Jump to content

How to gain confidence? Any tips?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Peridot

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:38 PM

I am loving where I am in life at the moment. I am studying nursing and doing well and have met some lovely people. I am also volunteering with the ambulance service, loving it too and have met people through there also. I go to the local gym when I can which exposes me to even more socialness. And hopefully my next door neighbour  and I will begin taking our kids to the local playgroup session held at the local primary school, so even more socialness.
However, I am not shy as such, but I come across as a snob. I find it hard to engage in small talk, and find it hard talking to new people. I can see this being a hassle with what I currently do and what I want to do in life.
Does anyone have any tips or tricks or anything I can use to gain confidence and become friendlier and more approachable?
Will confidence come with the more weight I lose? I do feel sometimes that my weight does hold me back a bit..
I do have social anxiety and I hate feeling like a recluse! Please help original.gif

#2 Harlekijn engel

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:42 PM

Start small, and celebrate every bit of progress you make.

Some things I find easy ice breakers - find something to compliment the other person on, talk about the weather (it's a cliché, I know, but it often starts the chat flowing).

#3 Kay1

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:46 PM

Prepare. If you know who you are going to be seeing think of a few questions to ask them beforehand - how are the renovations going? How is your mum after her fall etc....

If you don't know who you'll be seeing then just come up with a few general questions "How was your break?" "Any plans for holidays coming up?" "have you tried the new restaurant down the road?" that sort of thing.

And make sure you show that you are listening to the answer. original.gif

#4 niggles

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:50 PM

You sound like you're doing a pretty great job of stepping out of your comfort zone more and more. I'm sure that will pay off.

Get other people talking and develop a reputation as a good listener if you aren't a comfortable talker.

Ask questions relating to whatever it is that's brought you together in the first place and go from there.

I think a good rule of thumb is that if you're thinking it, so are most other people in the room and it's just that nobody has said it yet.

Be willing to share your opinions and ask what other people think. The more open and interested you are in other people and their ideas the more comfortable they will feel.

#5 Lagom

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I have the same problem OP.  I hate small talk and often come across as a snob when really I just feel self conscious and anxious.
You're not the only one. original.gif
It sounds to me like you're doing great!  I guess it's just a matter of taking the leap, which is easier said than done. original.gif



#6 Peppery

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I suffer from anxiety and can be quite shy. I decided at the beginning of the year to start stepping out of my comfort zone. I feel sick to my stomach when i start talking to new people or the dreaded small talk but the more i do it, it is becoming somewhat easier.

I envy my DD (4 years old), she will walk up to anyone and start chatting to them. I want the ground to swallow me whole when she does this. This is the main reason i want to overcome my anxiety.

Goodluck OP. I agree with the previous posters about asking questions and showing interest in other people and showing you are a great listener.

Edited by Peppery, 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM.


#7 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

You know a weird one for me, that I discovered when I was about 14 and then put into effect when I changed schools, was to smile at people. I realised that I didn't smile at people (as in complete strangers who met my eye) very much.
So when I moved to a new school, I resolved to smile at everyone. And it really helped me, and it became a habit. And I'm STILL socially anxious and hate being around people I don't know, etc - but I don't think it really shows, to strangers, because I smile. In fact I think I come off as quite approachable (which is good, because I don't like to do the approaching myself!) and I suspect it's mostly that. I know I have another friend who is far less socially anxious than me, but who a lot of people have thought snobby or arrogant till they knew her - and I think it's because she doesn't smile at people she doesn't know or isn't currently talking to.

#8 bornagainmum

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:13 PM

Peridot, I just private messaged you.

You are not the only one. You will find others around you are just the same.

Dont think of yourself, don't think of your anxiety. Put you attention on the other person, wonder about them, their feelings in a non judgmental way.
Let them talk, lots of people just like to talk about themselves, let them, be a sounding board.
Confidence takes practice, it will not just appear when you snap your fingers.
In a way, when you lose weight you wont necessarily gain confidence on a deep level. I have been there, i lost weight, gained some confidence but still not a deep sense of "me". There are others whose mind has not caught up with their weight loss.

Fake it to you make it, now before the weight comes off.
Good luck sweetheart

#9 Bathsheba52

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:19 PM

I second the making compliments - it often opens up a conversation, and being a good listener. Don't make the compliments complicated - "nice dress" or "your hair looks great today" is sufficient (never ask where they got it, how much etc). Also, remember, everyone pretends. NO ONE is that confident, cool, collected whatever. If you pretend to be confident, you will be!


#10 cme

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:22 PM

I second the smiling. It puts people at ease and makes you more approachable. My DH never smiles at people and strangers find him stand offish. I'm trying to break him of this habbit.

My other tip is to give people compliments. No need to go over the top (aka Mr Collins) but if someone is wearing a fabulous pair of shoes they will always appreciate being told you noticed and it is an easy way to start a conversation.

#11 ~swan~

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

Hi OP,

I'm pretty much the same as you, in terms of coming across as shy. I actually find it very hard to open up to new people and get a conversation going sometimes.

I would keep doing what you're doing (great effort!) and try not to worry about how others are viewing you. As other have suggested if you show an interested in other people you'll start to learn about them, and they you. Soon you'll be able to ask "so how did blah blah go last week" etc. and you're off to a great start in some possible new friendships.

Small talk can be a real pain, but the more you engage in it the more you can move past to a deeper level of conversation.

It gets easier over time original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.