Jump to content

Is your child highly strung?
How do you get them to relax?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:04 AM

DD is almost 10.  She likes to do everything correctly and perfectly.  She has to be on time for everything, actually more than on time, she likes to be super early.  

Her worst nightmare is being late for something.  Her other worst nightmare would be to have the wrong equipment or be unprepared for something (this rarely happens as she always prepares the night before).

She is so fearful of doing anything wrong or making a mistake or being different in any way.  She is a perfectionist and hard on herself when she makes mistakes.  She's quite a serious girl, not a free spirit - she wants to get things right.

Now it's great that she is organised and motivated, but lately I've been thinking and saying to her a lot 'relax, everything is going to be ok'.
She really needs to relax!!!!  It's not the end of the world if everything is not perfect!!!  Have fun!  It's ok to make mistakes!

What is your experience?

#2 AMPSyd

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:18 AM

I am like this and so to an extent is my DS.

Firstly have you considered getting some outside professional help - like a child psychologist. It may be an outsider that can help her.

DS loves music and dancing and this is such a stress reliever for him (he has also seen a psych for anxiety issues) but music is fantastic for him as well. DS plays the piano and sax and goes to them for relaxation. Perhaps an interest could help your DD.

But if time issues are running your DDs life, then yes perhaps see your GP for a mental health plan to a psych.

However, I know for me I just plan to be places early and I'm happy with that.

#3 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

Thanks for your reply.

She does music as well and loves it.  Not sure if it's a stress reliever though.  I don't think it is stressful, but she sees it as another thing that she can 'get right'.  

For example, she doesn't like art because 'how do I know if I am doing it right or not?'

She is NT, although I am not adverse to seeing someone if necessary.

I guess at this stage everything is OK, although if things escalate then it could be a problem.

#4 JRA

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

I am similar, so is m niece. She was in years goin to school in 2000 as the school asked the kids to bring son the login from or about something 100 years ago, she took her grandfathers watch but it was made in 1904, so not 100 years ago

As a patent it drove mum and my sister mad. DS is similar but not quite as bad.

I don't know the answer, the most important is praise for effort, rather than for getting it right. That said I am not really sure that helps

Good luck to her - and you

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

One of the wonderful psychologists who has worked with our daughter gave us this advice, and I think it is fabulous:

"When a child's quirks or behaviour starts to affect their daily functioning, or the daily functioning of the family, then it's time to get professional support."

Not that a psychologist can fundamentally change a child's wiring, but they can give the child (and parents) some useful tools for managing their anxieties and emotions. My daughter (7.5) just finished up several months of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and the changes we've seen in her have been immense (CBT is one of the most common approaches to addressing anxiety, perfectionism & other related issues).



#6 auntpriscilla

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:18 AM

.

Edited by Willoughby Chase, 24 February 2013 - 08:45 PM.


#7 lennie

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:38 AM

Hi there,

My now 10 year old DD used to get (and still does to some extent) separation anxiety.  It was suggested (someone on EB may have even suggested this!) to remind her of a time when she did separate, and what fun she'd had after we left, and how everything was OK two minutes after we left.  I found this to be quite effective to get her to remember the good things about what happened after she was dropped at school, not the actual separation. It just helped move the focus.

So maybe you reinforce some positive experiences of  times when things worked out OK even if it wasn't perfect, or when you were five minutes late, but it didn't really matter did it, things were still OK.

I guess perhaps helping her to see but perhaps more importantly experience that the consequences of being late or not doing it right are really not that bad.

#8 opethmum

Posted 08 February 2013 - 12:03 PM

I am another one for seeing a child psych about this, she may have a lot of anxiety that is going on for her and she may not be able to articulate that to you so she is busy being a perfectionist as a coping mechanism.

Perhaps have a 10 minute period every day where she does nothing and meditates to some soothing relaxing music, you may have to work up to that 10 minutes and if she has siblings encourage a calm period in the house where everything can be brought to a literal stand still for a little time so everyone can just relax and have a little bit of a break from the chaos that is life.

Maybe it just might be part of who she is and it is innate in her and maybe a little bit of tweaking with her personality so it does not rule the household and that a little bit of taking responsibility for her behaviour and making sure that she can regulate herself and that you can hold her accountable too helps.  

Good luck and I hope you have a plan you are happy with and that your little girl finds some relief.

#9 Overtherainbow

Posted 08 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

We've been speaking with our school psych over the same issues.  His main advice is to get her to think of worse case scenario.  If the letter e doesn't have the line in the exact middle of the letter and have consistent gap with other es what's the worst that will happen.

We are speaking with the new teacher and psych regularly to see if more help is needed.  She finds achieving perfection relaxing.  Dancing and reading are her downtime.A




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a copy of 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

To celebrate the launch of EB member and contributor Julia's Watson's first book, we have five copies of Breakfast, School Run, Chemo give away.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGO® DUPLO® Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.