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Is this arrangement fair and equitable?UPDATED POST 30
or is someone drawing the short straw


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38 replies to this topic

#1 3mummy3

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:23 PM

Just want to put out a scenario and see if people think the arrangements are fair or not. My dh thinks we are drawing the short straw but i think things are pretty much equal or more on my side a tad. I wont say who is who so just let me know which if any family is getting diddled and what could be done to make it more even!

Family A has a small baby, a primary school child and two highschool kids. Mum is sahm but works part time from home, dad leaves early and gets home late so isnt involved at all in the scenario.

Family B has two primary school kids and one high school kid. Mum works two afternoon/evenings per week, dad works fulltime but not long hours so is involved in the scenario.

Current arrangement is that family A mum drops highschool kids off at family Bs house in the morning and takes Bs primary kids back home with her, they stay for about twenty minutes before walking across the road to primary school. Family Bs mum or sometimes dad drives the highschool kids to school, about 8 minute return trip. Family As driving time is about 20 minutes due to bad traffic between the two homes.

After school the primary kids walk home and stay at family As house for about 30-45 minutes, they are given an afternoon snack. Family Bs mum or dad picks up highschool kids then comes and drops As kids off at home and picks up their kids. Drive time for them about 25 or so minutes.

But once a week mum is working and dad has to stay back for meetings so family A collects primary school kids, drives to highschool to pick up highschool kids, drops family Bs kids off at home then goes back home. Takes about 40 minutes due to traffic at that time.

Then another day one of familyBs kids has afterschool activity so his mum will pick her primary school kids up and go to activity and family A mum will pick up her own primary kid then do the highschool pick up, dropping Bs highschool kid at home. 40 minute trip again.

So hopefully you can understand my ramblings and give opinions regarding the scenarios!

ETA Also will just add that if each family went their seperate ways Family A would have more driving but wouldnt have to babysit Bs primary kids and feed them snack. And family b would have more driving and would be stuck on the two days mum works, and would also need to provide snack for own kids.

Edited by 3mummy3, 12 February 2013 - 05:50 PM.


#2 Funwith3

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:31 PM

OMG I'm so confused!! All I can say is if families A and B can make those arrangements work successfully, then they deserve a medal! As for your question, who gets the rough end, it seems like both are equally helping.

#3 laridae

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:34 PM

Its pretty fair - except when you get to the exception days, in which case family A does a little more work.

However if they didn't have family B they would be doing it anyway (they would still have to do primary & high school pickups) - so they still come out ahead.

ETA: If family B did the morning run, ie drop the kids off and pick up the teenagers to take to school on the exception days it would be a little more balanced.

Edited by laridae, 12 February 2013 - 01:59 PM.


#4 Cat People

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:40 PM

I'm slightly confused too but from what I understand, it sounds fairly even.  It seems family B have more driving but they would have to drive any way wouldn't they?  So as long as everyone is happy, it sounds like a pretty good arrangement.

Perhaps Family A could offer some petrol money to Family B?  But it honestly sound pretty even to me.

#5 Peppery

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:40 PM

Sounds fair except for the exception days but they sound like they happen each week, so i think that shifts the balance and Family A are getting the short straw.

#6 Coffeegirl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

Sound pretty fair to me.  Although Family A does seem to spend more time in traffic than family B

And wow - one full car with all the teenagers and a baby original.gif

Is Family B willing to reciprocate if Family A needs it on occasion?




Edit for weird triple post

Edited by Coffeegirl, 12 February 2013 - 01:42 PM.


#7 baby*girl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:43 PM

Fair or not, it sounds like a great family set arrangement if everyone is happy.


#8 ekbaby

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:44 PM

Reading all that does my head in, but honestly, rather than asking strictly "is this equal?" I would be asking "are both families happy with the arrangement?"

If one family member/parent is not happy with the arrangement, what is the issue(s) of contention? Eg is there a specific pick-up or something that doesn't work well on one day? Can they be worked around?

Some families might be quite happy to do things for each other even if they are not strictly "fair" but just see it as part of the grand scheme of things in terms of helping each other out...so it probably depends on the relationship between the families.

#9 protart roflcoptor

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:46 PM

T'would be extremely difficult to work out a situation involving 2 families and that many kids that is completely and utterly 50/50.

It's not as if one family is doing it all, all the time.

Maybe the high school kids could look at options to get themselves to school?



#10 toosenuf

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:47 PM

I think if you are unhappy with the current arrangement, then say it isnt working for you and look after your own kids.  But all in all it seems to come out in the wash.

#11 Mpjp is feral

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 12/02/2013, 02:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Reading all that does my head in, but honestly, rather than asking strictly "is this equal?" I would be asking "are both families happy with the arrangement?"

If one family member/parent is not happy with the arrangement, what is the issue(s) of contention? Eg is there a specific pick-up or something that doesn't work well on one day? Can they be worked around?

