My 4 year old ID twin boys are being a nightmare
I hate to say it but...it is double trouble!
, Feb 11 2013 02:40 PM
13 replies to this topic
Posted 11 February 2013 - 02:40 PM
My 4 year old ID twin boys are being a nightmare....
I use time out
I use toy confiscation
I tried reasoning with them....but it just does not seem to work.
In the last few days they keep running about the place being stupid and when I try to get them to stop they just continue running away from me, laughing in my face and yelling. They are normally quite sensible, but recently they have become more silly.
They would never behave this way on their own, it is as if they feel like they have super powers when their brother is there beside them. When I start to discipline one DS the other DS laughs and then all the respect for me goes out the window and the start running and laughing again.
I tried my hardest to remain calm and this morning when they ran around and around the house so I could not catch them I managed to stop them and we did time out.
But this afternoon it happened again and I could not stay calm I was so upset and cried in front of them.
I would say these incidents happen about one a month, but since Saturday it has happened 4 times.
I am sick, have PMS and am so sad that my darling boys could behave this way.
They go to preschool two days a week and are lovely boys and rarely get in trouble, if at all. So I know they know the right way to behave, they just choose not to behave on these occasions.
Do you have any ideas as to how to proceed? I just don't know. The removal of toys and tv does not seem to worry them. Because they just play with each other if there is nothing else.
And now I have removed tv for a week they have even more time to get up to mischief!
I really love my boys and just want us to have a happier time together.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 03:55 PM
The only currency i have ultimately found is separation. It is the only thing that truly upsets them and has impact on their decision to behave or not
I tried all the same things you are trying and like you they didn't really care because they just played with each other
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:02 PM
Positive reinforcement worked best for us. Particularly when each one saw the other being rewarded for good behaviour, then the other wanted the same. I used 'chore cards' for this
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:05 PM
When my girls were little I found time out apart worked. But rather than trying to keep them both in seperate areas and spending my time trying to get them to stay there while they did their little tag team thing I had a play-pen and a port-a-cot. No toys, just in there with nothing and not in the same room as each other.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:13 PM
Ooh Bob i like the chore cards!
They would work a treat at the age my two now are (6)
Although my current currency is skylander figurines. They live in a box and are given back or taken away depending on behaviour. Worth every cent...lol
Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:15 AM
hmmmmm chore cards, what a good idea. Why can't I think of things like that? I like your skylander idea too DG, my boys love them but I've not bought them yet.
My boys are either getting along like a house on fire or laying into each other, the latter is getting less & less as they are getting older. But now they're in school I can deal with the hard times more calmly. I've really lost the plot at times & been reduced to tears more times than I care to remember.
On the lighter side though whenever my boys get asked "Who did this?" they both point to each other & mention each other's name at the same time. They've got it down pat.
Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:52 AM
Jill, I'd like to say it was a thought out concept but really I discovered the value of it when I was so angry at them not playing nicely with each other so took ALL their figurines off them. Then I realised that I could give them back one by one as "reward".
Posted 12 February 2013 - 10:03 AM
Don't chase and yell - it just adds to the pandemonium.
Distracting works best.
If they start getting out of control grab some bubble mix go outside and start blowing bubbles. They will want to join in so hand it over to them and let them blow bubbles outside.
If one is easier to grab hold of and get his attention start doing an activity with him and his brother will soon also want to join in.
Have stuff like playdough or some cool puzzles.
Even start doing a very basic cooking chore like cutting up mushrooms with a bread and butter knife.
They will soon both want to join in with helping.
At this age my boys were dress up mad and they used to play batman and robin or superman and spiderman.
Toys just weren't that interesting for them.
Posted 12 February 2013 - 10:38 AM
It sounds like the power is in separating them during time out. Prob in separate rooms if they egg each other along.
I would also try positive rewarding for good behaviour. So, if they are misbehaving, suggest some kind of activity that they can do with you, each other. It also means it distracts and redirects. You will have to change the activity, otherwise they will realise your tactic and/or misbehave to get it.
Posted 15 February 2013 - 09:26 AM
Thanks for the advice guys. I will try what you have recommended!
Posted 28 February 2013 - 02:46 PM
I am new to this forum and can totally understand what you are going through, my twin boys are 6 years now.
they were most difficult at 4 when they started playing silly with each other, nothing worked at first. Honestly speaking time out doesn't really work as they get older and when they have a partner. The first change I made was with the routine schedule with pictures and they get to check and change it ( I packed it with variety of activities like some mentioned in the above posts). Everyday before they start their activities I will remind them the rules and consequences (consequence was the one who starts the laughing/fighting/running frenzy will not get to continue with the activity). There were many times they fell into the frenzy and got eliminated (they cried and yelled when that happened) Oh I set up a cozy corner with books in the house before that and told them they can go into it whenever they feel upset. So eventually they learnt to go into the corner and cry/read. I am a bit too firm when it comes to frenzies so they got the message pretty soon and things were under control. But they still try that once in a while but it only takes calling them for a talk to stop it.
All the best, don't chase them or let them feel that they are in control. Try distracting them when something like that is going to happen.
Posted 28 February 2013 - 03:40 PM
I completely understand how you feel... my two boys are a lot the same, even though they are nearly 6 now. I'm waiting for them to grow out of it/settle down a bit. A lot of the time I have to admit I cop out and leave DH to sort them out... he only has to say something to them usually and they start behaving.
We've had some success with time out... though separately, not together. And taking away things they really like... like their new bikes, or the x-box.
A friend recently gave me the 'Peaceful parent, happy children' book all about directing your children's behaviour without punishments... I'll let you know if there is any help in that!
Posted 04 March 2013 - 06:58 AM
I have 3 year old twins, with your P.M.S. thrown in I think that you are a saint for not throtteling ds1 or ds2. You will look back and chuckle about their antics one day and it sounds like you are doing a stellar job as being a role model, not just their mate.
Posted 05 March 2013 - 06:14 AM
Well their behaviour has greatly improved.
I don't really think it all comes from me trying to be calmer when they are being horrid, but rather something else as well. I read that 4 year old boys can have a lot of testosterone rushing around in their little bodies at this time and was thinking this may have also been responsible for their foul behaviour.
I am enjoying the calm...let's hope it does not mean a storm is soon upon us !
Thanks for your tips!
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