FYOS kids (and she's not yet three), she's very verbal, she's very socially adept, she has a big sister at school so she knows the ropes. I don't see the point in not doing it.

#3 FeralSis

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:18 AM

Perfectly fine to make your own decision!

We held our April DD back and we are so glad we did.

As the youngest of then 3 DD's we did not want her to be the youngest at home and at school.

We were less worried about the primary school years and more concerned with the social consequences of being potentially more than 12 months younger than a number of her peers in high school.

I'm sure you will get plenty of replies saying that you should not hold children back.

You know your child best.


Edited by SensibleSis, 16 February 2013 - 07:20 AM.

#4 NotBitzerMaloney

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:23 AM

Also don't do kinder, but rather daycare. My May DD will be starting school at 5, because she's going to a private school that has a cut off of April. Otherwise I would have waited till she was 3 to work out what she was like and whether she would be likely to be  ready.

Her FYOS brother was barely ready and he's an August birthday, but his best friend is a March b'day and was totally ready.

Go by your child, not the somewhat arbitrary - and variable - school cut off dates.

(Our other consideration was ensuring DD is 18 for schoolies and Uni, presuming she goes to both!)

#5 AngryBird

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:24 AM

I think you need to keep in mind that if your child starts 3 year old kinder and turns 4,- and you find your child is still well advanced, or bored, or just plain ready for school - your child can start school as a 4 year old turning 5, without having had completed 2 years of Kindy!

So if, at this stage, you and your DH are comfortable to start your child in Kindy just before s/he turns 4, that's absolutely your decision. You've got at least a year before you need to determine whether your child is ready for school at 4-turning-5,  or if you want to stick with the original plan of waiting.

FWIW my mid-March child started school as a 4 year old turning 5 and managed quite well.

#6 farfaraway

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:25 AM

DD1 is an end of March baby and started primary school last year aged 4. She is certainly one of the youngest but it hasn't hurt her one bit.

I personally don't understand the drive to hold kids back, but I appreciate it is important for some people. At the end of the day it is your child - do what you think is best and ignore the opinions of others. They really count for nothing.

#7 katrina24

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:25 AM

This is not one of those decisions that has a right or wrong answer.  Many people make the choice to start the following year when their child only just makes the cut off and many early childhood teachers recommend this (as you have experienced).  My youngest daughter did preschool last year (year before FYOS). There were 4 children that just made the cut off.  At the end of the year the preschool teacher had recommended to parents that 3 out of the 4 repeat the preschool year and delay starting school.  None of these kids had any developmental problems - the teacher just didn't feel they were ready (the parents told me this, not the teacher).  For different reasons, only 1 of the three chose to repeat.  All 3 parents are happy with their decisions.

#8 ~~~

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:28 AM

QUOTE (citylife @ 16/02/2013, 08:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I have made enquiries and have had lengthy chats with many Kinder Teachers and they all say hold them back as it will be of benefit later on. Some have even changed the cut off dates here and you have to be 3 at the end of Jan rather than end of April so my child misses out on that anyway.

I have to say that none of the daycarers/teachers I spoke to have ever advocated holding back unless there are obvious delays etc, socially or otherwise.

QUOTE (SensibleSis @ 16/02/2013, 08:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
As the youngest of then 3 DD's we did not want her to be the youngest at home and at school.

We were less worried about the primary school years and more concerned with the social consequences of being potentially more than 12 months younger than a number of her peers in high school.

huh.gif  really? With all due respect, it would never occur to me to hold my child back just because they were the youngest at home.... someone has to be shrug.gif

Having put my 2c in, it is up to you and your DH to decide with the information you have. I don't agree with reasons such as "they won't be able to drink at schoolies"/yr 12 etc, but then its my right as a parent to make those decisions for my children, as it is your right for yours.

#9 Fossy

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:31 AM

You and your husband know your child best, don't second guess yourself!!

