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Can't stop thinking about it
A terrible crime that won't leave me

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23 replies to this topic

#1 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:20 PM

The 20th anniversary of James Bulger's death has been in the news lately and try as I may not to read about it I haven't been able to help myself. But now I find myself thinking about it to such an extent that it has become very, very distressing to me. My question is, how do I get this awful thing out of my head? Some kind advice would be much appreciated. Thank you...

#2 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:48 PM


#3 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:59 PM


Edited by *SnowFlower*, 18 February 2013 - 07:54 PM.

#4 bubble-o

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:00 PM

I feel the same way and had a couple of sleepless night this week over it. Can't offer much advice other than to say that sometimes in this world the most terrible things happen. No explanation whatsoever.
Sometimes awesome things happen too.

RIP little man

#5 Maniacal_laugh

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:18 PM

Hi OP,
I have anxiety, and at times I've found myself getting distressed and thinking obsessively over things like this. What works for me: I get fairly strict with myself. I remind myself that it's not my tragedy, and basically it's not my right to get obsessed over it. The parents and families are the ones who can grieve this, not me. I'm not doing them, or anyone else,any good by thinking about it all the time. My job is to look after my own family, and make a donation to victims of crime charities.

Hope this doesn't sound too harsh - but this is what has helped me snap out of it. If you don't find any of the suggestions on EB helpful though, could I suggest seeing a psychologist for some strategies, if these thoughts are becoming obsessive and you don't know how to deal with them?

Good luck OP, I hope you resolve this. It sounds like its becoming  distressing for you.

#6 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:25 PM

Thank you for your helpful advice. I know that having my own little two year old J has probably contributed to my anxiety this time round. I really appreciate your suggestions - and I'm going to take them on board.

#7 password123

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:27 PM

Distraction, distraction, distraction. Keep yourself busy and as a pp said - stay away from the media for a while.
I have anxiety and an over-responsibility complex and this has made me prone to PTSD type events involving incidents that are not my "own".
Life is tough when you're mind won't switch off to these things. I feel your pain OP. Just keep busy. Read funny books, watch some funny DVDs - try and detach your mind. It does get easier.

#8 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:31 PM

I think you might need a break from the media around it.

I am a very sensitive person and used to work in a department that prosecuted sex crime and child pornography. For the duration I was there, it haunted me.

I used to go for walks and look at random houses and wonder what was going on behind closed doors. Was there a child in there who needed protecting?

It wasn't healthy and I became obsessed. It consumed me. I felt utterly sick and helpless. I imagined what these poor children were going through and would cry myself to sleep at night.

Eventually I moved to another area. Being away from it really helped me stop obsessing and stop thinking about it to the depth that I was.

Be kind to yourself, maybe a media break for a few days and refocusing your energies will help you?

#9 BetteBoop

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:34 PM

Just stop yourself OP. Don't indulge these thoughts at all. When it comes into your head say "stop" and force yourself to think of something else.

If you have to, write a list of things that will occupy your mind. Plan a holiday or even a nice day trip. Think about something nice you want to buy and what you'd do with it.

Tigglywinks' advice is brilliant. It won't make the world any safer for you or your loved ones if you get depressed thinking about the evil in the world. It won't help anyone who was involved.

All it will do is ruin your enjoyment of your child and parenthood.

Also, these thoughts if they become overwhelming can be a sign of PND. If you're feeling wound up or depressed overall, then maybe take a test on BeyondBlue.

#10 Magnus

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:37 PM

I agree with the PPs. I'm very sensitive too, and I sometimes am required to research quite disturbing topics in my job.

It's important to let yourself chill out and have some down time. Try to do something nice for yourself. Exercise is also good for clearing your head.

If you can take a break from reading about it or anything related then that's good. Sometimes I don't know the latest events and people laugh at me because I don't watch the news, but if it helps you keep calmer it's a good idea to avoid it.

#11 March*baby

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:57 PM

Hi OP, I can relate. I've found the recent news stories around James Bulger's death very traumatic. I've been crying on and off since the story reappeared. I feel physically sick when I think about what happened. I have an 11 month old son and PND, so I'm a lot more sensitive to these type of stories than I used to be.
It's helped me to stop reading the news. I've also found talking about how I feel to my mum and sister has helped - being able to get those thoughts out in the open rather than bottling them all up.

#12 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:43 PM

Thank you all for your replies. I've been making a conscious decision to put it out of my mind, and I've been hugging my own little peeps just that much tighter. I know it will get better with time.

