Jump to content

Is this arrangement fair and equitable?UPDATED POST 30
or is someone drawing the short straw


  • Please log in to reply
37 replies to this topic

#1 3mummy3

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:23 PM

Just want to put out a scenario and see if people think the arrangements are fair or not. My dh thinks we are drawing the short straw but i think things are pretty much equal or more on my side a tad. I wont say who is who so just let me know which if any family is getting diddled and what could be done to make it more even!

Family A has a small baby, a primary school child and two highschool kids. Mum is sahm but works part time from home, dad leaves early and gets home late so isnt involved at all in the scenario.

Family B has two primary school kids and one high school kid. Mum works two afternoon/evenings per week, dad works fulltime but not long hours so is involved in the scenario.

Current arrangement is that family A mum drops highschool kids off at family Bs house in the morning and takes Bs primary kids back home with her, they stay for about twenty minutes before walking across the road to primary school. Family Bs mum or sometimes dad drives the highschool kids to school, about 8 minute return trip. Family As driving time is about 20 minutes due to bad traffic between the two homes.

After school the primary kids walk home and stay at family As house for about 30-45 minutes, they are given an afternoon snack. Family Bs mum or dad picks up highschool kids then comes and drops As kids off at home and picks up their kids. Drive time for them about 25 or so minutes.

But once a week mum is working and dad has to stay back for meetings so family A collects primary school kids, drives to highschool to pick up highschool kids, drops family Bs kids off at home then goes back home. Takes about 40 minutes due to traffic at that time.

Then another day one of familyBs kids has afterschool activity so his mum will pick her primary school kids up and go to activity and family A mum will pick up her own primary kid then do the highschool pick up, dropping Bs highschool kid at home. 40 minute trip again.

So hopefully you can understand my ramblings and give opinions regarding the scenarios!

ETA Also will just add that if each family went their seperate ways Family A would have more driving but wouldnt have to babysit Bs primary kids and feed them snack. And family b would have more driving and would be stuck on the two days mum works, and would also need to provide snack for own kids.

Edited by 3mummy3, 12 February 2013 - 05:50 PM.


#2 Funwith3

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

OMG I'm so confused!! All I can say is if families A and B can make those arrangements work successfully, then they deserve a medal! As for your question, who gets the rough end, it seems like both are equally helping.

#3 laridae

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:34 PM

Its pretty fair - except when you get to the exception days, in which case family A does a little more work.

However if they didn't have family B they would be doing it anyway (they would still have to do primary & high school pickups) - so they still come out ahead.

ETA: If family B did the morning run, ie drop the kids off and pick up the teenagers to take to school on the exception days it would be a little more balanced.

Edited by laridae, 12 February 2013 - 01:59 PM.


#4 Peppery

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:40 PM

Sounds fair except for the exception days but they sound like they happen each week, so i think that shifts the balance and Family A are getting the short straw.

#5 Coffeegirl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

Sound pretty fair to me.  Although Family A does seem to spend more time in traffic than family B

And wow - one full car with all the teenagers and a baby original.gif

Is Family B willing to reciprocate if Family A needs it on occasion?




Edit for weird triple post

Edited by Coffeegirl, 12 February 2013 - 01:42 PM.


#6 baby*girl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

Fair or not, it sounds like a great family set arrangement if everyone is happy.


#7 ekbaby

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

Reading all that does my head in, but honestly, rather than asking strictly "is this equal?" I would be asking "are both families happy with the arrangement?"

If one family member/parent is not happy with the arrangement, what is the issue(s) of contention? Eg is there a specific pick-up or something that doesn't work well on one day? Can they be worked around?

Some families might be quite happy to do things for each other even if they are not strictly "fair" but just see it as part of the grand scheme of things in terms of helping each other out...so it probably depends on the relationship between the families.

#8 protart roflcoptor

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:46 PM

T'would be extremely difficult to work out a situation involving 2 families and that many kids that is completely and utterly 50/50.

It's not as if one family is doing it all, all the time.

Maybe the high school kids could look at options to get themselves to school?



#9 toosenuf

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

I think if you are unhappy with the current arrangement, then say it isnt working for you and look after your own kids.  But all in all it seems to come out in the wash.

#10 Mpjp is feral

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 12/02/2013, 02:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Reading all that does my head in, but honestly, rather than asking strictly "is this equal?" I would be asking "are both families happy with the arrangement?"

If one family member/parent is not happy with the arrangement, what is the issue(s) of contention? Eg is there a specific pick-up or something that doesn't work well on one day? Can they be worked around?

Some families might be quite happy to do things for each other even if they are not strictly "fair" but just see it as part of the grand scheme of things in terms of helping each other out...so it probably depends on the relationship between the families.



I think they deserve a prize for keeping all that straight in their heads!!!!


I very much agree with teh poster above.