Dd was born March 25, we are sending her to 3 year old kinder next year. She goes to daycare and is already in the preschool room so I'm not concerned about her not being challenged.

As you mentioned, the preschool she's going to doesn't accept children after Jan
31 so she couldn't go this year even if we wanted to send her.  They said they had too many issues dealing with younger children who weren't ready so made a blanket rule. Works for us!
Our local preschool offers one morning a week but she couldn't start until term two if we sent her this year, I think she'd miss a lot in that first term, plus one morning a week seems like a waste of time.

Im happy with our decision, couldn't imagine sending dd this year.

Fwiw tell your friend you're not holding her back, you're sending her when required, kids need to start school by the time they turn 6, which your child will be.

Edited by Fossy, 16 February 2013 - 07:34 AM.

#10 Freddie'sMum

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:34 AM


As you would have realised by now - absolutely everybody decides to put their 2 cents worth in once you have kids.  

We are in NSW - do didn't do the Kinder thing - both girls went to long daycare as I work part time.

Our eldest DD is a May baby - she could have started First Year of School - as either a 4-and-a-half year old OR a 5-and-a-half-year old.  We "held her back" and started her at 5-and-a-half year old.  It was the best decision for her.

Do what is best for your child. That is all that matters.

#11 caitiri

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:41 AM

I have a January child now 4 who has started 4yo  kinder and so we get alot of comments that we should have done it the other way and held him back.

What it comes down to is what you think is best for your child, but don't feel locked into a particular path.

#12 Coffeegirl

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:42 AM

Your child, your decision.

DS is an end January birthday.  In fact his birthday is usally the first day of school every year.

When he just turned 4, the ELC was telling us that we should probably hold him back an extra year as that was the trend.  They also didn't think he would be emotionally ready (intellectually he was).

By July they were saying, he needs to start school the next Jan when he turned 5 as he was more than ready.    

He started when he was 5 and is one of the younger ones in his year.   He has kids in his year that are up to 8-10 months older than him, so almost a year, but this doesn't seem to make any difference.

Children delvelop so quickly when they are under 5.  Just because your choose to hold him back for 3 yo kinder, doesn't mean you can't enroll him a year later, straight into school if you feel he is ready, and skip 4yo Kinder.     We don't have the kinder thing here so I am guessing you can skip a year?

#13 AngryBird

Posted 16 February 2013 - 07:51 AM

Since I can't reply via PM at the moment, I'll post again -
Kindy is not compulsory. I've sent a couple of my kids off to Prep with no prior Kindy, or even day care experience!
And if you DO attend Kindy and the teacher recommends another year of it before starting school, you don't have to follow that suggestion. YOU know your child best - YOU will make a good judgement on whether they are ready for school or not.
And quite frankly if you misjudge it or your child ends up behind in the first year of school, repeating Prep is not such a big drama anyway! And even less so if they started the year they turned 5 (meaning the repeated prep year is the one they turn 6)

It confuses me, that often Kindy suggests a child is not socially ready for "big school" and such focus is placed on their maturity and social readiness, and little attention given to their academic readiness.  And then once school starts, there's a tiny bit on social development on the report card and most of it is about academic development anyway! The big deciding factor for school is almost forgotten the moment the child actually starts school!

#14 Canberra Chick

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:05 AM

It is your decision. I wouldn't do it, but I don't know your child. My DS started school a month before he turned 5. No one advocated holding him back, he has a lot of friends, does well academically, socially and at sports and music. You wouldn't pick him as the youngest in his class.
My poor DD is unable to go until she turns 5 and 3/4. I'm worried she will be bored to tears and will act up because of it.

#15 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:09 AM

QUOTE (NotBitzerMaloney @ 16/02/2013, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also don't do kinder, but rather daycare. My May DD will be starting school at 5, because she's going to a private school that has a cut off of April. Otherwise I would have waited till she was 3 to work out what she was like and whether she would be likely to be  ready.

