Jump to content

Can't stop thinking about it
A terrible crime that won't leave me


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:20 PM

The 20th anniversary of James Bulger's death has been in the news lately and try as I may not to read about it I haven't been able to help myself. But now I find myself thinking about it to such an extent that it has become very, very distressing to me. My question is, how do I get this awful thing out of my head? Some kind advice would be much appreciated. Thank you...

#2 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:48 PM

Bump


#3 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 14 February 2013 - 09:59 PM

.

Edited by *SnowFlower*, 18 February 2013 - 07:54 PM.


#4 bubble-o

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:00 PM

Hi OP
I feel the same way and had a couple of sleepless night this week over it. Can't offer much advice other than to say that sometimes in this world the most terrible things happen. No explanation whatsoever.
Sometimes awesome things happen too.

RIP little man

#5 Maniacal_laugh

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:18 PM

Hi OP,
I have anxiety, and at times I've found myself getting distressed and thinking obsessively over things like this. What works for me: I get fairly strict with myself. I remind myself that it's not my tragedy, and basically it's not my right to get obsessed over it. The parents and families are the ones who can grieve this, not me. I'm not doing them, or anyone else,any good by thinking about it all the time. My job is to look after my own family, and make a donation to victims of crime charities.

Hope this doesn't sound too harsh - but this is what has helped me snap out of it. If you don't find any of the suggestions on EB helpful though, could I suggest seeing a psychologist for some strategies, if these thoughts are becoming obsessive and you don't know how to deal with them?

Good luck OP, I hope you resolve this. It sounds like its becoming  distressing for you.

#6 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:25 PM

Thank you for your helpful advice. I know that having my own little two year old J has probably contributed to my anxiety this time round. I really appreciate your suggestions - and I'm going to take them on board.

#7 password123

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:27 PM

Distraction, distraction, distraction. Keep yourself busy and as a pp said - stay away from the media for a while.
I have anxiety and an over-responsibility complex and this has made me prone to PTSD type events involving incidents that are not my "own".
Life is tough when you're mind won't switch off to these things. I feel your pain OP. Just keep busy. Read funny books, watch some funny DVDs - try and detach your mind. It does get easier.

#8 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:31 PM

I think you might need a break from the media around it.

I am a very sensitive person and used to work in a department that prosecuted sex crime and child pornography. For the duration I was there, it haunted me.

I used to go for walks and look at random houses and wonder what was going on behind closed doors. Was there a child in there who needed protecting?

It wasn't healthy and I became obsessed. It consumed me. I felt utterly sick and helpless. I imagined what these poor children were going through and would cry myself to sleep at night.

Eventually I moved to another area. Being away from it really helped me stop obsessing and stop thinking about it to the depth that I was.

Be kind to yourself, maybe a media break for a few days and refocusing your energies will help you?

#9 BetteBoop

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:34 PM

Just stop yourself OP. Don't indulge these thoughts at all. When it comes into your head say "stop" and force yourself to think of something else.

If you have to, write a list of things that will occupy your mind. Plan a holiday or even a nice day trip. Think about something nice you want to buy and what you'd do with it.

Tigglywinks' advice is brilliant. It won't make the world any safer for you or your loved ones if you get depressed thinking about the evil in the world. It won't help anyone who was involved.

All it will do is ruin your enjoyment of your child and parenthood.

Also, these thoughts if they become overwhelming can be a sign of PND. If you're feeling wound up or depressed overall, then maybe take a test on BeyondBlue.

#10 Magnus

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:37 PM

I agree with the PPs. I'm very sensitive too, and I sometimes am required to research quite disturbing topics in my job.

It's important to let yourself chill out and have some down time. Try to do something nice for yourself. Exercise is also good for clearing your head.

If you can take a break from reading about it or anything related then that's good. Sometimes I don't know the latest events and people laugh at me because I don't watch the news, but if it helps you keep calmer it's a good idea to avoid it.

#11 March*baby

Posted 14 February 2013 - 10:57 PM

Hi OP, I can relate. I've found the recent news stories around James Bulger's death very traumatic. I've been crying on and off since the story reappeared. I feel physically sick when I think about what happened. I have an 11 month old son and PND, so I'm a lot more sensitive to these type of stories than I used to be.
It's helped me to stop reading the news. I've also found talking about how I feel to my mum and sister has helped - being able to get those thoughts out in the open rather than bottling them all up.



#12 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:43 PM

Thank you all for your replies. I've been making a conscious decision to put it out of my mind, and I've been hugging my own little peeps just that much tighter. I know it will get better with time.

#13 bestnot

Posted 15 February 2013 - 04:21 PM

You are not alone. Three years ago I read an article in The Courier Mail's Weekend magazine about child pornography. It described a horrific video...I so wish I had NEVER read it!!! I had a toddler of similar age to the poor suffering soul. I was seriously tormented for weeks, crying at he drop of a hat, constant thoughts of the child, unbelievable anger. I lost three kilos in a couple of weeks. I was that perturbed by it. I still don't really understand why it affected me so much.
There has been some good advice given here. It does get better with time, but I am hyper vigilant about avoiding an similar news stories.