#13 bestnot

Posted 15 February 2013 - 04:21 PM

You are not alone. Three years ago I read an article in The Courier Mail's Weekend magazine about child pornography. It described a horrific video...I so wish I had NEVER read it!!! I had a toddler of similar age to the poor suffering soul. I was seriously tormented for weeks, crying at he drop of a hat, constant thoughts of the child, unbelievable anger. I lost three kilos in a couple of weeks. I was that perturbed by it. I still don't really understand why it affected me so much.
There has been some good advice given here. It does get better with time, but I am hyper vigilant about avoiding an similar news stories.

#14 bluecardigans

Posted 15 February 2013 - 04:29 PM

There have been couple of stories over the years about babies and children that have deeply upset me.  Like the PP, I am very careful about what I watch now as I know there are some things I can't handle as I just can't stop thinking about them. The feelings will dim OP.  Just try and avoid any more information about this tragedy so you can move past it.

#15 wca

Posted 15 February 2013 - 05:39 PM

In a strange way, I am so glad I am not alone in this. I have anxiety too, and tend to obsessivley think about awful events esspecially when the vicims are children the same age as mine. My mind just simply can not fathom how an innocent little child can endure such cruelty, then I feel sick, then my heart races and the thoughts go round and round. I actually didn;t know a whole lot about James so just googled........my heart raced a million miles an hour reading what happened to him, and I went all hot and flushed, while my own beautiful 2yr old son sat next to me playing with his truck.

I have just finished ready a novel about the Jewish round-up in 1942, I have not stopped thinking about those poor children and have been so melancholy over the last week.

My brain doesn't know how to stop sad.gif

#16 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 15 February 2013 - 05:53 PM

I find it helps to sleep with some music on if I'm 'stuck' on anxious thoughts.  I do agree that forcibly stopping yourself to think about it works well too.

#17 ♥Rumpelstiltskin♥

Posted 15 February 2013 - 06:32 PM

I know what you mean a few years ago I was doing the facebook thing and was checking out a FB page set up for some child that was murdered (can't remember who it was) and I was admiring photos of her and as I was scrolling looking at her pic's I came across photos of a Pedi file sexually abusing a little baby about 1 or 2 years of age ....My first reaction was to quickly click on to the next pic to get away from that one and their was another and another I nearly threw up the next think that I did was push the power button  on the PC to shut it down ....
It took me months and months to get those images out of my head ......sad.gif

#18 wca

Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:13 PM

OM*G PurpleBliss, that is so shocking sad.gif Is there really stuff like that out there on facebook? Far out.

#19 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

wca, I too am pretty sure that having my own little two year old boy has contributed to my horror at this story at this time. I'm really sorry if this topic resulted in you learning things you didn't need to learn. I was 19 when it happened and it didn't affect me nearly as much then.  It's so unimaginable. I have had to tell myself a couple of times today to "stop" and it seems to be working. I think our horror at these sort of events is a good thing in some ways. It reminds us of our need to take such care of our own little ones.

#20 bluedragon

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

I've been having trouble too OP, it's really good to hear I'm not alone. I stupidly read an article about it, I didn't read all of it skimmed some of it, but unfortunately read some details about the specifics of what happened to that poor little boy.

I have a son a few months younger than he was and I have had trouble with images of what was described going through my mind.

I have found listening to an audio book on my iPod while going to sleep very helpful. I think time and distraction will only help for during the day.

#21 epl0822

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:42 PM

I heard of another case involving a death of a baby and it really broke my heart. I was so disturbed I had trouble sleeping and I grieved for him. I felt really stupid at the time grieving for a baby I'd never even met - but I felt so tremendously sad. When you become a parent there's something about the suffering of children that provokes a visceral reaction and evokes deep, unexplainable fears.

What helped me at the time was saying a prayer for this baby. I had my own personal "memorial service" in my mind while I was laying in bed. This baby was pretty much forgotten by everyone when he died so I wanted to remember him, even as a stranger. I prayed for the baby to be at peace at a place where he was loved and cherished and cared for. And as cheesy as this sounds, I said in my prayer that the baby was not forgotten and that I was going to honour his short life by doing an act of kindness I wouldn't have otherwise done.

#22 SilverSky

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:50 PM

I feel the same OP. It haunts me.

#23 wca

Posted 16 February 2013 - 05:50 PM

I'm really sorry if this topic resulted in you learning things you didn't need to learn

Please don't be sorry, I was the one who read up about it. I was only 10 when it happened, and I vaguely remember a little about it, but I didn't realise the full extent.
I'm glad you started this thread because I feel like I am the only one who feels such deep sadness and grief over things that have nothing to do with me, or happened so long ago. As I said in another post, I am reading about the round-up in 1942 and the Holocoust and OMG.........I have been dwelling so much on it. I need to stop it!!

#24 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 16 February 2013 - 06:20 PM


Edited by *SnowFlower*, 18 February 2013 - 07:54 PM.

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