Jump to content

Is your child highly strung?
How do you get them to relax?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:04 AM

DD is almost 10.  She likes to do everything correctly and perfectly.  She has to be on time for everything, actually more than on time, she likes to be super early.  

Her worst nightmare is being late for something.  Her other worst nightmare would be to have the wrong equipment or be unprepared for something (this rarely happens as she always prepares the night before).

She is so fearful of doing anything wrong or making a mistake or being different in any way.  She is a perfectionist and hard on herself when she makes mistakes.  She's quite a serious girl, not a free spirit - she wants to get things right.

Now it's great that she is organised and motivated, but lately I've been thinking and saying to her a lot 'relax, everything is going to be ok'.
She really needs to relax!!!!  It's not the end of the world if everything is not perfect!!!  Have fun!  It's ok to make mistakes!

What is your experience?

#2 AMPSyd

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:18 AM

I am like this and so to an extent is my DS.

Firstly have you considered getting some outside professional help - like a child psychologist. It may be an outsider that can help her.

DS loves music and dancing and this is such a stress reliever for him (he has also seen a psych for anxiety issues) but music is fantastic for him as well. DS plays the piano and sax and goes to them for relaxation. Perhaps an interest could help your DD.

But if time issues are running your DDs life, then yes perhaps see your GP for a mental health plan to a psych.

However, I know for me I just plan to be places early and I'm happy with that.

#3 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

Thanks for your reply.

She does music as well and loves it.  Not sure if it's a stress reliever though.  I don't think it is stressful, but she sees it as another thing that she can 'get right'.  

For example, she doesn't like art because 'how do I know if I am doing it right or not?'

She is NT, although I am not adverse to seeing someone if necessary.

I guess at this stage everything is OK, although if things escalate then it could be a problem.

#4 JRA

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

I am similar, so is m niece. She was in years goin to school in 2000 as the school asked the kids to bring son the login from or about something 100 years ago, she took her grandfathers watch but it was made in 1904, so not 100 years ago

As a patent it drove mum and my sister mad. DS is similar but not quite as bad.

I don't know the answer, the most important is praise for effort, rather than for getting it right. That said I am not really sure that helps

Good luck to her - and you

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

One of the wonderful psychologists who has worked with our daughter gave us this advice, and I think it is fabulous:

"When a child's quirks or behaviour starts to affect their daily functioning, or the daily functioning of the family, then it's time to get professional support."

Not that a psychologist can fundamentally change a child's wiring, but they can give the child (and parents) some useful tools for managing their anxieties and emotions. My daughter (7.5) just finished up several months of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and the changes we've seen in her have been immense (CBT is one of the most common approaches to addressing anxiety, perfectionism & other related issues).



#6 MrsNorris

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:18 AM

.

Edited by Willoughby Chase, 24 February 2013 - 08:45 PM.


#7 lennie

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:38 AM

Hi there,

My now 10 year old DD used to get (and still does to some extent) separation anxiety.  It was suggested (someone on EB may have even suggested this!) to remind her of a time when she did separate, and what fun she'd had after we left, and how everything was OK two minutes after we left.  I found this to be quite effective to get her to remember the good things about what happened after she was dropped at school, not the actual separation. It just helped move the focus.

So maybe you reinforce some positive experiences of  times when things worked out OK even if it wasn't perfect, or when you were five minutes late, but it didn't really matter did it, things were still OK.

I guess perhaps helping her to see but perhaps more importantly experience that the consequences of being late or not doing it right are really not that bad.

#8 opethmum

Posted 08 February 2013 - 12:03 PM

I am another one for seeing a child psych about this, she may have a lot of anxiety that is going on for her and she may not be able to articulate that to you so she is busy being a perfectionist as a coping mechanism.

Perhaps have a 10 minute period every day where she does nothing and meditates to some soothing relaxing music, you may have to work up to that 10 minutes and if she has siblings encourage a calm period in the house where everything can be brought to a literal stand still for a little time so everyone can just relax and have a little bit of a break from the chaos that is life.

Maybe it just might be part of who she is and it is innate in her and maybe a little bit of tweaking with her personality so it does not rule the household and that a little bit of taking responsibility for her behaviour and making sure that she can regulate herself and that you can hold her accountable too helps.  

Good luck and I hope you have a plan you are happy with and that your little girl finds some relief.

#9 Overtherainbow

Posted 08 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

We've been speaking with our school psych over the same issues.  His main advice is to get her to think of worse case scenario.  If the letter e doesn't have the line in the exact middle of the letter and have consistent gap with other es what's the worst that will happen.

We are speaking with the new teacher and psych regularly to see if more help is needed.  She finds achieving perfection relaxing.  Dancing and reading are her downtime.A




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Mums reveal their nappy bag essentials

Ever wondered what other mums carry in their nappy bags? We have, so we asked mums to tell us their must-have nappy bag items.

Toddler died because he wasn't given antibiotics soon enough

A 15-month-old boy would almost certainly be alive today if doctors had given him antibiotics sooner, a coroner has ruled.

VIDEO: moment a toddler falls on to train tracks in Melbourne

Shocking footage has emerged capturing the moment a pram carrying a toddler rolled off a platform and onto train tracks in suburban Melbourne.

Sold on natural birth? Read the fine print

In the excitement and anticipation of a first pregnancy, I ignored the fine print: some women, some of the time.

Child with alcoholic mum who drank while pregnant won't win pay-out

A young child is not entitled to criminal injuries compensation after her mother drank excessively while pregnant.

Superbugs killing India's babies, posing wider threat

A deadly epidemic that could have global implications is quietly sweeping India, tens of thousands of newborns dying because antibiotics no longer work.

Can you teach a toddler to sleep in?

Parents share their tips on getting their early risers to sleep in, even for just a little bit longer.

Keeping your relationship on track as new parents

About 70 per cent of couples experience a slump in their relationship within three years of having a baby. Here's how we tried to get back on track.

America's favourite baby names of 2014

Americans are turning to television, Netflix and sports for ideas for what to name their wee ones.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.