Jump to content

Was my son rude?
My parenting-gage is broken!


  • Please log in to reply
39 replies to this topic

#1 Fr0g

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:04 AM

Scene: Younger kid's party; all the girls (party invitees) were outside partying and the boys (siblings & older friends) were inside watching Youtube on the TV.

My son was inside.  

Enter: a mum coming inside to chat to another mum in the loungeroom.

She stands in front of the TV and my son says "Excuse me, could you please move out from the TV".

The mum turns to him and says "oh, excuse me, I forgot kids were now adults and could speak condescendingly".

My son came out to ask me what 'condescending' meant and recounted the story.  He 'assures' me he didn't speak rudely and I wonder today;

a) is it socially permissible for an 11 year old to ask an adult to move if they use their manners?
b) should my son have said nothing and waited for the mums to stop talking in front of the TV?
c) was it right for the mum to call my son condescending?

I truly can't answer these questions!  I do wonder if DS was rude (he has never, ever been hauled up for being disrespectful to adults in his life), but in our home, it's OK for a child to ask somebody (anybody) to move if they just come and stand in front of them (of course, if they use manners!).

WDYT?  Maybe I'm out of touch and raising tomorrow's spolied brat and don't know it yet!

#2 ~sydblue~

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:06 AM

If your son spoke exactly as you said, I would be more than happy to move. He used excuse me and please.
I probably would have done a dance in front of the tv first and said why though. But I do that to DD's all the time.

So no, I don't think he was being rude.

#3 Tooties

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:10 AM

Agree, sounds like what he said was fine. She was also rude for just walking up and standing in the way like that.

Also agree with dancing in front of the tv before you move, gotta make the most of being in their way.

#4 Goggie

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:11 AM

QUOTE (~sydblue~ @ 10/02/2013, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If your son spoke exactly as you said, I would be more than happy to move. He used excuse me and please.
I probably would have done a dance in front of the tv first and said why though. But I do that to DD's all the time.

So no, I don't think he was being rude.


Yep this. I don't think that's rude at all  shrug.gif

#5 Cacti

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

No, I don't think he was rude.

#6 TopsyTurvy

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:14 AM

Not rude IMO.

But then again I wasn't there and tone can convey a lot, so I would just forget it and move on original.gif

#7 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:15 AM

Yes to the first, no to the second and no to third - not in that situation and given environment.

#8 *Finn*

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:15 AM

Not rude at all, in fact I would have said sorry, moved out of the way and commended him  for asking me so nicely.

#9 CountryFeral

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:16 AM

I guess it depends on the tone of his voice.

It is quite possible (and I think we all know) to use polite language and still be extremely condescending/rude due to the manner of delivery.

A friend's child is exceptionally rude, even aggressive, in his manner of speaking/demanding toward others, but will throw up a mighty wail if ever pulled up on it - "But I SAID PLEASE?!!"  an order is still an order even with a perfunctory 'please' tacked on.

You know your son OP, so only you know how he would have responded.

#10 MrsWidget

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:19 AM

If anyone sounds like they were rude it was the mum.

#11 roach89

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:22 AM

That mum sounds like the rude one to me it doesn't matter how old he is if he was watching the tv she shouldn't have stood infront of it and then to talk to him like that in his own house is wrong!

#12 CupOfCoffee

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:24 AM

Agree with the others, it would depend on the tone used.  But if said in a polite tone, I would say your son was not rude.

(That being said, it might not have happened as described either (having only one side).

#13 Julie3Girls

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

The words aren't rude. No idea about the tone - you know your son, and can probably guess how he asked.

Her response on the other hand, was rude.

#14 Ritaroo

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:26 AM

I don't think he was rude as he clearly has lovely manners but maybe with a guest in the house maybe he could have just put up with it. The mum though was very rude in my opinion. He asked nicely and used manners so I don't understand why she was disrespectful to him.

#15 Peppery

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:28 AM

It doesn't sound like your son was rude. I don't think the mother should have spoken to your son in that way even if she perceived his tone to be rude.

#16 sāta kōrsa

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 10/02/2013, 09:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not rude IMO.

But then again I wasn't there and tone can convey a lot, so I would just forget it and move on original.gif

I agree.  His tone must have sounded condescending to her.  I wouldn't give it another thought though.

#17 Riotproof

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:30 AM

QUOTE (Julie3Girls @ 10/02/2013, 09:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The words aren't rude. No idea about the tone - you know your son, and can probably guess how he asked.

