Jump to content

Is your child highly strung?
How do you get them to relax?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:04 AM

DD is almost 10.  She likes to do everything correctly and perfectly.  She has to be on time for everything, actually more than on time, she likes to be super early.  

Her worst nightmare is being late for something.  Her other worst nightmare would be to have the wrong equipment or be unprepared for something (this rarely happens as she always prepares the night before).

She is so fearful of doing anything wrong or making a mistake or being different in any way.  She is a perfectionist and hard on herself when she makes mistakes.  She's quite a serious girl, not a free spirit - she wants to get things right.

Now it's great that she is organised and motivated, but lately I've been thinking and saying to her a lot 'relax, everything is going to be ok'.
She really needs to relax!!!!  It's not the end of the world if everything is not perfect!!!  Have fun!  It's ok to make mistakes!

What is your experience?

#2 AMPSyd

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:18 AM

I am like this and so to an extent is my DS.

Firstly have you considered getting some outside professional help - like a child psychologist. It may be an outsider that can help her.

DS loves music and dancing and this is such a stress reliever for him (he has also seen a psych for anxiety issues) but music is fantastic for him as well. DS plays the piano and sax and goes to them for relaxation. Perhaps an interest could help your DD.

But if time issues are running your DDs life, then yes perhaps see your GP for a mental health plan to a psych.

However, I know for me I just plan to be places early and I'm happy with that.

#3 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

Thanks for your reply.

She does music as well and loves it.  Not sure if it's a stress reliever though.  I don't think it is stressful, but she sees it as another thing that she can 'get right'.  

For example, she doesn't like art because 'how do I know if I am doing it right or not?'

She is NT, although I am not adverse to seeing someone if necessary.

I guess at this stage everything is OK, although if things escalate then it could be a problem.

#4 JRA

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

I am similar, so is m niece. She was in years goin to school in 2000 as the school asked the kids to bring son the login from or about something 100 years ago, she took her grandfathers watch but it was made in 1904, so not 100 years ago

As a patent it drove mum and my sister mad. DS is similar but not quite as bad.

I don't know the answer, the most important is praise for effort, rather than for getting it right. That said I am not really sure that helps

Good luck to her - and you

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

One of the wonderful psychologists who has worked with our daughter gave us this advice, and I think it is fabulous:

"When a child's quirks or behaviour starts to affect their daily functioning, or the daily functioning of the family, then it's time to get professional support."

Not that a psychologist can fundamentally change a child's wiring, but they can give the child (and parents) some useful tools for managing their anxieties and emotions. My daughter (7.5) just finished up several months of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and the changes we've seen in her have been immense (CBT is one of the most common approaches to addressing anxiety, perfectionism & other related issues).



#6 auntpriscilla

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:18 AM

.

Edited by Willoughby Chase, 24 February 2013 - 08:45 PM.


#7 lennie

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:38 AM

Hi there,

My now 10 year old DD used to get (and still does to some extent) separation anxiety.  It was suggested (someone on EB may have even suggested this!) to remind her of a time when she did separate, and what fun she'd had after we left, and how everything was OK two minutes after we left.  I found this to be quite effective to get her to remember the good things about what happened after she was dropped at school, not the actual separation. It just helped move the focus.

So maybe you reinforce some positive experiences of  times when things worked out OK even if it wasn't perfect, or when you were five minutes late, but it didn't really matter did it, things were still OK.

I guess perhaps helping her to see but perhaps more importantly experience that the consequences of being late or not doing it right are really not that bad.

#8 opethmum

Posted 08 February 2013 - 12:03 PM

I am another one for seeing a child psych about this, she may have a lot of anxiety that is going on for her and she may not be able to articulate that to you so she is busy being a perfectionist as a coping mechanism.

Perhaps have a 10 minute period every day where she does nothing and meditates to some soothing relaxing music, you may have to work up to that 10 minutes and if she has siblings encourage a calm period in the house where everything can be brought to a literal stand still for a little time so everyone can just relax and have a little bit of a break from the chaos that is life.

