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Newborns: Stay Home or Go Out Lots?
Noticing a divide...


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#1 MissingInAction

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:17 PM

I've noticed a divide recently.  Maybe it's just in my circle of friends & family  rolleyes.gif

There seems to be two extremes with "outings and newborns"


1.  Mum and bub stay home ALL THE TIME for weeks/months.  Only immediate family and some VERY close friends get to visit.  Other people comment:  "you need to get some sunshine, love!"  and "time to start going out a little more..."  and "would you like me to take bub for a bit while you head to the shops" and "poor DH looks like he needs a break... he's been working so hard and grocery shopping and all... have you left the house at all since giving birth?"

OR

2.  Mum & bub go out constantly in public.  They're meeting up with old friends, new friends, family friends for coffee, lunches, dinner, movies, playgroup, etc.  And bub's only 1 month old!  "Wow, you look great" "when do you fit in time for sleep?"  "You seem to be coping well" etc


Why is this?  Is it a 'let's not expose bub to germs' thing?  Is it a confidence-in-self-as-a-mother thing?  Is it just a more extreme version of personality styles that comes out after giving birth ??  



#2 cinnabubble

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:18 PM

I went out lots both times, even though I'm dependent on public transport. I'd go postal if I was trapped at home.

#3 Mitis angelam

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:19 PM

It might be as simple as the divide between those whose babies will sleep anywhere, and those whose won't.

#4 R2B2

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:21 PM

ability to cope might play a part?

#5 farfaraway

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:23 PM

It was precisely because neither of my DDs would sleep that I went out a lot with them. At least I was seeing other people, getting some fresh air and lots of coffee and some exercise pounding the footpaths with strollers rather than facing screaming newborns all day on my own. Horses for courses, whatever works.

#6 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:23 PM

My DS slept on me for the first 14 months of his life. There was no possible way for me to get anything done while he slept. Needless to say I went out heaps as couldn't bear to be trapped at home while he slept.

If I had a baby that slept in the cot I would probably do more at home so I could get things done.

#7 Peppery

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:23 PM

I was a bit of both. I never left the house before 11am why?? my child wouldn't sleep when out. I wanted her to have one good sleep a day. I would go postal as well if i didn't go out everyday.

#8 JustBeige

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:26 PM

I had undiagnosed anemia the first time plus it was winter, so my trips out consisted of DH taking us on car trips so we could get some sun and both fall asleep 3 seconds after the car started.  I also had a huge dose of new mother paranoia and it took a few outings by myself to realise that 'no, the whole shopping centre isnt looking at me and laughing'.

#2, I was out and about quite a bit as I didnt have the anemia.


I never really got comments either way.  If I did I must have ignored them as crap as I dont remember them


ETA: far out, I cant type today!

Edited by JustBeige, 15 February 2013 - 03:27 PM.


#9 opethmum

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:27 PM

I am all for going out and being as comfortable as can be, even if it is lugging a pram 4 wks post c/s on public transportation!
I think it is up to the mum and the bub, some like to be insular and there is nothing wrong with that and sometimes that is cultural as well and what is familial tradition and some find comfort in that.
I think we should not judge people on that but we should be ever vigilant of PND and we need to help mothers who are stuck in a rut and we need to tread carefully too.
A little understanding in both facets and I think we will be a lot better for it.



#10 Mrs Dinosaurus

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:27 PM

With my first newborn I didn't want to leave the house. I was in this massive blissful loved up cocoon that i didn't want anyone encroaching on.

With my second I had a very active 2yo who went completely bonkers if at home since he had gotten in the habit of being taken out every day!

Neither worked especially well but I enjoyed the first a lot more than the second.

There could also be cultural differences - a lot of different cultures encourage that strong family bonding time and for Mum and bub to stay home.

#11 Gumnut82

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

My DD is 4 weeks old and we've been mostly doing one outing a day (shops, etc) + a daily walk with the dogs. I'd be up for doing more but there's too much to do around the house and she's an irregular sleeper/slow feeder.
That would put us somewhere between the 2 types?? First time Mum here if that makes a difference...

#12 bjk76

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

I stayed home a lot for the first 2 months, as there was a whooping cough epidemic when DS was born and I was told to stay away from crowds, such as those at shopping centres.

#13 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:28 PM

I went out lots because DS would only sleep in motion.  It was better to come up with little missions and errands to justify a walk/drive than wander round the living room wearing an ergo.

My friend went out lots because she was living in a studio apartment.

Another friend went out lots because she was suffering from PND and was afraid she would harm her baby if she was alone with her.  We had no idea - she was putting on an amazing front.  Luckily she turned up at the MCH clinic in tears and they got her admitted to a mother-baby unit.



