Jump to content

How to gain confidence? Any tips?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Peridot

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:38 PM

I am loving where I am in life at the moment. I am studying nursing and doing well and have met some lovely people. I am also volunteering with the ambulance service, loving it too and have met people through there also. I go to the local gym when I can which exposes me to even more socialness. And hopefully my next door neighbour  and I will begin taking our kids to the local playgroup session held at the local primary school, so even more socialness.
However, I am not shy as such, but I come across as a snob. I find it hard to engage in small talk, and find it hard talking to new people. I can see this being a hassle with what I currently do and what I want to do in life.
Does anyone have any tips or tricks or anything I can use to gain confidence and become friendlier and more approachable?
Will confidence come with the more weight I lose? I do feel sometimes that my weight does hold me back a bit..
I do have social anxiety and I hate feeling like a recluse! Please help original.gif

#2 Ange remplie

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:42 PM

Start small, and celebrate every bit of progress you make.

Some things I find easy ice breakers - find something to compliment the other person on, talk about the weather (it's a cliché, I know, but it often starts the chat flowing).

#3 Kay1

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:46 PM

Prepare. If you know who you are going to be seeing think of a few questions to ask them beforehand - how are the renovations going? How is your mum after her fall etc....

If you don't know who you'll be seeing then just come up with a few general questions "How was your break?" "Any plans for holidays coming up?" "have you tried the new restaurant down the road?" that sort of thing.

And make sure you show that you are listening to the answer. original.gif

#4 niggles

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:50 PM

You sound like you're doing a pretty great job of stepping out of your comfort zone more and more. I'm sure that will pay off.

Get other people talking and develop a reputation as a good listener if you aren't a comfortable talker.

Ask questions relating to whatever it is that's brought you together in the first place and go from there.

I think a good rule of thumb is that if you're thinking it, so are most other people in the room and it's just that nobody has said it yet.

Be willing to share your opinions and ask what other people think. The more open and interested you are in other people and their ideas the more comfortable they will feel.

#5 Sockergris

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I have the same problem OP.  I hate small talk and often come across as a snob when really I just feel self conscious and anxious.
You're not the only one. original.gif
It sounds to me like you're doing great!  I guess it's just a matter of taking the leap, which is easier said than done. original.gif



#6 Peppery

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I suffer from anxiety and can be quite shy. I decided at the beginning of the year to start stepping out of my comfort zone. I feel sick to my stomach when i start talking to new people or the dreaded small talk but the more i do it, it is becoming somewhat easier.

I envy my DD (4 years old), she will walk up to anyone and start chatting to them. I want the ground to swallow me whole when she does this. This is the main reason i want to overcome my anxiety.

Goodluck OP. I agree with the previous posters about asking questions and showing interest in other people and showing you are a great listener.

Edited by Peppery, 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM.


#7 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

You know a weird one for me, that I discovered when I was about 14 and then put into effect when I changed schools, was to smile at people. I realised that I didn't smile at people (as in complete strangers who met my eye) very much.
So when I moved to a new school, I resolved to smile at everyone. And it really helped me, and it became a habit. And I'm STILL socially anxious and hate being around people I don't know, etc - but I don't think it really shows, to strangers, because I smile. In fact I think I come off as quite approachable (which is good, because I don't like to do the approaching myself!) and I suspect it's mostly that. I know I have another friend who is far less socially anxious than me, but who a lot of people have thought snobby or arrogant till they knew her - and I think it's because she doesn't smile at people she doesn't know or isn't currently talking to.

#8 bornagainmum

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:13 PM

Peridot, I just private messaged you.

You are not the only one. You will find others around you are just the same.

Dont think of yourself, don't think of your anxiety. Put you attention on the other person, wonder about them, their feelings in a non judgmental way.
Let them talk, lots of people just like to talk about themselves, let them, be a sounding board.
Confidence takes practice, it will not just appear when you snap your fingers.
In a way, when you lose weight you wont necessarily gain confidence on a deep level. I have been there, i lost weight, gained some confidence but still not a deep sense of "me". There are others whose mind has not caught up with their weight loss.

