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Daycare Inapropriate Incident
*Warning - inapropriate sexual behaviour*

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10 replies to this topic

#1 mousymousy

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

Old user going anon...

Well im currently in shock and do not quiet know how to write this but here goes.

On Monday i get a call from daycare saying that they need to talk to me and could I come into the office before i pick up my ds and dd.
I go in and i am told the following ....that a teacher caught another boy pulling my ds pants down and putting his penis in his mouth. When asked what happened my son responded with the boy had wanted to play a game - and the other boy didnt even have a response.  Im in shock about the whole thing including why didnt my son yell out straight away? he does normally consider this boy a good playmate so I dont know if he must have been convinced it was some sort of game? well the police and the government department were contacted by the daycare over the incident and i was told that they would be interviewing the other boy seperatly (without his parents) because this sort of behaviour can indicadate sexual assault.
This was on Monday and my son is due back at daycare on Friday, I dont know if I should be contacting the daycare to find out what is to happen to the other little boy, or should i contact the police directly?

Im not really thinking straight at the moment so please excuse this sounding like a ramble.  My heart is breaking for my son (though he seems fine and not traumatised - he just said he doesnt want to play with this boy anymore) and almost more so for the other child if he is been abused - im crying as I type.

So i guess im looking for what would you do in this situation answers? Btw the children are 4 years old and we are from SA if that helps.

#2 niggles

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:35 AM

My guess is your son did think it was some sort of game. Exploring bodies at that age is possibly not very different to other types of exploration? Though of course it is worrying if it does indicate some signs of abuse in the other boy.

I hope your son bounces back. In your case I'd do some reading and / or chat with some professionals about protective behaviour so you can debrief this effectively with him and feel confident he feels safe in the future.

#3 GenWhy

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:35 AM

At 4 years of age police will NOT interview the child separately and it will not be over criminal charges etc. It is more likely he will have sex assault police and an interview friend with him to ascertain if he is the victim of abuse at home. I would highly recommend talking to the police and a social worker who can get you victim support information and also refer you to a protective behaviours workshop.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Sometimes kids just do awful things in the name of curiosity.

#4 MummyLyss

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:38 AM


I would probably start by calling the day care, though they may not be helpful. I'm not sure where privacy laws stand with this sort of thing. But I say call the day care and then speak to the police involved if need be. Good luck OP, I hope your son is ok!

ETA -- I agree with PP to find info on protective behaviors

Edited by MummyLyss, 13 February 2013 - 08:41 AM.

#5 Red nut

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:41 AM

Have a talk to your son about boundaries, (this sounds like a great opportunity to do something we all should, but probably don't) but I'm sure he's fine.

The other child though.... I'm terribly concerned. But the appropriate people are on to it, so I don't think it's your responsibility to do anything further.

#6 Cat Burglar

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:47 AM

Im pretty sure that the police / day care wont be able to tell you anything re: the other child as they are not allowed to if a child bites, for example.
So sorry this has happened to your DS and I hope it does turn out to be just a game and nothing more.

#7 qak

Posted 13 February 2013 - 08:48 AM

How awful, it would be distressing to hear this happened.  At the age of 4 I think you need to be mindful that to the kids these actions between them were innocent.

I suspect that the daycare (and police) will not be able to tell you about what is to happen to the other child, due to privacy and investigations.

I think you should be able to ask the day care how they will deal with the incident - do they want to separate the children, provide more supervision?

#8 hodgepodge

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:02 AM

I too would contact the manager/director at the daycare centre and ask to catch up in person about the incident. Sometimes it is easier to get information face to face rather than over the phone.

We have a great book which was sponsored/supported by the QLD Health Dept called "Everyone Has A Bottom". It is a childrens book which we have found quite helpful while trying to teach our children about their body and what is appropriate & inappropriate behaivour.  It also has some great info in the back of the book for parents. This might help you to open up discussions with your son in a more relaxed way.

All the best to you and your family.

#9 SnazzyFeral

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:04 AM

Have you called the kids help line? 1800 55 1800. They can help you with what to do now. Also you can call your local community health and they should be able to hook you up with some Counsellors who can help your family deal with this.

#10 Lightning_bug

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:13 AM

OP, in NSW our childcare has a connection with the local police and they run an awareness program.

I was incredibly impressed with the way they approached the issue.  A booklet, a talk from a police officer on safety and games  to make them understand.

If you're interested contact the SA Police Community Relations Section (08) 7322 4027 and they may have something similar.

IMHO, I would seek advice on how to approach this.  Right now he just thinks it was a game and doesn't think anything of it.  If you start introducing the notion it was bad and shouldn't have happened it may well result in him feeling he did something bad...

Good luck OP.

Edited by Lightning_bug, 13 February 2013 - 09:15 AM.

#11 Chelli

Posted 13 February 2013 - 09:30 AM

I would ask to speak to a counsellor that the child care centre should have arranged. When a centre I know of went through a very similar incident, a counsellor was brought in to speak to all of the staff. They were then offered more counseling if they wished, and the counsellor was also made available for the families involved.

I too hope your DS is ok.

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