Her FYOS brother was barely ready and he's an August birthday, but his best friend is a March b'day and was totally ready.

Go by your child, not the somewhat arbitrary - and variable - school cut off dates.

(Our other consideration was ensuring DD is 18 for schoolies and Uni, presuming she goes to both!)

Why on Earth would this be a consideration? What a bizzare reason for choosing when to send your child to school........utterly  speechless. Please tell me you are joking about this.

#16 ekbaby

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:11 AM

Don't second guess yourself original.gif

As PP said you don't need to make the decision about FYOS right now- if it turns out that in a couple of years time you decide she is ready to start at 4, there is no reason she can't still do it, after 1 year of preschool.

Preschool is not compulsory and many kids have different experiences of some preschool, no preschool, daycare etc.

Our kids will only be doing 1 year of preschool (4yr old) because we're in NSW and can't afford any more than that- *plus* I don't see huge benefits to doing 2 years of preschool (for us- my kids get plenty of stimulation in and out of the home with things like playgroups, activities at home etc).

IME the older a child is, the easier they cope with transitions/being separated from their parent, so depending on my child I would probably make a similar decision to you. My friends whose kids who started preschool at 2.5 or 3 spent a lot more time dealing with the separation issue- while eventually the kids developed good attachments with their carers and got used to the routine, it meant the primary focus of the first term was learning to deal with separation. Whereas starting at 3.5 or 4, the kids seem to deal with it much quicker- there was no separation issues at all with my 4yo- so they can get on with focusing on learning/play much quicker.

I don't think you are letting your DD down at all, if you are worried about her being bright and not getting enough stimulation, there are other things you can do such as activities (music, playgroup etc), craft or cooking etc at home- a lot of what happens in preschool at that age is play-based learning anyway so if she has engaged parents and social opportunities she will be fine.

#17 brindle

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

I have a tall, intelligent and very verbal February child. We have held him back. He is repeating 3 year old kinder this year. Even the teacher thinks we are crazy... BUT he was emotionally not ready.

I was given some great advice ...
1. starting him early or late will not change anything about his academic ability. But will have a great effect on his emotional abilities.
2. It is often year 7 and 8 that experts see the benefits of holding a child back.
3. Don't feel the need to justify the decision. You are the parent.

Good luck

#18 boysx4

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:28 AM

I think it depends on the child, and you will know your child best.

My DS#1 missed the cut-off by 17 days in VIC, but even if he had made it I wouldn't have sent him as he just wasn't ready.

But DS#3 turns 3 on the 28th April (so just before the end of April cut-off in VIC) and he will be starting 3y.o kinder then, as I feel he is ready for it.
He is quite smart and a lot more advanced than his brothers were at the same age. But I am also open to him doing a 2nd year if his teachers & I feel he isn't ready towards the end of the year.

In the end it's up to you and be happy with your choice!
You could always enrol and withdraw if you feel it isn't working too?

#19 icekool

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

You are his mother so you will know best.

DS2 turns 4 at the start of Marc/end of Feb so he is one of the young ones too

We started Kinder 3 after he turned 3 and at that stage, he looked no where ready for Kinder 4 in 2013. But I persevered. At the end of 2012, teacher said he will be fine for Kinder 4.
He has started Kinder 4 n his teacher doesn't think he will have any problems.

If later on you feel he is not ready, then you can hold him back. If you think he is ready, let him go to kinder 3.

In DS2, there are kids that will be turning 5. But each child is different.

#20 Lagom

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:51 AM

Everyone seems to have their own strong opinion on this topic OP.  You know your child best so are the only person who is able to the make the decision.

