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Tell them its not good enough!


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#1 cojack

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:04 AM

Hi

My DS 7 is in year 2 and had his parent information night last night.  One of the teachers was quite direct at us parents saying that we should not be carrying our kids bags and helping put lunches away etc.  Also she said with homework we need to tell them its not good enough if they are not up too the standard they should be?  Also she commented on using the drop off section instead of bringing them to the classroom.  Some of the mums were quite taken back and didn't like how she was coming across.  I'm in two minds mellow.gif  What do you think?

#2 EssentialBludger

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:13 AM

I think it's fine. Our school says the same.

I definitely tell DD when her homework is not upto standard, if I know she can do better. She has real lazy handwriting sometimes when she can't be bothered. I make her rub it out and do it again. I must be mean. unsure.gif

She is also capable of carrying her own bag and putting her own stuff away, no need for me to do that.

Dropping them off. I do half and half. If she really wants me to walk her to her class I will, otherwise it's kiss and drive.

They should be having a little independence at this age. original.gif

#3 Kay1

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:14 AM

We had a teacher like this last year, in Year 1. I think its fair enough. I think lots of parents (myself included) tend to baby their kids especially if they are the oldest. They are old enough by Year 2 to be a bit more independent. I am working on stepping back a bit.

I don't walk my son in anymore but that's because I have a baby and preschooler in the car. He doesn't need me though, he's perfectly capable of getting himself sorted in the mornings. In the afternoons he now carries his own bag - in Kindy and first half of Year 1 I carried it for him. Then I had a baby. He just naturally started doing it himself.

Homework. Well our school doesn't really do homework but if he does I usually just ask "Is that your best work?" and if he says yes then fine he takes it in.

#4 ~sydblue~

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:18 AM

I can only imagine what this teacher thinks of parents like me whose kids catch the bus to school.



#5 Sentient Puddle

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:19 AM

I do drop and runs of my second grader now and dont take lunch boxes etc in.  However I would never tell my child that their work is not up to standard.  I would however comment on the level of effort they are putting in and I consider that far more important.  If it is not "up to standard" then the teacher and I need to sit down and have a chat and implement a plan.  The teacher needs to be actively involved in bringing this to my attention though as I am not in the class everyday.

#6 vitaechel

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:23 AM

I think there are nice ways of saying "try harder" with homework. I would tell my kids that perhaps they need to do a bit more work before handing it in if I knew they had not tried very hard.

I doubt most kids need help with bags or lunch after Prep. I certainly didn't.

#7 livvie7586

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:23 AM

OP, i hate to think what those mothers would think of the schools my kids go to.  DD, in preschool, is expected to carry her own bag, put her lunchbox/water bottle/fruit in the appropriate boxes, and then hang her bag on her hook, and with DS (different school) i was only welcome in the kindy room for drop off on his first day last year, otherwise they were expected to do everything for themselves (they line up outside the school for assembly of a morning, then are taken in to their classrooms by their teacher).

As for homework, i may tell DS it isn't up to scratch, but it is up to him whether or not to fix it.  if he then chooses to take said work in to school, it is on his shoulders and he can deal with the consequences, so if a child was consistantly taking in work that wasn't right, i would expect the teacher to pull them up on it (and maybe have a quiet word to mum/dad)



#8 Julie3Girls

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:09 AM

QUOTE
One of the teachers was quite direct at us parents saying that we should not be carrying our kids bags and helping put lunches away etc.
....
Also she commented on using the drop off section instead of bringing them to the classroom.

I think this is perfectly reasonable. At our school, the kids are all in the top quad before the bell goes. When the bell goes, the upper primary kids (yr3-6) go to their classrooms and line up at the door.
The younger kids line up in the quad and the teacher walks them down.
In the afternoon, parents wait at the quad, the kids walk up with their teacher.

No parents in the classroom.
No parents getting out lunches, changing readers etc.

And this starts from day2 of kinder. The kinders have their yr 5 and 6 buddiies to walk them to class for the first 2 weeks, and help them with their bags (and again in the afternoon).
After that, they are expected to do it themselves - put their hat away, get out their homework, home reader, any other notes etc, sort out their own lunch.

And you know what ?  They do it. The teacher is there for the occasional child who needs help, but the kids ARE capable of doing it on their own, and usually quicker than having parents all milling around the classroom.



QUOTE
Also she said with homework we need to tell them its not good enough if they are not up too the standard they should be?

This depends.
If it is a case of the child not knowing the work, not knowing how to do the homework, then that is an issue I would take up with the teacher. Homework should not be new work, it should be revision, reenforcement, practice.

