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When you can't agree on how many children


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#1 Bridandzar

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:59 PM

I am so disappointed, sad and guttered.  My husband and myself have two beautiful girls aged 3 and 6 but I really want another child but my husband doesn't.  Both of us have always said we believed we wanted three children and last year we said that at the start of this year we wanted to ttc.  Now my Dh has said he has changed his mind and he doesn't want any more children.  As he says we are so lucky to have two beautiful girls and he is so happy, and feels like our baby days have past us :-(  

Now I totally understand where he is coming from but I am truly guttered as I don't feel finished.  Of cause since one of us does not want more children we won't be but I just don't know how to get past the feeling that I am not finished and want one more child.....



#2 VEAA

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:06 PM

I'm in a similar situation...we have two sons, and always talked about having three children, but my husband has changed his mind and doesn't want any more. It was hard to hear at first, but I keep telling myself that if we were to bring another child in to the world, we would both have to be 100% up for it. I then keep trying to think of all the positives of having just two children.

I didn't ever want to nag him, so I let it go, and lately he has said that he would entertain the idea of a third because he can see how much it means to me.

Feeling unfinished is an awful feeling, I hope you find some peace. xx

#3 neddyteddy

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:10 PM

I'm in the same boat but only have one DD  cry1.gif  I my DD needs a sibling but he will not be convinced.

#4 Etcetera

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 PM

Could it just be nerves?
Our third is 5.5m old. It took us a couple of years umming and ahhing, should we shouldn't we, and when we finally decided, I almost called it off!

#5 Phascogale

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:39 PM

I always wanted 3 kids.  No idea why.  My husband wasn't sure.  He said if we had a girl and a boy then that will be it.  We had 2 girls and he didn't want any more.  I was a bit disappointed but in the end I looked at what I had and came to peace with the fact that I wouldn't get the chance to have a boy or have a third child.  

He surprised me me one day and said that he'd be happy to try for a third and we went on to have another girl.

But what we did do is compromise in a way.  We decided that we could try for 6 months.  If something happened then great but if it didn't then we could look back and say that we tried and it just wasn't meant to be.  That way we wouldn't regret not trying.  I was happy with this.  This isn't something that everyone can do, especially if one partner is dead set against another child.

#6 VeritasVinum

Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:13 AM

QUOTE (Phascogale @ 10/02/2013, 09:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I always wanted 3 kids.  No idea why.  My husband wasn't sure.
.....
But what we did do is compromise in a way.  We decided that we could try for 6 months.  If something happened then great but if it didn't then we could look back and say that we tried and it just wasn't meant to be.  That way we wouldn't regret not trying.  I was happy with this.  This isn't something that everyone can do, especially if one partner is dead set against another child.


We sort of did the same. DH came around to the idea of zTTC #3 but with 6m of nothing happening I was about ready to pull the plug and leave it at two when we did fall PG.

Like your DH OP I didn't want to leave the baby/toddler phase to go back to it.




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