Some families might be quite happy to do things for each other even if they are not strictly "fair" but just see it as part of the grand scheme of things in terms of helping each other out...so it probably depends on the relationship between the families.



I think they deserve a prize for keeping all that straight in their heads!!!!


I very much agree with teh poster above.

I have similar (although less complicated) situations with several families, and with some I do 'more' than they do....however I a) am happy to help, b) like their kids and c) know that if I ever was stuck they'd help me out too....and if I am doing stuff it makes me feel more comfortable about asking!!

#12 Klinkalink

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:53 PM

I think that Family B gets a slightly better deal, but not by much, so it's pretty even. If everyone's happy with it, that's all that matters.

#13 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:56 PM

Really, really confusing but it seems like family A is doing a little more driving/picking up/dropping off.   I'd say family B has it a tad better.  Agree with pp's it's whether each family is happy or not and if it's working.

#14 bandbub

Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

i think family b is getting more out of it

#15 Anonymous12

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

If I were either family I would be pretty happy with the arrangement, I don't know of many situations where people help each other out like this and I think this arrangement sounds great.

I imagine there are other times where they might help each other with babysitting, hosting etc so it would probably all even out in the end.

#16 kpingitquiet

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:06 PM

Sounds pretty fair to me. Might be a little harder on Family A, but surely it's nothing a couple dollars of gas money, or the occasional offer of nighttime babysitting couldn't cover.

#17 ImpatientAnna

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:11 PM

So, so very confused but think family A puts in slightly more work, but sounds like it works.....

Does it work? Come on op which family are you and what is your take on it?

#18 ImpatientAnna

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:17 PM

Eta I am guessing you are family A. If you think you are getting rorted, just cease the arrangement and tell your teenagers to get themselves to school like every other HS student does.

#19 Moo point

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:19 PM

QUOTE (ImpatientAnna @ 12/02/2013, 03:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Eta I am guessing you are family A. If you think you are getting rorted, just cease the arrangement and tell your teenagers to get themselves to school like every other HS student does.


This. Don't kids get buses/other transport or walk to school anymore?

#20 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:21 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 12/02/2013, 01:44 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Reading all that does my head in, but honestly, rather than asking strictly "is this equal?" I would be asking "are both families happy with the arrangement?"

If one family member/parent is not happy with the arrangement, what is the issue(s) of contention? Eg is there a specific pick-up or something that doesn't work well on one day? Can they be worked around?

Some families might be quite happy to do things for each other even if they are not strictly "fair" but just see it as part of the grand scheme of things in terms of helping each other out...so it probably depends on the relationship between the families.

Agree with this.  It's reasonably even, although if one wanted to get picky about it, Family A may do a bit more than Family B.  But if both families are happy with the arrangement and continue to help each other out, I don't see the problem.

OP, from your post, it sounds like your DH thinks you guys are getting short-changed in this arrangement.  Which means at least one family may not be entirely happy with the arrangements.  If this is not resolved, it's likely to create resentment.  If it is brought up with other family, is your family happy to have a change or loss of current arrangements?

#21 gemgirl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:43 PM

Family A is put out a bit more with driving and snacks /babysitting and exception days.

But if all are happy, leave it as is. If not, family B could pitch in with more transport or weekend sitting now and again, maybe?

#22 gemgirl

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

Also, can family b ever drop the kids to family a in the morning?

#23 saxa

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:47 PM

QUOTE
OP, from your post, it sounds like your DH thinks you guys are getting short-changed in this arrangement
.

Wonder what DH is suggesting as an alternative?

If you are family A - how does it effect him anyway as he doesnt do any of the running around.

Is he willing to help you out if the current situation came to an end?

#24 darcswan

Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:55 PM

So if I understand:
Family A:  
a. Does AM drive to swap kids - 20 min
b. AM primary school run (walk)
b. Minds children before/after school
Twice a week also:
c. Does the PM school run drive to pick up kids and swap kids (40 min)

Family B:
a. Does the AM school run (drive) for high school kids - (8 min)
Three times a week also:
b. Does the PM school run drive to pick up kids and swap kids (25 min)


So Family A does more and spends more time in the car. The timings seem weird to me, but I'll accept what the OP has written.
It's not horribly uneven... Based on those timings:
Family A:
Childminding: 5.5 hours
Driving: 3 hours

Family B:
Driving: 2 hours

Edited by darcswan, 12 February 2013 - 02:59 PM.


#25 tibs

Posted 12 February 2013 - 03:22 PM

Different people rate things differently though - I'd drive for hours rather than have my friend's kids round every morning/afternoon.  Luckily my friend is the opposite  biggrin.gif  So for us I drive my schoolkid to her house every morning and pick up her preschooler and then drive him and my preschooler to preschool (far ish away).  My friend walks her schoolkid and mine to school.  In the afternoon again I do all the driving, to the preschool to pick up our preschoolers while my friend walks our schoolkids to her place and entertains them until I get back to swap kids again.  Not 'even' at all in the driving/travel time but it works for us and we're both ahead compared to doing it all ourselves.




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