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Middle name dilemma
8 replies to this topic
Posted 09 February 2013 - 09:00 PM
We are expecting our first in just a few short weeks, we have a few boys and girls names are are happy to just wait and choose from our short list when we meet the little thing.
My problem is this; If we have a boy I had planned to honor my grandfather by using his name (Kelvin) as his middle name. Of late though we have had some issues within the family, its a very long story but basically i have a teenage brother who has some issues including anger problems, inability to get or maintain a job, smokes/ drinks/ whoknows what else etc... recently this has escalated because my grandmother keeps trying to get involved, refuses to support my mum in her parenting decisions, phones to say heartless things like 'tell your brother unless he can sort out his act i want nothing to do with him' etc- all lovely things from the people who are supposed to support and champion their grandchildren... My grandfather is legally blind and hearing imparied, so really he only knows of the situation whatever rubbish grandma decides to feed him, and so i havent had so much to do with him lately.
i don't know if i will regret using Kelvin as a middle name now... it could be that the whole thing cools down, or it could get worse. I would hate to name my son after someone who i could no longer idolise respect.... i'm just really unsure about the whole thing now.
I have a couple of other middle names up my sleeve, but nothing that has the meaning this name did when i first chose it.
Posted 09 February 2013 - 09:11 PM
I haven't got any advice. Seems like a specific personal situation and you don't know how you'll feel one way or the other.
However, this stranger really likes the name Kelvin, and I know that is mighty irrelevant.
Maybe you could use the family surname as MN instead, leaving it open to honour whoever or just to have that side of the family represented in the name as a heritage thing. And you can choose how you or your son see it according to how you feel down the track.
Posted 09 February 2013 - 09:25 PM
As you said yourself, your grandfather only knows what your grandmother tells him.
I assume that if you want to honour your grandfather by using his name, that you must respect him and have a good relationship or fond memories of him.
I would use the name regardless of your grandmother's meddling.
Your grandmother's present actions do not change the person your grandfather is and the reasons you initially wanted to use his name.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:03 AM
Hmmm, I think if I wasn't sure I'd pick a dead family member to honour, then nothing can change down the track. Sounds heartless but my DDs middle name is my ex husbands sisters name - and after the birth she has only seen dd once. Dd is 8! Waste of a name. You could find out your grandfathers fathers name, or something like that so its one step removed. No one is perfect, but if you are already unsure then maybe another option is better?
Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:19 AM
I would still use Kelvin as the situation is nothing to do with your grandfather.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:36 AM
Do what I do.
Give your child a middle name they will love as much as their first. Use a name that you would love to use as a first name too. That way if they really hate their first name, the can use their middle name later on in life.
Don't name after a family member. Give them their own name.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:49 AM
If you are unsure then I wouldn't use it, or I would go round and try to speak with him in person, get a feel of the situation from his view, might help make up your mind.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:17 PM
None of my kids were saddled with other people's names. Like a previous poster, mine all have middle names I'd be happy to use as first names.
For their generation, none of their names would have been in the top 50 (although a couple made it there when they were older) but their middle names were ones I liked from the popular names of the times. That way, if they decided they didn't like their first names, they had a stock standard popular name to use instead.
Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:55 PM
Personally, my relationship with my grandparents was only somewhat related to their relationship w/ my parents.
Honestly my paternal grandmother wasn't a completely great mother and as a MIL she was hell on wheels, but as a Grandmom? We were quite close and I loved her a lot and its not going to salt the earth with my parents if I name after her (though I know neither of my parents need me to name after her, either).
Now, its a bit easier for me as my grandmother was both diagnosed with MI and thus some of her worst stuff was literally her in involuntary committal and not full-on responsible for saying b**chy things, and also she's been dead since I was 14 and really the relationship is thus as stable as they get, but honestly what she's said to my mom over the years is largely aside the point.
Do you want to name after your grandfather? Or would you rather not? That'd be the question to me, not what your grandmother's been phoning other relatives about.
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