#14 bluecardigans

Posted 15 February 2013 - 04:29 PM

There have been couple of stories over the years about babies and children that have deeply upset me.  Like the PP, I am very careful about what I watch now as I know there are some things I can't handle as I just can't stop thinking about them. The feelings will dim OP.  Just try and avoid any more information about this tragedy so you can move past it.

#15 wca

Posted 15 February 2013 - 05:39 PM

In a strange way, I am so glad I am not alone in this. I have anxiety too, and tend to obsessivley think about awful events esspecially when the vicims are children the same age as mine. My mind just simply can not fathom how an innocent little child can endure such cruelty, then I feel sick, then my heart races and the thoughts go round and round. I actually didn;t know a whole lot about James so just googled........my heart raced a million miles an hour reading what happened to him, and I went all hot and flushed, while my own beautiful 2yr old son sat next to me playing with his truck.

I have just finished ready a novel about the Jewish round-up in 1942, I have not stopped thinking about those poor children and have been so melancholy over the last week.

My brain doesn't know how to stop sad.gif

#16 SlinkyMalinki

Posted 15 February 2013 - 05:53 PM

I find it helps to sleep with some music on if I'm 'stuck' on anxious thoughts.  I do agree that forcibly stopping yourself to think about it works well too.

#17 ♥Rumpelstiltskin♥

Posted 15 February 2013 - 06:32 PM

I know what you mean a few years ago I was doing the facebook thing and was checking out a FB page set up for some child that was murdered (can't remember who it was) and I was admiring photos of her and as I was scrolling looking at her pic's I came across photos of a Pedi file sexually abusing a little baby about 1 or 2 years of age ....My first reaction was to quickly click on to the next pic to get away from that one and their was another and another I nearly threw up the next think that I did was push the power button  on the PC to shut it down ....
It took me months and months to get those images out of my head ......sad.gif

#18 wca

Posted 15 February 2013 - 07:13 PM

OM*G PurpleBliss, that is so shocking sad.gif Is there really stuff like that out there on facebook? Far out.

#19 tilkatandjimsmum

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:12 PM

wca, I too am pretty sure that having my own little two year old boy has contributed to my horror at this story at this time. I'm really sorry if this topic resulted in you learning things you didn't need to learn. I was 19 when it happened and it didn't affect me nearly as much then.  It's so unimaginable. I have had to tell myself a couple of times today to "stop" and it seems to be working. I think our horror at these sort of events is a good thing in some ways. It reminds us of our need to take such care of our own little ones.

#20 bluedragon

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:37 PM

I've been having trouble too OP, it's really good to hear I'm not alone. I stupidly read an article about it, I didn't read all of it skimmed some of it, but unfortunately read some details about the specifics of what happened to that poor little boy.

I have a son a few months younger than he was and I have had trouble with images of what was described going through my mind.

I have found listening to an audio book on my iPod while going to sleep very helpful. I think time and distraction will only help for during the day.

#21 epl0822

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:42 PM

I heard of another case involving a death of a baby and it really broke my heart. I was so disturbed I had trouble sleeping and I grieved for him. I felt really stupid at the time grieving for a baby I'd never even met - but I felt so tremendously sad. When you become a parent there's something about the suffering of children that provokes a visceral reaction and evokes deep, unexplainable fears.

What helped me at the time was saying a prayer for this baby. I had my own personal "memorial service" in my mind while I was laying in bed. This baby was pretty much forgotten by everyone when he died so I wanted to remember him, even as a stranger. I prayed for the baby to be at peace at a place where he was loved and cherished and cared for. And as cheesy as this sounds, I said in my prayer that the baby was not forgotten and that I was going to honour his short life by doing an act of kindness I wouldn't have otherwise done.

#22 SilverSky

Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:50 PM

I feel the same OP. It haunts me.

#23 wca

Posted 16 February 2013 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE
I'm really sorry if this topic resulted in you learning things you didn't need to learn

Please don't be sorry, I was the one who read up about it. I was only 10 when it happened, and I vaguely remember a little about it, but I didn't realise the full extent.
I'm glad you started this thread because I feel like I am the only one who feels such deep sadness and grief over things that have nothing to do with me, or happened so long ago. As I said in another post, I am reading about the round-up in 1942 and the Holocoust and OMG.........I have been dwelling so much on it. I need to stop it!!

#24 Guest_~Coffee~_*

Posted 16 February 2013 - 06:20 PM

.

Edited by *SnowFlower*, 18 February 2013 - 07:54 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Twin brothers have become dads on the same day ? with their partners giving birth in the same hospital, and even the same birthing pool.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.