FWIW, we decided to start DD at age 5 turning 6 (I don't believe it is 'holding back' as it is within the acceptable age range) and so far are happy with our decision.  She's only FYOS and maybe we will change our mind in year 3 or 5 or 7 or 10 or maybe even when she's at uni.  Unfortunately, no one one has a crystal ball so we can only decide based on what we know now. original.gif

#21 lilmissmars

Posted 16 February 2013 - 08:53 AM

Don't second guess yourself.

I actually had to argue with my husband and his family right up until the day my DS started his second year of kinder because they thought hiding him back was wrong.
They thought because he was so tall he would be fine at school.

My DS started school 2 weeks after his 6th birthday and it was the best thing I did for him.

Yes he is still the tallest in his class (grade 2 now) but his speech and social development was no where near what it should have been at 5 years old. He really did need the extra year.

My DD however... The second she turns 5 she is off to school. She has just turned 4 in January and started kinder. She was sooooooo ready for kinder and I know that she will be more than ready when it's time to go to school.

#22 citylife

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:20 AM

Firstly thanks for all the replies. It is good to read both sides and listen to reasons.

I am now even more confused. If it wasn't enough to be second guessing myself, my cousin came over for a visit this morning she has a DD who bday is January 3rd. Anyway she asks if I have enrolled mine into 3 yr old Kinder next year and I told her no and what I was doing..........well did I get the thrid degree!! I felt like I was under the spotlight.

She said that I should re consider my options
She said I should enrol for next year and then pull out if I feel DD is not ready
She said that it woull be bad for my child to be an older one mixing with those who are yet to turn 6 half way through the year onwards
She said that my child would be 18 start of Yr 12 and complete Yr 12 as an 18 yr old where most turn 18 half way through to the end of year
She said that my child would be bored at home and will be going crazywith boredom

All these issues she raised and it was exhausting.

Her DD will be 5 and a few weeks old when she starts school /3 and a few weeks old when she starts Kinder

Mine won't be able to start Kinder till she turns 3 so we miss 7 or so week which we have to pay for even though we aren't using our spot yet

I am sorry to be in here again I am just really surprised at the attack I received

I know my child best and felt like I had to justify that to her but she still didn't agree with it

Would you consider enrolling for next year and pull out if you thought your child wasn't ready?
Where do some people get off?

Do you think any of her points are relevant?

#23 citylife

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:51 AM

Madame Protart, the reasons are that I can't get my head around her starting school as a 4 yr old and then her turning 5 towards the end of the term. So if I sent her to 3 yr old kinder next year she can't start Kinder until she is 3 so she misses 6-7 weeks
I just thought it would be better to be an older one in class rather than a young one. I have seen younger ones and they struggle to keep up socially/emotionally and academically
I do know one girl who started school last year and she was 4 and didn't turn 5 until the school holidays having said that she didn't go to an external kinder she attended through her childcare I don't know if that makes a difference as I have never put mine into CC
My DD isn't even 2 yet
She does 2 activities a week has lots of playdates and will soon start library storytime so it isn't like she is at home being bored all day doing nothing. Whe  she is at home we paint/pladough/puzzles/go for walks and play with toys so she has lots of stimulation

#24 Peppery

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:56 AM

I wouldn't allow other people to influence your decision. You and your DH are truly the only people who know the ins and outs of your DD.

I look at my own situation. My brother and I are born a day apart. We are April babies sent off to school when we were 4 and 9 months. I thrived and he needed to repeat a year because he wasn't ready.

Do what you think is best for your DD

#25 citylife

Posted 16 February 2013 - 12:04 PM

Yes thanks Peppery I know you are right.
I am sure my child could thrive if I sent her as a younger one however there is also a lot to be said for sending her later and being an older one. Not only early on but also down the track.

I also wonder why rush her? What is the hurry?
Let her be a child and enjoy her childhood.
There is no reason (ie return to work etc) for needing her to go as a younger one

I suppose all "straight classes" even  kinder groups are all composites as you can have very mature 3 yr olds and those who aren;t so developed yet.
Gosh that even happens in adults hahaha wink.gif

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