Jump to content

Is your child highly strung?
How do you get them to relax?


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:04 AM

DD is almost 10.  She likes to do everything correctly and perfectly.  She has to be on time for everything, actually more than on time, she likes to be super early.  

Her worst nightmare is being late for something.  Her other worst nightmare would be to have the wrong equipment or be unprepared for something (this rarely happens as she always prepares the night before).

She is so fearful of doing anything wrong or making a mistake or being different in any way.  She is a perfectionist and hard on herself when she makes mistakes.  She's quite a serious girl, not a free spirit - she wants to get things right.

Now it's great that she is organised and motivated, but lately I've been thinking and saying to her a lot 'relax, everything is going to be ok'.
She really needs to relax!!!!  It's not the end of the world if everything is not perfect!!!  Have fun!  It's ok to make mistakes!

What is your experience?

#2 AMPSyd

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:18 AM

I am like this and so to an extent is my DS.

Firstly have you considered getting some outside professional help - like a child psychologist. It may be an outsider that can help her.

DS loves music and dancing and this is such a stress reliever for him (he has also seen a psych for anxiety issues) but music is fantastic for him as well. DS plays the piano and sax and goes to them for relaxation. Perhaps an interest could help your DD.

But if time issues are running your DDs life, then yes perhaps see your GP for a mental health plan to a psych.

However, I know for me I just plan to be places early and I'm happy with that.

#3 bunny2

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:35 AM

Thanks for your reply.

She does music as well and loves it.  Not sure if it's a stress reliever though.  I don't think it is stressful, but she sees it as another thing that she can 'get right'.  

For example, she doesn't like art because 'how do I know if I am doing it right or not?'

She is NT, although I am not adverse to seeing someone if necessary.

I guess at this stage everything is OK, although if things escalate then it could be a problem.

#4 JRA

Posted 08 February 2013 - 10:47 AM

I am similar, so is m niece. She was in years goin to school in 2000 as the school asked the kids to bring son the login from or about something 100 years ago, she took her grandfathers watch but it was made in 1904, so not 100 years ago

As a patent it drove mum and my sister mad. DS is similar but not quite as bad.

I don't know the answer, the most important is praise for effort, rather than for getting it right. That said I am not really sure that helps

Good luck to her - and you

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:02 AM

One of the wonderful psychologists who has worked with our daughter gave us this advice, and I think it is fabulous:

"When a child's quirks or behaviour starts to affect their daily functioning, or the daily functioning of the family, then it's time to get professional support."

Not that a psychologist can fundamentally change a child's wiring, but they can give the child (and parents) some useful tools for managing their anxieties and emotions. My daughter (7.5) just finished up several months of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and the changes we've seen in her have been immense (CBT is one of the most common approaches to addressing anxiety, perfectionism & other related issues).



#6 MrsNorris

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:18 AM

.

Edited by Willoughby Chase, 24 February 2013 - 08:45 PM.


#7 lennie

Posted 08 February 2013 - 11:38 AM

Hi there,

My now 10 year old DD used to get (and still does to some extent) separation anxiety.  It was suggested (someone on EB may have even suggested this!) to remind her of a time when she did separate, and what fun she'd had after we left, and how everything was OK two minutes after we left.  I found this to be quite effective to get her to remember the good things about what happened after she was dropped at school, not the actual separation. It just helped move the focus.

So maybe you reinforce some positive experiences of  times when things worked out OK even if it wasn't perfect, or when you were five minutes late, but it didn't really matter did it, things were still OK.

I guess perhaps helping her to see but perhaps more importantly experience that the consequences of being late or not doing it right are really not that bad.

#8 opethmum

Posted 08 February 2013 - 12:03 PM

I am another one for seeing a child psych about this, she may have a lot of anxiety that is going on for her and she may not be able to articulate that to you so she is busy being a perfectionist as a coping mechanism.

Perhaps have a 10 minute period every day where she does nothing and meditates to some soothing relaxing music, you may have to work up to that 10 minutes and if she has siblings encourage a calm period in the house where everything can be brought to a literal stand still for a little time so everyone can just relax and have a little bit of a break from the chaos that is life.

