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Separation- using the kids to hurt each other
Need some answers for a friend


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#1 PurplePaperFrog

Posted 11 February 2013 - 03:01 PM

My friend is going through a messy separation and his wife is threatening to take the kids away from him (to a rural town or interstate) if he doesn't give her another chance at fixing things.

They have been doing this for over a year now, but he has had enough and knows it will never get better between them and wants a divorce.

His fear is that she will act on her threats and take the kids away so that he will not see them often enough. He believes she will hurt the kids to hurt him (I don't know if I believe that though, but I do believe she may want to move away for a fresh start).

Does anyone know if she can do that? Any advice or information will be appreciated.

My husband and I don't know anything about such things to comfort or reassure him.


#2 BatDog

Posted 11 February 2013 - 03:55 PM

He needs to seek legal advice ASAP.

#3 Wraith

Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

Lawyer, family court and parenting orders.

#4 boysescakes

Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:45 PM

He should definitely get a lawyer on board, just so he knows what his rights are and what orders can be put in place to "safe guard" him to a certain extent.  
Not justifying her actions at all, but if it is early days, she may be really hurting and is lashing out in anger and may be all talk.  I know I was really angry when I separated from my husband.  But at no time did our kids become pawns in our fights. If she is doing this, that is really sad, and perhaps he could get someone close to her to explain the effect this will have on the kids.  Because I fear  anything he says,  will just fuel her anger.
I wish him good luck.....it really is a very tough thing to go through.

#5 JustBeige

Posted 12 February 2013 - 08:57 AM

Does she have her support network in a different town or state?  usually that is what is prompts people to move / want to move when they split up.  So he may need to take that into consideration and try and work out a compromise to see his kids.


If she is being vindictive or he feels she may become like this,  then ASAP - Lawyer (legal aid) re parenting orders and separation.  



#6 kpingitquiet

Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:08 AM

I don't know that you can make him feel better. I do think you can suggest he move, too, or devote himself to regular travel to see his children. If we ever split up, it's pretty well known that I'll return to my home country with any children. It's also an accepted fact that I'll help my husband move too, so he can still be a participating parent. I agree that most primary carer parents move, more often, to get closer to support, rather than further from the ex (violent situations excepted).




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