Jump to content

Middle name dilemma

  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1 Emmaleee

Posted 09 February 2013 - 09:00 PM

Hi all

We are expecting our first in just a few short weeks, we have a few boys and girls names are are happy to just wait and choose from our short list when we meet the little thing.

My problem is this; If we have a boy I had planned to honor my grandfather by using his name (Kelvin) as his middle name. Of late though we have had some issues within the family, its a very long story but basically i have a teenage brother who has some issues including anger problems, inability to get or maintain a job, smokes/ drinks/ whoknows what else etc... recently this has escalated because my grandmother keeps trying to get involved, refuses to support my mum in her parenting decisions, phones to say heartless things like 'tell your brother unless he can sort out his act i want nothing to do with him' etc- all lovely things from the people who are supposed to support and champion their grandchildren... My grandfather is legally blind and hearing imparied, so really he only knows of the situation whatever rubbish grandma decides to feed him, and so i havent had so much to do with him lately.

i don't know if i will regret using Kelvin as a middle name now... it could be that the whole thing cools down, or it could get worse. I would hate to name my son after someone who i could no longer idolise respect.... i'm just really unsure about the whole thing now.

I have a couple of other middle names up my sleeve, but nothing that has the meaning this name did when i first chose it.

Advice anyone?

#2 Gudrun

Posted 09 February 2013 - 09:11 PM

I haven't got any advice. Seems like a specific personal situation and you don't know how you'll feel one way or the other.

However, this stranger really likes the name Kelvin, and I know that is mighty irrelevant.

Maybe you could use the family surname as MN instead, leaving it open to honour whoever or just to have that side of the family represented in the name as a heritage thing. And you can choose how you or your son see it according to how you feel down the track.

#3 Musk Sticks

Posted 09 February 2013 - 09:25 PM

As you said yourself, your grandfather only knows what your grandmother tells him.

I assume that if you want to honour your grandfather by using his name, that you must respect him and have a good relationship or fond memories of him.

I would use the name regardless of your grandmother's meddling.

Your grandmother's present actions do not change the person your grandfather is and the reasons you initially wanted to use his name.

#4 redmum77

Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:03 AM

Hmmm, I think if I wasn't sure I'd pick a dead family member to honour, then nothing can change down the track. Sounds heartless but my DDs middle name is my ex husbands sisters name - and after the birth she has only seen dd once. Dd is 8! Waste of a name. You could find out your grandfathers fathers name, or something like that so its one step removed. No one is perfect, but if you are already unsure then maybe another option is better?


Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:36 AM

Do what I do.

Give your child a middle name they will love as much as their first. Use a name that you would love to use as a first name too. That way if they really hate their first name, the can use their middle name later on in life.

Don't name after a family member. Give them their own name.

#6 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 11 February 2013 - 11:49 AM

If you are unsure then I wouldn't use it, or I would go round and try to speak with him in person, get a feel of the situation from his view, might help make up your mind.

#7 FiveAus

Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:17 PM

None of my kids were saddled with other people's names. Like a previous poster, mine all have middle names I'd be happy to use as first names.
For their generation, none of their names would have been in the top 50 (although a couple made it there when they were older) but their middle names were ones I liked from the popular names of the times. That way, if they decided they didn't like their first names, they had a stock standard popular name to use instead.

#8 la di dah

Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:55 PM

Personally, my relationship with my grandparents was only somewhat related to their relationship w/ my parents.

Honestly my paternal grandmother wasn't a completely great mother and as a MIL she was hell on wheels, but as a Grandmom? We were quite close and I loved her a lot and its not going to salt the earth with my parents if I name after her (though I know neither of my parents need me to name after her, either).

Now, its a bit easier for me as my grandmother was both diagnosed with MI and thus some of her worst stuff was literally her in involuntary committal and not full-on responsible for saying b**chy things, and also she's been dead since I was 14 and really the relationship is thus as stable as they get, but honestly what she's said to my mom over the years is largely aside the point.

Do you want to name after your grandfather? Or would you rather not? That'd be the question to me, not what your grandmother's been phoning other relatives about.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


9 things I need to thank my parents for

You really don't realise everything your parents did for you until you find yourself doing them for your own children ... vomit catching and all.

The adventurous baby who's already putting safety first

When you're a baby, even getting off a bed and onto the floor can be a tricky procedure.

The story behind the love video that went viral

It is a quiet video, less than a half-minute long. It features no flourishes to speak of. It has no kittens doing kitten things. None of the things that often make a video go viral.

Anthony and Elle Watmough's joyous news as baby cleared of fatal condition

Rugby league star Anthony Watmough and his wife Elle have shared their joy at learning their unborn baby, who was thought to have Trisomy 18, was cleared of the fatal condition.

Win a family farmstay with Shaun the Sheep

To celebrate the Home Entertainment release of Shaun the Sheep Movie, Essential Kids and Universal Sony Pictures Home Entertainment are offering one winner and their family a holiday to a farm.

How I learnt to be a better friend

I may have lost that particular friend years ago, but I have gained so much from that experience.

What goes in the nappy bag?

It's far more than just a bag for nappies - it's the travel companion for your baby that should contain all the things you might need when away from home base.

The nature naming trend

The biggest joy of our daughter's name is that people really light up when they hear it (pun intended).

Win a Justine Clarke Pyjama Jam! prize pack

The Pyjama Jam! tour will see Justine Clarke returning to more intimate venues around Australia, creating the perfect comfy and cozy atmosphere for a PJ party.

Parents of baby born without part of his skull stand up to critics

When Brittany and Brandon Buell's son Jaxon was born missing much of his brain and skull, doctors said he only had days to live.

Baby plans are 'none of your business'

Emily Bingham had been asked about her baby making plans one too many times. 

Diet shakes to lose weight? Think again

Thinking of investing in meal replacement shakes to slim down ahead of summer?

Study offers support for cancer treatment during pregnancy

It is among the most delicate and difficult dilemmas in medicine: Should a pregnant woman who has received a cancer diagnosis begin treatment before her child is born?

Awards 2015: Vote now for a chance to win $2000

Vote for your favourite pregnancy, baby and toddler products for your chance to win your share of $2500 in cash prizes.

64 baby names based in nature

Looking for a baby name with a nod to nature, or one with an organic meaning? Check out our list to get inspired.

What coffee does to your body

That cup of Joe is just the boost your body needs.

Mum leaves triplets at hospital because she can't afford them

An illiterate and poverty stricken mother has abandoned her newborn triplets at hospital because she cannot afford to care for them.

I gave my daughter up for adoption - then tried to be her mum

The first time my oldest daughter called me 'Mum', she was 17.

Rainbow Babies lighting up the internet

A recent Facebook photo post is prompting widespread discussion of an emotional topic for many parents: rainbow babies.

The new wave of virgins giving birth

Dozens of young women have had virgin births after undergoing IVF in Britain, it has been reported.

'It sort of became an addiction': parents buying, reselling Bonds Wondersuits

Your baby might be crawling around in hundreds of dollars worth of clothing.

Adjusting your child to daylight savings time

A one-hour difference to the day is pretty big deal when you're little.

Born too soon: life on the margins of existence

The frontiers of life are advancing ever further into uncharted territory.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



What are your favourite baby products?

The Essential Baby Awards are on now, and we need your help! Have your say on your top picks and you'll go in the draw to win a share of $2500.

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.