Maybe it just might be part of who she is and it is innate in her and maybe a little bit of tweaking with her personality so it does not rule the household and that a little bit of taking responsibility for her behaviour and making sure that she can regulate herself and that you can hold her accountable too helps.  

Good luck and I hope you have a plan you are happy with and that your little girl finds some relief.

#9 Overtherainbow

Posted 08 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

We've been speaking with our school psych over the same issues.  His main advice is to get her to think of worse case scenario.  If the letter e doesn't have the line in the exact middle of the letter and have consistent gap with other es what's the worst that will happen.

We are speaking with the new teacher and psych regularly to see if more help is needed.  She finds achieving perfection relaxing.  Dancing and reading are her downtime.A




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Kelly Clarkson shares first photos of son

Kelly Clarkson has shown off the first photos of her son, Remington Alexander Blackstock.

5 childbirth myths that need to be busted

Birth is an unpredictable, mysterious process that intrigues us all, and there is a lot of misinformation out there.

Mum of three fatally shot by toddler while driving

A US mother has been shot by her toddler while driving on a highway in Wisconsin.

All you need is one minute to work out

The seven-minute-work out is old news. Research shows the effectiveness of going hell-for-leather for just one minute.

Pregnant women needed to join diabetes study

Pregnant woman in country Australia will help Adelaide researchers figure out why cases of type 1 diabetes have doubled over the past two decades.

Just announced: the Mountain Buggy Unirider

It's the perfect solution to combat those toddler meltdowns when they no longer want to be in a pram but can't walk long distances.

Authorities euthanise dog that fatally bit a newborn baby

A pit bull mix that fatally bit a 3-day-old infant last week has been euthanised, authorities said.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Why it's perfectly natural to dislike other people's children

Members of a popular forum are fiercely debating whether it is acceptable to dislike a friend's child.

Woman gives birth on plane, names baby after airline

A pregnant woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a flight has named her new baby after the airline, Jetstar.

Heartwarming photos show the joy of adoption after foster care

Children living in foster care can feel like their future is less than clear. But that uncertainty disappears the day they are adopted by their "forever family" 

'Oh my god, it's a baby!' Mum shocked to give birth

When the cramps started to kick in, Klara Dollan just assumed a painful period was starting.

Mum's Facebook plea: 'Help me find my daughter's father'

Kerryn has a unusual present planned for daughter Imi's 13th birthday celebrations - she hopes to be able to be able to give the soon-to-be the teenager her first ever photo of her dad.

Is it possible for your house to be too clean?

Our houses are cleaner than ever before. But how clean is too clean? Could a sterile home be putting your family's health at risk?

Millions of Monkeys: puzzles that grow with your toddler

Here's a puzzle that grows with them; the Puzzle Grow Pack by Millions of Monkeys.

Baby names from Britpop

If you grew up in the 90s you might want to look to the genre of Britpop music for baby name inspiration.

What to eat and drink when you have gastro

When you catch a bug that causes acute infectious gastroenteritis (gastro), your stomach and intestinal tract become inflamed, causing diarrhoea, nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramping and pain. The last thing you probably feel like doing is eating.

'To this day, I owe her my life'

Would I have survived if I hadn't crossed that street?

Why baby Sonny needs you to vaccinate your children

Caitlin is a firm believer in the importance of immunisation to protect children from harmful and deadly diseases.

Five-year-old's photo captures beauty of motherhood

There is no make-up or special outfits and hairdos, but the five-year-old boy who took this picture captured the essence of motherhood as well as any professional photographer.

Babies know whether you are naughty or nice

Studies have shown that infants in the first months of life try to avoid dealing with social wrongdoers - for example, sharing less with them and helping them less - and they expect others to, too.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Exclusive Black Friday Sale!

Get over 40% off selected products, including prams, baby carriers, cloth nappies, sleeping bags and much more! 24 hours only, on May 6 - register now for your special code.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

ENTER NOW

Do your kids love bananas?

This is the comp for you! We have $800 worth of Myer gift cards and boxes of Australian Bananas to be won. Entry is simple: just post a pic of your little one enjoying a banana in the comments of the FB post to enter.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.