Jump to content

How to gain confidence? Any tips?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Peridot

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:38 PM

I am loving where I am in life at the moment. I am studying nursing and doing well and have met some lovely people. I am also volunteering with the ambulance service, loving it too and have met people through there also. I go to the local gym when I can which exposes me to even more socialness. And hopefully my next door neighbour  and I will begin taking our kids to the local playgroup session held at the local primary school, so even more socialness.
However, I am not shy as such, but I come across as a snob. I find it hard to engage in small talk, and find it hard talking to new people. I can see this being a hassle with what I currently do and what I want to do in life.
Does anyone have any tips or tricks or anything I can use to gain confidence and become friendlier and more approachable?
Will confidence come with the more weight I lose? I do feel sometimes that my weight does hold me back a bit..
I do have social anxiety and I hate feeling like a recluse! Please help original.gif

#2 Angelot

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:42 PM

Start small, and celebrate every bit of progress you make.

Some things I find easy ice breakers - find something to compliment the other person on, talk about the weather (it's a cliché, I know, but it often starts the chat flowing).

#3 Kay1

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:46 PM

Prepare. If you know who you are going to be seeing think of a few questions to ask them beforehand - how are the renovations going? How is your mum after her fall etc....

If you don't know who you'll be seeing then just come up with a few general questions "How was your break?" "Any plans for holidays coming up?" "have you tried the new restaurant down the road?" that sort of thing.

And make sure you show that you are listening to the answer. original.gif

#4 niggles

Posted 13 February 2013 - 12:50 PM

You sound like you're doing a pretty great job of stepping out of your comfort zone more and more. I'm sure that will pay off.

Get other people talking and develop a reputation as a good listener if you aren't a comfortable talker.

Ask questions relating to whatever it is that's brought you together in the first place and go from there.

I think a good rule of thumb is that if you're thinking it, so are most other people in the room and it's just that nobody has said it yet.

Be willing to share your opinions and ask what other people think. The more open and interested you are in other people and their ideas the more comfortable they will feel.

#5 amabanana

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I have the same problem OP.  I hate small talk and often come across as a snob when really I just feel self conscious and anxious.
You're not the only one. original.gif
It sounds to me like you're doing great!  I guess it's just a matter of taking the leap, which is easier said than done. original.gif



#6 Peppery

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM

I suffer from anxiety and can be quite shy. I decided at the beginning of the year to start stepping out of my comfort zone. I feel sick to my stomach when i start talking to new people or the dreaded small talk but the more i do it, it is becoming somewhat easier.

I envy my DD (4 years old), she will walk up to anyone and start chatting to them. I want the ground to swallow me whole when she does this. This is the main reason i want to overcome my anxiety.

Goodluck OP. I agree with the previous posters about asking questions and showing interest in other people and showing you are a great listener.

Edited by Peppery, 13 February 2013 - 01:00 PM.


#7 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

You know a weird one for me, that I discovered when I was about 14 and then put into effect when I changed schools, was to smile at people. I realised that I didn't smile at people (as in complete strangers who met my eye) very much.
So when I moved to a new school, I resolved to smile at everyone. And it really helped me, and it became a habit. And I'm STILL socially anxious and hate being around people I don't know, etc - but I don't think it really shows, to strangers, because I smile. In fact I think I come off as quite approachable (which is good, because I don't like to do the approaching myself!) and I suspect it's mostly that. I know I have another friend who is far less socially anxious than me, but who a lot of people have thought snobby or arrogant till they knew her - and I think it's because she doesn't smile at people she doesn't know or isn't currently talking to.

#8 bornagainmum

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:13 PM

Peridot, I just private messaged you.

You are not the only one. You will find others around you are just the same.

Dont think of yourself, don't think of your anxiety. Put you attention on the other person, wonder about them, their feelings in a non judgmental way.
Let them talk, lots of people just like to talk about themselves, let them, be a sounding board.
Confidence takes practice, it will not just appear when you snap your fingers.
In a way, when you lose weight you wont necessarily gain confidence on a deep level. I have been there, i lost weight, gained some confidence but still not a deep sense of "me". There are others whose mind has not caught up with their weight loss.

Fake it to you make it, now before the weight comes off.
Good luck sweetheart

#9 Bathsheba52

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:19 PM

I second the making compliments - it often opens up a conversation, and being a good listener. Don't make the compliments complicated - "nice dress" or "your hair looks great today" is sufficient (never ask where they got it, how much etc). Also, remember, everyone pretends. NO ONE is that confident, cool, collected whatever. If you pretend to be confident, you will be!


#10 cme

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:22 PM

I second the smiling. It puts people at ease and makes you more approachable. My DH never smiles at people and strangers find him stand offish. I'm trying to break him of this habbit.

My other tip is to give people compliments. No need to go over the top (aka Mr Collins) but if someone is wearing a fabulous pair of shoes they will always appreciate being told you noticed and it is an easy way to start a conversation.

#11 ~swan~

Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:33 PM

Hi OP,

I'm pretty much the same as you, in terms of coming across as shy. I actually find it very hard to open up to new people and get a conversation going sometimes.

I would keep doing what you're doing (great effort!) and try not to worry about how others are viewing you. As other have suggested if you show an interested in other people you'll start to learn about them, and they you. Soon you'll be able to ask "so how did blah blah go last week" etc. and you're off to a great start in some possible new friendships.

Small talk can be a real pain, but the more you engage in it the more you can move past to a deeper level of conversation.

It gets easier over time original.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

For and against

Should Blue Ivy have been at the VMAs?

Many were quick to condemn Beyonce and Jay Z after appearing on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards with their two-year-old daughter, but others thought it was a sweet family moment. What do you think?

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Pregnancy a tricky matter of timing for FIFO couples

Manipulating rosters, coordinating 'conjugal' visits, working on site with your partner; getting pregnant can prove stressful for FIFO workers.

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Why are there so few sexy maternity bras?

Rather than feeling ashamed of their post-baby bodies, women should be free to buy lingerie that makes them look attractive and pretty - no matter what stage of life they're in.

Toddler Alliyah one step closer to first trip home

She has lived the first 14 months of her life in a hospital intensive care unit, but Alliyah Broadby's parents hope to finally take their little girl home with them.

'Put people before IVF profits': IVF pioneer Alan Trounson

IVF could be done for hundreds of dollars in Australia instead of $8500 if clinics stopped charging what ''the market will handle'', a pioneer of the technology says.

Expectant parents urged to swap the pub for bub

Nearly one in five women drink while pregnant, but a current campaign is trying to drive down that unhealthy statistic.

Nutella supplies threatened by bad weather

There's bad news for fans of Nutella, the gooey, chocolatey hazelnut spread.

The cost of growing your own vegies

Does it make financial sense to grow your own veggies, or are you better off ordering produce from the local food co-op?

Breastfeeding mums less likely to suffer from PND, but all need support

A new study has shown the a complex relationship between a mother?s intention to breastfeed, her ability to do so, and postnatal depression.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Going viral

Mum gives birth at school

After four decades in the industry, pest controller John Birkett couldn't believe what he found in one woman's bedroom.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.