Jump to content
How to gain confidence? Any tips?
10 replies to this topic
Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:38 PM
I am loving where I am in life at the moment. I am studying nursing and doing well and have met some lovely people. I am also volunteering with the ambulance service, loving it too and have met people through there also. I go to the local gym when I can which exposes me to even more socialness. And hopefully my next door neighbour and I will begin taking our kids to the local playgroup session held at the local primary school, so even more socialness.
However, I am not shy as such, but I come across as a snob. I find it hard to engage in small talk, and find it hard talking to new people. I can see this being a hassle with what I currently do and what I want to do in life.
Does anyone have any tips or tricks or anything I can use to gain confidence and become friendlier and more approachable?
Will confidence come with the more weight I lose? I do feel sometimes that my weight does hold me back a bit..
I do have social anxiety and I hate feeling like a recluse! Please help
Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:42 PM
Start small, and celebrate every bit of progress you make.
Some things I find easy ice breakers - find something to compliment the other person on, talk about the weather (it's a clichÃ©, I know, but it often starts the chat flowing).
Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:46 PM
Prepare. If you know who you are going to be seeing think of a few questions to ask them beforehand - how are the renovations going? How is your mum after her fall etc....
If you don't know who you'll be seeing then just come up with a few general questions "How was your break?" "Any plans for holidays coming up?" "have you tried the new restaurant down the road?" that sort of thing.
And make sure you show that you are listening to the answer.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:50 PM
You sound like you're doing a pretty great job of stepping out of your comfort zone more and more. I'm sure that will pay off.
Get other people talking and develop a reputation as a good listener if you aren't a comfortable talker.
Ask questions relating to whatever it is that's brought you together in the first place and go from there.
I think a good rule of thumb is that if you're thinking it, so are most other people in the room and it's just that nobody has said it yet.
Be willing to share your opinions and ask what other people think. The more open and interested you are in other people and their ideas the more comfortable they will feel.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM
I have the same problem OP. I hate small talk and often come across as a snob when really I just feel self conscious and anxious.
You're not the only one.
It sounds to me like you're doing great! I guess it's just a matter of taking the leap, which is easier said than done.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM
I suffer from anxiety and can be quite shy. I decided at the beginning of the year to start stepping out of my comfort zone. I feel sick to my stomach when i start talking to new people or the dreaded small talk but the more i do it, it is becoming somewhat easier.
I envy my DD (4 years old), she will walk up to anyone and start chatting to them. I want the ground to swallow me whole when she does this. This is the main reason i want to overcome my anxiety.
Goodluck OP. I agree with the previous posters about asking questions and showing interest in other people and showing you are a great listener.
Edited by Peppery, 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:08 PM
You know a weird one for me, that I discovered when I was about 14 and then put into effect when I changed schools, was to smile at people. I realised that I didn't smile at people (as in complete strangers who met my eye) very much.
So when I moved to a new school, I resolved to smile at everyone. And it really helped me, and it became a habit. And I'm STILL socially anxious and hate being around people I don't know, etc - but I don't think it really shows, to strangers, because I smile. In fact I think I come off as quite approachable (which is good, because I don't like to do the approaching myself!) and I suspect it's mostly that. I know I have another friend who is far less socially anxious than me, but who a lot of people have thought snobby or arrogant till they knew her - and I think it's because she doesn't smile at people she doesn't know or isn't currently talking to.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:13 PM
Peridot, I just private messaged you.
You are not the only one. You will find others around you are just the same.
Dont think of yourself, don't think of your anxiety. Put you attention on the other person, wonder about them, their feelings in a non judgmental way.
Let them talk, lots of people just like to talk about themselves, let them, be a sounding board.
Confidence takes practice, it will not just appear when you snap your fingers.
In a way, when you lose weight you wont necessarily gain confidence on a deep level. I have been there, i lost weight, gained some confidence but still not a deep sense of "me". There are others whose mind has not caught up with their weight loss.
Fake it to you make it, now before the weight comes off.
Good luck sweetheart
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:19 PM
I second the making compliments - it often opens up a conversation, and being a good listener. Don't make the compliments complicated - "nice dress" or "your hair looks great today" is sufficient (never ask where they got it, how much etc). Also, remember, everyone pretends. NO ONE is that confident, cool, collected whatever. If you pretend to be confident, you will be!
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:22 PM
I second the smiling. It puts people at ease and makes you more approachable. My DH never smiles at people and strangers find him stand offish. I'm trying to break him of this habbit.
My other tip is to give people compliments. No need to go over the top (aka Mr Collins) but if someone is wearing a fabulous pair of shoes they will always appreciate being told you noticed and it is an easy way to start a conversation.
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:33 PM
I'm pretty much the same as you, in terms of coming across as shy. I actually find it very hard to open up to new people and get a conversation going sometimes.
I would keep doing what you're doing (great effort!) and try not to worry about how others are viewing you. As other have suggested if you show an interested in other people you'll start to learn about them, and they you. Soon you'll be able to ask "so how did blah blah go last week" etc. and you're off to a great start in some possible new friendships.
Small talk can be a real pain, but the more you engage in it the more you can move past to a deeper level of conversation.
It gets easier over time
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.
A two-year-old's reaction to a game of "got your nose" shows it doesn't take much to make a toddler cry.
From the first scan photo to the baby covered in cake at their first birthday party, there are 15 photos most parents seem to share - and some they don't.
His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.
A photo of a breastfeeding-friendly sign in a cafe has been posted to Facebook and shared by hundreds of mums around the world.
The newest Bugaboo Bee ? the Bee3 ? offers a variety of improved features, including a much asked-for bassinet and a rainbow of colour combinations.
Given the choice between maintaining their wage for six months to have a child, or having a reduced rate of pay for a time but a better deal on childcare when returning to work, there are no odds on what most working parents would choose.
We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.
Our first pregnancy ended the way we all expected it to - with a healthy, happy baby in our arms. What a true blessing he was, for we were not to know the heartache we were about endure.
'There must have been someone watching over us and saying, 'You must not get on that flight,' says mother who narrowly avoided boarding the Malaysian Airlines flight which exploded in mid-air over the Ukraine last night.
When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.
Your little toddler or preschooler can now get their nautical on with a new range of classic loafers by Australian show brand Skeanie.
For months, I have been telling myself not to worry that Jasmin isn't crawling or walking. This week I heard the term hypermobile for the first time.
They say that there is no bond greater than the bond between a mother and her child. But for some women, the mother-baby bond takes more time and effort to develop.
After a long break, Yumi Stynes gets a reminder of the pain - and the pleasure - of giving birth.
When Nathan Steffel's daughter Sophia died from a liver condition at just 6 weeks old, he reached out for someone to create a beautiful image of his little girl.
Can you imagine a life without TV or computers? Some parents are opting for a low-tech, screen-free life for their kids.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.
It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.
It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.
From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.
The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.
Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.
Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.
Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.
Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.
We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)
See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.
DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)
Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!
Mind, body, beauty, life
We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.