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Was my son rude?
My parenting-gage is broken!


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#1 Fr0g

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:04 AM

Scene: Younger kid's party; all the girls (party invitees) were outside partying and the boys (siblings & older friends) were inside watching Youtube on the TV.

My son was inside.  

Enter: a mum coming inside to chat to another mum in the loungeroom.

She stands in front of the TV and my son says "Excuse me, could you please move out from the TV".

The mum turns to him and says "oh, excuse me, I forgot kids were now adults and could speak condescendingly".

My son came out to ask me what 'condescending' meant and recounted the story.  He 'assures' me he didn't speak rudely and I wonder today;

a) is it socially permissible for an 11 year old to ask an adult to move if they use their manners?
b) should my son have said nothing and waited for the mums to stop talking in front of the TV?
c) was it right for the mum to call my son condescending?

I truly can't answer these questions!  I do wonder if DS was rude (he has never, ever been hauled up for being disrespectful to adults in his life), but in our home, it's OK for a child to ask somebody (anybody) to move if they just come and stand in front of them (of course, if they use manners!).

WDYT?  Maybe I'm out of touch and raising tomorrow's spolied brat and don't know it yet!

#2 ~sydblue~

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:06 AM

If your son spoke exactly as you said, I would be more than happy to move. He used excuse me and please.
I probably would have done a dance in front of the tv first and said why though. But I do that to DD's all the time.

So no, I don't think he was being rude.

#3 Tooties

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:10 AM

Agree, sounds like what he said was fine. She was also rude for just walking up and standing in the way like that.

Also agree with dancing in front of the tv before you move, gotta make the most of being in their way.

#4 Goggie

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:11 AM

QUOTE (~sydblue~ @ 10/02/2013, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If your son spoke exactly as you said, I would be more than happy to move. He used excuse me and please.
I probably would have done a dance in front of the tv first and said why though. But I do that to DD's all the time.

So no, I don't think he was being rude.


Yep this. I don't think that's rude at all  shrug.gif

#5 Cacti

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

No, I don't think he was rude.

#6 TopsyTurvy

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

Not rude IMO.

But then again I wasn't there and tone can convey a lot, so I would just forget it and move on original.gif

#7 Feral like a Lemon

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:15 AM

Yes to the first, no to the second and no to third - not in that situation and given environment.

#8 *Finn*

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:15 AM

Not rude at all, in fact I would have said sorry, moved out of the way and commended him  for asking me so nicely.

#9 CountryFeral

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

I guess it depends on the tone of his voice.

It is quite possible (and I think we all know) to use polite language and still be extremely condescending/rude due to the manner of delivery.

A friend's child is exceptionally rude, even aggressive, in his manner of speaking/demanding toward others, but will throw up a mighty wail if ever pulled up on it - "But I SAID PLEASE?!!"  an order is still an order even with a perfunctory 'please' tacked on.

You know your son OP, so only you know how he would have responded.

#10 MrsWidget

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:19 AM

If anyone sounds like they were rude it was the mum.

#11 roach89

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:22 AM

That mum sounds like the rude one to me it doesn't matter how old he is if he was watching the tv she shouldn't have stood infront of it and then to talk to him like that in his own house is wrong!

#12 CupOfCoffee

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:24 AM

Agree with the others, it would depend on the tone used.  But if said in a polite tone, I would say your son was not rude.

(That being said, it might not have happened as described either (having only one side).

#13 Julie3Girls

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

The words aren't rude. No idea about the tone - you know your son, and can probably guess how he asked.

Her response on the other hand, was rude.

#14 Ritaroo

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

I don't think he was rude as he clearly has lovely manners but maybe with a guest in the house maybe he could have just put up with it. The mum though was very rude in my opinion. He asked nicely and used manners so I don't understand why she was disrespectful to him.

#15 Peppery

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:28 AM

It doesn't sound like your son was rude. I don't think the mother should have spoken to your son in that way even if she perceived his tone to be rude.

#16 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 10/02/2013, 09:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not rude IMO.

But then again I wasn't there and tone can convey a lot, so I would just forget it and move on original.gif

I agree.  His tone must have sounded condescending to her.  I wouldn't give it another thought though.

#17 Riotproof

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

QUOTE (Julie3Girls @ 10/02/2013, 09:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The words aren't rude. No idea about the tone - you know your son, and can probably guess how he asked.

Her response on the other hand, was rude.

I agree.. I can't believe she responded like that.

#18 Cat People

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

Sounds like she's 'old school' where children were seen but not heard.  She was incredibly rude and passive aggressive REGARDLESS on how your son spoke to her.

#19 Fr0g

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:32 AM

To clarify; it wasn't his house - he was also a guest in it as was the mum.

He can certainly speak rudely (he does to his sister all the time!) and to us on occasion as he's a tweenage boy, but like I said he's very good around other adults. If his tone was out of line, I doubt he would've come to tell me he'd been pulled up, lol.

I'm not stewing on it; it didn't even bother me when it happened. I'm just asking from a place of genuine curiosity!

#20 BeYOUtiful

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:45 AM

Even if a child asked me in a condescending tone, I would not have behaved the way she did.
If she did in fact think he was rude for asking, she then showed him it is perfectly fine to be rude.


Edited by ~Jane05~, 10 February 2013 - 08:45 AM.


#21 Lady Garden

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:53 AM

It sounds like she was embarrassed. Teenagers aren't very tactful and IMO he should have just waited until she moved or moved himself. It was just tv.

#22 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:18 AM

It sounds fine to me, but it does depend on the tone.

The woman sounds like a goose.

#23 BadCat

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:32 AM

Sounds to me like the woman was embarrassed to be called out for being rude enough to stand in front of the tv and was giving herself a boost by pretending to be a grown up.  She's a numpty.

And no, it does not sound like your son was rude.

Kids are people too, and as long as they behave properly they have every right to ask an adult to get out of their way.

#24 Lauren Bell

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:48 AM

A) he sounds like a well mannered boy and I think he was to say what he said!

B) no, why should he have to wait?

C) definitely not. She should have said "oh sorry!" And moved.



#25 NineFeralYears

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:50 AM

Oh how embarrassing for her - she had a little tantrum after getting caught being quite rude.

I agree, her reaction was off regardless of your child's tone.  This probably indicates that there probably wasn't any way he could ask her to move without pushing her instant offense button.




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