Jump to content

Newborns: Stay Home or Go Out Lots?
Noticing a divide...

  • Please log in to reply
55 replies to this topic

#1 MissingInAction

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:17 PM

I've noticed a divide recently.  Maybe it's just in my circle of friends & family  rolleyes.gif

There seems to be two extremes with "outings and newborns"

1.  Mum and bub stay home ALL THE TIME for weeks/months.  Only immediate family and some VERY close friends get to visit.  Other people comment:  "you need to get some sunshine, love!"  and "time to start going out a little more..."  and "would you like me to take bub for a bit while you head to the shops" and "poor DH looks like he needs a break... he's been working so hard and grocery shopping and all... have you left the house at all since giving birth?"


2.  Mum & bub go out constantly in public.  They're meeting up with old friends, new friends, family friends for coffee, lunches, dinner, movies, playgroup, etc.  And bub's only 1 month old!  "Wow, you look great" "when do you fit in time for sleep?"  "You seem to be coping well" etc

Why is this?  Is it a 'let's not expose bub to germs' thing?  Is it a confidence-in-self-as-a-mother thing?  Is it just a more extreme version of personality styles that comes out after giving birth ??  

#2 cinnabubble

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:18 PM

I went out lots both times, even though I'm dependent on public transport. I'd go postal if I was trapped at home.

#3 Mitis angelam

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:19 PM

It might be as simple as the divide between those whose babies will sleep anywhere, and those whose won't.

#4 R2B2

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:21 PM

ability to cope might play a part?

#5 farfaraway

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:23 PM

It was precisely because neither of my DDs would sleep that I went out a lot with them. At least I was seeing other people, getting some fresh air and lots of coffee and some exercise pounding the footpaths with strollers rather than facing screaming newborns all day on my own. Horses for courses, whatever works.

#6 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:23 PM

My DS slept on me for the first 14 months of his life. There was no possible way for me to get anything done while he slept. Needless to say I went out heaps as couldn't bear to be trapped at home while he slept.

If I had a baby that slept in the cot I would probably do more at home so I could get things done.

#7 Peppery

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:23 PM

I was a bit of both. I never left the house before 11am why?? my child wouldn't sleep when out. I wanted her to have one good sleep a day. I would go postal as well if i didn't go out everyday.

#8 JustBeige

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:26 PM

I had undiagnosed anemia the first time plus it was winter, so my trips out consisted of DH taking us on car trips so we could get some sun and both fall asleep 3 seconds after the car started.  I also had a huge dose of new mother paranoia and it took a few outings by myself to realise that 'no, the whole shopping centre isnt looking at me and laughing'.

#2, I was out and about quite a bit as I didnt have the anemia.

I never really got comments either way.  If I did I must have ignored them as crap as I dont remember them

ETA: far out, I cant type today!

Edited by JustBeige, 15 February 2013 - 03:27 PM.

#9 opethmum

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:27 PM

I am all for going out and being as comfortable as can be, even if it is lugging a pram 4 wks post c/s on public transportation!
I think it is up to the mum and the bub, some like to be insular and there is nothing wrong with that and sometimes that is cultural as well and what is familial tradition and some find comfort in that.
I think we should not judge people on that but we should be ever vigilant of PND and we need to help mothers who are stuck in a rut and we need to tread carefully too.
A little understanding in both facets and I think we will be a lot better for it.

#10 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:27 PM

With my first newborn I didn't want to leave the house. I was in this massive blissful loved up cocoon that i didn't want anyone encroaching on.

With my second I had a very active 2yo who went completely bonkers if at home since he had gotten in the habit of being taken out every day!

Neither worked especially well but I enjoyed the first a lot more than the second.

There could also be cultural differences - a lot of different cultures encourage that strong family bonding time and for Mum and bub to stay home.

#11 Gumnut82

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

My DD is 4 weeks old and we've been mostly doing one outing a day (shops, etc) + a daily walk with the dogs. I'd be up for doing more but there's too much to do around the house and she's an irregular sleeper/slow feeder.
That would put us somewhere between the 2 types?? First time Mum here if that makes a difference...

#12 bjk76

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

I stayed home a lot for the first 2 months, as there was a whooping cough epidemic when DS was born and I was told to stay away from crowds, such as those at shopping centres.

#13 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

I went out lots because DS would only sleep in motion.  It was better to come up with little missions and errands to justify a walk/drive than wander round the living room wearing an ergo.

