Jump to content

Was my son rude?
My parenting-gage is broken!


  • Please log in to reply
38 replies to this topic

#1 Fr0g

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:04 AM

Scene: Younger kid's party; all the girls (party invitees) were outside partying and the boys (siblings & older friends) were inside watching Youtube on the TV.

My son was inside.  

Enter: a mum coming inside to chat to another mum in the loungeroom.

She stands in front of the TV and my son says "Excuse me, could you please move out from the TV".

The mum turns to him and says "oh, excuse me, I forgot kids were now adults and could speak condescendingly".

My son came out to ask me what 'condescending' meant and recounted the story.  He 'assures' me he didn't speak rudely and I wonder today;

a) is it socially permissible for an 11 year old to ask an adult to move if they use their manners?
b) should my son have said nothing and waited for the mums to stop talking in front of the TV?
c) was it right for the mum to call my son condescending?

I truly can't answer these questions!  I do wonder if DS was rude (he has never, ever been hauled up for being disrespectful to adults in his life), but in our home, it's OK for a child to ask somebody (anybody) to move if they just come and stand in front of them (of course, if they use manners!).

WDYT?  Maybe I'm out of touch and raising tomorrow's spolied brat and don't know it yet!

#2 ~sydblue~

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:06 AM

If your son spoke exactly as you said, I would be more than happy to move. He used excuse me and please.
I probably would have done a dance in front of the tv first and said why though. But I do that to DD's all the time.

So no, I don't think he was being rude.

#3 Tooties

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:10 AM

Agree, sounds like what he said was fine. She was also rude for just walking up and standing in the way like that.

Also agree with dancing in front of the tv before you move, gotta make the most of being in their way.

#4 Goggie

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:11 AM

QUOTE (~sydblue~ @ 10/02/2013, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If your son spoke exactly as you said, I would be more than happy to move. He used excuse me and please.
I probably would have done a dance in front of the tv first and said why though. But I do that to DD's all the time.

So no, I don't think he was being rude.


Yep this. I don't think that's rude at all  shrug.gif

#5 Cacti

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

No, I don't think he was rude.

#6 TopsyTurvy

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

Not rude IMO.

But then again I wasn't there and tone can convey a lot, so I would just forget it and move on original.gif

#7 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:15 AM

Yes to the first, no to the second and no to third - not in that situation and given environment.

#8 *Finn*

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:15 AM

Not rude at all, in fact I would have said sorry, moved out of the way and commended him  for asking me so nicely.

#9 HRH Countrymel

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

I guess it depends on the tone of his voice.

It is quite possible (and I think we all know) to use polite language and still be extremely condescending/rude due to the manner of delivery.

A friend's child is exceptionally rude, even aggressive, in his manner of speaking/demanding toward others, but will throw up a mighty wail if ever pulled up on it - "But I SAID PLEASE?!!"  an order is still an order even with a perfunctory 'please' tacked on.

You know your son OP, so only you know how he would have responded.

#10 MrsWidget

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:19 AM

If anyone sounds like they were rude it was the mum.

#11 roach89

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:22 AM

That mum sounds like the rude one to me it doesn't matter how old he is if he was watching the tv she shouldn't have stood infront of it and then to talk to him like that in his own house is wrong!

#12 CupOfCoffee

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:24 AM

Agree with the others, it would depend on the tone used.  But if said in a polite tone, I would say your son was not rude.

(That being said, it might not have happened as described either (having only one side).

#13 Julie3Girls

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

The words aren't rude. No idea about the tone - you know your son, and can probably guess how he asked.

Her response on the other hand, was rude.

#14 Ritaroo

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

I don't think he was rude as he clearly has lovely manners but maybe with a guest in the house maybe he could have just put up with it. The mum though was very rude in my opinion. He asked nicely and used manners so I don't understand why she was disrespectful to him.

#15 Peppery

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:28 AM

It doesn't sound like your son was rude. I don't think the mother should have spoken to your son in that way even if she perceived his tone to be rude.

#16 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 10/02/2013, 09:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not rude IMO.

But then again I wasn't there and tone can convey a lot, so I would just forget it and move on original.gif

I agree.  His tone must have sounded condescending to her.  I wouldn't give it another thought though.

#17 Riotproof

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

QUOTE (Julie3Girls @ 10/02/2013, 09:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The words aren't rude. No idea about the tone - you know your son, and can probably guess how he asked.

Her response on the other hand, was rude.

I agree.. I can't believe she responded like that.

#18 Fr0g

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:32 AM

To clarify; it wasn't his house - he was also a guest in it as was the mum.

He can certainly speak rudely (he does to his sister all the time!) and to us on occasion as he's a tweenage boy, but like I said he's very good around other adults. If his tone was out of line, I doubt he would've come to tell me he'd been pulled up, lol.

I'm not stewing on it; it didn't even bother me when it happened. I'm just asking from a place of genuine curiosity!

#19 BeYOUtiful

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:45 AM

Even if a child asked me in a condescending tone, I would not have behaved the way she did.
If she did in fact think he was rude for asking, she then showed him it is perfectly fine to be rude.


Edited by ~Jane05~, 10 February 2013 - 08:45 AM.


#20 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:18 AM

It sounds fine to me, but it does depend on the tone.

The woman sounds like a goose.

#21 BadCat

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:32 AM

Sounds to me like the woman was embarrassed to be called out for being rude enough to stand in front of the tv and was giving herself a boost by pretending to be a grown up.  She's a numpty.

And no, it does not sound like your son was rude.

Kids are people too, and as long as they behave properly they have every right to ask an adult to get out of their way.

#22 Lauren Bell

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:48 AM

A) he sounds like a well mannered boy and I think he was to say what he said!

B) no, why should he have to wait?

C) definitely not. She should have said "oh sorry!" And moved.



#23 TenYears

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:50 AM

Oh how embarrassing for her - she had a little tantrum after getting caught being quite rude.

I agree, her reaction was off regardless of your child's tone.  This probably indicates that there probably wasn't any way he could ask her to move without pushing her instant offense button.

#24 jill1972

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:58 AM

Maybe she did it on purpose to be a smart a*se.  I mean, why on earth would you just lump up in front of a tv that a bunch of kids are watching?

Your son is in the right.


___________

#25 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 10 February 2013 - 10:07 AM

It doesn't sound rude. She might be one of those people who think children shouldn't speak up to adults. I think her response was pretty rude.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.