Jump to content

Sharing/losing
anyone else have a child who struggles


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 mummabear

Posted 10 February 2013 - 10:16 AM

And I mean an older child. My 12yo, I am seriously losing hope. He was a nightmare as a toddler, and it is soo  impossibly hard for him to share now. If you ask him for a chocolate his whole world is shaken. Yesterday all my children had a turn on one of those stupid claw games. My other two won a couple of lollies, and my 12yo didn't. He sooked and sulked and carried on for an hour about how unfair it was, and he demanded that they give him one. They didn't, as i instructed them not to...because hell would freeze over before he would be so generous. I usually ask them to share in situations like this so that he might learn it is a positive thing but yesterday his behaviour was so very embarassing and i just dug my heels in! He demanded I buy him a chocolate to make it fair. It isn't just a lack of sharing, but he is the worst loser.

It would be a lie to say he doesn't share at all. If he doesn't like something, or he can swap for bigger and better, then yes, he will share. It is only motivated by his own needs, never the needs of others. I have 12 years of good example for him, and yet nothing to show for it. My other two are naturally wired to share. I have seen him share occasionally with a friend, but again it is limited, and usually planned..ie lets buy a bag of X to share with M. He seems to cope that way.

What do I do? How to fix this? Maybe I just needed to say it and get it off my chest, but sh*t this kind of behaviour makes me feel embarassed!

#2 opethmum

Posted 10 February 2013 - 10:33 AM

I think it has to do with control, he wants to control his environment around him and he naturally wants the best of everything. He may have anxiety about missing out and a fear that if he misses out his world will crumble.
You may want to sit him down and have a heart to heart conversation and get him to be honest in why he acts out, if he has no idea then perhaps a visit to a child psych to hash out his behaviour and get an assessment might help too.
If however he is doing it to be mean spirited and he wants to control everyone perhaps find his currency and withdraw privileges until the message gets through that this behaviour is not on and will not ever be tolerated again. If he misses out that is his problem not yours and he has the power to change himself and do whatever it takes to get the message through.
Good luck and I hope you find an answer to his outbursts.

#3 mummabear

Posted 10 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

You're right opethmum, he is a control freak, and he does suffer anxiety. However nothing has 'turned' him this way, he has been this way from day dot. A very anxious, fussy baby, very antisocial, and the toddler years were especially awful. He is genuinely crushed though when asked to share. Or when he loses. Put it this way. Monopoly has been lifetime banned here. I will eat the money with a knife and fork sooner than give it back.

A child psych didn't help.

#4 mummabear

Posted 10 February 2013 - 10:49 AM

CherryAMes I might need a copy of that book! Sounds just like him!

#5 JRA

Posted 10 February 2013 - 12:01 PM

I don't have one, but a "friend" of DS's is similar. The not losing is turning in to a nightmare in the playground, because so many games are are about winning or losing, be it tiggy, or 4 square or basketball.
How is your son going in the playground at school? Is there issues?

Good luck

I know for them it is a nightmare, and as parent of a peer of his it is probably even worse.

#6 Super Cat

Posted 10 February 2013 - 02:22 PM

OP has he ever been assessed for Aspergers or Autism? These traits can be very common in kids with an autism spectrum disorder. Of course every child is different however a lot of children with ASD do find sharing hard, they also may cheat at games or get very upset if they lose. They tend to be anxious and can get overly caught up in negative emotions which they find hard to work through or let go.

I'd recommend seeing a psychologist, and even a speech pathologist. Both may be able to work through ways he can start to express himself more effectively and learn to cope with these emotions.

#7 mummabear

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:13 PM

We had extensive testing done. There's a long story there!

Super Cat, he has seen a speechie all of his life. Most recently for food issues. No one has ever mentioned ASD.






0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Why we tend to hold our babies on our left side

On which side of your body do you carry or cradle your baby? If you answered "left" then you're not alone.

Taking fish oil in pregnancy may prevent childhood asthma

Women who took omega-3 fatty acid supplements (fish oil supplements) in pregnancy reduced the risk of their children developing asthma by almost one third.

Mum, dad and son all share a birthday

Luke and Hillary Gardner never have a problem remembering each other's birthday.

Mum shares the bittersweet truth about pregnancy after miscarriage

A mother's candid and heartfelt reflections about pregnancy after miscarriage are providing comfort to other women.

16 simple ways to make your baby smarter

What's the best way to mentally stimulate your baby? It doesn't take a genius - just a loving, involved parent.

Your blood pressure could predict baby's sex even before conception

The average blood pressure of mother could suggest a baby's sex before it even exists, a study has found.

The breastfeeding photo that says it all

Ashley Rockill was lucky enough to have her birth photographer on hand to capture a precious moment.

13 pregnancy superstitions from across the globe

In honour of Black Friday, let's explore 13 of the strangest pregnancy superstitions from across the globe.

I'm a stay-at-home mum, and I'm sending my son to daycare

When you become a mum you give birth to a beautiful baby, but you also give birth to guilt.

Mum gives birth to 'Incredible Hulk' 6.4kg baby

An American mother was shocked when she gave to a 6.4kg (14lb 1oz) baby last month.

Mum demands $530 for daughter's shoes after playdate

A mum has made a pretty bold move by demanding $532 for a pair of her daughter's shoes that were damaged at another family's house. 

A toddler's guide to helping around the house

If a toddler was to write a guide to 'help' you with the household chores, it would go something like this.

The breast pump you can use on the go

The game-changing breast pump promises to make life easier all round.

'Mum, don't be mad but I've just had a baby'

A teen mum has shared her birth story – and her shock at not knowing she was pregnant until her baby's head emerged.

No, Senator, childcare workers don't just wipe noses and stop fights

The only thing childcare workers spend their time doing is "wiping noses and stopping the kids from killing each other"? Not quite.

'I wanted to be the birth mum so much'

When people say "aren't you lucky that there are two of you, that you can switch?" I give them a tight smile.

6 myths about breastfeeding toddlers

Although breastfeeding a toddler isn't for everybody, if you choose to nurse beyond babyhood you can expect some strong reactions.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Your child's fine motor skills: what you should know

There is less of a focus on fine motor skills, but they're just as important as others. (SPONSORED)

5 ways music helps your toddler's development

There are at least five other compelling reasons to get musical around your toddler. (SPONSORED)

 

Baby Names

Unusual Celeb Baby Names

Click through the gallery to read the details and see some of the most memorable monikers in show biz families.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.