My friend went out lots because she was living in a studio apartment.

Another friend went out lots because she was suffering from PND and was afraid she would harm her baby if she was alone with her.  We had no idea - she was putting on an amazing front.  Luckily she turned up at the MCH clinic in tears and they got her admitted to a mother-baby unit.

#14 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:31 PM

I only stayed home cos im a homebody, like my own space and hate being around randoms all day at the shops or whatever.
Even now I choose quietest parts of day to go out.

Nothing to do with sleeping, confidence or whatever

#15 a letter to Elise.

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:34 PM

I was in the stay home brigade. It was for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was recovering from a c section. Secondly, I didn't know how to breastfeed discreetly (and felt very shy about it), and was unsure about when I'd need to feed, so I was reluctant to go far from home.

Third reason - DH is Chinese, and traditionally, there is a 40 day rest period after the birth where you don't really go out or do anything much. You just eat nutritious "bloodwarming" foods, and everyone looks after you. He didn't force me to abide by this, but he wasn't really comfortable with me getting out and about too much as he believes you need a recovery period after pregnancy and birth.

Finally, I was concerned about whooping cough, and preferred to keep them away from heavily populated enclosed areas (like shopping centres).

With DS, I was also feeling quite shell shocked and vulnerable and I just needed some quiet time to get used to the whole thing. I was very overwhelmed when I was around a lot of people, so preferred to stay home. He was also a crap sleeper, and going out was pretty painful for us.

My sister was the opposite, and couldn't wait to get out and about to show her babies off. I don't think there's a right or wrong, just whatever you're comfortable with

#16 50ftqueenie

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:37 PM

I loved getting out at least once a day, bft rarely ventured out at night. I was so damn tired I was ready for bed at 8pm in the early weeks for both children.

#17 HRH Countrymel

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

The difference I have seen has been from subsequent babies.

For #2 or more people are confident and making the most of the "They will just lie here and do nothing" time!

A friend recently had her 3rd and utilised all the "What can I do to help?" people into babysitters while she lived it up as a 'lady who lunches'... it was great!

Alas small perfect sleepy bundle is now 'baby who moves and demands things' so that is all in the past again!

#18 Cranky Kitten

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:40 PM

I tried to have a bit of a balance in the early days - an outing every second or third day to stop me from going stir-crazy and a day at home every other day to rest/get things done around the house. We still sort of loosely follow that pattern at 15 months.

#19 Chocolate Addict

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:41 PM

I was a single mum when my son was born, if I didn't go out I would not have had any food in the house or bills paid.

#20 Blueberrymummy

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:44 PM

I had my first baby overseas in the Middle East. Over there mothers normally don't take their baby out before 40 days, but mothers do go out if they have a babysitter.

#21 MsFeralPerthFembo

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:44 PM

QUOTE (50ftqueenie @ 15/02/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I loved getting out at least once a day, bft rarely ventured out at night. I was so damn tired I was ready for bed at 8pm in the early weeks for both children.

This was me too. Out every day (sometimes all day) because bub slept better when out and I was bored and lonely at home. Home most nights because I needed sleep to be up half the night bfing.

There's lot of reasons some prefer to stay home and lots of reasons some prefer to go out, and I expect it both have a fair bit to do with what "type" of baby you get eg how they sleep, how they feed, how they are with noise etc

#22 SisterMaryElephant

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:47 PM

I loved getting out and about.  Often just walks in the pram,  library or window shopping, then later (6 mth +) Mums group, swimming.  I'm generally a homebody, but generally with babies I liked to get out early, then home for the afternoon.  It just seemed to be the pattern that suited us.  

I also think just different sights and sounds is good for their development, and great for wearing them out too.

Edited by CleverChook, 15 February 2013 - 03:47 PM.

#23 annodam

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:56 PM

My religion does not permit the woman or baby to go out until after 40 days have passed, so I waited.
Also, no visitors until after 40 days as well.
Obviously though, if bubs is sick & needs a doctor then of course you take the baby out.
I was fortunate that for 4wks I was at home alone with both of mine.
OH went back to work after 2wks.

#24 elizabethany

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

I did the stay at home thing for DS, but mainly becasue I was still learning about how to care for my newborn.  It took a while to get the hang of stuff, so I didn't really get out until 4 weeks (excluding a trip to Sydney for a funeral at 5 days).