Maybe it just might be part of who she is and it is innate in her and maybe a little bit of tweaking with her personality so it does not rule the household and that a little bit of taking responsibility for her behaviour and making sure that she can regulate herself and that you can hold her accountable too helps.  

Good luck and I hope you have a plan you are happy with and that your little girl finds some relief.

#9 Overtherainbow

Posted 08 February 2013 - 03:39 PM

We've been speaking with our school psych over the same issues.  His main advice is to get her to think of worse case scenario.  If the letter e doesn't have the line in the exact middle of the letter and have consistent gap with other es what's the worst that will happen.

We are speaking with the new teacher and psych regularly to see if more help is needed.  She finds achieving perfection relaxing.  Dancing and reading are her downtime.A




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Clever panda fakes pregnancy

News that a giant panda was pregnant prompted much excitement, but it appears there were never any cubs on the way.

'I survived placenta percreta'

When writing her birth plan, Simone Pavil included an item most women wouldn?t even think about: what should happen if she was put on life support. The mum had the potentially fatal condition placenta accreta.

Managing personal space as a mum

In the midst of the early parenting years, our bodies and minds can seemingly be overtaken by our offspring. How can we balance our need for personal space with the needs of our children?

'If love could have saved you, you'd have never left'

The words "spontaneous abortion" on the hospital paperwork really got to me. My baby died; I didn't spontaneously decide to abort him.

15 classic Aussie ads

Watch some of the classic Australian ads of the 80s, 90s and 00s, and remember the catchphrases and jingles we all used to know so well ...

For and against

Should Blue Ivy have been at the VMAs?

Many were quick to condemn Beyonce and Jay Z after appearing on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards with their two-year-old daughter, but others thought it was a sweet family moment. What do you think?

Toddler attacked at gym creche

Two-year-old girl Eva Ness was left with a black eye and bite marks on her face and body after an altercation with an older child at a health club's child-minding facilities. Now her parents are calling for the centre to be closed.

Pregnancy a tricky matter of timing for FIFO couples

Manipulating rosters, coordinating 'conjugal' visits, working on site with your partner; getting pregnant can prove stressful for FIFO workers.

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Carseats have twice as many germs as a toilet

Most parents know their child's carseat is not always squeaky clean, but they might not realise just how dirty it really is.

Doctors remove foetus from 'medical marvel' after 36 years

Doctors in India have removed the skeleton of a foetus that had been inside a woman for 36 years.

Nine months in six seconds: new parents' Vine clip a hit

We?ve seen some memorable time-lapse pregnancy and birth announcement videos before. Now one new couple has taken it to the extreme, capturing it all in just a six-second Vine video.

Sonia Kruger speaks of baby joy

Celebrity mum-to-be Sonia Kruger has spoken candidly about using donor eggs and IVF to fall pregnant at age 48.

Dressing to not impress: life through the eyes of a three-year-old

When it comes to getting dressed, my three-year-old has only one criterion: ?I don?t want to look beautiful.? And now I've worked out why.

Special nappies made with love for angel babies

Angel Baby Nappies make and provide tiny bereavement cloth nappies for pre-term stillborn babies and premature babies who pass away in the NICU.

Inside the brain of a tantruming toddler

What's going on in your child's mind in the lead-up to a tantrum? And what?s the best way to respond?

5 secrets to a long-lasting relationship

When it comes to keeping your relationship strong, it?s what you do - and not what you want - that really matters.

When 'furbabies' meet real babies

I am obsessed with my dogs, and can't imagine loving them any less once my baby arrives. But that doesn't stop everyone from telling me I will.

The least popular baby names of 2013

Looking for a baby name that?s nowhere near the top 10 ? or even the top 1000? Try the bottom five.

'I was so sleep deprived I crashed my car'

There are no laws regulating driving while tired, but statistics show that driver fatigue is one of the top three contributors to the road toll.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

WIN a $100 RedBalloon for Dad

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 5 $100 RedBalloon experience vouchers. Helping you make Dad's Day EXTRA HAPPY.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Going viral

Weirdest pregnancy products

From pee stick keepers to stylish sick bags, there are some very strange inventions out there for pregnant women.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.