If it's a case of the child rushing through the homework, making silly mistakes and the writing being incredibly messy (compared to their normal work), then yes, as a parent I have no hesitation in telling my girls that it isn't acceptable. And yes, I have made my girls take a piece of blank paper and rewrite their spelling words, or the story they had to write. I would then send in both versions with a note that DD needed to redo it to put in some more effort.

#9 Chelli

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:19 AM

I'm all for independence and encourage my children to be so. However, I'm not a fan of being dictated to by a teacher or school, so I only selectively do as I'm told wink.gif We were once told we were not to come inside the school to pick the kids up and I rebelled. To me, a parent is a vital part of a child's education process and the more connected a parent feels with a school, the more likely a child will be happy to be there.

#10 jenbi

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:31 AM

My son started Yr 3 this year.

I agree with the teachers - it's fine to expect Yr 2 kids to be able to function independently - it's good time to start this process at the beginning of the year too so they know what to expect. Most kids start to want this independence this year anyway - and by Yr 3 there are higher expectations again!

We had  a lot of mums have the same reaction at our school last year but by the end all agreed it was for the best and in fact most kids loved being more responsible for themselves and their belongings.

As for the homework I think there are better ways to encourage your child to do their best work - not by degrading them though!! You - and your child - will know if they have tried hard or not and can then act accordingly.



#11 cinnabubble

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

Do people still carry their kids' bags and take them the classroom in year 2? No wonder the teacher said something -- they should be over that by the end of FYOS.

Re homework, I'm happy to say when I think insufficient effort is being made, especially by invoking that her teacher expects better of her. I don't think that's a terrible thing to do.

#12 Duechristmasday

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

I do kiss and run most days.  I have a gr5, gr3 and gr1.  They all walk in together and have been doing so for quite some time.  Last year when DS was in prep, he walked in with his older siblings as i had the babies in the car.  He loved the independance.

For some reason though at our school there is a group of mums that just hang around, and I mean hang around.  They linger in the classrooms until well after the bell has gone, and let their toddlers run riot.  I find it quite bizarre.  

The kids even ask why some mums stay in the classrooms, and they are not there for literacy nor do they have children with special needs.

I think if the kids are not doing their homework very well, then it is fine to tell them to try harder, but there are better ways to put it than telling them its not good enough.

I get the impression that your teacher is sick of the parents hanging around, and babying their children.  Sounds like she wants you to let her get on with her job really wink.gif.  If I were the teacher I would have probably said something too.

#13 amabanana

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:48 AM

I make my 2yo carry her own bag and put it on her hook at kinder.   She also cleans up her place after she eats and puts her dishes in the sink/dishwasher.  I find it odd that a child in grade 2 would have their parents still doing these things for them TBH.   ph34r.gif  
I'm all for independence.  I might help my kids carry their things if they have too much or need help but on the other hand I am not a slave.   wink.gif
I don't believe in homework but in terms of telling kids their work is not up to scratch I think one needs to tread very carefully there.  There is a big difference between saying 'I can see that you didn't concentrate well' versus 'you are not good enough.'

#14 liveworkplay

Posted 13 February 2013 - 10:53 AM

I agree with the teacher. I see too many kids who have been cottoned wool and get to teens and have trouble coping with what is expected. Sure, she could have put it across better, but I agree with her sentiment. There are nice ways of telling your child their work isn't up to standard. It's your job as the parent to work out the best way to do this for your child.

QUOTE
For some reason though at our school there is a group of mums that just hang around, and I mean hang around. They linger in the classrooms until well after the bell has gone, and let their toddlers run riot. I find it quite bizarre.


yeah we have this group as well, minus the toddlers. Which I actually find even more bizzare as they are hanging around in the classroom when they are child free!! I can only dream of this happening (DD3 is pre school aged ) and know I will be maximising every minute if I can still convince DH that 4 days is much easier with the kids then full time wink.gif

Edited by liveworkplay, 13 February 2013 - 10:56 AM.


#15 -*meh*-

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

Both my kids carry their own bags in to class and unpack themselves... they also pack their bags in the morning with reminders from me on what to pack. They are in reception (first year of schooling in SA although DS2 did 2 terms last year) and year 3.

DS1 has only just started getting proper homework and i would never tell him it isn't good enough but i will tell him that he has to try when he demands he "can't do it" or will sit with him if i can see he is struggling and getting wrong answers to help him work out the correct ones.

DS2 will probably start taking himself to class by the end of the year if he wants to, DS1 however I still have to walk in to class as his ASD/anxiety leads to complete meltdowns if i don't. But that is special needs, most kids in year 2/3 don't have parents walking in to class with them.