I have similar (although less complicated) situations with several families, and with some I do 'more' than they do....however I a) am happy to help, b) like their kids and c) know that if I ever was stuck they'd help me out too....and if I am doing stuff it makes me feel more comfortable about asking!!

#11 Klinkalink

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:53 PM

I think that Family B gets a slightly better deal, but not by much, so it's pretty even. If everyone's happy with it, that's all that matters.

#12 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:56 PM

Really, really confusing but it seems like family A is doing a little more driving/picking up/dropping off.   I'd say family B has it a tad better.  Agree with pp's it's whether each family is happy or not and if it's working.

#13 bandbub

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

i think family b is getting more out of it

#14 Anonymous12

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

If I were either family I would be pretty happy with the arrangement, I don't know of many situations where people help each other out like this and I think this arrangement sounds great.

I imagine there are other times where they might help each other with babysitting, hosting etc so it would probably all even out in the end.

#15 kpingitquiet

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

Sounds pretty fair to me. Might be a little harder on Family A, but surely it's nothing a couple dollars of gas money, or the occasional offer of nighttime babysitting couldn't cover.

#16 ImpatientAnna

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:11 PM

So, so very confused but think family A puts in slightly more work, but sounds like it works.....

Does it work? Come on op which family are you and what is your take on it?

#17 ImpatientAnna

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:17 PM

Eta I am guessing you are family A. If you think you are getting rorted, just cease the arrangement and tell your teenagers to get themselves to school like every other HS student does.

#18 Moo point

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:19 PM

QUOTE (ImpatientAnna @ 12/02/2013, 03:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Eta I am guessing you are family A. If you think you are getting rorted, just cease the arrangement and tell your teenagers to get themselves to school like every other HS student does.


This. Don't kids get buses/other transport or walk to school anymore?

#19 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:21 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 12/02/2013, 01:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Reading all that does my head in, but honestly, rather than asking strictly "is this equal?" I would be asking "are both families happy with the arrangement?"

If one family member/parent is not happy with the arrangement, what is the issue(s) of contention? Eg is there a specific pick-up or something that doesn't work well on one day? Can they be worked around?

Some families might be quite happy to do things for each other even if they are not strictly "fair" but just see it as part of the grand scheme of things in terms of helping each other out...so it probably depends on the relationship between the families.

Agree with this.  It's reasonably even, although if one wanted to get picky about it, Family A may do a bit more than Family B.  But if both families are happy with the arrangement and continue to help each other out, I don't see the problem.

OP, from your post, it sounds like your DH thinks you guys are getting short-changed in this arrangement.  Which means at least one family may not be entirely happy with the arrangements.  If this is not resolved, it's likely to create resentment.  If it is brought up with other family, is your family happy to have a change or loss of current arrangements?

#20 gemgirl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:43 PM

Family A is put out a bit more with driving and snacks /babysitting and exception days.

But if all are happy, leave it as is. If not, family B could pitch in with more transport or weekend sitting now and again, maybe?

#21 gemgirl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

Also, can family b ever drop the kids to family a in the morning?

#22 saxa

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:47 PM

QUOTE
OP, from your post, it sounds like your DH thinks you guys are getting short-changed in this arrangement
.

Wonder what DH is suggesting as an alternative?

If you are family A - how does it effect him anyway as he doesnt do any of the running around.

Is he willing to help you out if the current situation came to an end?

#23 darcswan

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:55 PM

So if I understand:
Family A:  
a. Does AM drive to swap kids - 20 min
b. AM primary school run (walk)
b. Minds children before/after school
Twice a week also:
c. Does the PM school run drive to pick up kids and swap kids (40 min)

Family B:
a. Does the AM school run (drive) for high school kids - (8 min)
Three times a week also:
b. Does the PM school run drive to pick up kids and swap kids (25 min)


So Family A does more and spends more time in the car. The timings seem weird to me, but I'll accept what the OP has written.
It's not horribly uneven... Based on those timings:
Family A:
Childminding: 5.5 hours
Driving: 3 hours

Family B:
Driving: 2 hours

Edited by darcswan, 12 February 2013 - 02:59 PM.


#24 tibs

Posted 12 February 2013 - 03:22 PM

Different people rate things differently though - I'd drive for hours rather than have my friend's kids round every morning/afternoon.  Luckily my friend is the opposite  biggrin.gif  So for us I drive my schoolkid to her house every morning and pick up her preschooler and then drive him and my preschooler to preschool (far ish away).  My friend walks her schoolkid and mine to school.  In the afternoon again I do all the driving, to the preschool to pick up our preschoolers while my friend walks our schoolkids to her place and entertains them until I get back to swap kids again.  Not 'even' at all in the driving/travel time but it works for us and we're both ahead compared to doing it all ourselves.

#25 Leggy

Posted 12 February 2013 - 03:50 PM

Maybe not strictly even, but if the arrangement wasn't in place it sounds like both families would do a lot more driving and would possibly have trouble getting both primary and high school kids to the right place on time?




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby for just the month of April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.