Due date on anniversary
, Feb 11 2013 04:17 PM
18 replies to this topic
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:17 PM
Post deleted for privacy
Thank you to all of your messages, I did have a DD who naturally arrived a week early.
Edited by RunDMC, 19 September 2013 - 08:55 PM.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:29 PM
I was 'due' the day after my uncles birthday (he committed suicide 15 years ago)and like most pregnancies I didn't have DS till well after then at 40+9. I can certainly understand the anxiety you must be feeling when you don't know exactly when you'll birth but I personally wouldn't be doing anything to encourage labour before you're 40 weeks as it will most likely just add to your anxiety as the anniversary dates get closer. Instead I would take comfort in the fact that most babies come after their due date. Having said that I would still mention it and ask that it be noted in your file so that the hospital staff can understand your concerns and offer extra counseling should you go early on one of those dates.
Edited by Oma Desala, 11 February 2013 - 04:30 PM.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:37 PM
I can see how hard that would be for you OP, anniversaries are hard to deal with and having something so happy coming on such a sad day - there's a real conflict there.
But, you know, if it was me, part of me would be hoping the baby did come on one of those special days because it makes a link between the generations, so even though your dad and brother aren't there to hold your precious new baby, it's as though they are reaching out from the past to support you as the new generation begins.
I hope that doesn't seem way too weird, but that's the way I see it.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:40 PM
I lost a baby after I had DD1. I then fell pregnant with DD2 and she was due a week or so after the anniversary of losing my baby. However, I had to have an early induction and was initally given a date a few days before the anniversary however was bumped and rescheduled for the day I lost my baby! I was really anxious about this and had a really negative connection to the date. I really didn't want it to be my DD's birthday. However, now I feel completely different. What was a negative date is now a really happy date. It is now DD's birthday and the sadness connected to the day is gone!
Good luck and I HTH!
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:42 PM
You poor thing. It sounds like you've been through so much. Hopefully you won't wind up having your baby on an anniversary, but if you do, you'll learn how to approach the day with a mix of sadness and joy.
I would definitely tell your doctor. He is there to support you through your journey - this is clearly a major issue and I think he needs to know to support you properly. Don't worry about coming across as a mental case! He's a health professional, and I'm positive he'll have had many women cry in their appointments with him.
Please be kind to yourself...I hope you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy!
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:44 PM
I can understand why you'd be feeling anxious about this.
I was born two years to the day that my grandfather died. For my family, it changed the meaning of the day to something more positive
If you feel comfortable, tell your caregiver. They are there to support you,
Posted 11 February 2013 - 05:03 PM
Would you consider an induction the week prior? In any case I think your anxiety is something that should be discussed with your caregivers.
DD (who had known medical problems) was going to be born via c-section on my birthday, they actually brought the c-section date forward a week because there was such a huge risk she would die immediately after birth and I was very upset and anxious about it. No-one thought it was silly when I confided my fears, they just took it into account when treating us both.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 05:08 PM
Definitely tell your care providers. It's ok that you feel vulnerable, you've been through a lot
, a lot of big, sad things. I hope that it works out for you as it did for the PP (MARSmum).
Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:25 PM
not the same thing but with my first son my OB schedualed his c-sect for the 3rd anniversary of my daughters birth and death, I was so shocked while in the office I didn't say anthing when we got to the car I broke down and was inconsolable took me 1/2 hr or so to calm down // and then I decided to accept this as maybe it was somehow my little girls way of saying its ok to be happy ... in the end he was born 2 days after her bday and while I still have a sad day in sept I also have a day to look forward too
best of luck
Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:32 PM
My uncle died in a farm accident when he was about four-ish. It was a particularly awful death for my mother as she found him
My youngest brother's due date was for the date of this death and she was due to have an induction the week prior so as to not have the baby on that day. As it was she went into labour anyway and it was all avoided
I am so sorry that you are going through this and I don't think you are being silly at all. Best of luck with everything xxxx
Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:34 PM
My second dd was born on my grandparents wedding anniversary, unfortunately it is also the day my grandfather later died. There's not a lot we could do about it in the end (I went into labour the day before but didn't have her till the wee hours the following day). I know it's hard on my grandmother but I like to think my grandfather is her guardian angel watching over her. Perhaps you could imagine the same.
Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:46 PM
I understand how you feel - DD2 was born on the 9th anniversary of my dad's death. Some years I have struggled with the conflicting feelings of the day - but in another way it's kind of nice they have a connection in some way, because physically they cannot, and I always am reminded of how proud dad would have been of DD2 and his other grand kids he never got to meet. It is bittersweet but that is the way it is.
Edited by tanyak1, 12 February 2013 - 01:47 PM.
Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:17 PM
I was born during my uncle's funeral - my father missed my birth because he was a pallbearer, he had dropped my mother at the hospital and rushed back after to funeral to find me already there. I'm told I'm the reason my Grandmother got out of bed for the first few months of my life. She slowly declined in health through my childhood and died on my 13th birthday. For my parents, my existence gave them an anchor outside themselves.
