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"We No Longer Talk..."
D & M "fluff"

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#1 MissingInAction

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:01 PM

Do you have a friend or family member who you no longer talk to?
Do you have a friend or family member who no longer talks to you?
What happened? What went wrong?  How do you feel about it?

I have a relative who I was once very close to who went from being basically my BFF to not wanting anything to do with me at all literally over night.  For the first few months I became almost obsessed with trying to find out what went wrong but it just hurt too much and wielded only petty "reasons" so eventually I moved on.  It took over a year for me to get to a point where I could laugh it off when she actively avoided me at gatherings and realised it was her problem not mine.  It still hurts to hear about her through mutual friends and relatives and know that I'm not a part of her life anymore...  unsure.gif

#2 ubermum

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:10 PM

Yeah me.

I had a good friend that used to be a housemate. We then ended up living in seperate places but maintained a good friendship. She and her partner had 3 kids, my partner and I remained childless, but we still maintained a friendship. Then, her and her partner broke up and I supported her through that. Once on her feet, she started to make choices that I just couldn't support. I told her my reasons. She decided she still wanted to do the things she wanted to do so I wiped her. I couldn't be her friend and  judge her decisions the way I did and I wasn't going to change my mind. I haven't had any contact with her in over 10 years. It doesn't bother me at all. She was turning into a different person to the one I started the friendship with.

#3 FiveAus

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:16 PM

I had a best friend, I met her when we were both in our late teens.....she was newly married, I was engaged to be married.

We became good friends fast, socialised together, had our babies together, became part of each others families as very close friends do.
When I moved interstate for a year, I missed her dreadfully and would ring her two or three times a week for a long chat.

When I was in my mid-30's, I suddenly felt things start to cool from her end. I have no idea why, but I remember ringing her one day as I'd just gotten a puppy and I wanted to show her kids......she said she'd bring them in the next few days and never showed up.
I dropped in on her one day, as I would normally do, and although I was offered coffee, I felt as though I'd got a very cool reception.

I tried a few more times over the next few weeks......cheery phone calls, invites to shopping or lunch.....and got the cold shoulder each time.

I left it for a few months, and tried again. Same thing. No explanation, I was just no longer part of her life.

More than anything, I was puzzled and confused and to this day (15 years later), I have no idea if I did something wrong, said something I shouldn't have. She wasn't a person to gossip, and she wasn't one to believe gossip, so I just don't know. And no one else knew either.

#4 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:16 PM

I don't talk to my dad, haven't for about 15 years. He's never met my two sons. It's a long story as to why, but essentially it's because of how he treated my mum, and his lies.

My sister keeps in touch with him. He is sick now, very sick. I don't know if I will attempt to build a bridge or not.

It's hard isnt it OP!

#5 Leha

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:16 PM

My brother. I haven't spoken to or seen him in over 3 years and couldn't care less. We used to be really close but he has turned into the nastiest piece of work. In fact my whole family no longer speaks to him. He hasn't even met my DS.

I'm pretty sure he has mental health problems but there is only so much ou can try and help someone.

#6 Sunny003

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:18 PM

One, I stopped being a doormat. (Well actually there's been a few of those!) I've found that I'm drawn to a certain personality & once I stop being a doormat, they dot like it LOL

Another we still talk, just aren't close. Again, I stopped being a doormat, stopped doing all the calling/visiting & I realised it was pretty much one sided.

The other is family/inlaws. It took a long long time but I'm fine without now. I feel for the kids involved though:(

I worked out that life is easier without the drama. When people are quick to point their finger at others and to put people down, I don't want to be around them, & that's ok.

#7 bluebug

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:21 PM

I stopped speaking to someone who continually bad-mouthed my husband in front of me and our other friends.

#8 libbylu

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:22 PM

This has never happened to me in my 36 years.
I have plenty of friends that I have drifted away from (but am mostly friends with them on facebook!) but none that I have had a falling out with or that had a sudden ending.  Any little tiffs I have had with girlfriends over the years have been sorted out quickly.
And even most of those that I have drifted away from I would love to catch up with if I had time....but so many people, so little time!

#9 naturalgoodness

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:25 PM

My mother. Approx 4 years ago after a disagreement she sent me an email telling me that my brother and I were dead to her and followed it up by sending me a box containing all photos of both of us from birth to present day (including all photos of grandchildren).

She had seen my DD2 one time at a few months old and never since, and will not know our baby due next month.

#10 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:27 PM

I don't talk to either of my sisters during the year, but that's more a mutual recognition of absolutely nothing in common other than genetics.

and when I visit for christmas, they're too busy bonding with each other to notice me, so I still don't really talk to them.

#11 RealityBites

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

Yes. My brother, but it is more from his end than from mine. He just can't/won't talk through issues, try to resolve problems - if you offend him, you are out of his life. And this makes me so angry (mainly on the kids' behalf) I can't be near him or his wife.

