Jump to content

Spin off - references


  • Please log in to reply
16 replies to this topic

#1 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:05 PM

In another thread, lots of posters are saying that it is common, when asking for a reference, to write it yourself and then just get the referee to sign it.

I'm gobsmacked and rather horrified; it seems almost fraudulent.  If the whole point of a reference is to get another person's opinion of me, of what value is it, to get my opinion above someone else's signature?

Is it really that common?  Have you given a reference this way, or asked for one this way?  Does the etiquette change depending on the field or context (I'm pretty sure if I suggested this to the person I asked for one, she'd be as horrified as I am)?

Am I just being hopelessly naive?

#2 Mamabug

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

I've done this with a personal reference once... ph34r.gif

#3 kpingitquiet

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

I've given a reference that was like that, once. It was because the person told me to, a la "You were a great employee! Just write whatever you need and I'll sign off on it."

#4 Imaginary friend

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:09 PM

I have not heard of this - however, written references aren't used much any more anyway - in jobs I have applied for and people who have asked me to be refereee for them - its usually give the phone numbers of the referee and the employer rings and talks to them directly.

#5 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:12 PM

I agree for employment it's unusual now, but this is to get into a particular clinical unit for my diploma.  They've specifically asked for references "to be written and for you to have sighted and forwarded to us."

#6 Katie_bella

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:13 PM

Yeah um, no, i wouldn't do this.

If someone asks me for a written reference, i write it. If someone wrote it for me and asked me to sign it, I don't think i could. Especially as it's often followed up by a phone call, i'd probably forget what was in the letter if I hadn't written it. huh.gif

#7 Bluenomi

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:27 PM

It's pretty common which is why my department no longer takes written references but requests a phone number so the panel can ring them instead.

#8 Bobbypoppa

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

It is common practice in a few industries, including mine when receiving yearly performance assessments.

I questioned why as well and was told it is a method of assessing how the employee views their own performance.

Its a tool for the employee to express their own personal opinions of their skills, ethics, integrity, short falls etc.

However in my field the assessor of your work performance can mark you either up or down as long as they provide evidence and reason for the change.

I'm assuming it would be the same with a letter of reference, where as, the referee can change the letter / wording prior to signing off?

#9 Apageintime

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:34 PM

I have had references done for me like this and done refernces for my staff like this.

I do check what the staff say and have offered suggestions if necessary.

#10 Feral Mozzie

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:39 PM

Yes, it's common - in fact I've never heard of a written reference that wasn't written by the candidate themselves! I would never expect someone else to take the time to write one for me.

That said, they are pretty much defunct in my industry now - only verbal references are accepted. I'm in finance.

#11 JRA

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

QUOTE
I'm gobsmacked and rather horrified; it seems almost fraudulent. If the whole point of a reference is to get another person's opinion of me, of what value is it, to get my opinion above someone else's signature?


Most references are about getting a job, not about improving one self. Improving one self is normally a review or a development review or whatever.

I am also surprised many places take a written reference now

#12 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

JRA, are you suggesting that the only value of getting someone else's opinion is to improve oneself?  Perhaps that's the value to me, but surely the value to the person who requires the reference, is getting an outside perspective on me?

#13 Z-girls rock

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:56 PM

I just think of it as a time saving device. You are asking someone for a favour - so make it easy for them to help you out.

if what is required is along the lines of;

blah blah work here/ studied here between (date) and (Date). and we found them to be punctual, friendly and consciencious etc etc

then why not??

Obviously you give the person the soft copy of the doccument so they can read it and either add or delete things as they see fit.
But it is just helping them to do you a favour by taking the tedious elements out of the task.

#14 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 14 February 2013 - 01:59 PM

we had to provide two references to go with an application form to get DS onto a wait list for a high school.....DH works with a guy who is an "old boy" of the school - so I asked him, he said, yeah - write it and Ill sign it! so I did...I guess if he didnt agree with what I wrote he wouldnt have signed it....

#15 Z-girls rock

Posted 14 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

yes. just wanted to add. I dont think I would have thought of it myself if not for the time I asked someone for a reference and they said "sure no problem - write it and I will sign it!"
at first I was huh.gif but then I thought. whatever, it is me who wants the favour!

#16 JRA

Posted 14 February 2013 - 02:13 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 14/02/2013, 01:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
JRA, are you suggesting that the only value of getting someone else's opinion is to improve oneself?  Perhaps that's the value to me, but surely the value to the person who requires the reference, is getting an outside perspective on me?



Obviously what I wrote came out wrong.

To me a "reference" is something that someone wants when employing someone. That nowadays I would have thought is rarely  written. In the past it was. The aim was to have it targetted at getting the job, not about the prospective employer learning the good and the bad about the person. I suppose that is exactly why a written reference is so rarely wanted..


#17 Phasmatis angelam

Posted 14 February 2013 - 03:02 PM

Yeah, I guess it's very different when it's not about employment.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.