I consider my birthday special partly because of the connections with my family.
Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:30 PM
You're not being silly OP. I totally understand. Anniversary dates are very hard for me and it's the same with friends of mine. I would definitely tell your care provider and see what you can come up with.
I was born on my Uncles death anniversary. My Grandfather refused to leave the house on that day as he was very superstitious. My father saw it as a blessing though and even though I didn't ever see my DGF on my actual birthday, he always had a soft spot for me and would come the next day to say Happy Birthday.
Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:45 PM
Many years ago when I was pregnant with my older children (twins) I was really worried and upset they not be born on the 1st anniversay of my Nan's passing especially as she had been such a support etc on my IVF journey and well they decided that they would come really early and were born at 31 weeks. Upon hearing the news and knowing they were stable etc my MIL joked with us that night that pity we didn't hold on for 2 more days and they could of shared her birthday lol which given that DBIL and I have birthday's 2 days apart and his now wife's b'day is about 4 days away from my DH was a great source of a laugh and giggle... Sadly they only got to share one huge family B'day dinner with their Nan before she passed away..
Any way years later we were lucky enough to have another attempt at IVF and were expecting DS2. He was due on the 8th of October but due to medical reasons we were booked for a Caesar at 38-39 weeks and were booked for 28th September.. All good except all along I kept getting a feeling I was not going to make booked date and kept saying I don't care when he arrives along as it is not on the twins birthday or day after (that was the first year of separate parties lol). Anyway 19th of Sept comes and my DD has her party no worries, then morning of the 20th rolls on and I really struggled and now realise bubs dropped heaps that day (never had felt that before so didn't realise) So roll on to the next day which was the 21st and my late MIL's Bday and I started getting pain in the morning which I had put down to constipation.. day went on and pain became very regular and long story short I was in labor. DH arrives home for work to be greeted by me saying hosp now.. anyway it was not until we were halfway to the hosp when it hit me what day it was.. I said to DH do you know what today is........ Monday was his reply DOH!!!!!! So I said no it is your mums birthday, remember how she had joked about her birthday and the twins not waiting etc.. At which time he smiled and said yeah..
At 7.48 that evening we welcomed DS2 into the world and it has brought so much joy to both us and DH's extended family.. His Aunts cherish that we welcomed their sisters grandchild into the world on her birthday and that day now has joy, Funny enough he is the one of all my kids who takes after her the most as well. I must admit that sometime I do feel a little sad on and around the kids birthdays as it was such a special time and I know just how much my MIL would have loved sharing birthdays with them, but just knowing we have a reason to smile on that day helps. I know my DH's cousin was married on the date of his late fathers (he has lost both parents) birthday and they were a little worried about that but we are simply glad to have a day where we miss someone filled with love and a joyful reason to celebrate..
Talk to your health care providers and see what options are avail to you..
Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:11 PM
Thank you all for sharing your stories and your support. It has really helped to read through your experiences.
These EB forums make you see that there really is a lot of varied experience that goes into making each person an individual.
I have been going around in circles, my past is not really something I share with a lot of people so it made bringing it up a difficult discussion point as there is so much background to give before getting to the present concern. Even talking to DH was hard as he has never seen me emotional about my past before as it is something I keep really close to my chest, he cannot really see why I am struggling.
I did speak to the doctor, broke down in the office, she was really understanding and talked through some possibilities - counselling, early induction, sweep at my 38 week appointment. All of which I am in the process of talking through with DH, we know the risks as we had a sweep with DS and was eventually induced after a long labour.
however I am subject to the public hospital system I.e. I am part of the doctors clinic so it is not guaranteed that I will see this same doctor at my next appointment. She is not sure if the hospital will allow an early induction (if that is the way we would like to go), it needs to be approved. She did write up some notes in the system, and gave me an inside tip on how to make it more likely that I will be assigned to her next appointment. Fingers crossed because I do not want to have to talk through that again. She has written a referral to a social worker which I am not that over joyed about as I really do not like to make a fuss.
Edited by RunDMC, 15 February 2013 - 08:14 PM.
Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:27 PM
I can understand why you are feeling the way you do OP. I have no real suggestions to add apart from wanting to reassure you that speaking to a social worker may be very beneficial- they can act as an advocate for you to get counseling/ have an earlier induction etc and if nothing else, it can be good to off load some of your fears to someone who is not going to judge you (and they won't). Don't feel as though you are making a fuss, because your feelings are valid.
Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:38 PM
The chance of a baby being born on his/her due date is only 3% I was told. It is not very common. I only know of 3 babies born on their due date - BIL and two of my friends little girls.
If you are really concerned ask for an induction a few days before the anniversary date. The Dr should give it to you considering this issue is causing stress to you.
Posted 15 February 2013 - 08:52 PM
Our DS was born on the anniversary of his grandmothers death. And whilst being an overwhelmingly sad event for DH and his family, it has given us a connection to her that makes her presence in our family more 'real' for want of a better word. In our family there are a few sad dates around that time of year, so it was amazing that he came unexpectedly on that date.
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