Fake it to you make it, now before the weight comes off.
Good luck sweetheart

#9 ThornfieldHall

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:19 PM

I second the making compliments - it often opens up a conversation, and being a good listener. Don't make the compliments complicated - "nice dress" or "your hair looks great today" is sufficient (never ask where they got it, how much etc). Also, remember, everyone pretends. NO ONE is that confident, cool, collected whatever. If you pretend to be confident, you will be!


#10 cme

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:22 PM

I second the smiling. It puts people at ease and makes you more approachable. My DH never smiles at people and strangers find him stand offish. I'm trying to break him of this habbit.

My other tip is to give people compliments. No need to go over the top (aka Mr Collins) but if someone is wearing a fabulous pair of shoes they will always appreciate being told you noticed and it is an easy way to start a conversation.

#11 ~swan~

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

Hi OP,

I'm pretty much the same as you, in terms of coming across as shy. I actually find it very hard to open up to new people and get a conversation going sometimes.

I would keep doing what you're doing (great effort!) and try not to worry about how others are viewing you. As other have suggested if you show an interested in other people you'll start to learn about them, and they you. Soon you'll be able to ask "so how did blah blah go last week" etc. and you're off to a great start in some possible new friendships.

Small talk can be a real pain, but the more you engage in it the more you can move past to a deeper level of conversation.

It gets easier over time original.gif




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why we tend to hold our babies on our left side

On which side of your body do you carry or cradle your baby? If you answered "left" then you're not alone.

Taking fish oil in pregnancy may prevent childhood asthma

Women who took omega-3 fatty acid supplements (fish oil supplements) in pregnancy reduced the risk of their children developing asthma by almost one third.

Mum, dad and son all share a birthday

Luke and Hillary Gardner never have a problem remembering each other's birthday.

Mum shares the bittersweet truth about pregnancy after miscarriage

A mother's candid and heartfelt reflections about pregnancy after miscarriage are providing comfort to other women.

16 simple ways to make your baby smarter

What's the best way to mentally stimulate your baby? It doesn't take a genius - just a loving, involved parent.

Your blood pressure could predict baby's sex even before conception

The average blood pressure of mother could suggest a baby's sex before it even exists, a study has found.

The breastfeeding photo that says it all

Ashley Rockill was lucky enough to have her birth photographer on hand to capture a precious moment.

13 pregnancy superstitions from across the globe

In honour of Black Friday, let's explore 13 of the strangest pregnancy superstitions from across the globe.

I'm a stay-at-home mum, and I'm sending my son to daycare

When you become a mum you give birth to a beautiful baby, but you also give birth to guilt.

Mum gives birth to 'Incredible Hulk' 6.4kg baby

An American mother was shocked when she gave to a 6.4kg (14lb 1oz) baby last month.

Mum demands $530 for daughter's shoes after playdate

A mum has made a pretty bold move by demanding $532 for a pair of her daughter's shoes that were damaged at another family's house. 

A toddler's guide to helping around the house

If a toddler was to write a guide to 'help' you with the household chores, it would go something like this.

The breast pump you can use on the go

The game-changing breast pump promises to make life easier all round.

'Mum, don't be mad but I've just had a baby'

A teen mum has shared her birth story – and her shock at not knowing she was pregnant until her baby's head emerged.

No, Senator, childcare workers don't just wipe noses and stop fights

The only thing childcare workers spend their time doing is "wiping noses and stopping the kids from killing each other"? Not quite.

'I wanted to be the birth mum so much'

When people say "aren't you lucky that there are two of you, that you can switch?" I give them a tight smile.

6 myths about breastfeeding toddlers

Although breastfeeding a toddler isn't for everybody, if you choose to nurse beyond babyhood you can expect some strong reactions.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Your child's fine motor skills: what you should know

There is less of a focus on fine motor skills, but they're just as important as others. (SPONSORED)

5 ways music helps your toddler's development

There are at least five other compelling reasons to get musical around your toddler. (SPONSORED)

 

Baby Names

Unusual Celeb Baby Names

Click through the gallery to read the details and see some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.