Edited by RealityBites, 10 February 2013 - 07:28 PM.

#12 Snot stew

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:30 PM

There are a few people who I only talk to when necessary.  No official falling out or anything, they just tick me off.

FIL we don't really talk to since we discovered that he had been physically abusing SIL for most of her life (DHs sister).

#13 ~Winter~

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:32 PM

My mother.

She sent my sisters and I a text message 3 weeks after my wedding to say not to contact her for at least 5 years.

No reason, no warning, nothing.

#14 #YKG

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:32 PM

Yes 2 people where my 2 best friends. One is my oldest sister.

Best Friend 1 had a known since I was 2 we literally grew up together she knew everything and I knew everything about her, we would have been 22/23 I was dating a guy and we all frequented a night club that everyone there knew us and one night a fellow patron came and got me and took me to the mens toilets and told me to stand on the lid of the toilet and look over the wall and when I did I saw my "best friend" and boyfriend having sex in the cubicle. Apparently had been going on for a few months. So we are no longer friends but because we grew up together and we go to the same family friend's functions she sh*ts herself when she see's me. No one knows what she did but she thinks I'm going to tell everyone. And I'm going to go on let her thinking that.

Best Friend 2 we went overseas together and at the end of the trip she was sh*tty with me because apparently she heard me say in a pub's toilet that she was sleeping with some dude on the tour with us, however that night I never entered those toilets and others attested to that, I got over that BUT when we got back I had seen a few people who were saying no one had heard from me since I got back so I sent a group SMS and she was in that group in which I said if we catch up see you soon if not have a nice life with a ;P lol thing at the end, well she took that personally and left 12 voicemails on my mobile abusing me and had randoms call me at 3am and hang up so I cut the cord.

My sister I haven't seen since I was 12 there is A LOT that was kept from me due to my age but she has issues that I wish to have no part in. I am 27 haven't seen her in 15 years, she doesn't want to know me and I wouldn't know her if she walked past me in the street.

#15 a letter to Elise.

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:35 PM

I no longer speak to the majority of my mothers family. They cut me off after I supported my sister when they cut ties with her. My sister was struggling through a mental breakdown after my father died. Some of her behaviour was really inappropriate, and they decided they didn't want anything to do with her. There was nothing really serious like drug abuse, stealing etc, it was more some choices she made in her personal life that they didn't approve of.
To be honest, I think they had problems with her before that, and were looking for an excuse not to talk to her anymore. She's always been a bit odd and has had trouble relating to others. Add to that that she was (still is) very beautiful, my parents were wealthy, and it was easy for them to just write her off as a b**ch, rather then see that she had genuine problems. My mums family struggled financially, and they found it difficult to understand that any part of our lives could be difficult because we had money. This is despite my parents battling serious illness for most of our childhoods, and my sister being dads carer for a long time.
Despite all of that, I was very close to my mums family. I spent a lot of time with one aunt in particular, and was very close to her after my mum died. I really miss her. If there was some way I could see to fix things I would. I would speak to them, but they wont speak to me. My sister has decided she will never have contact with them again, but I am still open to reconciliation, so long as they are respectful of my relationship with my sister. She and I have been through so much together. They put me in the position where I had to choose, and I chose my sister. I will always be sad about it.

#16 andyk

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:37 PM

Former BFF of 10 years. My ex was abusing me, I finally put an escape plan in place and swore her to secrecy. He must have had an inkling something was up and rang her, professing his undying love so she told him all my plans. I had warned her he was a charmer who could talk anybody around and she promised over and over that it wouldn't happen.

I was devastated and the friendship broke down after I finally got out 8 months later.

Edited by andyk, 10 February 2013 - 07:42 PM.

#17 Magnus

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:41 PM

Yeah, this has happened a few times to me.

A few close friends have just drifted away. But sometimes close friends have drifted back into my life too. There are family members who have drifted in and out of my life as well.

One close friend suddenly cut me off and I kept sending her emails and tried to call asking if I had done anything wrong and if I could fix it, but she said it was because of personal issues.

I'm not super close with some family members, but that's more due to a lack of things in common than anything else.

I think in the past when some friends have drifted away I've been sad and not done anything. I like to think that now I'd talk to them about it, even if it would mean that they might say that it was because of my personal faults or that they just weren't that into the friendship anymore. I know it's inevitable that friendships wax and wane, but I've had a lot of sadness when close friends have just gone out of my life in the past.

#18 Taffyk

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:44 PM

I have a group of friends.  My DH misses them more than I do.  I miss not meeting their children and seeing their new house.  I miss going to shows with them.

We cut them off - one couple.  Lost 4 more in the process.  But I got sick of the competition.

#19 FeralSingleMum

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:56 PM

A girl I was best friends with in year 11 and 12. She had so many mental health problems.