#25 Jax12

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:58 PM

I was in camp 2.  Luckily for me, DS was incredibly easy, I was happy to breastfeed in public and I wanted to be out showing off this perfect little human being to the world!  I had itchy feet actually in those first 6 weeks.  It became harder around 4-5 months when he needed no distractions to feed and a dark room to sleep, but even now I still like to be out and doing things wherever possible.  

A gf of mine didn't leave the house on her own for the first 6 weeks, and not due to any difficulties settling her DS, but more a lack of confidence and I think that's really sad.  It must feel really overwhelming to be so stressed at the thought of going out on your own with your newborn.  Even now though she becomes very stressed if her DS is out of her sight (2yrs old now) and won't leave him with anyone (not even her DH) so I think her personality has a lot to do with it.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Newborn baby found in a nativity scene

Police are trying to trace a woman who abandoned a baby boy in the manger of a church nativity scene.

Life would be harder without my kids

The Humans of New York Facebook page is well known for sharing touching, real stories from one of the world's biggest cities – and it's just hit the heart of parents everywhere.

Mum dresses as Wonder Woman for last day of chemo

A Brisbane mum dressed up as a superhero to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy and created a moment her family will remember forever.

How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Former Hi-5 member's cannabis hope

Former Hi-5 star Tim Harding hopes a cannabis-derived drug will help control his daughter's epilepsy, which sees the four-year-old suffering between 50 and 100 seizures a day.

The top 5 reasons your toddler throws a tantrum

Whilst to the outside world little people may appear to have it easy, it's actually not always the case – just ask any toddler who's had their toast cut up the wrong way.

Glenn McGrath thought he'd lost his wife and baby

Australian cricket ledged Glen McGrath has spoken about the moment he thought he might lose his wife, Sara and their baby daughter, Madison.


Inside my Centrelink nightmare

Mother Bec Smith has been trying for months to access Centrelink payments. A "serious error" is preventing her.

Warnings over push for hourly childcare billing

Australia's peak childcare body has called for caution around the Turnbull government's push for childcare centres to charge parents by the hour, not by the day.

Cate Blanchett thought about adopting for years

Cate Blanchett says her recent adoption of a baby girl had nothing to do with wanting a daughter after having three sons.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.


What's hot on EB

How I survived breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Grieving father's letter to Bataclan terrorists: "...this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free"

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

5 challenges of motherhood - and how to see them differently

Despite the smiles, the sloppy kisses and the pure magic children bring to our lives, it's hard to deny that motherhood can be tough.

4 challenges of being a new dad - and how to face them

Becoming a parent is challenging – and that applies to both mums and dads.

My battle against antenatal and postnatal depression

I was five months pregnant when I realised I needed help.

Children swapped at birth will not be returned to biological parents

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

A quarter of men believe they get 'man periods'

A British study has revealed one in four men believe they have a monthly cycle.

Baby deposit

How much do you need to save for a 'baby deposit'?

It's fairly straightforward to calculate a house deposit, but how much money do you need to save up for a baby?

Dad's beautiful note to his wife, a nurse

To anyone else it might just look like a picture of a mum having a nap with her toddler.

'I was a complete schmuck': Mike Baird opens up about his wife's postnatal depression

When his wife Kerryn was not well following the birth of their daughter, NSW Premier Mike Baird buried himself in his work.

Mum's desperate plea as whooping cough alert issued

A desperate mother has shared a heart-breaking video of her baby struggling to cope with a coughing fit caused by pertussis.

Coffee could help you live longer

New US research found people who report drinking three to five cups of coffee a day are less likely to die prematurely from heart disease, suicide, diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

The joy and dread of playdates

To live vicariously through your child is to rediscover anxieties you thought dead and buried.

Sick baby could die without scarce special formula, mum says

Lizzie Cann is down to her last three tins of a special formula in short supply.

Adorable toddler's strop foiled by squeaky shoes

We're probably all familiar with the pouty bottom lip and tightly crossed arms of a tot mid-strop.

More sex during World Cup created more baby boys

More sex during South Africa's World Cup meant a disproportionately high number of boys were born nine months later, a new study has found.

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Do fitness challenges really work?

Fitness challenges aren't new. There's Michelle Bridges 12WBT and a bunch of other programs if you really want to lose weight.

What are pregnant women Googling?

Pregnancy is a huge change for any woman, so it's natural we'll have questions - and turn to Google to ask them.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.