#16 opethmum

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:04 AM

I totally agree with the teacher. Even at my DD childcare they are expected to place their bags in the lockers and put their place tag in their locker at age 3. I think parents are some what reluctant to give some autonomy to their children from a young age. It is an issue of control and some do not want to give their children that space to become their own person and some parents live vicariously through their children and doing those things and being constantly in their face and doing things makes them feel good often to the detriment of the child.
As for quality homework, I think schools should think seriously about giving homework and I am in the firm belief that homework should be brief, reinforcing concepts, in context and not introducing any new ideas that have not been taught at length in the classroom.
I will look at my child's homework when they do get it and make sure it passes muster but I will allow a little bit messy handwriting as homework is done of a entirely full day.

#17 Propaganda

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:06 AM

I think parents can do whatever they like outside of the classroom. If  they want to carry bags and deal with lunches, I don't think the teacher has any right to tell them otherwise.

I think she can request they don't come and linger around classrooms or even enter of an afternoon, but I don't think she has the right to go so far as to tell them they can only use a drop-off/pick-up zone.

As for homework, do parents even look at it? I don't. I just tell her to do it. I only look if she requests help. If she forgets to take it in or does it wrong that's not my problem, that's between her and her teacher.

#18 -*meh*-

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:09 AM

QUOTE (Chelli @ 13/02/2013, 10:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm all for independence and encourage my children to be so. However, I'm not a fan of being dictated to by a teacher or school, so I only selectively do as I'm told wink.gif We were once told we were not to come inside the school to pick the kids up and I rebelled. To me, a parent is a vital part of a child's education process and the more connected a parent feels with a school, the more likely a child will be happy to be there.


i agree with you here!

My kids go to oshc every day so i don't get to see the teacher on pick up but i like taking my kids to class because it gives me a chance to touch base with the teacher and they have a chance to tell me anything if they need to. This can be anything from them telling me "Just a reminder DS1 starts violin on friday" to me saying "DS2 said that xxx is really bothering him, can you keep an eye on them".

I would prefer it wasn't every day like it is atm and i am hoping to cut it down to a few times a week once DS1 starts to be ok with it but our school also suggests that children should be just dropped off.

#19 *cough*

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:13 AM

All these threads make me glad I didn't become a teacher. They also make me want to double teachers salaries.

#20 KT1978

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:28 AM

I think some of that is fair.

By year 2 they should be able to take responsibility for their belongings at school, including bringing home notes etc.  Parents who help too much, really make it harder for the teacher, as the teacher then has kids who can't put bags away etc.

But some things are crossing the line into parenthood.  My DD will happily ride her bike to school alone, but if I drop her off, she is happy to let me walk her in, give her a big kiss and send her off.  She's in year 5.  She may not "need" it, but she is happy for me to do it, and quite frankly in 2 years, she won't be seen dead with me so I'm making the most of it!

Telling them their homework is not good enough, if they have rushed or not checked is fine.


#21 RedBob

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:29 AM

I carry DDs school bag (she's nearly 6) because it's heavy and I don't want her back to be ****ed in later life because she was carrying stupidly heavy things at a young age.

On the lunches, our school has a system where kids don't go the classroom straight off, they go to a line up area and then to their classroom, so they all have to do their own lunches anyway.

#22 -*meh*-

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:34 AM

QUOTE (WingBob @ 13/02/2013, 11:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I carry DDs school bag (she's nearly 6) because it's heavy and I don't want her back to be ****ed in later life because she was carrying stupidly heavy things at a young age.

On the lunches, our school has a system where kids don't go the classroom straight off, they go to a line up area and then to their classroom, so they all have to do their own lunches anyway.


what is she carrying that makes her bag so heavy at that age?

my boys carry their lunch boxes, hats, reader folder and library books on library day!

#23 cinnabubble

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:37 AM

Our school sells physio-approved school bags. I make the six year old carry hers because a) it's not that heavy and b) you need to learn to carry your own sh*t in life.


#24 cojack

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:46 AM

thanks for the replies! For the record my DS does carry his own stuff and twice a week I walk him in other times he walks himself in.  This teacher is my sons teacher, she is very direct and I have no problems with that, alot of the other mums did though.  I think it was her choice of words mainly with telling them its not good enough.  I did defend her to the other mums, some made comments like she is going to push the kids to far academically and be too hard on them.  Anyway thanks for the feedback original.gif

#25 ~sydblue~

Posted 13 February 2013 - 11:50 AM

We don't have physio approved bags, but DD13 uses her soccer kit bag for school.
It has a padded back so books and stuff don't dig into her back or shoulders. An adjustable waist strap. Wide padded shoulder straps and enough compartments for all her stuff so she does't need an extra bag for sport or food tech.




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