#14 Squeekums Da Feral

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:31 PM

I only stayed home cos im a homebody, like my own space and hate being around randoms all day at the shops or whatever.
Even now I choose quietest parts of day to go out.

Nothing to do with sleeping, confidence or whatever

#15 a letter to Elise.

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:34 PM

I was in the stay home brigade. It was for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was recovering from a c section. Secondly, I didn't know how to breastfeed discreetly (and felt very shy about it), and was unsure about when I'd need to feed, so I was reluctant to go far from home.

Third reason - DH is Chinese, and traditionally, there is a 40 day rest period after the birth where you don't really go out or do anything much. You just eat nutritious "bloodwarming" foods, and everyone looks after you. He didn't force me to abide by this, but he wasn't really comfortable with me getting out and about too much as he believes you need a recovery period after pregnancy and birth.

Finally, I was concerned about whooping cough, and preferred to keep them away from heavily populated enclosed areas (like shopping centres).

With DS, I was also feeling quite shell shocked and vulnerable and I just needed some quiet time to get used to the whole thing. I was very overwhelmed when I was around a lot of people, so preferred to stay home. He was also a crap sleeper, and going out was pretty painful for us.

My sister was the opposite, and couldn't wait to get out and about to show her babies off. I don't think there's a right or wrong, just whatever you're comfortable with

#16 50ftqueenie

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:37 PM

I loved getting out at least once a day, bft rarely ventured out at night. I was so damn tired I was ready for bed at 8pm in the early weeks for both children.

#17 HRH Countrymel

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

The difference I have seen has been from subsequent babies.

For #2 or more people are confident and making the most of the "They will just lie here and do nothing" time!

A friend recently had her 3rd and utilised all the "What can I do to help?" people into babysitters while she lived it up as a 'lady who lunches'... it was great!

Alas small perfect sleepy bundle is now 'baby who moves and demands things' so that is all in the past again!

#18 Cranky Kitten

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:40 PM

I tried to have a bit of a balance in the early days - an outing every second or third day to stop me from going stir-crazy and a day at home every other day to rest/get things done around the house. We still sort of loosely follow that pattern at 15 months.

#19 Chocolate Addict

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:41 PM

I was a single mum when my son was born, if I didn't go out I would not have had any food in the house or bills paid.



#20 Blueberrymummy

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:44 PM

I had my first baby overseas in the Middle East. Over there mothers normally don't take their baby out before 40 days, but mothers do go out if they have a babysitter.

#21 MsFeralPerthFembo

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:44 PM

QUOTE (50ftqueenie @ 15/02/2013, 02:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I loved getting out at least once a day, bft rarely ventured out at night. I was so damn tired I was ready for bed at 8pm in the early weeks for both children.


This was me too. Out every day (sometimes all day) because bub slept better when out and I was bored and lonely at home. Home most nights because I needed sleep to be up half the night bfing.

There's lot of reasons some prefer to stay home and lots of reasons some prefer to go out, and I expect it both have a fair bit to do with what "type" of baby you get eg how they sleep, how they feed, how they are with noise etc

#22 SisterMaryElephant

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:47 PM

I loved getting out and about.  Often just walks in the pram,  library or window shopping, then later (6 mth +) Mums group, swimming.  I'm generally a homebody, but generally with babies I liked to get out early, then home for the afternoon.  It just seemed to be the pattern that suited us.  

I also think just different sights and sounds is good for their development, and great for wearing them out too.

Edited by CleverChook, 15 February 2013 - 03:47 PM.


#23 annodam

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:56 PM

My religion does not permit the woman or baby to go out until after 40 days have passed, so I waited.
Also, no visitors until after 40 days as well.
Obviously though, if bubs is sick & needs a doctor then of course you take the baby out.
I was fortunate that for 4wks I was at home alone with both of mine.
OH went back to work after 2wks.

#24 elizabethany

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:57 PM

I did the stay at home thing for DS, but mainly becasue I was still learning about how to care for my newborn.  It took a while to get the hang of stuff, so I didn't really get out until 4 weeks (excluding a trip to Sydney for a funeral at 5 days).

#25 Jax12

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:58 PM

I was in camp 2.  Luckily for me, DS was incredibly easy, I was happy to breastfeed in public and I wanted to be out showing off this perfect little human being to the world!  I had itchy feet actually in those first 6 weeks.  It became harder around 4-5 months when he needed no distractions to feed and a dark room to sleep, but even now I still like to be out and doing things wherever possible.  

A gf of mine didn't leave the house on her own for the first 6 weeks, and not due to any difficulties settling her DS, but more a lack of confidence and I think that's really sad.  It must feel really overwhelming to be so stressed at the thought of going out on your own with your newborn.  Even now though she becomes very stressed if her DS is out of her sight (2yrs old now) and won't leave him with anyone (not even her DH) so I think her personality has a lot to do with it.






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