She used to cut in front of me and tried to kill herself in front of me. I tried so many times to help her and nothing worked. I felt really sorry for her but my 17 year old couldn't cope with how much she relied on me, my mum had to step in because I was on the verge of a mental break down.

The last I heard of her, she was doing pornography for a gothic magazine.

#20 The Old Feral

Posted 10 February 2013 - 07:59 PM

My father suddenly cut me off at Xmas 5 years ago.  Just stopped answering my calls and messages.  I have no idea why.  It took a long time to come to terms with.

#21 elmo_mum

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:16 PM

i no longer speak to  either my dads or mums family...well i speak to my 2 eldest cousins.. but thats it

i dont speak to my brother - cos he put me in the middle of fights with my mum... not even my fight!!!
i dont speak to my sister either, cos she always took my brothers side, saying i was always in the wrong... very long story there too.....

told my brother not to show at my wedding, he did, i told him off.. my sister, not knowing what had happenned decided she didnt want to be there so left (we were estranged at the time and i was being the better person, or so i thought)

mums brother decided to add his 2 cents in - again without knowing the truth, i gave him a serve .. told him to f off

my bm (friends with my brother) never returned my calls after the wedding, nor acknowledged me in the street - called her after both her g'parents passed... was liek yea umm ok - and she was goiing to have an awesome storm with her siblings over the will...

in ways i feel better that i dont have to deal with their s###
upset that they never will know my ds

fwiw, my bro has 3 boys, who i dont know (estranged since the birth of the first) and none of the above contacted me after my ds was born - heck, he was born at 24weeks, so was kinda a bad time...

and that cemented why i have no contact with them!

#22 tel2

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:21 PM

Yep my stepbrother. Nasty nasty man who puts everyone down. Put up with his crap for 25 years and then one day just said that's enough f off !!! Last time I saw him was at my mothers funeral 3 years ago and even then he didn't have a kind word to say !!!

I had a very dear friend (who was a boy) in my teens. We became very close and I eventually wanted to persue a relationship with him. He picked up on it and cut me off. Years later I found out he was gay. I miss his terribly and still 20 years later send him a card for his birthday in the hope that he would contact me again and we can become friends  sad.gif He was someone that totally changed my life and those people you never forget.

#23 NannyPlum

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 PM

I have just stopped contact with a girl I considered my best friend.

Basically came down to different places, nothing in common and I couldn't support her lifestyle.  I don't want that around my family and I couldn't trust her any more.

I told her that I will always be there but I can't be an active part right now as I can't sit there and watch her destroy her life and her professional life.  

Hardest thing I ever had to do but once I realized I wasn't friends with the person she had become but the person she WAS it made it a bit easier.

#24 katpaws

Posted 11 February 2013 - 06:47 AM

My sister - about seven years ago - during a phone call suddenly started about how i had ruined her life and had made her childhood a misery and that everything that had gone wrong in her life was my fault. There are some years between us and i had moved out of home when i was 18 and she was just a young teenager. She ended up married to a racist moron and had a few kids and has never worked a day in her life (she is around 40) and has lived in less desirable situations. She also carried on about how i ignored my family and was always with my in-laws (who are nice people). This is despite the fact that i sent her and her family Chirstmas gifts every year without an acknowledgement and tried to involve her in my life with little success (if there is effort required, she won't do it). She never tried to get on with my husband or inlaws, or even me! And the fact that i had been abused for many years by our mother, which she never had to experience and when i was young Mum and i lived in poverty (real poverty ie no food or home), plus some other really horrible things that i won't go in to. She had so much resentment for me and i could not understand why (still don't know why). She had things pretty cushy compared to me (i've worked since 16) and i had never done anything to her that i could recall. But it was just how i ruined her life, ruined her childhood, ruined her present life. I was like, WTF? You married an idiot and that's MY fault? You live in a bad house and that's my fault??? (etc). She had no anger whatsoever for our mother. Just me.  sad.gif

I saw her recently (mother's little surprise) and that did not go down well. It was like she had forgotten all the stuff she had said to me and it was so uncomfortable. I don't know how one can go from telling someone you ruined my life to seeing them seven years later and saying give us a hug??? We have not spoken since and she has not responded to any emails i have sent to her.

#25 leisamd

Posted 11 February 2013 - 06:56 AM

QUOTE (~Winter~ @ 10/02/2013, 08:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My mother.

She sent my sisters and I a text message 3 weeks after my wedding to say not to contact her for at least 5 years.

No reason, no warning, nothing.

Ouch.  That's harsh.  

My mother sent me a two page letter, outlining in dot points all the times I'd broken her heart over the last 12 years and that she couldn't bear to have anything to do with me anymore.  That was after she made some very nasty threats.

There's a lot of back story.  We haven't spoken in about 6 months now.

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