Her response on the other hand, was rude.

I agree.. I can't believe she responded like that.

#18 Fr0g

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:32 AM

To clarify; it wasn't his house - he was also a guest in it as was the mum.

He can certainly speak rudely (he does to his sister all the time!) and to us on occasion as he's a tweenage boy, but like I said he's very good around other adults. If his tone was out of line, I doubt he would've come to tell me he'd been pulled up, lol.

I'm not stewing on it; it didn't even bother me when it happened. I'm just asking from a place of genuine curiosity!

#19 BeYOUtiful

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:45 AM

Even if a child asked me in a condescending tone, I would not have behaved the way she did.
If she did in fact think he was rude for asking, she then showed him it is perfectly fine to be rude.


Edited by ~Jane05~, 10 February 2013 - 08:45 AM.


#20 FluffyOscar

Posted 10 February 2013 - 08:53 AM

It sounds like she was embarrassed. Teenagers aren't very tactful and IMO he should have just waited until she moved or moved himself. It was just tv.

#21 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:18 AM

It sounds fine to me, but it does depend on the tone.

The woman sounds like a goose.

#22 BadCat

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:32 AM

Sounds to me like the woman was embarrassed to be called out for being rude enough to stand in front of the tv and was giving herself a boost by pretending to be a grown up.  She's a numpty.

And no, it does not sound like your son was rude.

Kids are people too, and as long as they behave properly they have every right to ask an adult to get out of their way.

#23 Lauren Bell

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:48 AM

A) he sounds like a well mannered boy and I think he was to say what he said!

B) no, why should he have to wait?

C) definitely not. She should have said "oh sorry!" And moved.



#24 TenYears

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:50 AM

Oh how embarrassing for her - she had a little tantrum after getting caught being quite rude.

I agree, her reaction was off regardless of your child's tone.  This probably indicates that there probably wasn't any way he could ask her to move without pushing her instant offense button.

#25 jill1972

Posted 10 February 2013 - 09:58 AM

Maybe she did it on purpose to be a smart a*se.  I mean, why on earth would you just lump up in front of a tv that a bunch of kids are watching?

Your son is in the right.


___________




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Trying to speed up the inevitable

As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.

One month later: where is William Tyrell?

It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.

Winter's child less likely to be moody: study

Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.

Single mum of two creates award-winning baby app

Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.

Food for thought: looking after yourself as a new mum

As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.

'Grabbable guts' campaign aims to cut toxic fat

The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.

The best and worst month of my life

A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.

Facebook and Apple offer to pay female staff to freeze their eggs

Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.

How a pregnancy contract could work for you and your partner

The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.

Finding a mum-friendly personal trainer

Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.

Ambulance service under fire: baby seats to go, response times 'worse than ever'

The NSW Ambulance Service is removing child-safety seats from ambulances, while the Victorian service is facing criticism over lengthy response times following the death of a three-year-old.

Alleged baby snatch incident a ?misunderstanding?, say police

Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.

Ebola killed my aunt and is shutting down my country

Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.

The night my ovary burst

One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.

Is e-reading to your toddler story time or just screen time?

When reading increasingly means swiping pages on a device, and we're advised to read to their children early and often, should parents be turning to e-readers for storytime?

Community mourns inspiring young dad

A young dad who fought a five-year battle with cancer has been remembered for his inspiring legacy at a funeral service attended by hundreds of family and friends this week.

Meningococcal kills Queensland toddler

Public health authorities say the death of a toddler in north Queensland from meningococcal disease highlights the danger the illness poses.

Nicole Kidman: 'I hope every month that I'm pregnant'

Nicole Kidman is hoping to add to her family, but says she's doubtful it will happen.

Recall: Aldi Wooden London Bus play set

Aldi has announced a recall of their popular Wooden London Bus play set.

Great gift ideas for first birthdays

From soft toys to balance bikes, here are some great ideas for first birthday gifts.

Mum learnt she was pregnant hours before giving birth

Kim Walsh arrived at the doctor with abdominal cramps. Hours later, she was cradling the baby experts told her she could never have.

How cancer has made me a better, happier person

I'm a far better person post-cancer than I ever was before. The goal now is to stay around long enough to find out who I can become, and what I can achieve.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Warnings over child pain relief doses

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has warned parents and carers over a "confusing" pain relief dosage system.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.